HELP!! BIG party coming up, clingy friends coming, how to drop the weight?

[NYFlirts 158]

We desperately need expert help!!

 

We are going to a really big party in 3 weeks... it's a party we've been looking forward to for over a year. A TON of super hot people are going including about 10 couples we've talked to and/or briefly met, but desperately want to spend more time with. A few of them have even invited us to pre and after parties!

 

Well, here's the problem: In addition to all these couples we really want to focus on meeting, there are 3 couples going that we're good friends with. We really like them, but they tend to be reserved and clingy. We worry that they will be shy and want us to be their introductions to people and/or expect that we will just be available to play with them.

 

We hate to say this, but we don't want these other couples messing with our mojo and dragging us down. We want to be super social butterflies that flutter from here to there to there without any reservation or baggage.

 

We don't want to ignore or offend these other couples (we love hanging out and playing with them on private dates) but we also don't want to have to worry about watching over them, making sure they are having a good time, worrying that they are being left behind, worrying that they are upset that we're not giving them more attention or inviting them to parties that we're being invited to.

 

Hey, maybe we'll be the ones that aren't having any luck meeting new people and they will, and then we'll wish they were bringing us along... the shoe will be on the other foot.

 

So, what would you do in this situation? Would you hint in advance that you'll be off on your own, doing your own thing that may not include them? Would you wait it out and see if they are clingy and then try to find a way to hint that you want to do your own thing (this is SUPER hard and didn't work for us last time with one of these couples that REALLY wanted to play with us at a party). Or, are we acting like high school kids trying to be too popular at the expense of others and we should include our friends in the stuff we do?

[NYFlirts 158]

Ok, you don't really need to be an "expert" to help... we're open to any suggestions and ideas.

 

An update: The Mrs. had a chat with one of the couples that is going and they brought up the party and how they don't know anybody, etc. My wife hinted that we look forward to seeing them there, but that we'll be in and out of our room, all over the party, etc. meeting a lots of new people.

 

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We always go out without expectations. Since it's a big party I don't think you'll have any problems. Just be pleasant to you old friends, and then move on to meet the new ones. If your friends follow you around, introduce them to each other, people you know (or people you've just met who you find aren't your type) and then move on. I really don't think you need to worry about 3 couples tailing you all night.

 

Especially if you've been invited to pre-parties that your friends haven't been invited to, you will get to know new people. Don't ask for invites for your old friends.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

How about, "Hey, we're going to mingle with others for awhile," or "We're going to go grab a couple of drinks. Maybe we'll catch up with you guys later." Just don't ignore or be rude to them. If you happen to be talking with another couple and they come by to say hi, just introduce everyone and include everyone into the conversation if they stick around. Who knows, maybe instead of a 4-some, it'll become a 6-8-10-some if you all click.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Or, are we acting like high school kids trying to be too popular at the expense of others and we should include our friends in the stuff we do?

 

A bit, yes. There is nothing wrong with introducing your friends around, particularly to the 10 couples you desperately want to spend more time with, because - and this may be key - you probably can't play with all 10 couples anyway. I know it can be tough to multi-task socially, particularly when you have a plan, but if you really do love hanging out with your shyer friends, then you need to expend some energy on them as well. It's not your job to watch over them, though, or play with them if you have a preference and an offer elsewhere.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Really, if there are three other clingy couples, they can nucleate their own group. Just make sure you are not down to a foursome when you want to peel off.

[NYFlirts 158]

Great feedback and suggestions everyone!

 

We definitely don't want to ignore our friends and actually have no problem hanging out with them... we just want to avoid any complexity / drama and also not be tethered to any specific couples.

 

The last time this happened, we were at a party and one of these couples REALLY wanted us to leave the party and play with them. We wanted to play with them too, but it was still very early in the evening and there were a lot of other people that we wanted to meet and flirt with. Again, playing would have been great, but we wanted to do that at the end of the evening. They were very persistent and we didn't want to offend them since we really like them, so we went with them and missed a bunch of mingle time with other couples.

 

Again, my concern is that they are expecting that we're going to play with them and that we're going to be their social connection into a bunch of other groups... groups we ourselves are trying to get into.

 

In our minds we are thinking, "Hey, we really REALLY like you guys and have loved all the times we've played together, but this party is a unique situation where we can meet a ton of new people that we've never played with before. We'd like to setup a time to play with you another day, but we want to have tonight be about meeting new people."

 

I think we'll play it by ear. We'll be friendly to our peeps, introduce them where we feel it's appropriate, and if they are being too clingy we'll deploy something like "Hey, we're going to mingle with others for awhile," or "We're going to go grab a couple of drinks. Maybe we'll catch up with you guys later."

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I think we'll play it by ear. We'll be friendly to our peeps, introduce them where we feel it's appropriate, and if they are being too clingy we'll deploy something like "Hey, we're going to mingle with others for awhile," or "We're going to go grab a couple of drinks. Maybe we'll catch up with you guys later."

 

The only thing I'd add is, "If not, are you free (specific weekend or day)?" That way, you've signaled clear interest in playing with them as well as your intention to mingle with others. If that doesn't eliminate any confusion about your intentions, I'm not certain anything would.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

The only thing I'd add is, "If not, are you free (specific weekend or day)?" That way, you've signaled clear interest in playing with them as well as your intention to mingle with others. If that doesn't eliminate any confusion about your intentions, I'm not certain anything would.

 

That's a great add-on, maui!

 

Also, I didn't read the title of this post all the way...did you really refer to your friends as extra weight?

[NYFlirts 158]

Nope, that was a typo that I can't edit.

 

 

I do like the idea of making it clear we want to play with them another day. One couple we've ONLY played with in party situations, so we've told them already that we'd prefer the next time we play that it be after a private dinner and then a private get-together at our place or theirs.

[AR1547 131]

There's no easy way to do this. You know them, I don't. Use what you know about them to handle it in whatever way won't hurt them but will still get the point across. The approach you use with one of them might need to be different from the others.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Let them know in advance that you seen that they are signed up for the same party that you guys are planning on going to, but you guys will be meeting up with a few other couples. Also add if they see you guys there to please say, "hello".

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Nope, that was a typo that I can't edit.

 

 

 

You should be able to edit it, click "administrative" at the top of the thread and then "edit thread". Editing thread titles is set up kinda weird on Vbulletin. If you can't do it from there or have issues, just post what the title should have been and we'll get it fixed.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We've been in this situation too many times to count. Early on when we started going out we often found ourselves unavoidably detained by clingy friends. We finally made the choice to not allow it to happen anymore.

 

When you arrive at the club and see your friends, say hello, and talk to them for a few minutes. Then excuse yourself letting them know that you need to make the rounds and "it was good to see you". That line leaves it pretty clear that you are probably done for the night. If you want you can always say "save me a dance later" or something like that to leave an opening to see them again before the night is over. If they seem like they really need some help, then say "hey, why don't you come over here and let me introduce you to....." then introduce them to one of the other clingy couples and let them cling to each other. Or, introduce them to someone else you might know that you think would be a good fit for them. Play matchmaker basically, then remove yourself and go talk to whomever else you desire.

 

When we first started doing this (and really to this day) we try to get around and meet as many new couples (and say hi to old friends) as possible. When talking to new people we usually insert time constraints ("we just wanted to stop by for a moment and say hello") and then see how it goes. After a few minutes we will excuse ourselves to go say hi to others. If they ask us to stay, we will stay longer, or we will ask them to dance (if we are interested) and see how it goes. Even after that we will excuse ourselves and talk to others to allow them (and us) some air and give them a chance to talk to others (if they choose), rather than monopolizing their entire night.

 

We've found this strategy to be very effective. I will say we were a little worried last month when a SF friend asked to go to a party with us. It was her first party and she only knew 3 people there (us and a SM that had originally told her about the party). I was worried we'd have to "baby-sit" her most of the night. But, we didn't. I made sure to introduce her around very early on to a few couples that I thought she'd mesh with, and she blossomed from there. We did keep an eye on her throughout the night to make sure she was ok, and no one was giving her issues, but we never felt held back by her being there.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We've been in this situation too many times to count. Early on when we started going out we often found ourselves unavoidably detained by clingy friends. We finally made the choice to not allow it to happen anymore.

 

When you arrive at the club and see your friends, say hello, and talk to them for a few minutes. Then excuse yourself letting them know that you need to make the rounds and "it was good to see you". That line leaves it pretty clear that you are probably done for the night. If you want you can always say "save me a dance later" or something like that to leave an opening to see them again before the night is over. If they seem like they really need some help, then say "hey, why don't you come over here and let me introduce you to....." then introduce them to one of the other clingy couples and let them cling to each other. Or, introduce them to someone else you might know that you think would be a good fit for them. Play matchmaker basically, then remove yourself and go talk to whomever else you desire.

 

When we first started doing this (and really to this day) we try to get around and meet as many new couples (and say hi to old friends) as possible. When talking to new people we usually insert time constraints ("we just wanted to stop by for a moment and say hello") and then see how it goes. After a few minutes we will excuse ourselves to go say hi to others. If they ask us to stay, we will stay longer, or we will ask them to dance (if we are interested) and see how it goes. Even after that we will excuse ourselves and talk to others to allow them (and us) some air and give them a chance to talk to others (if they choose), rather than monopolizing their entire night.

 

We've found this strategy to be very effective. I will say we were a little worried last month when a SF friend asked to go to a party with us. It was her first party and she only knew 3 people there (us and a SM that had originally told her about the party). I was worried we'd have to "baby-sit" her most of the night. But, we didn't. I made sure to introduce her around very early on to a few couples that I thought she'd mesh with, and she blossomed from there. We did keep an eye on her throughout the night to make sure she was ok, and no one was giving her issues, but we never felt held back by her being there.

 

This is a perfect, polite approach!

[NYFlirts 158]

Brilliant Julie!!! Super fantastic points and ideas! We especially like the ideas concerning not monopolizing new friend's time and forcing ourselves to move around, meet new people, and give them some space while we mingle with others!