Are we having sex or making love??

[cpl36996 91]

My wife and I were talking the other day about the difference between having sex and making love. We are relative new on the LS our third is a male and is also new. My wife is being giving hints to her male partner how she likes him to do to her. When both are having intercourse I embrace her and encourage her to enjoy the moment with her male but when they are done her partner does not kiss her, embrace her or cuddle with her which she LOVE to do after an exhausted session. She tells me she needs that moment with her male and she also says that for her that brief connection does not mean she is making love with him. She explain that making love involve more than that emotional connection.

So, my question to the experience ladies on this board is, when you are in a threesome and start having sex with your partner, how can you draw the line at that moment of arousal between having sex and make love.

 

Love cpl36996

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I love my husband. I don't love my friends I have sex with.

 

I do cuddle, kiss, fuck etc, everyone essentially in the same manner.

 

There was a man I was very fond of and considered a boyfriend, and currently a girl I am very fond of and consider a girlfriend. I still don't love them the way I love my husband. I have a commitment, a family and a life with my husband.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

 

...which completely changes the nature of physical intimacy. It's not an act; it's a feeling. My wife and I don't ask each other to hold back on doing a particular physical act when we are having sex with others. That would be an intentional hamstringing of the experience. The point of having sex with others is fun; why would you put it in a cage and make it less fun?

 

I can make love to my wife giving her a neck rub. I can make love to my wife washing her body in the shower. I can make love to my wife giving her a passionate kiss in the morning before leaving for work. I can make love to my wife by playfully rubbing her toosh when she bends over to get something out of the refrigerator. I can make love to my wife having a quickie sex session with her, or a long session. It's the feeling that underpins these things, and brings a physical intimacy that a swing partner does not have.

 

That doesn't make swinging empty; it's still very fun. But, the intent is different. With swinging, it's the exploration of a new person. It's the enjoyment of a new experience. It's the pleasure in experiencing sex with someone whom you've never had sex with before. It's new, enthralling, fun! It's not making love, but that doesn't make it bad.

[Tia Vampire 167]

I do not cuddle or kiss during or after sex with anyone in the life style. We fuck then, then when we finish I go to the bathroom to clean up, then back to the party.

[divenaked 325]

Playboy's Unabashed Dictionary defines "making love" as what a woman does while a man is fucking her.

[sparkstar 128]

I make love to other men sometimes. Im just good at trying to not allow my heart to fall for them, which most other people fail and thats when cheating happens.

Its easy to make love to my husband as it feels so natural. With other men it only really happens if im incredibly attracted with him and he is amazing in bed then its hard to not make love if ive already had sex with him.

 

So only make love to someone else if you think you can handle it to not fall in love with the other person. I know i can because i know my husband is the only man who would allow me to play with other men without any restrictions, the chances of finding someone else like that is as good as no chance. A lot of single men who claim to be swingers can not handle it even though they say that can, i know because ive dated enough of them.

[asncpl 729]

Making love is an emotional state of mind. I cuddle and kiss when I swing, but it lacks the emotional connection I have with my husband. Even if I am really attracted to a swing partner, I'd say it's a physical attraction that's probably more like lust. Still fun either way, but just different.

[JB 140]

36996,

 

Not the female side here but if I may; I started in a similar place as you with these thoughts. I attempted to draw artificial lines for both myself and the wife (some people call them “rules”).

 

As time went on, and we gained experience, like others, many “rules” went out the window. At first, I thought anything other than a “bend over and hit it” would introduce caution, and would make both of our green monsters wake up.

 

Fast forward to now, and we regularly play in a slow missionary position, occasionally looking into the eyes of some of our closer playmates, kiss patiently, hold hands and cuddle, from every outward appearance, it looks like we are deeply in love with our playmates.

 

But you know, while we are friends with them, it is just sex, and its just our “style” of sex. I love my wife more than life itself, and am confident in her feeling the same about me. Neither one of us could “make love” - the way you are thinking - to another if we wanted to.

[cpl36996 91]

I'll thank you everyone of you guys for your response. I feel more at ease understanding the ladies point of view. I do LOVE my wife like crazy she is the center column of my existence and hear her begging for more when her male make her cumm is out of this world!!! I hope this newness don't wear-out;)

Thank you ladies!!!

 

P.s any other thoughts....???

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Making love requires the emotion of LOVE. Granted we can love each other in different ways, but the only person I LOVE in that way is my husband. He is the only person I make love with regardless of what activities I might involve myself in with someone else.

 

That said, sometimes it can be easy to blur those lines and forget where we are. When we feel that happening we need to make a conscience effort to step back and look at the situation.

 

I would, however, have to question why she can't do the cuddling part with you after the threesome, rather than feel like she NEEDS it from him. That does throw up a little bit of a red flag to me.

[openingthedoor 21]

I would, however, have to question why she can't do the cuddling part with you after the threesome, rather than feel like she NEEDS it from him. That does throw up a little bit of a red flag to me.

 

I'm not really sure how needing sex from someone else is any different from needing cuddling afterward, although I don't feel that I need either from anyone other than my husband. Maybe she just meant that she wants it and sex feels cheap without it--meaning if you are going to have sex, then you need cuddling afterward or the sex feels wrong. I haven't been there but could see myself having that feeling.

[Chicup 41]

There needs to be something between making love and having sex. Making like?

[cpl36996 91]

She says, she does need the cuddle from whom she just had sex with no other reason except to feel his male partner member throbbing and pulsating his cumm inside her until it goes flaccid which makes her feel desire for another round. Do you ladies relate to what she says?? Also she like to spend more time with her male partner since those encounter are hard to plan between the three of us do to work, besides she knows how I LOVE to see her soooo turn on with her male also she knows when we both get together we have an EXPLOSIVE LOVE SESSION.

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/17/2013 at 5:12 PM, funcoupledayton said:

I love my husband. I don't love my friends I have sex with.

 

I do cuddle, kiss, fuck etc, everyone essentially in the same manner.

 

There was a man I was very fond of and considered a boyfriend, and currently a girl I am very fond of and consider a girlfriend. I still don't love them the way I love my husband. I have a commitment, a family and a life with my husband.

Then why does everybody say here that it’s just supposed to be sex. If you are cuddling after making love with your stranger/partner, you are putting emotions into that and that’s not supposed to happen from what I understand from reading everything on this website. Now if you are with your husband and you make love and you cuddle afterwards then you are showing emotions and giving him emotions. If you’re doing the same thing with a partner/stranger, what is the difference between your husband because you’re doing the exact same thing that you were doing in your own bedroom with your husband after sex?

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/17/2013 at 5:02 PM, cpl36996 said:

My wife and I were talking the other day about the difference between having sex and making love. We are relative new on the LS our third is a male and is also new. My wife is being giving hints to her male partner how she likes him to do to her. When both are having intercourse I embrace her and encourage her to enjoy the moment with her male but when they are done her partner does not kiss her, embrace her or cuddle with her which she LOVE to do after an exhausted session. She tells me she needs that moment with her male and she also says that for her that brief connection does not mean she is making love with him. She explain that making love involve more than that emotional connection.

So, my question to the experience ladies on this board is, when you are in a threesome and start having sex with your partner, how can you draw the line at that moment of arousal between having sex and make love.

 

Love cpl36996

From what I understand from this website that’s exactly what she is not supposed to do. It’s supposed to be sex and that’s it and not currently Lexi supposed to be with you after making love to you.

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/17/2013 at 9:26 PM, bbarnsworth said:

 

...which completely changes the nature of physical intimacy. It's not an act; it's a feeling. My wife and I don't ask each other to hold back on doing a particular physical act when we are having sex with others. That would be an intentional hamstringing of the experience. The point of having sex with others is fun; why would you put it in a cage and make it less fun?

 

I can make love to my wife giving her a neck rub. I can make love to my wife washing her body in the shower. I can make love to my wife giving her a passionate kiss in the morning before leaving for work. I can make love to my wife by playfully rubbing her toosh when she bends over to get something out of the refrigerator. I can make love to my wife having a quickie sex session with her, or a long session. It's the feeling that underpins these things, and brings a physical intimacy that a swing partner does not have.

 

That doesn't make swinging empty; it's still very fun. But, the intent is different. With swinging, it's the exploration of a new person. It's the enjoyment of a new experience. It's the pleasure in experiencing sex with someone whom you've never had sex with before. It's new, enthralling, fun! It's not making love, but that doesn't make it bad.

That is not what he said, he’s talking about the fact that she wants time after having sex to cuddle with a Stranger/partner. But everyone else I hear says that this person is only a toy and I’m sure she wouldn’t cuddle up with a vibrator. So he’s asking is it getting out of hand if she wants to cuddle with him like she would do with him at the making love. Because what the stranger/partner is supposed to be is a fuck and not something to have a intimate relationship.

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/18/2013 at 12:49 AM, sparkstar said:

I make love to other men sometimes. Im just good at trying to not allow my heart to fall for them, which most other people fail and thats when cheating happens.

Its easy to make love to my husband as it feels so natural. With other men it only really happens if im incredibly attracted with him and he is amazing in bed then its hard to not make love if ive already had sex with him.

 

So only make love to someone else if you think you can handle it to not fall in love with the other person. I know i can because i know my husband is the only man who would allow me to play with other men without any restrictions, the chances of finding someone else like that is as good as no chance. A lot of single men who claim to be swingers can not handle it even though they say that can, i know because ive dated enough of them.

Then you are breaking the rules of swinging and cheating on your husband if you are making love to a total stranger. He supposed to be your fuck buddy, not somebody that you were supposed to be making love to. That’s what everybody on the website keeps saying that you have to separate sex and making love

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/23/2013 at 1:29 PM, JustAskJulie said:

Making love requires the emotion of LOVE. Granted we can love each other in different ways, but the only person I LOVE in that way is my husband. He is the only person I make love with regardless of what activities I might involve myself in with someone else.

 

That said, sometimes it can be easy to blur those lines and forget where we are. When we feel that happening we need to make a conscience effort to step back and look at the situation.

 

I would, however, have to question why she can't do the cuddling part with you after the threesome, rather than feel like she NEEDS it from him. That does throw up a little bit of a red flag to me.

Thank you brother that’s exactly what I was saying. But I did his wife want to cuddle with the stranger/partner and not cuddle with her husband shows that there is something really wrong. Because everybody on his website says the other dude is just a toy and I’m sure she wouldn’t cuddle up with a vibrator so why the hell is she cuddling up with this dude and neck cuddling with her husband. His wife is got feelings for that dude that breaks all the rules of swinging which is borderline cheating for what I read on this website. Even my wife stayed the same thing why didn’t she cuddle with her husband and tell her husband to go away so she can cuddle up with the stranger. I had no answer

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/23/2013 at 5:23 PM, openingthedoor said:

 

I'm not really sure how needing sex from someone else is any different from needing cuddling afterward, although I don't feel that I need either from anyone other than my husband. Maybe she just meant that she wants it and sex feels cheap without it--meaning if you are going to have sex, then you need cuddling afterward or the sex feels wrong. I haven't been there but could see myself having that feeling.

Then why not cuddle up with a husband, if she need someone to cuddle with?

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/24/2013 at 12:40 PM, cpl36996 said:

She says, she does need the cuddle from whom she just had sex with no other reason except to feel his male partner member throbbing and pulsating his cumm inside her until it goes flaccid which makes her feel desire for another round. Do you ladies relate to what she says?? Also she like to spend more time with her male partner since those encounter are hard to plan between the three of us do to work, besides she knows how I LOVE to see her soooo turn on with her male also she knows when we both get together we have an EXPLOSIVE LOVE SESSION.

OK dude if you’re good with your wife Cuddling up with another man. I guess it’s OK with everybody else. I just hope they don’t cuddle you right out of the bedroom and then you would be having another conversation about you feeling funny about the situation