Is it wrong to prefer slow and sensual??

[canada_couple 22]

Hi there

 

My wife and I have been casually into the lifestyle for the last three years. I say casually because we have young kids and finding time is challenging. Most of our experiences have been MMF's as it seems to be easier to find a connection. We have mostly played with one guy for the past two years on and off given our schedules. It's a real turn on for me to see my wife with another man. We we first started playing with this guy he tended to have sex a little more on the rough side. We've talked and my wife gets more turned on by the experience being more sensual - which he has been great with. For me however, it has also turned me on even more seeing my wife and him have more "sensual" sex than erotic - if I am explaining this properly. Is this normal? I trust this guy so there is no threat and my wife and I are solid in our relationship. I just find myself being more turned on fantasizing (along with my wife) about seductive, slow sensual sex.

 

Appreciate the opinions.

[oc1234 436]

I agree with you completely. My wife prefers sex to be more sensual and erotic. My best friend who is our long-term playmate of ours used to be a little too energetic for my wife, but he has become much less so in recent years. What my wife really likes is a MMF with my friend and I spending a lot of time rubbing and kissing her all over. In particular she likes us kissing her neck and ears while we both play with her breasts and pussy. When the two of us do that, she is guaranteed to cum multiple times. And when she is having intercourse with one of us, she really likes the two of us to be rubbing and kissing her at the same time.

 

When my wife is playing with him and I am just watching, I get much more turned on by the two of them kissing than by the sex itself. Well, I get very turned on by the sex too, but much more turned on when they spend a lot of time kissing and fondling each other before and while they are having sex.

[canada_couple 22]

Good to know your experiences which is much the same as I feel. I agree, I get much more turned on watching them kiss, touch and then slowly move to him being inside her and them having sex. This can some lead to the debate of "fucking vs making love" but I would rather phrase it as "fucking vs passionate sex"..

[oc1234 436]

We have known our friend since the early 80s so we both are very fond of him. In fact he and his then wife were the ones who seduced us into swinging. When his wife and I were talking in the living room after we had finished and my wife and friend were still in the bedroom playing, his wife told me that her husband had always had a thing for my wife. So sex between my friend and my wife is really more like making love and than just fucking. After saying that, I should mention that there is absolutely no chance that he would ever go any further than playing with my wife. The two of them enjoy playing around and making love, but he is not the type of person my wife would ever like living with. In addition, in the last 10 or more years, their playing has always been with me in a MMF or them playing while I watched and took pictures.

[canada_couple 22]

Wow...I'm completely jealous . I would like to have that situation to watch that kind of passion and see my wife make love but in a safe non threatening manner. I have a friend who we have gotten naked with but he has issues with sex and it never seems to turn out well.

[oc1234 436]

Since all of us were nudists when we met, the getting naked part was no problem. And when the three of us are alone and naked, it just naturally leads to sexual activity.

 

When he and his then wife first seduced us, all four of us were nude in the living room and my friend and my wife were lying on the floor with him massaging her. I was massaging his wife and looked over and saw he and my wife had gone beyond a massage and he was having intercourse with her. Needless to say, I was overjoyed, but also very surprised since it was not something I ever though my wife would do. I motioned to my friend's wife to look over and she seemed happy with what was going on so she and I headed for the bedroom to play.

 

The next morning when we woke up, my wife and I asked each other if it had really happened. Neither of us had any regrets and spent a lot of time over the next week talking about it and really wanting it to happen again. Unfortunately his wife, who was a good friend, was not that interested in playing with me, so the wife and I played with each other only a couple more times before they split up about ten years later. My wife and I are still good friends with my friend's ex-wife, but she remarried and as far as I can tell she is not into playing around anymore.

 

For a number of months after that first time, and with his wife's knowledge, he and my wife played a lot during the day since my wife was not working and my friend worked nights. It was really a turn-on for me when my wife would tell me about it when I got home from work.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Why would it be wrong to enjoy something that you like? Sounds very arousing to me.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I play a little game every week with my online group called Would You Rather? A few weeks ago I asked would you rather

 

1. Have slow, passionate, global (explore your whole body) sex

 

or

 

2. Have fast, hard, passionate, focused (need you now) sex

 

I think at least half the people who responded chose slow. So you are definitely not alone!

[ViSexual 1,008]

You find pleasure in seeing your wife be pleasured. And if she prefers the slow and sensual type of sex, then that's what pleasures her the most. Sounds like a win-win to me! Oh, and one more thing, I sure envy you two! Enjoy!

[Chicup 42]

I'm confused as to why you think your play type may be wrong? Wrong how? What prompted you to ask the question?

[M&S 266]

If this is what both of you like then there is, of course, no problem with it. I suspect the reason you may be questioning whether this is normal (or wise) is that you wonder if this could lead to crossing an emotional line that is closer to polyamory than swinging. The fact that you enjoy it leads me to believe that this is not the case, but only you know if your wife is getting to attached beyond your comfort level.

[canada_couple 22]

I can understand the confusion. I suppose there is a lot of situations where the sex that takes place in the LS tends to be more along the lines "i want to see another man fuck my wife" which in my mind suggests fast hard sex (which is great and nothing wrong with that). I would image that for many women, seeing their partner have slow, sensual passionate sex with another woman might not be a turn on for them (I could be off on that) so I was thinking it is ok for a man to want to see that and if other people felt similar.

[Chicup 42]

All that matters is what works for you. I don't have single males come over to have slow, sensual sex with my wife while I watch, but that shouldn't change what make you happy in this.

 

It wouldn't matter if your version of play was having jello pudding flung at your head while midgets gang banged your wife wearing leprechaun outfits (provided of course everyone was into that). No one else on the planet (I assume) would be doing that, but so what if no one is getting hurt and its your thing.

[willyoats 324]

Almost all of the bad experiences we have had with swinging we with the people who just wanted to get it up, get it in and get off. And they didn't care if they ever saw us again.

 

Almost all the good experiences were with people who wanted to play slowly, sensually, lovingly, patiently and fondly. And, usually, we had second, third or more dates with them.

 

We need that emotional connection that says, "I like you as a person and I want to be your sex partner, too."

[Swing*8701 887]

One of my husbands favorite swing experiences was watching two men slowly undress and have me for a couple of hours. It was one of mine too. --Susan

[LFM2 1,482]

Neither Dave or I understand why slow and sensual would be a problem when fast and furious isn't a problem. It's all in the way you want it to go. Slow and sensual vs. fast and furious aren't changing with emotions either way, although, maybe it seems like it might? I do enjoy slow and sensual with Dave. I really do. But just because I'm with a play partner doesn't mean things have to change. Things are never going to change between Dave and I. Why should things change between whoever and I if things are slowed down.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

I think our world view gets polarized by porn as some sort of proxy as to what swinging is supposed to be like. Soooo much of porn is fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckcumonyourfacemoan. It's old, repetitive, boring. Some of the most erotic porn I've seen is slow and sensual, caring and gentle. But, that kind of porn is very rare.

 

If you and your wife both prefer that the sex she has with other men is slow and sensual, then fantastic! You're on the same page, and what she really enjoys really lights your fire too. Win win!