Swingers site bisexuality terms

[Tagurrit 18]

I'm just wondering why each swingers site has different terms for Bi-sexual play. Bi-friendly, Bi-curious, open minded, Bi-comfortable, etc, etc. Seems to me that three terms, Bi-active, Bi-passive and Bi-closed say it all. If a man or woman says they are B-active that would mean they're open to being the Bi initiator with a same sex partner. A woman or man who isn't strictly Bi could say Bi-passive meaning they'd be OK receiving the attention of a Bi-active same sex partner, right? Bi-closed means no Bi play at all. Three terms no ambiguity or am I missing something? What's your take on this?

[CalendarGirl 148]

I suspect it's because no one can agree what bisexual even means much less what to call it. I consider myself a bisexual female but I've been told since I wouldn't consider a "relationship" with a woman then I'm really not bi. I have never heard the three terms you put forth before so obviously the "community" hasn't settled on a term yet. After all, not everyone can even agree what a "swinger" is!

[Tagurrit 18]

Hmmmm. Well I THOUGHT Bi-sexual meant a person was interested in the same sex. I wonder why someone would say if you're not interested in a relationship with a same sex person you're not Bi? What does that have to do with your feelings? That makes no sense to me. The term Bi itself means two. As far as I understand it a Bi-sexual person is attracted to either/both sexes. That's why I suggest the term Bi-passive for those who are not attracted to the same sex but are willing to let a Bi-sexual person play with them, not at all uncommon with women and not unheard of in men. As far as the term swinger I would say it doesn't really matter very much which definition you use because anyone who is a swinger knows and it doesn't matter to anyone who isn't. What I'm trying to do is create terms that make sense that everyone can use so we all know without having to check what the individual site says they mean.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think there are already less awkward, and more descriptive terms for bi-closed. They are straight, gay and lesbian.

 

Even if someone said they are bi-active they might not want to initiate with a particular person, or they might be happy to reciprocate but not lead the play.

 

I think it's good that sites have terms and definitions that members can reference. Also, people will always make up their own labels or not label themselves. It's best as you are getting to know someone to ask, "How do you like to play? What are your rules or boundaries?"

[Fours Company 169]

We were always confused with these different Bi terms as well. To us "Bi-curious" likely meant maybe wanting to be with the same sex but not yet have done it, while "Bi" meant you decided that you liked both sexes and could have a relationship with either. This actually led to a dilemma when choosing a profile on SLS for instance in that the wife likes other women and has played with them (so can't be Bi-curious), but also would not necessarily do so outside of the LS and only pursue relationships with men if she were single (so can't be truly Bi either). We eventually choose Bi since it was closest and as stated "curious" sounds like one never actually never fulfilled it yet. Guess in the effort to simplify things with labels, it makes it more confusing.

[Chicup 41]

They tend to be pretty self evident I think.

 

Bi-Curious = either doesn't want to say they are bi (new) or doesn't want to scare away bi women (straightish), also used by women who want an out if they like the guy but not the woman.

Bi-Friendly = Not bi but will touch boobs and stuff to be social, will let you go down on her.

Bi-Social = See Bi-Friendly.

Bi-Comfortable = See Bi-Social

Bisexual = Will go down on women.

[CalendarGirl 148]

I always laugh out loud when I see all these terms for bi. What gives? There aren't any qualifications for straight so why does there need to be any for bi. To me bi means you enjoy both sexes. Does that mean you'll fuck anyone of the same sex? No, just like you wouldn't fuck just anyone of the opposite sex. Does bi mean you'll do all sexual activities with the same sex? No, just like if you're straight there are some sexual activities you don't like and won't do. Case in point, I was married to a man for 17 years that hated oral sex (giving and receiving) so who knows what term we would have to use for him! LOL!

 

I prefer to use the term bisexual. Curious is defined as "eager to learn or know; inquisitive" so I feel that's best used for those that haven't tried it yet but may in the right circumstances. Hmmmm, just like straight sex! Labels are shorthand and should simply be used to start a conversation. The best thing about this lifestyle is that there is something for everyone so let's just talk about it and stop relying on a single word to describe our desires.

[81lizard69 470]

Here are two more that confuse me.

 

What is bi top?

What is bi bottom?

 

My imagination is running wild with these terms.

[pna42 67]

I will always say I'm Bi-Oral when I write my ''profile'' on a swinger site. I've had too many experiences of couples I've met wanting to.........put something somewhere I'd rather it not be put. lol. Awk.........ward.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Here are two more that confuse me.

 

What is bi top?

What is bi bottom?

 

My imagination is running wild with these terms.

 

Top and bottom are modifiers that are used with lesbian lingo. The top is the one who likes to strap on a dildo and "get on top". The bottom receives the dildo treatment. A "switch" will go either top or bottom.

 

I don't believe I've ever heard top or bottom used in reference to bi-sexual play.

[81lizard69 470]

Top and bottom are modifiers that are used with lesbian lingo. The top is the one who likes to strap on a dildo and "get on top". The bottom receives the dildo treatment. A "switch" will go either top or bottom.

 

I don't believe I've ever heard top or bottom used in reference to bi-sexual play.

 

I have seen bi men use the term on aff. I am still confused there as I am straight and so is my wife. We have not walked that wild side. The way I understand it is a bi male top will put his penis in a man's ass but won't take it in the ass. A top is one that is into oral sex? I am still confused.

[Fours Company 169]

I have seen bi men use the term on aff. I am still confused there as I am straight and so is my wife. We have not walked that wild side. The way I understand it is a bi male top will put his penis in a man's ass but won't take it in the ass. A top is one that is into oral sex? I am still confused.

 

It refers to anal sex between two men. The top is the one penetrating while the bottom is the one being penetrated. Think pitcher vs. catcher and has nothing to do with oral sex. From our understanding a lot of Bi or curious guys, especially the machismo ones will claim to only be a top since they feel that makes them "not gay" and a bottom is emasculating and appears to be a power dynamic in bi-situational places like prison.

[Tagurrit 18]

Question 1: I am from San Francisco and can say definitively that top and bottom as used in sexual terms started as a descriptive term with men, top being on top and bottom being …. yes Virginia bottom or as we like to say pokie versus poker. Lesbians co-opted the term sometime later and use it in the same context.

 

Question 2: While the terms straight, gay and lesbian have a meaning to the general public we're talking about terms “swingers” use when advertising. A true Lesbian on a swingers site would most likely block single men AND couples so that's not an issue is it? Homosexual men would block women and couples so that's not an issue either so it's the middle ground that's in question. Bi-sexual means attracted equally, or some other percent other than 50, to either sex and works for male or female.

 

But what about a woman who isn't attracted to women but has no problem being licked by another woman? How would you communicate that? Bi-sexual? No because she doesn't want to lick in return, hence bi-passive.

 

If you're a guy and you're not attracted to men but you have no problem letting a guy suck you how do you communicate that? How about bi-passive?

 

If you are a bi-sexual woman or man then bi-active covers that. Means you'll initiate sexual contact with the same sex.

 

But you're right bi-closed is an unnecessary term as Straight covers that. Still I think bi-passive and bi-active covers all the middle ground with two terms and should be clear to anyone. Screw the term bi-open or closed, that was over thinking on my part.

 

Question 3: Yes I see the problem for a guy who is “bi-oral” versus totally bi-sexual. I think bi-active covers it for the most part but I can see terms are a general thing and not intended to explain everything that can and does happen. On the other hand bi-oral is perfectly understandable no one would assume you'd be up for a flesh enema using that term.

[confused12524 201]

I use the term "situationally orally bi comfortable".

 

However most bi men use the term "straight" in their profiles

[Tagurrit 18]

I use the term "situationally orally bi comfortable".

 

However most bi men use the term "straight" in their profiles

 

I'm not judging your choice of words but I don't think "situationally orally bi comfortable" is a 'term" I think it's a statement, which is fine but we're talking here about one or two words that give someone a lead into what's expected. If you're comfortable with SOBC then sure that works. But so would "I will be oral with a guy if i feel like it and there's a woman there" so where do terms end and statement's begin? For me one or two words is a term, anything more is a statement. But you're certainly not "wrong". As far as "most bi men use the term straight", that part of your reply I'll have to disagree with if only for your choice of words. How could you, as an individual, know what "most" bi men do? You might know some bi men use the term straight but most? To prove that one to me you'd really have to get around A LOT!!! lol.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

To me there are only two categories ... Bi active and Bi closed. Anything in the middle means open to Bi. In my opinion.

[gsu22 187]

I'm just bi...love blowing guys and topping sometimes. If I'm not getting laid with women, I might find a guy/f-buddy for a while. I might go a month or two with only male-male contact.

[Ashkiko 17]

Consider the Kinsey scale:

Description:

0. Exclusively heterosexual

1. Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2. Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3. Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4. Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5. Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6. Exclusively homosexual

 

So what you have is either 100% gay/straight and then everything in between. This is why there are so many "Bi" designators.

 

As for the whole top/bottom question:

 

There's also versatile which is open to top or bottom.

Not to mention people that are primarily a top/bottom but will on occasion switch.

And there's also those that are "Oral Only" and yes, I've even known gay couples that were Oral Only.

 

I'm not even going to open the can of worms considering guys who kiss/don't kiss...yet lol

 

For the record I consider myself bisexual and about a 2.5 on the Kinsey scale

[Chicup 41]

Consider the Kinsey scale:

Description:

0. Exclusively heterosexual

1. Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2. Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3. Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4. Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5. Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6. Exclusively homosexual

 

All meaningless in terms of swinging though.

 

What we need is something like...

 

0 - Don't touch me you homo

1 - Ok we can get close and all but hands off, it's just because the woman is between us.

2 - Ok lets have sex with your wife, and then maybe I'll give you a hand job or something *winkyface*

3 - You do me and I'll do her and then I'll do you while she watches.

4 - God you are making me hot, do me while I give your wife oral.

5 - Lets fuck and your wife can touch you or watch.

6 - Lets lose this chick and go to the forest preserve!

[Lascivious L&L 866]

0. Ohmygod...such sex shouldn't exist!

1. Such sex does exist???

2. Yes, such sex does exist.

3. Wow, there is so much to sex!

4. Yes, such sex does exist.

5. Such sex does exist???

6. Ohmygod...such sex shouldn't exist!

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

0. Ohmygod...such sex shouldn't exist!

1. Such sex does exist???

2. Yes, such sex does exist.

3. Wow, there is so much to sex!

4. Yes, such sex does exist.

5. Such sex does exist???

6. Ohmygod...such sex shouldn't exist!

 

If this were a poll, I'd vote for this one.

[JandKinBoise 858]

Let's say we put sexuality on a scale. Straight would be one point to the far side of the scale. Gay would be one point to the other far side of the scale. Everything in between is bisexual, many many points and sometimes a term is not specific enough. The absolute term 'bisexual' would be one point, right in the middle, but in the bisexual world, a person that shares the exact same romantic feelings toward both sexes is no more prevalent than the guy who wants nothing more than to receive anal sex from a stranger.

 

Those of us unfortunate enough to be wired to enjoy certain aspects of same sex relationships need to be ultra specific in our search or it's a waste of time. You don't want to be taking your clothes off when you learn all he wants is to fuck your virgin butt.

[gsu22 187]

I have zero romantic feelings for men...strictly a physical/sexual thing. The bi or gay guys I've met who like men emotionally, I quickly tell I'm just into the sex so no dating for me

[pna42 67]

And...you should. BUT I've been in a few situations where the STRAIGHTEST of men...well...lower their shield and let me have a lick or two...Along with the missus.

[gsu22 187]

I've only had one guy get emotionally attached after playing several times. I was brutally honest and just said "look dude, you're a fun guy but I just want that dick and nothing else. If you want more, then maybe we should stop."

 

He was much farther to one end of the bi scale than I was.