Thoughts on "one-sided" swinging and effects on a marriage?

[openingthedoor 21]

Like funcoupledayton said, to enforce agreements like this once play has started would be awkward at to be sure and better to discuss rules ahead of time. Simply let the other couple know that you two play together and expand on limits and preferences (soft or full swap, both males must use condoms, no kissing,etc.) and state you prefer that both of the couple agrees and you want things equal so no one feels left out. If one of them is not comfortable with a certain activity, and you are wiling to "downgrade" for them but expect them both to abide and not have one of them push you or your partner for more.

 

However unfortunatey even that does not guarantee equality, as funcoupledayton also stated, things can happen in the moment. In two of our cases, we failed to discuss things ahead of time with the other couple since it was a spur of the moment thing that sometimes happens at houseparties and once the guy started having sex with my wife I assumed our experiences would be equal. However in the first case the other woman started freaking out when I tried to touch her (still not sure what the issue was there) and in the second case the other woman claimed to be too tired. In both instances, since the other guy already started with my wife it seemed awkward for either one of us to say anything or stop it and it did make me feel left out and resentful.

 

The next time despite agreeing with the other couple ahead of time, it happened again due to the other guy not being able to get it up due to drink and eventually passing out after I already started on his wife. Again, it was awkward to stop and my wife said she would just watch, but did feel left out afterwards.

 

So I guess the moral is no matter any rules one might have, the situation may change unexpectedly and only you can make the decision to accept that and let it continue or say "ok let's stop doing this" when unequal play happens, though as stated, tis a very diplomatically tricky thing to do.

 

Thanks for the thoughts. I can see how it might be difficult diplomatically, but I still plan on making sure it happens. I'll just keep saying that I'm not ready (during foreplay) and make sure we are on the same bed. I have just seen (in videos) and read (on this board) about too much crap in the LS to do this any other way. And you said somewhere that at one club your wife had sex with 5-6 guys and you had no one. I personally just could not even enjoy that situation.

 

We wouldn't care at all if they didn't want to do anything, as long as equal. And I wouldn't care if I didn't play and he did (meaning if guy in their couple suddenly wasn't interested or couldn't perform or whatever else).

 

I just don't think you can trust people even if they say they understand that we want everything equal. Forgive me if I sound jaded, but we just met our first couple two weekends ago and the guy was a complete jerk, who obviously was just trying to give his wife as little as possible while trying to get as much as possible for himself. I'm not okay with that type of scenario.

 

And I continue to believe that swinging is mostly for guys. I mean, seriously, the sex I'm seeing just doesn't look all that great (for the women). We now think that we are looking for something rather unusual in swinging but hopefully these videos and shows aren't representative of what is really happening between swingers. So I think swinging is mainly a gift that I'd be giving my husband (so if he isn't receiving his gift, no way I'm interested in just giving to some random guy). *However*, I'm open to the possibility that some charming guy would change my view of swinging men and sex. Still, in that case, my husband would feel badly if he didn't swing and I'm not that eager to have either foreplay or (definitely) actual penetration from others (since my husband treats me great and is well-endowed, so why would I?) And again I just think that I will have lots and lots of options (aka guys willing to fuck me; I mean, most guys will fuck just about anything) and the not so nice part of the swinging crowd trying to dupe us newbies, so my guard will be very high.

 

Not a great start to sex so hopefully a nice couple will change our view entirely. We have another date this weekend.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

 

And I continue to believe that swinging is mostly for guys. I mean, seriously, the sex I'm seeing just doesn't look all that great (for the women). We now think that we are looking for something rather unusual in swinging but hopefully these videos and shows aren't representative of what is really happening between swingers. So I think swinging is mainly a gift that I'd be giving my husband (so if he isn't receiving his gift, no way I'm interested in just giving to some random guy). *However*, I'm open to the possibility that some charming guy would change my view of swinging men and sex. Still, in that case, my husband would feel badly if he didn't swing and I'm not that eager to have either foreplay or (definitely) actual penetration from others (since my husband treats me great and is well-endowed, so why would I?) And again I just think that I will have lots and lots of options (aka guys willing to fuck me; I mean, most guys will fuck just about anything) and the not so nice part of the swinging crowd trying to dupe us newbies, so my guard will be very high.

 

Not a great start to sex so hopefully a nice couple will change our view entirely. We have another date this weekend.

 

I copied your question about swinging and it's likeness to porn to a new thread in curious about swinging. You should get more comments there.

[openingthedoor 21]

I copied your question about swinging and it's likeness to porn to a new thread in curious about swinging. You should get more comments there.

 

Well, thank you.

[Fours Company 169]

I have just seen (in videos) and read (on this board) about too much crap in the LS to do this any other way. And you said somewhere that at one club your wife had sex with 5-6 guys and you had no one.

 

 

 

And I continue to believe that swinging is mostly for guys. I mean, seriously, the sex I'm seeing just doesn't look all that great (for the women).

 

I think you might have mistaken my post for someone else's one unless I miss quoted myself. The most men my wife has been with at once have been just two. Two of the three times I had no one there was another women present but she choose not to participate. Of the third time, there was just a single guy and I fucked my wife while she went down on him hence the two guys at once though I guess this could also apply to some of the other "equal" couple situations as well when both myself and the other husband gave her attention. I don't imagine I would be comfortable watching her in a gang-bang situation especially with the issues of exclusion I'm having now.

 

As far as the perception of the LS being all about the men, while I understand how you might feel that way our perceptions have been the opposite. While it's true that I was the one brought swinging up years ago, am more proactive in certain aspects like posting here and felt distress over what I perceive as "not getting my fair share" as my recent posts have related to, most of our experiences have been to her benefit. I have encouraged her not necessarily for the goal of me getting another woman (though, yes that is a small part of it), but to bring her out of her shell and validate that she is worthwhile of attention since she has always had issues of insecurity. Watching her get attention and enjoyment with other men (and giving them pleasure as well) fulfilled my goal of making her feel better about herself as well as making me feel I am lucky to have her. I think you'll find the more you get into this, this is many couples' experiences and the LS is matriarchal overall where the women are the majority that calls the shots.

 

As they say, while it's the man who suggests swinging and initiates it, but it's the woman that keeps you both in it.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

And yours isn't?

 

All of us share advice based on our own experiences and those color pretty much everything.

 

There is at least one couple posting here regularly who have done only MFMs for a very long time. She is unwilling to have him sexually engaged with any other women, something most here would say is a red flag, but it works for them. At some point he embraced the concept of M/M sex, which allows him variety and doesn't activate her jealousy, but that's not a solution that would fit everyone. In any case, unlike many here, I don't think asymmetry is necessarily a problem, although I do think it requires a certain mindset, one that not many have.

 

If you're truly turned on by the sight of your partner playing with another, sexually satisfied by half or less of her energy and approach this as a case of her pleasure = your pleasure, then I don't see any cause for concern.

[eldiablo311 201]

Like funcoupledayton said, to enforce agreements like this once play has started would be awkward at to be sure and better to discuss rules ahead of time. Simply let the other couple know that you two play together and expand on limits and preferences (soft or full swap, both males must use condoms, no kissing,etc.) and state you prefer that both of the couple agrees and you want things equal so no one feels left out. If one of them is not comfortable with a certain activity, and you are wiling to "downgrade" for them but expect them both to abide and not have one of them push you or your partner for more.

 

However unfortunatey even that does not guarantee equality, as funcoupledayton also stated, things can happen in the moment. In two of our cases, we failed to discuss things ahead of time with the other couple since it was a spur of the moment thing that sometimes happens at houseparties and once the guy started having sex with my wife I assumed our experiences would be equal. However in the first case the other woman started freaking out when I tried to touch her (still not sure what the issue was there) and in the second case the other woman claimed to be too tired. In both instances, since the other guy already started with my wife it seemed awkward for either one of us to say anything or stop it and it did make me feel left out and resentful.

 

The next time despite agreeing with the other couple ahead of time, it happened again due to the other guy not being able to get it up due to drink and eventually passing out after I already started on his wife. Again, it was awkward to stop and my wife said she would just watch, but did feel left out afterwards.

 

So I guess the moral is no matter any rules one might have, the situation may change unexpectedly and only you can make the decision to accept that and let it continue or say "ok let's stop doing this" when unequal play happens, though as stated, tis a very diplomatically tricky thing to do.

 

That is an interesting point! I hadn't thought about that. Even with full swap where everything is equal, there could be unforeseen situations that arise and then it becomes and unequal experience.

 

I think it would be hard to have a perfectly equal experience. Like maybe one person cums and the other doesn't for whatever reason also.

[eldiablo311 201]

And I continue to believe that swinging is mostly for guys. I mean, seriously, the sex I'm seeing just doesn't look all that great (for the women).

 

I think you might have mistaken my post for someone else's one unless I miss quoted myself. The most men my wife has been with at once have been just two. Two of the three times I had no one there was another women present but she choose not to participate. Of the third time, there was just a single guy and I fucked my wife while she went down on him hence the two guys at once though I guess this could also apply to some of the other "equal" couple situations as well when both myself and the other husband gave her attention. I don't imagine I would be comfortable watching her in a gang-bang situation especially with the issues of exclusion I'm having now.

 

As far as the perception of the LS being all about the men, while I understand how you might feel that way our perceptions have been the opposite. While it's true that I was the one brought swinging up years ago, am more proactive in certain aspects like posting here and felt distress over what I perceive as "not getting my fair share" as my recent posts have related to, most of our experiences have been to her benefit. I have encouraged her not necessarily for the goal of me getting another woman (though, yes that is a small part of it), but to bring her out of her shell and validate that she is worthwhile of attention since she has always had issues of insecurity. Watching her get attention and enjoyment with other men (and giving them pleasure as well) fulfilled my goal of making her feel better about herself as well as making me feel I am lucky to have her. I think you'll find the more you get into this, this is many couples' experiences and the LS is matriarchal overall where the women are the majority that calls the shots.

 

As they say, while it's the man who suggests swinging and initiates it, but it's the woman that keeps you both in it.

 

I think this is very true! I love to see my wife experiencing something and somebody that turns her on so much. I feel like it's all about allowing her to find people that turn her on and hopefully make her cum and I get to watch/participate at the same time! I have told her over and over, if it doesn't turn her on, it doesn't turn me on either!

[eldiablo311 201]

All of us share advice based on our own experiences and those color pretty much everything.

 

There is at least one couple posting here regularly who have done only MFMs for a very long time. She is unwilling to have him sexually engaged with any other women, something most here would say is a red flag, but it works for them. At some point he embraced the concept of M/M sex, which allows him variety and doesn't activate her jealousy, but that's not a solution that would fit everyone. In any case, unlike many here, I don't think asymmetry is necessarily a problem, although I do think it requires a certain mindset, one that not many have.

 

If you're truly turned on by the sight of your partner playing with another, sexually satisfied by half or less of her energy and approach this as a case of her pleasure = your pleasure, then I don't see any cause for concern.

 

Thank you! I do feel like it comes down to your mindset on the issue, and I think that some people get offended by the idea of the woman playing and the man get less attention. I think the mindset is almost, Patriarchal, that it is demeaning towards the guy if he lets his wife play but he doesn't. I don't feel that it is demeaning, or unequal. Plus as a previous post stated, I think even in a perfect full swap situation, it can be hard to have everything be completely equal no matter how much you try to make it be that way.

 

That is my mindset that her pleasure=my pleasure. I want to provide my wife with some mind blowing sexual experiences, even if at times it is not me having sex with her, but I am there the whole time.

[eldiablo311 201]

Interestingly, on our last trip, we ran into a couple that we hung out with for awhile and we are pretty sure the girl really liked me and the guy liked my wife. We think they were down to swap. The thing is we are married and they are just dating. My wife and I actually did discuss, between ourselves later, about how if we did do that that is would be kind of unequal in the sense that they have less "skin" in the game...no pun intended! In other words we have a big commitment between us, marriage, and they aren't risking as much by fooling around with us. We talked about how if we did that we would feel more comfortable doing that with another married couple, because they would understand what you are risking and the importance of what marriage means!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Interestingly, on our last trip, we ran into a couple that we hung out with for awhile and we are pretty sure the girl really liked me and the guy liked my wife. We think they were down to swap. The thing is we are married and they are just dating. My wife and I actually did discuss, between ourselves later, about how if we did do that that is would be kind of unequal in the sense that they have less "skin" in the game...no pun intended! In other words we have a big commitment between us, marriage, and they aren't risking as much by fooling around with us. We talked about how if we did that we would feel more comfortable doing that with another married couple, because they would understand what you are risking and the importance of what marriage means!

 

That is one issue we talk about with playing with single guys and part of the reason we don't do it ofen. A single, who hasn't played as a couple can not truly understand what it means to share your partner.

 

We have played with couples who are in committed relationships, but not married and that works ok for us. I feel like a marriage certificate is not necessary for love and commitment. If they have good communication and understand swinging that is the important thing.

[Jst2Rlx 15]

I agree with all that has been said. As a single male, I would only add that, all involved need to understand and agree to the ground rules. Also that, "NO" means "NO", regardless of who says it. Good luck!!!

[eldiablo311 201]

I agree with all that has been said. As a single male, I would only add that, all involved need to understand and agree to the ground rules. Also that, "NO" means "NO", regardless of who says it. Good luck!!!

 

Thanks! Yeah, the only way we are inviting ANYBODY else into our bedroom is if they seem like a good person and WE like them. They would absolutely have to understand, before anything happened, that we are married and love each other and that they are there just for sex and fun for a few hours and be willing to stop at anytime if one of us started feeling uncomfortable! It would have to be a special person that is willing to understand and respect any boundaries we have and we would have that talk with him and make sure he agreed to it before hand. That's the best you can do I think! I don't think we can guarantee anything, but I think that will give us the best chance of having a positive experience.

[81lizard69 470]

Isn't a big part of the excitement of swapping, seeing your wife getting fucked and seeing how turned on she gets by the other person? Or am I wrong?

 

Hey its your kink. Go for it and watch away. You could rephrase the question that you pose on how to enjoy voyerism. People seem to swing as a couple and not seperately. I dont think it is really swinging if both do not participate. But hey its a large world and there are way way way stranger happenings in the bedroom than watching.

[eldiablo311 201]

True that! Ha ha ha! The thing is, I would watch her fuck another guy, but I would also want to be a part of it as in MFM. I would want to be doing stuff with her at the same time as the other guy.

[eldiablo311 201]

That is one issue we talk about with playing with single guys and part of the reason we don't do it ofen. A single, who hasn't played as a couple can not truly understand what it means to share your partner.

 

We have played with couples who are in committed relationships, but not married and that works ok for us. I feel like a marriage certificate is not necessary for love and commitment. If they have good communication and understand swinging that is the important thing.

 

Yeah, your probably right, as long as that other couple had a good relationship and understood swinging, then maybe it wouldn't matter if they were married or engaged or anything like that.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

My wife was willing to try MMF but couldn't bear to watch me having sex with another woman. It was O.K. with me because I wasn't trying to talk her into a MMF because I wanted to sex with another woman. This was just one of many issues that we talked about before she had her first MMF.

[AngelandTiger 364]

My wife was willing to try MMF but couldn't bear to watch me having sex with another woman. It was O.K. with me because I wasn't trying to talk her into a MMF because I wanted to sex with another woman. This was just one of many issues that we talked about before she had her first MMF.

 

Was she willing to try MMF for you or for her? I'm always curious about the motivations behind someone WANTING to play with the opposite sex (and 2 of them in this case), but not being willing to their SO to do so as well (which is obviously what this topic talks about). Did she ask you to set this up, or is it your idea?

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/31/2013 at 4:40 PM, 81lizard69 said:

What Hiccup said.

 

Its true. This sounds like manipulation at best. This can really back fire. Sure the occasional mmf are nice, but that can get old real fast. My wife has this man toy with a huge ... any ways. Its not so much fun for me and this is all about the couple having fun. Sitting and waiting to hear her say lets find a couple may take to long. We play as a couple with a couple. If she notices I am not having a good time she will come back to me and I to her.

 

I am not saying this wont work. But I have seen some real frustration on either side of the fence when one is getting more than the other. It takes a well intune couple to notice that the pleasure is for both and should be as close to equal as you can get. One of my good swinger friends just sent his wife to Mexico with her lover and he was having a hard time with it because he could not find a woman for him to be with. He was almost fifty and not so good looking. he kinda sees the writing on the wall. His wife is hot and he is middle aged at best. He wants to swing but sends her out alone and he does not get as much as her. Hence the relationship and his desires are not balanced with hers.

 

Try to set your ego and what you think will happen with what is actually happening now. Why attract something you do not want.

 

In other words why agree to something that you may not want to do to get some one to do something that you want them to do.

 

Maybe it will be different for you.

Keep us informed.

Question,

 

Don’t you think that is part of the wife’s fault. If she sees that her husband is struggling to find a woman and he is sending her and her lover to Mexico and she’s getting all this attention, shouldn’t she be sensitive and say I need to stop because my husband is feeling bad. They are supposed to be team. It’s almost like these women get with these single guys and then they forget about their husbands and don’t care anymore that they are having all the fun and their husband is just sitting in front of the TV. They cannot be that unaware of what is going on just because they are having fun with their lover.

 

So the question would be, shouldn’t the wife be more aware of what their husbands are feeling and what is going on around them when they see that their husband is lonely while they are having so much fun?

[54321 18]

If you got to ourhotwives.org, you will find forums dedicated to Hotwifing, Cuckolding, Poly Relationships and more.

I suggest you go to this excellent site and read up on the wealth of useful information there

before jumping to conclusions about these particular lifestyles.

[Anon321 521]

I think this arrangement has become more popular.  I think you see this more and more with the whole cuckold explosion.  I am allowed to have sex with other women but our arrangement certainly feels more "one-sided" simply because of the volume of men my GF has.  It's really not even comparable.  But it doesn't bother me in the least, I actually enjoy it this way.  My GF has an extremely high sex drive and likes to explore lots of different sexual things, some of which I like to be a part of and participate and others that I don't want to have anything to do with.  But fortunately there is always a line of guys willing to fulfill those things for her.  And I really enjoy watching, hearing the stories, seeing the pictures and videos, etc.  I think it makes the sex between us better.

[couplers 4,614]

This is an old thread that I've never seen before, and I'm surprised how many people think that nonmonogamy must be symmetric between the couple.  We certainly didn't start that way, nor end up that way.

 

We are just one data point, but we started with me having a husband and boyfriend while they were monogamous.  After several years, with my encouragement, hubby played with a number of women while boyfriend was monogamous with me and I stuck with him and hubby.

 

Although we have now settled into a poly family with two other women (with us women having a shared, married boyfriend whose wife knows), there has been non symmetric playing along the way.

 

There are reasons why swinging is naturally asymmetric - men have a higher sex drive (usually) but women can absorb much more sex.  You never hear of a male gangbang.  Men usually like to watch their wife having sex with another man more than the reverse.  Women are more likely to be bi.

 

As long as it's consensual, go for it. 

Edited January 18, 2023 by couplers

[lcmim 1,081]

couplers ,

You are right about all of us just being one data point. We are also a data point moving in time.

 

  Because this is an old thread , it would be very interesting to hear from some of the posters as to how the past decade is affected their opinions.

 

[tastytreatsx2 95]

 

 

Welcome to my world! My wife and I have been in this arrangement since 2016 and it has worked very well for us! I would like it to be known that when we talked about this type of arrangement, it was her that brought up the idea of her fucking someone else while I am present. I loved the idea, I love my wife and when she approached me about the idea I was instantly in. I don’t have a desire to touch or have sex with another woman as I get plenty of pleasure watching her and participating in her activities. This arrangement has led to lots of orgasms for her, me and any lucky guy we invite. She even got comfortable enough with one guy to schedule weekly time with him when I away telling me about it when I returned. We are both very comfortable and happy with our experiences and it’s unbelievably sexy to watch and listen to her fuck someone else. I could be the odd ball guy agreeing to this  but this was her idea initially and IMO she’s way too sexy to not share. We (I) are/am very happy and content with the arrangement we agreed to but I can tell you that any issues we experience are when we have tried to play with another couple. Before meeting couples we are very clear with our rules that I won’t touch another female but every time in the moment the other female ends up unhappy as she’s not getting the same level of attention as my wife. Based on that we are sticking with guys who want to play.

[Anon321 521]

1 hour ago, tastytreatsx2 said:

 

 

Welcome to my world! My wife and I have been in this arrangement since 2016 and it has worked very well for us! I would like it to be known that when we talked about this type of arrangement, it was her that brought up the idea of her fucking someone else while I am present. I loved the idea, I love my wife and when she approached me about the idea I was instantly in. I don’t have a desire to touch or have sex with another woman as I get plenty of pleasure watching her and participating in her activities. This arrangement has led to lots of orgasms for her, me and any lucky guy we invite. She even got comfortable enough with one guy to schedule weekly time with him when I away telling me about it when I returned. We are both very comfortable and happy with our experiences and it’s unbelievably sexy to watch and listen to her fuck someone else. I could be the odd ball guy agreeing to this  but this was her idea initially and IMO she’s way too sexy to not share. We (I) are/am very happy and content with the arrangement we agreed to but I can tell you that any issues we experience are when we have tried to play with another couple. Before meeting couples we are very clear with our rules that I won’t touch another female but every time in the moment the other female ends up unhappy as she’s not getting the same level of attention as my wife. Based on that we are sticking with guys who want to play.

Very similar to us but why even approach swinger couples for that kind of play?  So many single men to choose from why even bother with a swinging couple that is usually looking for something else?

[Numex 2,409]

13 hours ago, couplers said:

I'm surprised how many people think that nonmonogamy must be symmetric between the couple.  We certainly didn't start that way, nor end up that way.

Me/us too.  We started our marriage monogamously but then opened it up with Daniela playing with other men alone, then with me watching and/or participating.  It wasn't because I was into hotwifeing, or cucolding, just because before she was my wife, Daniela usually had more than one lover going at a time.  I sensed she missed the variety and adventure.

 

9 hours ago, lcmim said:

We are also a data point moving in time.

After a while she wanted me there in MFMs, which she hadn't done before, then wanted me to play as well, so we got involved with couples.

 

8 hours ago, tastytreatsx2 said:

This arrangement has led to lots of orgasms for her,

Something that I cannot deny my wife.

[eldiablo311 201]

Hi, just a quick update. We are very happily married still and still participating in the hotwifing lifestyle! In fact soon my wife has agreed it would be hot to find a regular fuck buddy for her. Also we booked a trip to Temptations, so we'll see what goes down when we go! Looking forward to it

Edited August 17, 2023 by eldiablo311

[couplers 4,614]

8 hours ago, eldiablo311 said:

We are very happily married still and still participating in the hotwifing lifestyle!

Even though I'm the wife, I thoroughly understand.  During the time I was setting up my husband with female friends and acquaintances of mine for sex while I didn't play (other than my long-term boyfriend), it was exciting and fulfilling for me to know and sometimes watch hubby.  We often "dated" the women together as the seduction, and I would make clear that she had my permission, actually I would be flattered if she fucked him.  In retrospect, it seemed natural. 

[David Lovell 160]

We have a different outlook concerning partners.

I like a variety while Amy is a "one guy" girl. 

Last night we did Hall Passes and Amy went out with Ken. She says he knows  how to please her 100%.  My date was with Melissa, first time in a while. We had great sex.

Amy has been the driving force finding couples to swing with. Recently she found Claire and Pete. I enjoy sex with Claire, small boobs and a deep pussy. 

The best part of Hall Passes is when we get home and tell each other about our escapade while having a great time time together. Amy insists on ro

riding on top and telling me just how Ken cums inside her and holds it there for a long time. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[PeterJ 940]

I’m pleased to learn after all these years that #eldiablo311 reports that, despite the predictions of many naysayers, his marriage remains strong despite the asymmetry of his and his wife’s ENM relationship. It’s perhaps a good example of the aphorism that no one can truly know another couple’s marriage.
 

Some of those commenters have likely seen marriages where attempts to establish an asymmetric ENM relationship have gone badly. And I’m sure that happens, just as it sometimes does for couples who both participate in the wide variety of ENM relationships that exist, including swinging. Not singling out the board members who commented here, but I wonder if what informs their perspective is an internal conversation, perhaps outside their awareness, that goes like this: "I couldn’t have a relationship where my partner was having other sexual engagements or relationships when I didn’t, nor would I be comfortable having sex with others if my partner were not also. And I think other people are generally like me." That last sentence is the problem. It should read — and some commenters have essentially acknowledged this — "Even among the small minority of couples who are swingers or engaged otherwise in an ENM relationship, there are additional challenges in having one partner play while the other doesn’t. But for some folks it’s quite workable."

 

Full disclosure; I have been in an asymmetric ENM marriage for the past 20 of its now 33-year duration. Naturally, I see such a relationship as quite plausible, and I may well not fully appreciate how challenging this would be for other couples in the lifestyle, whether new to it or longtimeers revising their "rules of the road".
 

My wife and I are both in our mid-70s and agree that our marriage continues to thrive. I attribute our success to a number of factors: neither of us is crazy; we were friends for almost 20 years before we became lovers; we support each other through thoughtful division of household tasks; we have made sure we spend less than our income — she was a personal finance journalist 😉😊 — and we have remained blessedly free of financial strain. But to my mind the most important reason we’ve been able to successfully maintain a happy marriage where I have other sexual and affectionate relationships and she does not, is that we both sincerely want the other to have as full and rewarding a life as possible. And we have both been willing to make accommodations to facilitate the other’s fulfillment. I don’t mean to imply that there have never been conflicting matters, sexual and otherwise. There have been. But when they have occurred we have negotiated a solution that (thus far, touch wood) is acceptable to both of us. 

[couplers 4,614]

On 8/18/2023 at 12:59 PM, PeterJ said:

we were friends for almost 20 years before we became lovers;

There is a story in there that I want to hear, including the "first time."  Twenty years of passion building up.

 

If told elsewhere, please share the link.

[Numex 2,409]

On 1/18/2023 at 10:44 AM, tastytreatsx2 said:

Before meeting couples we are very clear with our rules that I won’t touch another female but every time in the moment the other female ends up unhappy as she’s not getting the same level of attention as my wife.

Is your wife bi?  Have you looked for and played with couples where both the husband and wife are looking for a unicorn, the role your wife can play as you watch?  Although we are full swap swingers within our closed group, my wife likes going for alone play with one of the couples to have fun with them in an FFM situation.  The other husband does go between them too to satisfy the straight side of the girls' bi.

Edited August 20, 2023 by Numex