Are you suspicious of hall passes?

[angelkin 1,326]

On occasion, I get to play a unicorn and I can't help but wonder if people really think I am cheating but don't care because I am a woman.

 

Curious how everyone views couples that play apart with permission...do you automatically suspect they are cheating? Are you more likely to doubt a man/husband or a woman/wife or is your opinion equal, gender not being a factor at all.

 

Do you play with hall pass people? Why or why not?

[Chicup 41]

If we didn't meet the spouse we just assume they are cheaters and move on. Safer that way.

[asncpl 729]

The unicorns we play with are from couples we know, so when one of them tells us they can play alone with permission, we believe them because we'll see their spouse at another event or party eventually. I do the same when I play a unicorn. I don't think cheating entered into the equation. It's more of a practical thing that these are the people we know and have played with. But if someone I don't know tell me she or he has hall pass, I certainly would be suspicious, regardless of gender.

[exploringRM 305]

We don't seek out singles, so no real experience there, but if we were to meet a married single I think we would want to meet the other half. As far as hall passes for ourselves, we don't have anything specific setup. There have been were we venture out on our own to meet and greets due to the other not being available. Only once did my wife play after and that was with friends (couple) who gave her a ride (pun intended).

[D&D 362]

Maybe we're crass.... But we're not the morality police. And in the end we see more issues with couples we meet than with with any of the singles or married with hall pass. It's not that difficult to ferret out the cheaters. What is difficult is to determine which couple is likely spring issues on everybody! We are way more suspicious of couples than we are of hall passers!

[RunSilentRunDee 127]

Speaking as a married-but-solo guy myself, I think it makes sense to "hear it from the spouse" before doing anything more than a little flirting.

 

This can be hard to accomplish if you meet for the first time in a club, especially if the club has a "hookup" vibe -- if people go there hoping to play that very night.

 

I'm hoping that the local meet-and-greet that's coming up in a couple of weeks will be a better starting point for me.

 

I'm hoping that people there will be more ready to be patient. Because my wife will be happy to meet a few people face to face, for *mutual* reassurance.

 

She just won't want to meet a lot of people all at once, in a setting where she might get a lot of attention herself! Attention she tells me she does not want.

[JandKinBoise 858]

When we first started hooking up with single guys, J would only see married guys if the wife had given permission. Pretty tough to do. We met one though. J and his wife chatted thru e-mail for awhile and she was cool with him meeting us. When we met him, we found that he was a guy we had worked with for the last 15 years. Anyway, we met at a motel once, had some fun. The next time we met, he asked us to bring our toy collection. We did, pretty standard stuff, dildos, vibrators and such. He shows up with a backpack FULL. He dumps it out on the bed and its all bondage stuff. I won't go into the activities that night but we never saw him again. After that we kind of figured if the wife is giving permission, there must be something wrong lol. Now we don't worry about it too much.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . J and his wife chatted thru e-mail for awhile and she was cool with him meeting us.

 

Tell me if I am being too suspicious or something. But I strongly suspect that we of the English-speaking World have twisted the meaning of the word "chat". To me an e-mail exchange is not a chat. And an e-mail exchange provides no kind of evidence that a wife has given permission.

[RunSilentRunDee 127]

Tell me if I am being too suspicious or something. But I strongly suspect that we of the English-speaking World have twisted the meaning of the word "chat". To me an e-mail exchange is not a chat. And an e-mail exchange provides no kind of evidence that a wife has given permission.

No, I don't think you are being too suspicious. E-mail (or IM) does not take the place of face to face.

 

A female friend of mine has told me that her ex used to use fake e-mail addresses -- and fake telephone numbers -- to con women into sexy photo sessions ... and sex sessions ... with the story that he had high paying clients who wanted to have photos and/or videos of sexy girls ... and sex. He had no client, of course. He was doing this all himself, for his own jollies.

 

The women would ask to talk with the client. When they e-mailed "the client", or phoned "him," they would be talking to him. Satisfied, they would then tell him "yes." And he would have a great time. Somehow, they never quite got paid the fees they thought they were going to get.

 

And so, when my friend and I discussed visiting a sex-vanilla nudist resort together last month, to split the resort's fees, she asked to see my wife face to face. That way, she could ask my wife herself whether I had been speaking the truth, when I had been telling her that my wife was "good with this."

 

I was happy to set that up. My wife was happy to meet her over a sandwich. When I joined them after I finished work, the two of them were having a great time, talking about all kinds of things. Big smiles, all around.

 

I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Your mileage may vary of course, but I would suggest that this face-to-face contact should at least be on the table.

 

If the person with the hall pass can't do that, or says it's not necessary, or puts you off ... to me, that's a red flag.

 

And I'm the married-but-solo guy.

 

Just sayin'.

[Chicup 41]

Maybe we're crass.... But we're not the morality police.

 

Doesn't mesh with..

 

It's not that difficult to ferret out the cheaters.

 

So if you are not the morality police why do you ferret out cheaters? Its easy to ferret out cheaters online, but if you are in a club it would be far less easy.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Doveryai, no proveryai or Trust but verify, an often used Russian proverb.

 

In my mind one of the most precarious situations you can find yourself in is sex with a cheater. There so many ways that things can go wrong it is not worth the risk. Getting dragged into court is bad, ending up at the wrong end of a gun with an extremely angry and jealous spouse is the epitome of REALLY BAD.

 

If someone we do not know tells us they have a hall pass I think, "Cool, you have read up on swinging terminology, now let's meet the spouse".

If someone we know tells us they have a hall pass while their spouse is not around I think, "Awesome, this should be easy to verify".

I am only truly comfortable with hall passes when we know someone fairly well, and we have discussed hall passes in the presence of their spouse and they have approved, and we are clear about the boundaries of the arrangement.

 

Prudence trumps lust, every time.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

In my mind one of the most precarious situations you can find yourself in is sex with a cheater. There so many ways that things can go wrong it is not worth the risk. Getting dragged into court is bad, ending up at the wrong end of a gun with an extremely angry and jealous spouse is the epitome of REALLY BAD.

 

This is the main thing. It isn't about being morality police. It's more about being CYA police. They can fuck their own life up all they want, as long as we aren't included in their shenanigans.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

This is the main thing. It isn't about being morality police. It's more about being CYA police. They can fuck their own life up all they want, as long as we aren't included in their shenanigans.

 

Well said.

[D&D 362]

The point wasn't that we ferret out the cheaters: It is not the cheating it's usually something else that raises the red flag. Perhaps the way I should have put it is that usually the cheaters are eliminated on the basis of other bigger issues--- My other point was that in our experience we've ran into more couples with trouble than cheating hall passers.

[Chicup 41]

The point wasn't that we ferret out the cheaters: It is not the cheating it's usually something else that raises the red flag. Perhaps the way I should have put it is that usually the cheaters are eliminated on the basis of other bigger issues--- My other point was that in our experience we've ran into more couples with trouble than cheating hall passers.

 

I agree that you will find more couples with troubles than cheaters with hall passes, though I don't think that means couples are more likely to cause troubles, only that couples are more likely to make it past our first lines of defense.

[D&D 362]

I agree that you will find more couples with troubles than cheaters with hall passes, though I don't think that means couples are more likely to cause troubles, only that couples are more likely to make it past our first lines of defense.

 

You are right--- but I would add that this is why it isn't primarily about cheaters. Jealousy/insecurity, isn't limited to those who have been cheated on. It's more about avoiding crazy. Also it's not as though individuals with hall passes are that common anyway.

[JandKinBoise 858]

Tell me if I am being too suspicious or something. But I strongly suspect that we of the English-speaking World have twisted the meaning of the word "chat". To me an e-mail exchange is not a chat. And an e-mail exchange provides no kind of evidence that a wife has given permission.

 

J thought the same thing, that he may be posing as his wife, especially since the writing style was so similar. She called BS. We told the guy of our concerns and he gave us his number to call. She did actually talk to the wife on the phone for a few minutes, unless he had someone pose as her on the phone as well. Uncomfortable call but it made her feel better. This couple met in college and both had English degrees which we bought as a reason for the similar writing. Anyway, even if he did have someone pose as his wife, it was enough to make J feel OK about it which is the only important thing. If he needed to cheat that badly, oh well, it worked. Twice.

[Sensualbicouple 122]

You guys have shown me a new way of thinking on this subject as we too are about to end our swinging hiatus shortly and are about to encounter a playmate who has a hall pass. If the check in with his wife pans out, it will be an interesting experience for us. If not, we are all the more wiser for it and would effectively have dodged a bullet. Thanks again everyone. :-)

[Sunnyexbrit 1]

Hi

 

Good subject If a couple give each other "hall passes" mightn't it be a good idea, if the man or woman claiming to have permission to play alone bring their other half to meet the couple they intend to play with alone? I don't see that there should be a problem with this. If your "hall pass" partner locks you out of meeting the people he or she is fucking, to me that is a HUGE RED FLAG...And should anyone find out their partner is fucking behind their back, even in an open/swinging relationship, that is simply cheating, open, swinging, or not. After all, it's part of looking out for each others' safety yes?

[angelkin 1,326]

Hi

 

Good subject If a couple give each other "hall passes" mightn't it be a good idea, if the man or woman claiming to have permission to play alone bring their other half to meet the couple they intend to play with alone? I don't see that there should be a problem with this. If your "hall pass" partner locks you out of meeting the people he or she is fucking, to me that is a HUGE RED FLAG...And should anyone find out their partner is fucking behind their back, even in an open/swinging relationship, that is simply cheating, open, swinging, or not. After all, it's part of looking out for each others' safety yes?

 

It certainly would be an ideal situation for all parties to meet in person to give the go ahead...for us, the hall pass only exists in limited situations. If on a girl's (or guy's)weekend, we both get one...if on business travel, we both get one. So, for us, the person has to take us at our word or if truly hesitant, call to get a voice verification. We also have it on our adult profiles in case that is where the "meeting point" is. Beyond that, I don't know how else to convey that we are, indeed, permitted a hall pass.

 

We do have some safety factors built in, for instance, we must call the other before the encounter and let them know our intentions and where we plan to be...and how long we anticipate the encounter to last. Then we call to check in afterwards so the other is aware that we are safe and unharmed. One of the things we have recently discussed is the use of adult ad sites exclusively (as opposed to say CL) so that at least if something happens, a screen name is a beginning point - the webmaster is likely to have some data on the member if they are a paid subscriber.

[DownunderFun 19]

I dislike the phrase 'Hall Pass', maybe because I don't fully understand it. We play separately so does that mean we have hall passes? We don't need each others permission, we have an agreement. But either one of us can freely bring up any concerns about it at any time. I'm not skeptical of people who play separately as its not my business to judge or speculate the agreements in others relationships. Any play is an agreement between the parties involved. If there is tension or drama though, we usually don't enter into it and are happy to not play.

[AR1547 131]

We primarily meet people at clubs or parties and we really don't care or even ask about the marital status of singles. Not our problem. If some pissed off spouse blames one of us because their SO is fucking around at a swinger club, then they can just be pissed. What are they gonna do? Come over to my house and create a scene? Threaten one of us? Go ahead, make my day.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

We primarily meet people at clubs or parties and we really don't care or even ask about the marital status of singles. Not our problem. If some pissed off spouse blames one of us because their SO is fucking around at a swinger club, then they can just be pissed. What are they gonna do? Come over to my house and create a scene? Threaten one of us? Go ahead, make my day.

 

Uhh, yeah they could do that and worse. People do crazy things like wait for you to get out of your car and shoot you. I am pretty darn good at defending myself, armed or not, but I am not looking for trouble. Not to mention, if a guy comes after me with a weapon because I screwed his wife without his permission/knowledge, and I get the upper hand I do not relish the idea of injuring or killing him over something that could have been avoided.

 

On the less dramatic side, I don't look forward to getting subpoenaed and having to testify in court that I was screwing his wife. Kind of defeats the whole idea of discretion and lack of drama.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I dislike the phrase 'Hall Pass', maybe because I don't fully understand it. We play separately so does that mean we have hall passes? We don't need each others permission, we have an agreement. But either one of us can freely bring up any concerns about it at any time. I'm not skeptical of people who play separately as its not my business to judge or speculate the agreements in others relationships. Any play is an agreement between the parties involved. If there is tension or drama though, we usually don't enter into it and are happy to not play.

 

Hall pass, agreement, permission are only various ways to say the same thing. One can play alone and they spouse in a accordance with them doing so. The term Hall pass is simple a quick way of saying just that.

[81lizard69 470]

I agree that you will find more couples with troubles than cheaters with hall passes, though I don't think that means couples are more likely to cause troubles, only that couples are more likely to make it past our first lines of defense.

 

Hmmm... I don't know about that. I know the best swinging we have had has been with couples. Sure every one has their problems. people that drink to much. Women who will swing just to keep a eye on their husband. The plain bat shit crazy couples. But for us, the sneaky husbands stepping out on their wives is the most interesting creature of the bunch. Sometimes the effort they put out to step out is just amazing. How do they tell their wife they are hunting drive 300 miles just to hook up for a night. We had a guy in the lifestyle that was stepping out on his wife. We met him a a party early on with his wife. Then he opened a fictitious profile on a local website. Tried to hook up with us (he forgot we played as a couple and the women hit it off). Needless to say my wife was not very happy. The effort he put into the charade was monumental. But hey we are not the morality police and do not have the energy to do a back ground check on the men. Nor do we play with many single men.. Every now and then wifey likes to have a mmf and I comply because she gives me ffm and the man we do it with has a hall pass... and we know his wife and play with them both.

 

In the end, we look for honesty, and yes sometimes we kiss a few turkeys... it is part of the game. Hell it's called swinging. Not perfecting.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

 

On the less dramatic side, I don't look forward to getting subpoenaed and having to testify in court that I was screwing his wife. Kind of defeats the whole idea of discretion and lack of drama.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

As a bonus, some states have "Alienation of affection" laws, which means not only does your single friend get divorced, you get sued for helping cause the divorce.

 

Good times man.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Quoted for truth.

 

As a bonus, some states have "Alienation of affection" laws, which means not only does your single friend get divorced, you get sued for helping cause the divorce.

 

Good times man.

 

Are you serious? Wow.

[Chicup 41]

Hmmm... I don't know about that. I know the best swinging we have had has been with couples.

 

ALL of our best swinging experiences have been couples, as well as ALL of our worst drama. Mostly because we don't play with singles

 

The idea I was hoping to relate, was for those who say couples are worse than singles, that is most likely true by pure numbers, because unless you are actively looking for only singles, odds are you will meet more couples and play with more couples, and have more drama from couples. This is not to say that singles are better, only that we have a bit of bias in the system. If we only played with singles, then all of our best and worst swinging experiences would be singles.

 

Are you serious? Wow.

 

Yep, I recall a few years ago a husband got $750,000 from a guy who his wife was having an affair with. One of the middle states, Tennessee I think.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

 

Yep, I recall a few years ago a husband got $750,000 from a guy who his wife was having an affair with. One of the middle states, Tennessee I think.

 

Holy smack! I wonder if some couples have made a scam out of this and set up an affair and divorce then split the money.

[Chicup 41]

Holy smack! I wonder if some couples have made a scam out of this and set up an affair and divorce then split the money.

 

[Tia Vampire 167]

We prefer playing with couples. A hall pass in our opinion is just an excuse to cheat. No matter if it's a man or a woman. Now if we are all out together and we are all good friends, if the Mrs. can't play because of that time of month, then I may consider a threesome or if the guy can't play because of ED issues, then the Mr. may play with female half or we'll enjoy a FMF.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Hall pass, agreement, permission are only various ways to say the same thing. One can play alone and they spouse in a accordance with them doing so. The term Hall pass is simple a quick way of saying just that.

 

I personally like the expression. Think back to high school. A hall pass is a temporary permission that contains certain restrictions and provisions. It does not include going, for example, outside of the high-school building. It's a very good analogy.

[Sensualbicouple 122]

Sounds a little like the movie Wild Things sunbuckus....;-)

[81lizard69 470]

There was a guy in Colorado... this is urban legend of course, he was a single guy that went to local swinger parties. He had a apartment that was where he lived alone. Turns out he was not a single man. He was secretly video taping his sexual encounters with married couples. Some how his wife found his video tapes and busted him. In a rage of spiteful revenge she was going to shame all all parties involved by posting up the video for all to see. I never was able to confirm this, but it made me think about protecting myself.

 

We had met a couple that was perfect for us, they said they were married, turns out just not to each other. There was another guy that pretended to be married to a woman that swings. They were both in on the lie; they are not married but like to swing and I guess they think they get more action pretending to be a couple. I don't know and really do not have the energy to try and figure it out.

 

I like what Chicup says (If you do not meet the spouse move on). That gets us pass the sniff test.

 

I truly believe people are honest. We just follow our hearts and hope for hard-ons when we play.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I believe that it will be useful to give this discussion new visibility. So I'm boosting it to the top of the list.

[kikonkrome 844]

Well we have never played with anybody who was married and either tells us they are cheating or we think they are.

 

I must admit though it really is more common than we expected. Married people that are not married to each other, people at the clubs with ex's and not their spouse, people who's spouses just don't want to have sex, we have heard a LOT of bizarre tales. We don't judge, everybody has to live their life. I will say this as well. There are a lot of women doing going behind their husbands back, more than I thought initially.

 

So yeah we typically hear about a husband/wife we want to meet them to make sure they have a 'hall pass'.

[Initwithher 40]

I thought about it a lot of meeting a couple that we both can be comfortable with and let her play with the couple it's a big turn on for me to see her or just the thought of it getting pleasured by a couple but of course Iwe both have to be completely in understanding with the other couple that I am fine for my wife to play with them alone

[Jane1902 476]

As a single woman I am extremely suspicious. Most of the couple contacts I received ended up being the male half telling me he had a hall pass. I took couples off my interest and will only play situationally at parties.

[machiavel55 81]

I've met many couples in house parties or for swaps where the hubby and I became friends. Some of those couples tried hall passes. In each and every case, when I heard or the hubby told me himself that occasionally his wife would go on solo dates, each time I told him that I thought it was a huge mistake.

Thanks to social media I'm still in touch with most of these couples, but I need twice as many cards for Christmas.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

We had a very nice time with a couple we met and made plans to see them again. Their sitter flaked-out that night so only one of them could play. They gave us the choice of him or her. We had an equally fun time as a threesome. We now have plans to see them both again. Perfect example of an all out in the open 'hall pass'. Now, if only one can play, who to choose???

[LanR95 15]

We both have hall passes, though we encourage our potential play dates to Kik us both even meet n greet.We have came across a few that have said spouse/partner knows about the other playing alone but in reality they didn't.

[ntx_partycouple 16]

On occasion, I get to play a unicorn and I can't help but wonder if people really think I am cheating but don't care because I am a woman.

 

Curious how everyone views couples that play apart with permission...do you automatically suspect they are cheating? Are you more likely to doubt a man/husband or a woman/wife or is your opinion equal, gender not being a factor at all.

 

Do you play with hall pass people? Why or why not?

 

Guys like me are much more rare than unicorns, or it seems that way. I've heard other guys that have a pass say (or seen them write, more accurately) than no one believes them. I think that's probably right but as the comedian , Jerry Clowers said in a funny story he used to tell where God was talking to Noah "a great many is called but damned few is chosen" given the subject matter he might have been a preacher too.

 

Probably not much of a segue but I tell our history a bit and point out they are welcome to talk to my wife (LOL, "I have a note from my wife, so gimme sum!") and some have accepted it at that or perhaps didn't care. I can say, which is almost always part of my explanation, that my wife and I are very confident in our commitment to each other. She has played alone as well . There have been various reasons, probably the main one was there have been times one of us wasn't available and another was I've told her in the past not to pass up an opportunity if she were truly interested and it was safe.

 

We are unusual in that we have fewer limits than most couples as we rarely run into another couple that doesn't have something they aren't comfortable with like kissing or is OK with some separate room activity for awhile. I don't want to make anyone think we're judgemental as we're not, but those kinds of limits are spawned by insecurity either of one's self or one's partner and just because we're OK with some things doesn't mean we are dismissing that. It's just that we are usually he ones respecting the other couple's limits as our comfort level is different. There have been times in the past we've been a little worried but we have a different history, most of our involvement was driven by me early on. I suppose it's possible I might have gotten married to a girl that wasn't as sexual and certainly not as open-minded but had told myself I wouldn't get in that situation.

That being said I had little indication my wife was fitting in that way when I asked her out. We did fuck on the first date which I'm sure will confuse a lot of those reading but I'm accepting that it was indeed, her second time. Although I probably would have asked her out again anyway when she remarked "Ill probably never see you again" her tone was that of someone who had probably mot had the first with someone who was being mindful of her feelings. I knew than there was no way I could not asked her out again and I'm conflicted as to whether if on a chance I were to meet the guy I should punch him or thank him for being a worthless SOB.

I preferred girls that had experience and turned down a couple of girls that would have gone though with tings but I knew they were virgins and I wouldn't do that under false pretenses. At that age you know it's probably not going to be "forever" and hey usually had pretty strong feelings about their first ime, although I've been told that isn't always the case I think most of the time it was.

Believe it or not part of that stemmed from the fact that one girl that ws a virgin and had fucked me ended up breaking my heart so I wasn't going to add that to someone's list of hurts. That being said she evidently wasn't thinking in terms of "true love" regarding her first time and it was only my second and I was actually nuts about her. (BTW, my first was extremely experienced and wild as hell for a girl of any age, LOL)

 

But that turned out to be the best first date of my life, the sex was not that great unless you consider laying down in a red ant bed fun, LOL (Oh to be young and stupid again) We've been married for more years than some of you are old and we started swinging before we were married. However our security doesn't come from how long we've been together as we've both had privileges from early on and yes, we've had some rough patches like everyone else. Time has certainly helped though.

 

But You'll stand a better chance of borrowing my wife that you will my car(s). I know she'll find her way home and if she has a couple of dents or scratches I'll know she had a good time...

 

you might think I'm BSing you but it just occurred to me that I've never even once loaned anyone my car from the first one until this day. At first itn was my mother drumming it into me about insurance issues and stuff and later I saw too many people do that and have their car destroyed.

 

Second part of the question is, yeas we do play with guys claiming a pass but we might be a little more trusting due to experience. She used to make a point aof saying shew wouldn't have anything to do with a guy cheating and doesn't mention that as much but it's not a change of policy but rather a recognition that there's not much way to tell sometimes unless of course you know them , Seeing ads where this is mentioned it seems there's a female counterpart to the "bro code" and maybe even more honesty involved, LOL

[ntx_partycouple 16]

There was a guy in Colorado... this is urban legend of course, he was a single guy that went to local swinger parties. He had a apartment that was where he lived alone. Turns out he was not a single man. He was secretly video taping his sexual encounters with married couples. Some how his wife found his video tapes and busted him. In a rage of spiteful revenge she was going to shame all all parties involved by posting up the video for all to see. I never was able to confirm this, but it made me think about protecting myself.

 

We had met a couple that was perfect for us, they said they were married, turns out just not to each other. There was another guy that pretended to be married to a woman that swings. They were both in on the lie; they are not married but like to swing and I guess they think they get more action pretending to be a couple. I don't know and really do not have the energy to try and figure it out.

 

I like what Chicup says (If you do not meet the spouse move on). That gets us pass the sniff test.

 

I truly believe people are honest. We just follow our hearts and hope for hard-ons when we play.

 

There are people out to expose others for all sorts of motives so it doesn't seem to be a stretch to think a vindictive spouse would be temped with the means handed to her on a platter. No doubt just as many men would have thoughts as well, but they'de probably want copies to keep, LOL

[JessicaJamison 861]

So I started out playing the hotwife at my husband's request, I think most guys think I am cheating but don't care, unless I have them take pictures of us in the act and send them to him right in front of them.  I am bisexual and travel for work a lot and I get asked if I really have permission a lot.  I generally ask if it matters, and it honestly never does.  Guys are a honey breed lol.