Bi (not really) females in swinger site profiles

[Trophy1802 132]

Reading JustAskJulie's thread about bisexual and bi-curious females in the LS has reminded me of an issue we have encountered while researching couples on another LS site. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and what are the opinions out there.

 

We have been members of AFF off and on and have met some really nice couples and made some lasting friendships. As we are a straight couple, there really does not appear to be a lot of other "advertised" straight couples on this and other LS sites. We have found a lot of couples advertise the female as either bi-curious or bisexual in their profile. However, after making contact and chatting with some of these couples, we quickly learn that the female is relieved to learn that Mrs Trophy is definitely not into any female play at all. When we ask as to the reason why the female is profiled as either bi-curious or bisexual, the usual reply is, "well quite frankly, we had previously never received any interest in us as a straight couple until we indicated the female as bi."

 

Don't get us wrong here, we definitely have nothing against anyone bi-sexual or bi-curious. We do not judge anyone, especially when we don't want to be judged ourselves. Our adage has always been to each their own as long as everyone is enjoying themselves and no one is getting hurt or feel offended. However, is it really necessary for a straight couple to update the female profile in such a manner just to attract attention?

 

In our opinion, it would be better to be open and up-front as to your actual intention when trying to attract the attention of another couple. After all, I could see another couple possibly being offended if there was an expectation of female-female play and it became a awkward situation when the couples actually met. In other words, don't put it out there if you do not intend to follow through.

 

Any other thoughts?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I may have more to say later, after I've wrapped my head around the idea that you choose a sexual preference that you don't actually have in order to garner interest that would then result in activities that you don't actually enjoy. Even typing that made my eyes bug out a little, actually.

 

In the meantime, my bisexuality long predates any swinging and I'm still more than happy to avoid g/g play, so a straight/straight couple certainly wouldn't be a hindrance for us.

[angelkin 1,326]

We also list straight/straight as that's the most accurate description of us. Speaking for myself, I felt uncomfortable listing myself as bi-curious (beyond my first few g/g encounters) and listing myself as bi seemed to create more headaches than it was worth. I do play with girls, and not just a little kissing or touching...but when we listed my preference as bi, we had a lot of couples contacting us that just wanted g/g play and the husbands watch, or mostly girl play and same room sex, or the worst - a couple who was interested in me, but my husband was not of interest to the other wife...could we play apart as a threesome?

 

I do think a lot of women in the lifestyle aren't really bisexual, but play the game because they think they have to...just like there are a lot of bi-sexual men out there who lie and say they are straight because being a bi male is somehow unacceptable. If all of us were just honest about what we wanted and spoke up about our true interests in the lifestyle, swinging would be so much more fulfilling!

[Mochacino 188]

What a great topic. I am a Bi female and absolutely hate when hubby and I meet a seemingly wonderful couple to find out they have misrepresented the wife or girlfriends status! We have had to put it in our SLS profile to please just be upfront about that. We never expect girl/girl play ever but to be led on about something so silly just to cast a wider net is such a turn-off. It makes us wonder what else they have fibbed about "to cast a wider net" and get more hits...

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

We had the opposite issue. We list a as straight/straight. I am straight and initially so was the wife.

 

At some point she did become "curious". So we changed her listing to Bi-curious. The problem was she did not find a female that really turned her on. Many people became irate and accused us of false advertising as it were. Her curiousness waned due to this and we changed it back to straight/straight.

 

Since then she has kissed a woman that she found sexy and it rekindled her curious nature. We have yet to explore it, but when she finds someone she is interested in she plans on it. But for now the profile remains straight/straight, mainly to avoid the irate issues of the past.

[asncpl 730]

As my husband and I are bi/bi, I'd like to offer a different perspective. Both of us are bi all the way (he's usually a bottom in bi play) and we introduce ourselves as such. That doesn't mean we always want same sex play. There are times I don't feel like girl-girl play or I don't feel like playing with the female half of the couple for whatever reasons. In these situations, I could be perfectly happy having full swap straight sex. So it's not as if I lied about my sexual preferences. But how do you distinguish a straight girl claiming to be bi but have no intention of doing so, which is the subject of the OP, and a bi-female who simply doesn't want bi play in a particular situation or with a particular girl? And doing so without making it awkward?

[Mochacino 188]

I agree with asncpl to a point. Just because I am bi doesn't mean I like or want to play with every female we meet. I think for us is when it obvious she is straight and isn't interested in playing with any female. That's when we are irritated. We have had wonderful couples who have taken the time to read our profile and respond with honesty and openness. The majority of which had straight females. If she is curious or unsure fine, let us know. If she isn't interested fine as well. As for not making it awkward maybe hubby and I are just to open and we simply tell the other parties that there may not be an attraction. We have had that conversation with a few people and I would say all but maybe 3-4 have appreciated knowing where they stand with us and have remained our friends. My two cents.

[exploringRM 305]

We have my wife's preferences spelled out in our profile. She is bi-playful though at times more with the right woman. We also say that if girl-girl play us the main event you are not for us. I am a bit frustrated lately as female on female play seems to be what the majority are looking for.

[BiCaliGirl777 48]

It's all about being honest, how would the straight couple feel if they met another straight person who then later told them they were bi? I bet the would be real hurt about it. There's nothing wrong with putting your true self out there, someone will outreach to you. It frustrates me when I go out to a bar and there are bicurious females who take an interest in me, we start chatting but when it comes down to getting hot and heavy, they freak out and leave, or they can't do it without having tons of alcohol. It just makes things even more frustrating for everyone.

[PerfectInPurple 16]

I really don't think that's fair on their part. Having been bisexual since being a preteen, I would be a little hurt to be thinking one thing only to find out another. It would shatter my trust a little to see someone not meaning what they said since they weren't honest when approached and make me question other things. It would be even worse to do something that someone didn't find pleasurable and for all the wrong reasons only to possibly find out later. If a girl is straight, that's fine going into it without that. Even if their not, if your forward about not wanting it, cool. But, don't make false claims simply for attention.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

I have had many encounters in which the couple contacted me stating the female was bi or bi-curious only to find out it was not true. All have stated that it was the only way they had found to get a single female to play with them. I don't have any problems joining straight couples despite being bi myself. Bi certainly does not define all that I am and the only sex I enjoy. While I would certainly prefer honesty, I understand the dilemma.

[MrMarvin 268]

My take? I think it is presumptuous to assume one will be entitled to anything in particular, regardless of labels. Attraction is a fickle beast and can and will certainly change depending on the circumstances. Just because couple A will do a certain thing with Couple B doesn't mean Couple C will receive the same treatment as a matter of course.

 

So in the case of my wife and I, we simply approach things with no expectations. We certainly try to find couples that match us (to the best we can based upon a few photos and often a short profile) but don't expect "everything on the menu" will be made available.

 

Take the above with a huge dose of salt. We are green rookies.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

My take? I think it is presumptuous to assume one will be entitled to anything in particular, regardless of labels. Attraction is a fickle beast and can and will certainly change depending on the circumstances. Just because couple A will do a certain thing with Couple B doesn't mean Couple C will receive the same treatment as a matter of course.

 

I think this is a great point. The assumption that a bisexual woman/man will automatically play with anyone of the same sex is like saying a straight man/woman will play with anyone of the opposite sex. It's not true. Not only is attraction a factor but knowing that the other person finds them attractive is important, too. I think this is what so many bisexual women/men are trying to get through to those who see bisexual listed on their profile...just because they are listed as such doesn't mean it's an automatic, "Yes, I'll screw you and your partner!"

[PerfectInPurple 16]

I just wanted to add to what I said earlier, since I think I spoke in circles (lol sorry). If someone didn't want a bi lifestyle but claimed it simply to garner attention... (as I understood). Whatever someone prefers that day or any day doesn't matter. It would be the simple fact that you lied, nothing more. It would make me think if you were just honest, no one would care. But you thought you had to lie to get close to someone? I don't know how I'd feel after that except confused about honesty issues.

[jobillie44 21]

Great discussion! In our limited experience it really is a chemistry issue which defines how my wife plays. She considers herself bi curious but needs the right chemistry.... Just like both of us do in our straight encounters.

[peggyisfun 16]

I am bi. As stated by others already, that doesn't I want to have sex with every female. There has to be a chemistry...an attraction.