Do you think my wife wants to discuss the idea of swinging?

[So. Gentleman 15]

I have a question or two for those that are active in the lifestyle. My wife and I are not active. (This may become rambling and if so please forgive me.)

Our sex life is very good just not often enough for either of us because we have a child. During sex she sometimes talks about being with another woman. To my knowledge she never has but who knows.

My question is we have a female friend that acts interested in more than friends. She has said and done some things that have peaked my interest. And some that have been said when I was not around. My wife later told me about things that were said. Things that the about the other female that my wife knows would interest me.

She is also married and the thought of us swinging with them sounds good to me. Would love to see it head that way.

Does this sound like it could lead to more or am I just hoping. I am afraid to bring it up to my wife for fear she may take it the wrong way. (Dont think she would but you never know) And is there anything that I could do to help send this the direction that I am hoping for?

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Good heavens, Man!!

Sounds like your wife has brought up some topics that some men around here would love to have their wives bring up! Go for it!!

 

Seriously, if the communication between ya'll is such that she has felt comfortable mentioning being with a woman, and she has related to you comments made by this friend that might be suggestive, I would simply talk to her about it. Seems that she has given you the opening you need. This may just be her way of trying to see if you might be interested. No harm in talking to her about it.

 

Let us know the outcome. EBF

[So. Gentleman 15]

She has brought up plenty. Like telling me that the other female wants to show me her tits to her keeping her pubic hair shaved. Both of which my wife nows I like.

But how do I approach it?

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Your "approach" has to be individualized to your wife and ya'lls relationship. No two couples are the same.

 

If it was me, maybe after one of those evenings of "very good" sex and after she had mentioned something, I would start by just "exploring" the thoughts and ideas with her - each of you sharing your fantasies, etc. "Hey, you've mentioned several times you might enjoy being with another woman? Ever given that serious thought? Sounds kind of exciting to me...."

 

Or even, "Hey..you mentioned being with another woman not long ago and I got to looking around on the net and look at this site I found. Was reading it and it's really fun..." (and show her this Board!)

 

Maybe she even has a recipe she wants to contribute to our cookbook. -EBF

[Alura 2,773]

My guess is that Elusive is absolutely right. I think your wife is interested, So. Gentleman. If she weren't, she certainly wouldn't have shared this information with you.

 

The first problem you need to solve is that fear to communicate with your wife. On our second date, also the second day we'd known each other, my wife and I made an agreement to never be angry at the other for asking a question, no matter what that question may be. You need to tell your wife of your fears to talk with her and get that problem solved first. Once you share both your interests in swinging with each other, your communication will be more rewarding than you ever dreamed and getting into swinging will be no problem at all.

 

The next problem I think y'all may have will be bringing in the other lady's husband and that will probably be easy because my guess is that he and she have been talking about playing for a long time. In fact, they may already swing. Y'all could find yourselves with a lot of new friends!

 

Mr. Alura

[windsor4fun2 130]

I agree with the others. Your wife has definitely opened the door. Next time your wife mentions something about the other woman follow it up. You will definitely have to find out how the other husband feels but as Mr. Alura said they may be having the same types of thoughts.

 

Good luck and don't be afraid to talk to your wife. She has already opened up to you.

 

Jesse

[SyberG&C 15]

Wow I wish it would have

went that way for us. I had to do

the suggesting and looking myself

untill after we found our first. Now

She's finding them!

[Brit_Pair 62]

Got to agree with the others. The green light is on, but you're still waiting at the 'stop' line. Alura's point about how your neighbour's husband is slotted into the equation is worth considering, on the off-chance that he isn't aware of what his wife is up to. But overall, it seems like much of the foundations for some sexual exploring have been laid down.

 

Just relax about talking to your wife. She wants you to talk to her.

[nikkilynn74 15]

I agree with everyone. Your wife has opened the door...Step through and have a good time! Let us know how it goes

 

Nikki

[Handyman69 15]

I would agree with the others....she has opened the door. Now to go through it. Communicate and relax. Go at your own pace...and always be open for communication. New experiences bring on new thoughts and feelings...some good/some bad. My husband opened the door quite awhile ago but I finally came around and we have been in the lifestyle for about 13 or so months. If all are ok with everything then see where it leads (but make sure friend's husband is aware too..you don't want any fighting).

 

Hope things go well and good luck.

 

Rhonda

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The next time your wife starts fantasizing in bed about another woman, ask if she'd like it to be the neighbor and see what she says.

[So. Gentleman 15]

Actually it is not our neighbor but that does not matter. I brought the subject up last night. Wife said that she had not thought about before. We did not get to finish our conversation but she knows how I feel. She did not come out and say no but has not said yes yet. So it sounds like things may be heading in the right direction.

We did look up drinking games that would help break the ice. So who knows. We are one step closer tho as I have at least got my feelings out in the open.

Now only time will tell.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Good on you for taking the step through that door we've all been talking about. Sounds like you're both taking a thoughtful, patient approach, which bodes well.

 

Let us know how things develop. And good luck!

[So. Gentleman 15]

The wife is all for it with the other couple. She has even went as far as talked to the other female about the possible encounter. She is all up for it as is her husband.

Now it will be just a matter of timing and everything.

[saranmark 15]

Great news! Good for you!

 

Enjoy!

SARA

[Brit_Pair 62]

Congratulations! Here's hoping you have a sensual, fulfilling time!

[SyberG&C 15]

your on your way!!

 

 

~G~

[So. Gentleman 15]

Still has not happened as of yet. All 4 of us are still in the talking stage. The other female half is VERY interested in me and the other male part is very interested in my wife. Hell as far as I can tell my wife is interested in him. They flirt all the time.

 

We have one problem tho. In the past I was very jealous. (Not very mature and insecure) I have finally grown up and put that behind me as long as everything is in the open and there is no lying or hiding of things from me. My wife is still a little hesitant to follow thru with things. I sat and watched the other male play with her breast as they were trying to be a little sneak about it. (or as I call it playing grab ass) Told her I knew what was going on and that it was fine. Even excited me. It surprised her that it excited me.

 

Sorry to ramble but I am looking for a way to assure her that everything is more than OK with me.

 

Probably just a situation where I have to be paitent and let things take there course.

[Brit_Pair 62]

You've probably nailed the solution with your last line. Patience is key, and will almost always pay dividends, whereas forcing an issue in this lifestyle can often bring about undesired (even disasterous) consequences.

 

You say your wife is still a little hesitant. Is that because of her own feelings, or is it because of the fact that you've been very jealous in the past? If it's the former, then as you've already concluded, be patient and let things run their course. If it's the latter, then you just need to keep communicating with her: tell her how you're feeling, how excited you are by the prospect of what lies ahead. She'll come to realise that you want this as much as she does.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Good morning, So. Gentleman!

 

It seems there is a certain lag-time for most couples between making the decision to swing and actually doing so. Kind of like milestones, in a way... For most, (and I think this applies to singles, too) there is a time period of "thinking" about it, "investigating," "thinking" some more...and so on. Then the decision is made to go forward. In your case, ya'll already knew a couple and that cut short your time from deciding to go forward and actually finding a couple. Now, however, after the decision has been made, ya'll are going through the period of building up to the actual activity.

 

I don't think it is uncommon, once we have decided to go forward, to suddenly start thinking, "Ooops! What about this? And that?" and so forth and so on. Just other things you have to get squared in your mind. Almost like a hesitancy to make the final commitment...wondering if you've convered all the bases in your thought processes. Could something like this be what ya'll are encountering just now? We all make decisions in different ways...some slow and deliberate, others quick and to the point.

 

And one other question that kind of raised a red flag in my thoughts...well, maybe just a pink flag!

 

"I sat and watched the other male play with her breast as they were trying to be a little sneak about it."

 

It's a pink flag because maybe I don't understand the comment completely, but I don't think being "sneaky" has any place in a swinging relationship. Just a thought...-EBF

[So. Gentleman 15]

Not really sneaky but less than obvious. The other female was on the same couch with them and I was sitting across from them. I feel they both knew that I knew what was going on. As did the other female. (Knowing and that I knew)

 

I guess we are taking baby steps with this. And as I have heard from all of you that is the best way to approach it. Once you have finished there is no going back and trying to change something.

 

At first I was worried about the other husband but he is really cool about it, as is his wife. Actually found out from her that the other three had discussed this before I was brought up to speed. Of course they wanted me involved so we have all talked about it. Hell I am the one that has wanted this to happen for a long time. Evidently they (all 3 of them) have too.

 

Just a wait and see type thing. We are to get together this weekend so I will keep everyone up to date what has happened.

 

Thanks for all your valuable advice.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Everything seems to be moving in the right direction and at a good pace. Hope things continue to work out for you all. Keep us posted.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by So. Gentleman

The wife is all for it with the other couple. She has even went as far as talked to the other female about the possible encounter. She is all up for it as is her husband.

Now it will be just a matter of timing and everything.

 

Thanks for the update. Glad to hear things are progressing along for you.

[krustyandnancy 15]

So. Gentleman,

 

You have certainly earned the "Gentleman" part of your name! As a newbie, this topic was the first one I read on these boards, and it's been great to hear how well you've been managing the situation, and how well it seems to be developing for you and your wife. Your patience and ongoing forethought have obviously made all the difference, and if you keep it up, I can't see why things won't work out as well as (or even better than) you two have imagined. Stories such as yours definitely give newbie couples such as ourselves a lot of hope for our future in swinging!

 

Keep up the wonderful "work" (I know, it's not really work at all!), and definitely continue to keep all of us up-to-date on how everything works out.

 

-- Krusty (and Nancy)

[So. Gentleman 15]

Ok here is an update for everyone. We have been involved with the other couple several times. With both of us there and with just me and the other woman and my wife and the other man seperately.

 

We all have been ok to a point. The other man was feeling left out and felt his wife was not paying enough attention to him. That made him jealous. Things cooled for awhile until they had a FMF experience (that I had already enjoyed ) I had no problem with that. NONE at all. Especially since I had already been there and done that.

 

There has been some miscommunication between everyone and now he wants to call it quits and be friends. At least for awhile. Although the other 3 of us would like to continue. Any ideas on this? He felt like I got upset about the FMF thing which I was not a part of. That is farthest from the truth.

 

Just wanted some input from folks that might have been thru this before. All of us are going to stay close but ............some of us want more.

 

Any thoughts on this?

[Alura 2,773]

Y'all probably should stop playing until the question is resolved, based on the theory of proceeding at the speed of the slowest individual. I kind of think a discussion with all four involved might be the answer.

 

Mr. Alura