Swinger wanting something more than just sex
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By Mr. Truelove
Two questions mostly directed to the male half of the swinging couples. Women, feel free to respond, your input is always valued.
How important is it that you like the other guy that you plan to swing with in the heterosexual manner, either in a MFM or in a MFMF? Does he have to be respectable? Is it up to the woman? Do you have any standards whatsoever?
Also, to the more experienced folk, is it uncommon that the guys would get along really well?
Personally I found it very important that the guy my wife would have would be someone that I respected, or at least someone I thought was "good enough" for my wife. Perhaps it was my protective nature, or something. But I felt that it was important.
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By Spoomonkey
This may be the most important thread for men in recent recorded history. In fact, it may be so important that I could be the first primate winner of the Noble Prize. Chances are, if you don’t find value in this thread you hate pie, cute babies and all the things that make our country great*
Here’s my theory about haunted houses. They really aren’t that scary. But, if you buy into them, they can be creepy as hell. Mrs Spoo and I love haunted houses because we know how to buy in, to really let ourselves be scared. And we always get our money’s worth!
You see, being scared is what the haunted house guys are trying to do, but I can spoil that simply by not letting myself get into it. Being scared, therefore, is not so much their job as it is mine. They are doing their part – and when I do mine, it is an amazing experience!
So – let’s apply that to sex.
Men – the good ones anyway – obsess about their equipment and/or ability to please a playmate. I know for me, I read as much stuff as I can, I work out, I try to make myself fun for the person I am lucky enough to be with (which is usually Mrs Spoo – and I consider that the greatest luck of all!) So – I will start with the assumption (which, admittedly, often doesn’t fit, but for most of the men around here, is probably workable) that the men are doing their part.
Where the theory comes in is with the women buying into the experience. I am quite sure that it is not me who gives a woman an orgasm as much as it is her who allows herself to have one. Women can certainly block the best efforts.
There are two keys to this (as I see it):
Chemistry, which is unpredictable and impossible to manipulate. It is either there, sometimes in the form of visible sparks, or it is not.
Comfort, which is just a positive rapport that two people have that makes each able to relax and enjoy a situation.
Both can increase the other, I think. Where there is chemistry there will be more comfort. Where there is comfort, chemistry can be found.
“Buying in” to the experience does not mean pretending you are enjoying lame sex. Not at all! There will always be lame experiences – mostly because I can’t make ever male read this, the most important thread in the history of the written word. But, for those of us who do read it, the questions are these:
What can a man do to help increase your comfort level?
What helps you relax in a situation and “buy in”?
That’s it! The answers to those questions – from women who are familiar with themselves and with what works, what doesn’t – are the Holy Grail that we men seek! It is not the dozens of penis enlargement spam we receive in our email every week. It is right here, in this thread. Your answers will raise this from the best board for swinging information on the net to the single greatest resource for mankind – a monolith of wisdom and evolutionary potential, ala 2001 – A Space Odyssey. Help us evolve, ladies. Help us help you
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By couplers
Hi this is Petra, member of a three-woman, two-guy closed poly family. I am a long-time member of the Swingersboard, so if you want more background, you can look at previous posts. We are all now in our thirties and have found that while it used to be that the two guys could adequately take care of us three women, that is shifting. The guys have slacked off a little, while the women's desire for sex has increased. While it helps that we girls are bisexual and can help each other, we also seem to need (or at least want) more frequent sex with the guys. Penis-in-vagina intercourse is what we girls want, and the three of us women cum relatively easily, so a quick screw is satisfying.
Anyone else facing a similar situation? The way we have primarily addressed this is by making one of our guys service two girls, her cumming while he holds back, then taking care of the second. Any thoughts?
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By JW6145
I’ve been lurking a while and read a ton here the boards. Now I’ve gotten myself into a situation that is not talked about very much on here. I’ve fallen in love with a playmate. I really didn’t mean for it to happen, and from what she tells me she didn’t mean for it to happen either. Let me start by saying I’ve been completely open and 100% honest with my wife, and my playmate Becca tells me that she has been mostly open with her husband. We’ll get to that in a bit.
Becca and I met at a club, just a few months ago. From the first I thought she was attractive, I mean let’s face it, we’re here to fuck attractive people, right? My wife, Angie, and I went to the club that night to have some fun. We’re experienced swingers-we don’t play alot, swinging does not rule our lives- but we’ve had our share of fun. The night I met Becca was no different; we hoped to meet some fun people, have some good to great sex, and maybe make some friends we could hang out with on a regular basis.
Becca and I both realized pretty quickly that there is a strong physical attraction between the two of us. The sex is effortless and I’ve never fit together with anyone better. After that first night of being together, my wife Angie and Becca’s husband Rob exchanged numbers. Becca asked for my number but I declined, telling her she could just text Angie if she wanted. I don’t normally like to have communication with the women I play with outside of swinging situations. I was not able to get Becca out of my head for the next several days- which is unusual for me. I threw caution to the wind sent her my number via SLS. She texted me a few hours later. Over the next several days we exchanged texts and even spoke on the phone a few times. All with Angie’s knowledge.
We all four got together again a few weeks later-and it was even better than the first time. It was that night that I recognized that I had developed emotional feelings for Becca, and I was pretty sure that she had developed similar feelings for me.
A few days after we were all together the second time I told my wife about my feelings for Becca. I told her I didn’t know if I was getting our sexual chemistry mixed up with emotion but I thought that could be the case. To my surprise Angie did not freak out. She told me she suspected something was up-given the amount of communication between Becca and I. I took a few weeks to sort out my feelings and spent many more hours talking to both Angie and Becca. I realized that I was probably in love with Becca. And I told them both so. Becca told me she feels the same way. This is not the “oh, I’ve just fucked someone new, I hope they like me best” kind of feeling. We’ve both been with other people since we met and it has not cooled our emotions. This is raw, real and deep.
When I told Angie all of this she gave me license to pursue a relationship with Becca and follow it wherever it may lead. I did not ask for this, Angie offered it to me. Angie is secure about our commitment to each other-I am not leaving my wife and Becca and Angie both know that. Becca also has no intention of leaving her husband.
Becca has talked with her husband Rob about us and the feelings we’ve developed for each other. What she has not told him is that she thinks loves me, she does not know how he would react to that (here is the mostly open part that I alluded to in the first paragraph). She has told him our feelings are deep but has not gone into how much we care for each other. Rob is completely comfortable with texts and calls throughout the day, but not with Becca and I meeting without him and Angie there-even for lunch or dinner. I completely understand and respect this. I don’t like it, but I respect it. I suspect if the shoe were on the other foot I would feel the same way. I really genuinely like Rob by the way, he treats both Becca and Angie really well-and he and Angie have really great sex together. Angie has told Rob that it’s just sex between the two of them and Rob feels the same way. They have no other feelings for each other past that.
Becca and I text every day and talk several times a week; I know about her life and children, and she knows about mine. We have similar interests and lives outside of swinging, we are in similar businesses. We have become emotional rocks for each other. I get emotional needs met from her that I do not get from Angie. Again, I have been upfront with Angie about all this and she is fine with it.
So here are my big questions: Do these things really ever work, or are we on the express train to Dramaville?
Is it possible to keep something like this going long term?
How do we navigate the fact that Rob is not comfortable with Becca and I meeting without him around (again, we will not be going against his wishes on this one) and knowing that he and Angie will want to have more variety in their swinging soon, which will leave less opportunity for Becca and I to be together?
Any thoughts from the wise sages on here are welcome. I’m a big boy-if I’ve being naïve about anything please tell me. I can take it.
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By Bluespruce1
We have been playing with a couple for about five years on and off. We see them at our club, at some resorts and at local house parties. Wherever we are, she always seeks out my husband. We have all been together many times and I enjoy her husband very much, but for my husband and I, it’s literally just sex.
She is very different with my husband lately than with her other partners. I believe she has fallen for him. When I see them together, she is very passionate and attentive to him in ways that I don’t see when she’s with other men. My husband rolls with it and is always a pleaser.
We don’t want to make things uncomfortable or lose their friendship, but we are getting uncomfortable with the notion that she may be interested in a deeper relationship than we have experienced with other partners.
Should we just go with it? I’m not sure I can handle sharing him that way and I don’t think he’s interested in that type of relationship either. Thoughts about when the sex leads to something more?
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