I sucked his dick. Am I bi?

[Guest hfinster01]

We have always been a very sexual couple and very recently we decided to pursue some long awaited fantasies. We met a nice couple online and after about three months of flirting, camming, emailing, and dirty chatting decided to meet. We let the kids sleep over the Mom-in-Laws house and my wife went out and got a new and very sexy outfit. We met for drinks with this couple and my normally very sober wife got fairly drunk. About 10:30 pm the 64k dollar question cam up "Would you like to come back to our place and watch some videos?" I looked at the wifey and she with no hesitation said, "Well, that is why we are here". I had an erection I am sure half the bar noticed.

 

Well we went back to their place and wifey wobbled on into their living room. We had a few drinks and popped in a porno. Well the other couple was not shy and other hubby had his thing out and other wifey was on it like white in rice. Wife and I nervously laughed and proceeded to do some heavy petting and kissing. I rubbed my wife's kitty to an orgasm all the while looking at the other couple. The wife and I had 90 seconds in the missionary and she was out. Passed out. With me sitting there feeling pretty stupid.

 

I sat back and the other couple asked me if I would like to join in? Well 20 minutes later we were on the floor. I was on my back and she was riding me, her long blonde hair swaying and boobs bouncing like water balloons. This is where it got interesting.

 

The hubby decided to try a different position and got on his knees over my face. He proceeded to tap my face with his cock. He asked me to open and in the spur of the moment I did. He inserted his cock in my mouth and proceeded to gently move it in and out. I loved it!! I was so turned on. So turned I rolled on my belly and unmounted from her and gave him an old fashioned blow job.

 

Gosh it was erotic. His wife was sucking my nipples and I was just engulfing him. I felt his cock harden and I moaned and his spurts began to fill my mouth. I gobbled like no tomorrow. I was so turned on I jacked my cock to a creamy orgasm all over their expensive Berber carpet.

 

We laughed and settled back onto the couch. I packed up the wifey about 3 a.m. and we went home. My problem is know I am fixated on not swinging per se but having a steamy afternoon with the other husband. Am I bi or just bi-curious? I did not tell wife about the blow job I gave him, just the straight sex.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

First off, you need to tell your wife the real story of what happened. Not doing so is lying to her. Not a good idea for any relationship and definitely not a good way to start into swinging.

 

As for are you bi or bi-curious it really doesn't matter. You enjoyed it so why not try it again. But talk to your wife first and get her blessing, otherwise you are cheating on her.

 

I realize there's probably a huge question in your head regarding how your wife might feel about these new feelings you are having and that is most likely why you aren't telling her (you are afraid of how she will react), but you still need to do so. Better to get it out in the open now and discuss it before you go any further than to continue lying and cheat and have it ruin your marriage.

[windsor4fun2 130]

I agree with what Julie has said. One incident doesn't make you anything, you are curious if anything. You enjoyed it at the time and upon reflection you still enjoyed it. Like any m\new thing a person can become a little obsessive until the novelty wears off.

 

As far as not telling your wife. A major no-no. You need to tell her. Lying to her will only cause problems later especially if you get together with this couple again. Honesty is definitely the best policy.

[CBYLW 21]

First I think you should tell your wife what happened and about your new found desire.

 

I love women but I am BI. Bi means different things to different people.

 

I like the fact that being Bi opens up so many more possible exciting scenarios. Most of my fantasies include bisexual activities too. I am a senior, single male and I am involved with a bi couple. We have a great relationship. Any of my bi activities must include a lady or I don't play.

 

If I had a relationship with a lady that did not like the idea of me being bi I would cease my bi activities.

 

That's my definition of bi, as it relates to me.

[EternallySingle 32]

You had one experience in the heat of the moment. So what? It happened once.

 

More importantly, you need to tell your wife what happened after she passed out and how you felt about it. THAT is way more important than if you are bisexual or not. I assume your wife is? Would be pretty...strange to think she would think any less of your interest in exploring your new feelings further.

 

But, you do need to talk to her about them.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Firstly, don't seek to label yourself. There are plenty of people out there who will jump at the chance to do that for you.

 

Secondly (and as has already been pointed out), it was a first time incident, and that doesn't necessarily make you anything (although your fixation on having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 could lead people to the conclusion that you are bi-curious at least).

 

Thirdly, does it really matter? If it was pleasurable for all concerned, then that's great. Obviously, the only problem with that statement is the fact that your wife is not aware of what happened. Put her in the picture as to what happened and how you feel, and take things from there.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by Brit_Pair

Thirdly, does it really matter? If it was pleasurable for all concerned, then that's great. Obviously, the only problem with that statement is the fact that your wife is not aware of what happened. Put her in the picture as to what happened and how you feel, and take things from there.

 

That sums up my thoughts, as well. Secrets are so hard to live with.

[Dionysis 15]

I am so glad this thread was created.

 

I'm having these thoughts myself and I am single already.

 

I don't know why either. I think I just like sex for sex. The idea of fucking a woman and sucking cock intrigues me.

 

I think I'll do just what feels good to me and the others that will be involved.

 

Oh and to stay on topic, definitely should recap the event and tell the wifey. She might like the idea and invite more provocative couples next time.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

I'm probably going to get flamed for going against the grain here, but as we all know, that's never stopped me before...

 

I would think long and hard before telling your wife about your bisexual episode, whether you ever try it again or not.

 

Along about now, the usual suspects will jump up and start screaming about how you would be "cheating", "lying", etc, ad nauseam. Bullshit. There is a much bigger issue at stake here.

 

The question you have to ask yourself is, knowing your wife as you do, is she going to handle this bit of news well? Or is she more apt to go apeshit over it, with the result that your marriage crashes and burns on the spot?

 

The thought processes of the average woman's mind are mysterious and not to be understood by mortal men, particularly in the area of territoriality, not to mention sexuality, especially as it applies to bisexuality.

 

(Women have a very strong territorial imperative; in some ways even stronger than men. And sexuality is so wrapped up in emotion and easily bruised egos, particularly with women, as well as a frequent inability to understand sexual yearnings not their own that, between the two, you are looking at one fuck of a powerful and touchy time bomb. This is NOT something you want to diddle with lightly.)

 

The landscape is littered with the broken carcasses of marriages where the man was bi or bi-curious and just had to come clean with the little woman, who promptly went ballistic and left his ass, or at the very least made his life a living hell of suspicion, innuendo and accusation.

 

To see how skewed society's views are on this subject, you need look no further than the swing lifestyle. Where women are concerned, it is perfectly OK for the women to be bi or bi-curious. Indeed, it's become a cliche of sorts. But in most cases, if the male is bi or bi-curious as well, they will run into all sorts of problems, often to the point of being ostracized by some people and groups. Happens all the time, even in a supposedly "open-minded" community such as swingers are purported to be.

 

And it's not just the guys who get froggy over the issue; quite often the women do as well, even if they themselves are bi. Hypocritical? Yes. Double standard? Bet yer ass. Unfair? Yeppers, but sorry, life is not fair. Deal with it.

 

I'm going to assume you and your wife are the typical family, with 2.3 kids, 3/2/2 house with mortgage, SUV in the garage, etc. What you have to ask yourself is whether imparting this information to your wife is going to put all this at risk, and if so, is it worth it?

 

If you are at least reasonably sure she can take this news with equanimity, then fine. Tell her and go in peace. But if you think she is more likely to come unglued over this, then my advice is to keep your own counsel and drop it. Just chalk it up as an interesting experience and move on. It is not worth risking your marriage and family over.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

...in wonderment and disbelief....

 

Somehow and in some strange way, Bear manages to make sense of and bring to the forefront some things that I would have never thought of, much less bet on.

[Quin 17]

While the one poster makes some very good points for not telling the wife, I have to go with the majority on this one, tell her. First and foremost being...no matter what hurt or pain this may bring to her (if any at all), what's going to hurt a whole helluva lot more is to find this out from someone else. For instance, you don't say anything, you and wife have another get together with this couple, your wife stays sober and the other hubby begins tapping his cock on your lips again and you eagerly indulge, the wife wonders about this and the other wife says, "oh, don't worry, they did this the last time." HELLO!! That's gonna hurt, deeply. And if your wife talks to this couple, there's no telling when or where it could innocently come up in conversation by the other couple. This call is yours tho, you know your wife best. Although I think I'd set a new rule between you and wife...when swinging is definitely gonna happen, no getting tipsy. It really is more enjoyable to have all your senses not hindered by alcohol and sex is far more enjoyable when one is awake as opposed to passed out/sleeping.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by Quin

While the one poster makes some very good points for not telling the wife, I have to go with the majority on this one, tell her. First and foremost being...no matter what hurt or pain this may bring to her (if any at all), what's going to hurt a whole helluva lot more is to find this out from someone else. For instance, you don't say anything, you and wife have another get together with this couple, your wife stays sober and the other hubby begins tapping his cock on your lips again and you eagerly indulge, the wife wonders about this and the other wife says, "oh, don't worry, they did this the last time." HELLO!! That's gonna hurt, deeply. And if your wife talks to this couple, there's no telling when or where it could innocently come up in conversation by the other couple. This call is yours tho, you know your wife best. Although I think I'd set a new rule between you and wife...when swinging is definitely gonna happen, no getting tipsy. It really is more enjoyable to have all your senses not hindered by alcohol and sex is far more enjoyable when one is awake as opposed to passed out/sleeping.

 

You are right about a couple of things at least; the call is indeed his, as he should know his wife and the general situation best. And second, no getting falling-down drunk when playing. I think most of us would agree that sex with a drunk is about as much fun as a tax audit.

 

As for avoiding the "hurt" of her finding out from the couple they played with, that one is simple. Assuming that his wife is not inclined to deal with this well, all he need do is approach the couple quietly and tell them that what happened before was a fluke, that he'd had a few drinks himself and now he's not inclined to repeat the episode, and it would be best to just not bring the subject up with his wife, as it would be embarrassing, etc, and then just let it drop. Most likely (unless they are just total assholes) the couple will abide by his wishes.

 

The main thing is to avoid having something approximating the following happening to finster...

[Elusive BiFem 70]

When I first read and posted on this thread, I agreed...tell all, honesty is the best policy, etc.

 

After I read Bear's earlier post and thought about it, I tend to agree with him in most respects. While not advocating dishonesty - ever - I also believe there are occasions when it is best not to share certain things that may be potentially painful to others. If this was a fluke - one time happening or something that happened as the result of too much alcohol - why risk a marriage for something that isn't going to happen again. Or if it is a fantasy that he will keep and probably not act on - again, no need to tell, assuming her reaction might be negative.

 

In theoriginal post, tho', he said,

My problem is know I am fixated on not swinging per se but having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 again. Am I bi or just bi-curious. I did not tell wife about the blow job I gave, just the straight sex.

 

That sort of changes things. Should he decide this is an activity he would like to pursue, he probably does need to share his "thoughts" with his wife. No...not, "Hey honey. I'm bi and be damned with your feelings on the subject and I plan to get with Mr. So and So as soon as I can." But more along the lines of feeling her out about her take on the subject. What does she think about the idea? What is her reaction to the suggestion of being bi? If negative, and this is something he wants to pursue, then there are other issues that need to be addressed. If she is lukewarm, they can explore their fantasies together and see where it leads them. If she is enthusiastic about the idea - great!

 

Finsters original question was "am I bi or just bi-curious?" Does a single experience make you either-or? The thrill of the moment, the excitement, the uniqueness of the experience...I can see where one might think they are bi. This is something he needs to give a lot of thought to and only he can answer - ultimately. But until he makes that final decision, why risk harm to what he has built with his wife? The only thing I would advise, in the end, is do not act on your impulses again until you have given serious consideration to all aspects. If you seek "steamy afternoons" with this other man, that will throw you into the "cheaters" category and few of us like cheaters. Just my opinions

[saranmark 15]

I absolutely agree, EBF.

 

I have one concern about something else... Bear, I always respect your opinions and more than half of the time agree with you. BUT, what if he chooses not to tell his wife, asks the other couple to NOT tell his wife, either, and one of them accidentally lets it slip? We all know that the majority of damage done in a relationship is due to the hurt caused by dishonesty.

 

I would be incredibly hurt if my husband didn't tell me and also asked the other couple not to tell me. I would feel foolish and embarrassed, as well as hurt. It would make the situation messier than it already was.

 

I agree 100% with EBF's opinion that if this is something that you want to pursue again, you need to tell your wife. If it is something that you honestly don't think will happen again, I don't feel you really need to tell her unless you are planning on playing with that couple again. I simply wouldn't be able to trust that in the heat of the moment one of them wouldn't accidentally say something.

 

I also agree with the majority here and say that there really isn't a need to label yourself. You enjoy what you enjoy. Period. But be honest with yourself, and if you honestly think you are inclined to participate in sexual activities with men in the future, your wife deserves to know.

[OhioCouple 40]

As the female half of this couple, I would be very upset to learn second hand that something had occurred that he didn't share with me. Finding out down the road is not a cool thing to do. I think you should tell your wife and then gauge how she feels from there.

 

I, (personally) would not be upset if my husband said "Babe, while you weren't involved because of (insert reason), I explored a part of my sexuality that I'd like to explore it further. How do you feel about that?"

 

I think hiding it is the WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, thing to do.

 

In my opinion, you should tell her. Once you start hiding things, it just becomes worse. Maybe she won't be receptive, maybe she will. You won't know tho, until you ask.

 

Let's face it. We are talking swinging here, where COMMUNICATION is the key to every thing. When you fail to communicate...you fail in not only swinging, but your personal relationship too.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by saranmark

I absolutely agree, EBF.

 

I have one concern about something else... Bear, I always respect your opinions and more than half of the time agree with you. BUT, what if he chooses not to tell his wife, asks the other couple to NOT tell his wife, either, and one of them accidently lets it slip? We all know that the majority of damage done in a relationship is due to the hurt caused by dishonesty.

 

I would be incredibly hurt if my husband didn't tell me and also asked the other couple not to tell me. I would feel foolish and embarassed, as well as hurt. It would make the situation messier than it already was.

 

I agree 100% with EBF's opinion that if this is something that you want to pursue again, you need to tell your wife. If it is something that you honestly don't think will happen again, I don't feel you really need to tell her unless you are planning on playing with that couple again. I simply wouldn't be able to trust that in the heat of the moment one of them woudn't accidentally say something.

 

I also agree with the majority here and say that there really isn't a need to label yourself. You enjoy what you enjoy. Period. But be honest with yourself, and if you honestly think you are inclined to participate in sexual activities with men in the future, your wife deserves to know.

 

Sara, I can only suggest you go back and read my earlier post again. The scenario I described (the one with the negative outcome) is real. It happens all the time. If his wife is one of those who can't handle this sort of information, she will be incredibly hurt no matter what he does; whether he tells her outright, or the other couple lets slip and she finds out that way.

 

A difference which makes no difference, is no difference.

 

You have three possible outcomes here. One is he tells her, she freaks. Second, the other couple tells her, and she freaks. The third is neither of them tell her, and she doesn't freak, because she then has nothing to freak about.

 

You and several of the others think this is about "honesty". It is not. It's about running the very real risk of wrecking a family, adversely impacting not only the man's life , but the wife's as well, and the lives of any children they may have.

 

THAT is the difference.

 

Honesty, as far as it goes, is fine. But there are going to be situations where unbridled honesty is not necessarily a good thing. This is one of those situations, because you are treading into an area that involves very basic, fundamental issues, of both a sexual and emotional nature. As I said before, these are very risky things to be diddling with.

 

My position is, and will remain (as no one has presented an argument to refute it), that it is better to keep quiet about this and so keep the family intact, than to be unremittingly honest and wreck one's family in the process.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

As the female half of this couple, I would be very upset to learn second hand that something had occured that he didn't share with me. Finding out down the road is not a cool thing to do. I think you should tell your wife and then gauge how she feels from there.

 

I, (personally) would not be upset if my husband said "Babe, while you weren't involved because of (insert reason), I explored a part of my sexuality that I'd like to explore it further. How do you feel about that?"

 

I think hiding it is the WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, thing to do.

 

In my opinion, you should tell her. Once you start hiding things, it just becomes worse. Maybe she won't be receptive, maybe she will. You won't know tho, until you ask.

 

Let's face it. We are talking swinging here, where COMMUNICATION is the key to every thing. When you fail to communicate...you fail in not only swinging, but your personal relationship too.

 

And I understand your point, Ms. O. But that is you and the way you communicate and want to be communicated with. I think Bears arguments are with merit if for no other reason than both sides of the coin need to be presented to this man. Before total honesty gushes forth, he needs to decide if this was an isolated event that is unlikely to ever happen again, if he was just caught up in the heat of the moment, or if this is a lifestyle he will now choose on a regular basis. His comment that he is "fixated on not swinging per se but having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 again" was something that concerns me. If indeed, that is the case, he needs to decide, for himself, if this fixation is worth the risk to his marriage.

 

For the most part, I agree that total honesty is the best bet in ALMOST all circumstances. But.....and there are always buts....in the first place, we all have deep, dark secrets that we keep to ourselves and never share. Maybe things we are ashamed of, things that happened so many years ago they really make no difference, maybe things that are simply to painful to share with anyone. Even in the closest of relationships, people have things - thoughts and/or behaviors - they keep to themselves only because they don't want to risk disapproval from their SO, or....I can't think of the word...so...if you think I'm super-duper, but I make a stupid mistake one time...I don't want your entire opinion of me to change - an opinion that took years to create maybe - I don't want it to change over one mistake or event.

 

Before this man "comes clean" he needs to do a lot of introspective thinking to decide exactly where he is in his life. Once he makes that decision, he can then move forward with confidence in the direction he chooses. So...he elects to tell her and she isn't receptive and freaks and divorce results and a few months later he realizes this was a fleeting thought borne out of curiosity, but he has lost his wife and family. Is that really worth it? He holds tight, keeps his mouth shut, marriage and family remain intact and a few months later he realizes this was a fleeting thought but the relationships are preserved. Or, he holds tight, keeps his mouth shut, a few months later realizes he is bi and wants to continue bi relationships and she freaks and divorce results...but he is comfortable with his decision. He really gave it serious thought.

 

I believe in honesty, but not always at the expense of bringing unnecessary pain to others.

[OhioCouple 40]

I do understand both your and Bear's side, EBF. My comments are directly related to the fact of Hfnster01's statement that he is 'fixated on another steamy encounter'. The written words do not relay that it was only something that happened in the heat of the moment, it felt good...etc. The written words say that he enjoyed this and lusts for more. To me that is a big difference.

 

In my mind that means he has a strong urging for more and those sort of feelings just don't go away. To not relay it to his wife, it may result in cheating, lying and tons of guilt. Then a whole lot of people get hurt as opposed to just one or the other.

 

In my opinion it is better to have it out in the open and deal with it from there.

[hmr 25]

Considering he was asking for advice on how to deal with this and it seems to have come down to a tell or not tell, I'm going to put in my 2 cents worth.

 

When confronted with a similar situation, with feelings, not action, and knowing my wife was Not bi, we discussed it in fantasy mode.I was not sure of my wife's reaction, so when checking out messages from bi males on the net, she commented that so and so was bi. She was definitely attracted to this guy. I told her we'd meet and not to worry on my part. This lead into a discussion on the subject over time, with me putting out feelers on her response, without any hurt feelings.

 

One of the reasons I had thought this might be a touchy subject, was we were out of swinging for 2 years. This was due to a bad experience we had with a couple. when we got to the room after a swingers meet and greet was when we found out the male was impotent. We should have left then, but being relative newbies, decided to try it out . It started with the female half and I having our fun and the male half performing oral on my wife. Then the female half positioned herself to take over for the husband. When my wife opened her eyes again, she kind of got upset.

 

Now, as I said, we were new and had not really discussed the rules between ourselves, never mind knowing to do that with another couple. Now everything is openly discussed beforehand and there are no more hurt feelings. We have also discussed all and if I want to go there it is no problem, although I have not yet. In fact, we were at a party just last night and although there were many bi women, my wife told everyone in the beginning and there was no problem after that. We just had a ball!!!

 

So, just feel it out, with out saying what happened. Then if she is receptive, discuss in full the details.

[saranmark 15]

Thank you, Ohiocouple-- that was the point I was really trying to make... I too, was concentrating on the statement that he was "fixating on another steamy encounter".

 

If he is concentrating that much on the possibility of it happening again, than the probable outcome is that it will happen again. I stand firm in my belief that in this case, his wife deserves to know. If it happens again and he doesn't tell her, it is a cut and dried instance of deception. Deception wrecks marriages. One of the core values of the Swing Lifestyle is honesty. That is the difference between swinging and cheating. If you blur that line, you are asking for trouble.

 

I have already said that I understand your viewpoint, Bear. I do.

 

I only said that he should tell her about this one encounter IF they are planning on playing with this other couple again. There is no way he can be sure that his secret would not get revealed in the heat of a moment. If he is not planning on swinging with that couple again, and if he has decided not to participate sexually with another man again, than I agree it might cause more harm than good to tell her. But by reading his post, it is clear to me that he is really desiring to be with a man again. In which case, it is deceiving his wife by keeping this a secret.

 

That is my opinion as a female half of a married couple. I am simply putting myself in his wife's position and trying to think of what I would want to happen. I sincerely hope that hfinster01 lets us know what happens!

[bear_n_bunny 43]

I have to admit, I am curious how this turned out. We have not heard anything from hfinster as far as I know.

[Chicup 41]

Personally I think the telling or not telling depends on the answer to the question 'Am I bi'.

 

If it was a heat of the moment type of thing, then there is little point in telling and it may well upset his wife. My wife is mildly bi, (only with really good friends), but finds male homosexuality really disgusting. If I had such an episode, I don't think telling her would be a good thing.

 

On the other hand if you find you really ARE bi, then telling is important and 'worth the risk'. Not telling is denying who you are, which is never a good thing.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Before total honesty gushes forth, he needs to decide if this was an isolated event that is unlikely to ever happen again, if he was just caught up in the heat of the moment, or if this is a lifestyle he will now choose on a regular basis. His comment that he is "fixated on not swinging per se but having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 again" was something that concerns me. If indeed, that is the case, he needs to decide, for himself, if this fixation is worth the risk to his marriage.

 

Before this man "comes clean" he needs to do a lot of introspective thinking to decide exactly where he is in his life. Once he makes that decision, he can then move forward with confidence in the direction he chooses.

I believe in honesty, but not always at the expense of bringing unnecessary pain to others.

 

I'm quoting myself here...

 

I think we are all thinking along the same lines on this subject. Isolated event? Why take the risk? Lifestyle choice/decision? Then anything other than coming forth would be deception.

 

I still believe in the introspective thinking thing. He needs to decide what he is and where he wants to go with his life before breaking the news to anyone. Part of my rationale for that is simply that on various occasions in my life, I've thought, without a doubt, that something was what I wanted for the rest of my life...but given a little thought, decided differently.

 

A silly example, but...when I lived in Ohio, I was miserable in the cold and snow, etc. One Thanksgiving, I went to Florida to visit a friend. Glorious weather, sunshine, wearing shorts, beaches. Back to Ohio determined to move to Florida. Another trip down there, house hunting...back to Ohio, packing boxes with FLORIDA written all over them...came to Dallas one weekend to eat at Mia's...and realized I didn't want to move to Florida. I wanted to move back to Dallas as my plans had always been. But I got caught up in the sun and fun of Florida when the weather in Ohio was so miserable and cold. During that time of cold misery, all I could think of was never spending another even chilly day without sun. The reality was I was Texan, not Floridian and I've always thanked my lucky stars I didn't move to Florida.

 

This man is in the same situation and needs to decide what he really and truly wants...then male his tell or no-tell decision based on that. Don't make any life-altering decisions based on a single experience.

[CABob 16]

Tell, don't tell, lie, don't lie. bi, not bi. And all this drama from one 3-some? Do yourself a favor and come to grips with who you really are. Tell if you want to tell. Lie if you can remember a lie forever. And if sucking cock gets you off, you're bi.

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by saranmark

If he is concentrating that much on the possibility of it happening again, than the probable outcome is that it will happen again. I stand firm in my belief that in this case, his wife deserves to know. If it happens again and he doesn't tell her, it is a cut and dried instance of deception.

You said it all right there in this paragraph, Sara. That is exactly how I view it.

[Chicup 41]

Slightly off topic here, I don't agree at all that you MUST tell.

 

Sometimes I think people like to unburden their souls out of selfishness. If you screwed up and cheated and feel guilty, its only hurting you. If you tell your spouse, now its hurting them instead.

 

Honesty is great, but total honesty isn't always a good thing. Next time you go to work be totally honest with everyone about how you feel about them, and what you think about them and see how popular you are at the end of the day

 

Tell me this, if you cheated, feel horrible, and don't want to do it again, what is gained by telling the spouse?

[saranmark 15]

Nothing, Chicup. Nothing at all. IF it is not going to happen again.

 

The question that most of us here seem to have is: IS it going to happen again? IF it does, and it seems that he is indeed going to do it again (as he is fantasizing about it constantly) then it is necessary to tell.

[Chicup 41]

Which is exactly why he needs to decide if he is bi.

 

(And personaly I say yes he is, but not being bi I have no real basis to decide for him)