Am I being unreasonable about playing separately?

[carebear01 15]

Hi

 

We're relatively new to the swinger lifestyle but have had a few great experiences with other couples. We are moving into playing separately with others but have established rules for this - including safe sex, prior notice of dates, no play in our home/bed, and no overnights. Recently, an opportunity came up for my boyfriend to play separately with someone who is visiting from out of town. She is staying with a friend so therefore no hotel. My boyfriend wanted to use the guest bedroom or get a hotel and spend the night with her. I'm very uncomfortable with both of those ideas. Although he knows how I feel and has agreed to not do either of those options, he's angry with me because he feels that our rules are too restrictive and that he's missing out on an opportunity that he'd really like to take advantage of. Any advice?

 

Thanks.

[ViSexual 1,008]

It sounds like you both agreed on the rules and they sound sane and reasonable. I'm afraid if you give in and let him break them this one time, there's going to more one-times and it doesn't sound like you're going to be comfortable with those either.

 

You need to let him know that you just aren't willing to change the rules. And, maybe, to mitigate his anger you might find the Rolling Stones song 'you can't always get what you want', and, playfully, play it as you tell him.

[confused12524 201]

When "anger" is involved in swinging, there is a problem.

 

Though I believe its natural, anything involving swinging is considered a "bonus" above a traditional monogamous relationship and should be treated as such.

 

you and your partner always have to keep each other number 1.

 

I have many things I want to do that are beyond my wife's current limits. And if she's not 100% comfortable, I let her know that's OK...no questions asked...no pressure....

 

This is all just fun....for it to become a conflict within the relationship (as I have caused in the past) can turn it miserable real fast.

 

We have one rule in our play. Either one of us can simply say "I'm not comfortable with that" and the other stops, or agrees.....be it a situation, a person... whatever..... you cannot lose the couple bond no matter what.

[carebear01 15]

Thank you for the replies. We had a very calm discussion about the situation and for now, our rules stand. We both agree that our relationship is the priority and neither one of us wants this conflict to affect our relationship. We did agree to a waiting/cooling down period after which time we will revisit our rules and decide whether we want to allow for exceptions or continue as is.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Welcome to the forum, carebare01! I certainly hope the forum helps you and your boyfriend in your LS journey.

 

Taking into consideration that you both are new to the scene, I think for some couples, it can be hard to have restraint in the beginning. There can be many reasons for this--general over excitement, a desire to sample everything possible as quickly as possible, a feeling that the "clock is ticking" or that you don't know when the next possibility will happen so you want to grab the reins and say yes to everything. I think it is a very good idea that at least one half of a couple keeps them in "check" and is able to keep a level head about everything. Will it be tough for both partners? Yes. One might feel resentment for being "held back". The other might feel resentment that they have to be the "responsible" one or the Debbie Downer. Truth of the matter is that as long as you both hold each other to be the priority and are able to remember that you want each other to be happy and comfortable about how you two swing and communicate and work through issues that arise, then you two should be on the right track. If your boyfriend can stop and consider that the situation is making you unhappy, then that should be enough reason for him to not take it any further.

 

May I ask why you two are branching out to separate play?

[carebear01 15]

Two reasons mainly: First, it's something he has wanted to do for awhile now. He has a couple of female friends that he's known for years and has been attracted to and has always wanted to act on it. And these friends would not be comfortable with a threesome. I have reservations about involving previous friends so he has not acted on it. However, this friend will be in the area for a business trip - her marriage is in trouble and he has been a supportive friend for her, and when she found out we had an open relationship, she propositioned him (and of course he was flattered). Although he has made it clear that he is committed to me and that it will be just recreational sex - I honestly don't believe she looks at it that way. She has asked that this be kept a secret but my boyfriend made it clear that it will not be kept a secret from me (and has shown me all of their texts/emails). I also do not like that she is going behind her husband's back.

 

Second, we have had a hard time finding other couples. Granted, we probably need to put in more time and effort, but when we have contacted couples, we have received no response. We only have that problem where we live - when we've been on vacation, we've had no problem finding couples.

 

All comments are appreciated. Thanks.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Her marriage is in trouble, she propositioned him, and she wants to keep it a secret from you? One word:

 

RUN

 

This IS NOT a good thing.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Two reasons mainly: First, it's something he has wanted to do for awhile now. He has a couple of female friends that he's known for years and has been attracted to and has always wanted to act on it. And these friends would not be comfortable with a threesome. I have reservations about involving previous friends so he has not acted on it. However, this friend will be in the area for a business trip - her marriage is in trouble and he has been a supportive friend for her, and when she found out we had an open relationship, she propositioned him (and of course he was flattered). Although he has made it clear that he is committed to me and that it will be just recreational sex - I honestly don't believe she looks at it that way. She has asked that this be kept a secret but my boyfriend made it clear that it will not be kept a secret from me (and has shown me all of their texts/emails). I also do not like that she is going behind her husband's back.

 

Second, we have had a hard time finding other couples. Granted, we probably need to put in more time and effort, but when we have contacted couples, we have received no response. We only have that problem where we live - when we've been on vacation, we've had no problem finding couples.

 

All comments are appreciated. Thanks.

 

Thank you for answering my question. Unfortunately, for myself, your answer caused me greater concern. One of them is that many swingers make a rule to never swing with vanilla (non-swinging) couples/persons. They usually do not understand the mindset of swinging, especially from the couples' point of view. Swingers also stay away from vanillas in terms of playing with them because it can increase the amount of drama that can occur. Add into the fact that these are ladies that your boyfriend has previously wanted to play with but couldn't sounds like a bag of worms that I wouldn't want to touch.

 

Second concern is getting involved sexually with a woman who is cheating on her husband. You are wise to want to stay away from making matters worse. A marriage in trouble is not something you want to complicate and become involved in. Worse case scenario: your boyfriend has sex with the wife. The husband finds out. He gets into a murderous rage. Things can get very dangerous very fast. At the very least, you two become "the straw that broke the camel's back" and cause them to file for divorce. In this case, you might be pulled into court proceedings. Is all of this worth the recreational sex? Aside from possibly causing a divorce, how would you both feel about being a part of breaking apart a marriage?

 

I could just be overly cautious and paranoid. And yes, who doesn't have fantasies about having sex with people from their past or in the non-swinging world? But not everyone in the world is able to separate love and sex and monogamy. And just because you have a fantasy doesn't mean you should fulfill it.

 

As for the finding couples, it is hard to find a 4-way attraction but sometimes the easy road isn't the right road for a couple. I hope the two of you can work through this and come to a swinging style that works for both of you...not just one of you.

[LFM2 1,482]

carebear01 said:

Two reasons mainly: First, it's something he has wanted to do for awhile now. He has a couple of female friends that he's known for years and has been attracted to and has always wanted to act on it. And these friends would not be comfortable with a threesome. I have reservations about involving previous friends so he has not acted on it. However, this friend will be in the area for a business trip - her marriage is in trouble and he has been a supportive friend for her, and when she found out we had an open relationship, she propositioned him (and of course he was flattered). Although he has made it clear that he is committed to me and that it will be just recreational sex - I honestly don't believe she looks at it that way. She has asked that this be kept a secret but my boyfriend made it clear that it will not be kept a secret from me (and has shown me all of their texts/emails). I also do not like that she is going behind her husband's back.

 

Second, we have had a hard time finding other couples. Granted, we probably need to put in more time and effort, but when we have contacted couples, we have received no response. We only have that problem where we live - when we've been on vacation, we've had no problem finding couples.

 

All comments are appreciated. Thanks.

 

Hi carebear01 and welcome to the Swingers Board. You're gonna love it here.

 

I have similar advice regarding this married woman. Just run. Women in marriage woes do not make good lovers. It's OK to be supportive and talk things out with her, but to take it any further than that would be.... well, just wrong.

 

One thing us swingers kinda keep sacred is marriage. We don't let anything mess with our own and we don't mess around with others in troubled ones. Especially when one of the spouses doesn't know what the other is doing, like cheating. I doubt your husband wants to be shot in the back by a jealous husband. It's just not worth it. Not at all.

 

Keep us posted on how this goes down. Good luck in finding other couples. Sometimes it's all in the profile. (We have a thread for that!)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

SO MANY

 

You agreed to this only to make him happy (the playing solo)

Playing with friends, especially in this context where someone is being left out

one marriage is already in trouble

she's obviously willing to test your relationship since hers is falling apart

if she has/had any hope of fixing her ailing marriage then she's about to give that up.

-Red Flag- she wants him to lie to you

-Red Flag - he wants you to give up the boundaries on a situation that already makes you uncomfortable (playing solo)

 

As other have said, RUN! Away from her and then sit down together and rethink this idea of playing solo.

[carebear01 15]

Update

 

My SO decided to call it off. He is frustrated because he doesn't see all the red flags. In his mind, it's just sex and that's it. I get the frustration. It's been awhile since we've been with another couple and then it was only a soft swap. He's feeling the itch for an experience and this one was convenient. He feels that I'm making a big deal out of this because I don't want him to be with another woman solo - and that's actually not it. He says that deep down I don't want to have an open relationship - which is not true. We've had a great time in our other experiences. In a previous relationship prior to me, an open relationship was agreed to but then she changed her mind. He felt very deceived and I think he feels like history is repeating itself. On my end, I just think the situation with this woman is not what it seems. I'll explain more.

 

History: this woman and her husband and two kids lived in our city and only recently moved across the country (6 months ago). One of their kids and one of my SO's kids (middle school age) were on the same sports team. They got along well but never did anything outside of the sport that I recall. Out of the blue a couple of weeks ago, this woman contacts my SO under the pretense that her son wants to stay in contact with his son. Rather than just asking for the contact info, she says she'll be in town, they should get together, and while she's here, they should have sex. According to her, their marriage is done and has been for a long time (but they haven't told the kids yet) and she hasn't had sex for awhile and needs it desperately. When my SO asked her about what happened in their marriage, she said it was an interesting story and she'd tell him over dinner/drinks when she saw him. That seemed like a strange answer to me.

 

Red flag - if your marriage is done and has been done for awhile, why move across the country and buy a house together?

Red flag - ask for it to be kept secret

Red flag - her assumption of dinner/drinks to me seems like she wants a date and not just sex

 

There just seem to be too many holes in her story.

 

Back to SO - he says I'm making him feel guilty for wanting to be with another woman and that I've taken the fun out of it. He doesn't understand why I'm making the situation so stressful for him because it's only sex, he loves me, he's coming home to me, etc. I trust my SO completely. He told me that she only wants sex and if he felt at any point during their friendship that she wanted more, he would sever the friendship. Maybe he's right and I'm wrong. But I don't think it's worth the risk.

 

We need to have a serious discussion about this and also redouble our efforts into finding compatible couples. Or him finding a woman who is on the same page as we are and without all the red flags. I honestly am not trying to hold him back. I just think this is not a good situation.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I am going to be blunt because I am on my phone but he is clearly thinking with his lower head and not his brain.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I get why he wants to be with the women that he is interested in. He has some time invested in them, they are attractive, and he sees it as "easier" than attempting to woo a lady he has no history with. The problem is, as has been mentioned, if these ladies don't have the same mindset as you two, issues can arise, quickly.

 

As for the cross country lady, he can't see the red flags because his dick doesn't have eyes. That's not a knock on him, it's just how us guys get at times. I can see this when it is happening to other guys, but of course I'm as susceptible to this condition as anyone else. He's helped her out, she's probably told him how awesome he is for being a friend, and his ego has been pumped a bit. That leads to blinders to anything that isn't a positive. Understanding it is the key to avoiding the trap.

 

What he should understand is the problem isn't really with him and swinging separately, it has more to do with the ladies in question.

 

Honestly, I worry a bit about couples that are fairly new to swinging moving quickly to separate swinging. We have watched several members on the board start playing separately early on, talk it up about how great it is, then suddenly disappear. We can only speculate what happened to most of them, but a couple have confirmed that it was their undoing. We've been at this close to 10 years now, and we still really limit our separate play, making it an occasional fun exception instead of the norm.

 

Am I saying "don't swing separately"? Nope. That's your choice and you know your relationship better than we do. You both do need to understand that it is a different dynamic, and good open communication (without getting "mad") becomes even more important than ever before.

 

Oh, and tell him to get on the board. Sometimes hearing it from strangers makes it go down better.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Carebear, you're doing the right thing. Stand your ground on this one. So many times on this board, it's been a male commenting when he's in your situation, and the responses are usually the same. Work on your relationship first, if that's not strong and he cant respect your views, then you have to move forward. FYI a single girl who's lifestyle friendly will have no shortage of suitors. He on the other hand will persue a long distance relationship on an "if-come"

 

I've seen it time and time again. Don't be a door-mat, you're better than that.

 

Oh and BTW, this is the male half typing.......

[Chicup 41]

two4youinswva said:

Honestly, I worry a bit about couples that are fairly new to swinging moving quickly to separate swinging. We have watched several members on the board start playing separately early on, talk it up about how great it is, then suddenly disappear. We can only speculate what happened to most of them, but a couple have confirmed that it was their undoing. We've been at this close to 10 years now, and we still really limit our separate play, making it an occasional fun exception instead of the norm.

 

Yep. I remember a few of those couples vividly. I had a similar discussion with her, right before they started to play/date separately. She was quite passionate about her view of swinging, couldn't see my point, and after being quite a frequent poster, was never seen again. I can't recall her screen name, but I wasn't surprised with the outcome.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We have one iron clad rule: If 1 person hesitates or says no to something, the answer is NO (no questions asked, no repercussions or punishment allowed). People new to this who want to swing separately, IMHO, all too often have one of the members looking for a replacement for the other. Stick to your guns and if he crosses the line, RUN. If you are having problems finding others to play with, you might not be looking hard enough. Are you a member of any of the websites? Maybe try visiting a club?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

...he's angry with me because he feels that our rules are too restrictive and that he's missing out on an opportunity that he'd really like to take advantage of.

 

I've read all your posts here, but came back to the first one; it has some interesting and telling bits. I quoted the above, because it actually has three clauses that I find worrisome:

 

He's angry

 

Um, why? In any sort of open relationship, it's imperative that each person respect the other, including their right to say no without repercussions, anger or drama. Yeah, it helps to know why one of you is exercising a veto, but "just because" needs to be a viable option.

 

He feels our rules are too restrictive

 

Being in a relationship is different than being single. Having an open relationship is still different than being single. The only way you get to act as if you're single is to actually be single, which he isn't. In a similar situation, he wouldn't like his discomfort to be dismissed and diminished and treated as if it had no more significance than a frivolous desire to be a buzzkill.

 

He's missing out on an opportunity that he'd really like to take advantage of

 

This is where my inner parent suppresses a sigh at all the lessons that don't get taught these days about not being greedy. There really will be other opportunities and he needn't clamor for this one like a toddler who thinks this cookie is the last cookie in the whole world.

 

In other words, no, you aren't unreasonable and neither are your concerns. But even if you were? So what. Sometimes, in our most intimate relationships, we get to be unreasonable and the people who love us (because they love us and for no other reason) listen and adjust accordingly. It's not thing to do lightly, because we're asking to be allowed not to be rational or reasonable for a bit, while still resting secure in love and care, but I think of it as a basic right.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

My SO decided to call it off. He is frustrated because he doesn't see all the red flags. In his mind, it's just sex and that's it. I get the frustration. It's been awhile since we've been with another couple and then it was only a soft swap. He's feeling the itch for an experience and this one was convenient. He feels that I'm making a big deal out of this because I don't want him to be with another woman solo - and that's actually not it. He says that deep down I don't want to have an open relationship - which is not true. We've had a great time in our other experiences. In a previous relationship prior to me, an open relationship was agreed to but then she changed her mind. He felt very deceived and I think he feels like history is repeating itself.

 

These parts worry me. It's bad enough that he seems to be deciding what you feel, but that it sounds like he has done all of this before (and it didn't work out for him then either). Frankly, his behavior sounds selfish and even childish. I would strongly suggest that you look very closely at your relationship with him. Really, what is he asking for. How balanced are things between you? If he can go screw any woman he likes, how would he really feel about you going out and screwing any guy you wanted? How much about this is just about him and what he wants?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Hummm, good point, Lionheart. Let him know that you plan on getting together with and old friend of yours, just for fun. After all, your relationship is open and that door swings both ways.

[Trophy1802 132]

This is where the saying, "taking one for the team is never going to end in positive results."

 

He has said that it is "just sex." Maybe so, but does he have any consideration for your feelings towards this whole situation? IMO, it appears he is attempting to satisfy his own urge and not thinking whatsoever of your feelings or not listening to your clear message.

 

Pay attention to all the red flags and warnings that other members have posted here for you.

 

If he is still "angry" and not listening to what you are communicating it is obvious that you are not in this together and there is possibly something else wrong here. One of the best pieces of advice we have been given from members on this site is that swinging will not work in a relationship if there is evidently something wrong to start with.....aka it will not fix something that is already seemingly broken.

[carebear01 15]

Thanks for all the replies. I think we do have a strong relationship and we have talked a lot about this. He has no problems with me going out solo. But that's not the point. Basically I'm uncomfortable with the situation and this particular woman and that is all that should matter. It all comes down to our different perspectives: we both want swinging (and we did meet a great couple last weekend for a playdate and plan on seeing them again soon) but he wants the door open a bit more in case an opportunity arises (and frankly there are some situations where I would be okay with him playing solo). I'm not shutting the door permanently but right now, I don't want to go that far. We're working through this. Communication is always a good thing.

[Emily & Art 19]

I know im late to the party here.

 

But

 

Why not just play with couples together and stop with the playing separately?

Reading the full thread it seems like he wants a hall pass to fuck who ever he wants whenever he wants. You seem to appreciate playing as a couple more.

 

So

 

Default answer should be we only play with couples together.

 

Just my two cents.

[carebear01 15]

Hi - we're relatively new to swinging but the experiences we've had so far have been good. Due to schedules, we haven't had an experience for several months and my partner is getting antsy. We've had some disagreements over the boundaries as well. He wants a hall pass open relationship which I am not comfortable with. I am comfortable with swinging, threesomes, and encounters when he's out of town for work. He wants to have complete freedom and have sex with close female friends - which I am also uncomfortable with for many reasons - the primary one being the emotional aspect of FWB. (He did have sex with a close friend several months ago and apparently she couldn't handle the change in the relationship and she cut off all communication). Since we're new to this lifestyle, I prefer these boundaries and see how it goes but leaving the door open for expansion of the boundaries. He's not happy with these boundaries as he said it makes him feel boxed in and it's causing a lot of problems. Any advice on how to handle this? We've been together 3 years. Thanks.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Hi, carebear01, I hope you don't mind but I took a look at your previous post because I thought your screen name sounded familiar to me. Unfortunately, the same advice you received then remains the same now. Your husband seems to be getting unreasonably upset because he is being limited in how he plays. Do you notice how that past sentence sounds like it's all about him? That's because it is. He isn't thinking about you or the relationship he has with you. If he were really thinking about how swinging is for the both of you, he wouldn't get upset or "feel boxed" in if he actually cared that what he wants is making you uncomfortable. For many successful swinging couples, they have a general rule, if one partner says no, it's a no for both of them--no hard feelings, no getting upset or feeling resentment toward the partner who said no. I am comforted in the fact that if I were to tell Mr. Sun today that I wanted to stop swinging, he would do it in a heartbeat because he cares about me and our relationship.

 

I'm not sure how much communication you two have had about this but the bottom line is that there probably has to be a lot more and possibly a break from swinging until you two work it out. And, as in the previous post, I definitely implore you to bring him here so he can see what has been written and perhaps give us his side.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I would NEVER do ANYTHING that made my S.O. feel uncomfortable or unhappy...her feelings are the most important thing to me. In your case, it doesn't sound like he is even asking you for permission, more like letting you know what he is going to do. That doesn't sound very caring or loving or...anything. I went back and looked at your other thread and saw where I gave you advice then...and that same advise is still true: RUN. Even though you have invested 3 years into this relationship, it sounds like he hasn't invested much if anything to it. IMHO he's looking for your replacement and wants your blessing. I HOPE I'm wrong, but his actions don't seem to indicate much else. Good luck and I wish you the best.

 

[christnthms 326]

My lady isn't ready to share me with another woman yet, and so we've concentrated on mfm type play. She has asked me, and occaisionally worries that I'm feeling left out. I'm honest, and tell her that at some point I do hope that she's ok with me playing as well. But, any real fun has to be good for her as well. Even her simple permission wouldn't be enough, if I knew that she wasn't ready in her heart. I could not possibly enjoy doing something that would hurt her. When she's ready, it will be fun. But until then, I'd rather have her and a healthy relationship than multiple women and a broken relationship...

Not saying anything about what you should do. Just relating my own experience and feelings about it. Hope that helps.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I agree with Sunbuckus, have him read these threads! Maybe he'll open his eyes and mind more.

 

We had been married about three years too when we had our first. I realized that I was much more open to anything than she was so she was allowed to make the rules and set the limitations. It was only natural and now I realize, from these forums, it was the right thing to do.

 

OK, we don't want to have him in a negative or defensive mood before he reads more so I'll end there! Good luck to you and please ask, state, or just vent all you want. We're good listeners..., well, readers!

[LFM2 1,482]

I'm curious... how old are you two?

[Guest]

I wasn't ready for a couples swap when another couple first proposed it to us. Instead, we ended up doing an MFM with the guy part of the couple. I was quite comfortable with that and actually kind of arranged the next one with a guy that we met at a resort. After several MFM's, I felt more comfortable with the whole idea of swinging. We went to club, observed, went to the playroom and the two of us played together and kind of watched how things worked. A few weeks later, we were back at the club and I actually played the primary role with setting up the couple swap. Now, we are quite comfortable in a variety of swinger situations all because hubby was very patient with me from the start and allowed me to move at my own pace with mild encouragement and much support. That is what you should expect.

[carebear01 15]

Thanks for all the responses. First, I am 44 and he is 52. We both have one failed marriage behind us - both involved cheating (he cheated on his ex and my ex cheated on me) so obviously those experiences impact our thoughts now. We have a great relationship otherwise. He did see these posts. We did talk more. Basically, he said he won't actively seek out single women partners but wants to have the freedom to take advantage of an opportunity if it arises - whether its 6 months or 2 years from now. He said he is able to separate sex from emotional feelings when it comes to friends (and I do believe him in that regard). He also assured me that if he ever felt a friend was becoming too attached, then he would end it immediately. Obviously, anyone he would be with would know about me and our relationship and know up front not to expect anything more from him. He said he felt very trapped in his first marriage and doesn't want to feel that way again. He also doesn't ever want to cheat again so that's why he wants to have it out in the open and be honest up front. He would tell me about any possible planned encounters in advance and we could discuss at that time and then decide whether he could go forward or not. I do understand his train of thought to a point, but the friend thing is still a bit uncomfortable for me (only because I believe one particular friend of his that he is attracted to has ulterior motives of having a relationship with him - and she is definitely on my veto list) . So in the interim, we will not swing and continue to work on our communication and continue to discuss this issue. We've already made quite a bit of progress so that's a good thing.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We're glad to hear that you are making progress. Keep us updated on how things are going but please be careful and keep your eyes open. We wish you two the best...

[Hippiegirlie 276]

He said he is able to separate sex from emotional feelings when it comes to friends (and I do believe him in that regard). He also assured me that if he ever felt a friend was becoming too attached, then he would end it immediately. Obviously, anyone he would be with would know about me and our relationship and know up front not to expect anything more from him. He said he felt very trapped in his first marriage and doesn't want to feel that way again. He also doesn't ever want to cheat again so that's why he wants to have it out in the open and be honest up front. He would tell me about any possible planned encounters in advance and we could discuss at that time and then decide whether he could go forward or not. I do understand his train of thought to a point, but the friend thing is still a bit uncomfortable for me (only because I believe one particular friend of his that he is attracted to has ulterior motives of having a relationship with him - and she is definitely on my veto list) . So in the interim, we will not swing and continue to work on our communication and continue to discuss this issue. We've already made quite a bit of progress so that's a good thing.

 

Two things: 1. He may be willing to end things with a friend if she gets attached, but what if HE gets attached? 2. Are you afraid that if you do not allow him his wishes that he will cheat on you instead?

[SwingSetWife 444]

Two things: 1. He may be willing to end things with a friend if she gets attached, but what if HE gets attached? 2. Are you afraid that if you do not allow him his wishes that he will cheat on you instead?

#2 was my thought exactly.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

The most important thing when it comes to swinging is trust...and communication. The TWO most important things when it comes to swinging are trust and communication...and respect. The THREE most important things with it comes to swinging is trust, communication, and respect...and a radical devotion to the pope. AMONGST our weaponry are...

 

Seriously, trust and communication are absolutely vital here. It sounds like you two still have some work needed in both areas.