I think my daughter wants to be my wing-woman

[angelkin 1,326]

Being newly single is interesting and my daughter has always longed for us to be single at the same time. I think she wants to check out swinging and honestly, I find myself somewhat open to the idea.

 

She's been casually hooking up with not so great single guys with poor results and I think swinging as a unicorn is a viable option for her. She's bi, but not necessarily into couples. She's also a BBW but I don't think our suitors will come from the same pool.

 

Any thoughts?

[VegasLee 1,486]

If nothing else you will be a hit at many of the parties.

 

That mother/daughter fantasy thing will be running wild with many.

 

It is all about what works for the two of you. Over the years we have seen many "family" combinations come to the club.

 

We had a Father/Daughter team for a few years. They did not "play" with each other but they played around each other.

At first some thought it was creepy but after while there did not seem to be a problem since the father/daughter did not have a problem with it.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I don't really see a problem with it as long as both of you are comfortable and okay with going out together. If it gets to be weird or creepy for either of you, then you two can schedule when one will be at a swing event so the other can pass on it. Mostly, I think it depends on the relationship as well as how open and communicative you were/are with your daughter/children about sex and non-monogamy. If you two go out together, please let us know how it went!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

This seems like one of those things that could work really well if you have the right kind of relationship to make it work. But, it also seems like it could go really bad too.

 

Just like swinging tests a married relationship, after having done all the research, discussion, and soul-searching, you still don't know the result until you go out and do it. I think it will test this relationship too in one way or another. Test doesn't have to be a negative word, although most take it that way. A test you pass with flying colors and that shows has strong the relationship is can be a wonderful thing.

 

One last thought would be - think really hard about the reasons why something didn't seem like a good idea before or you wouldn't have been open to it then, and make sure there has truly been a change of heart there, and not just a change in the situation.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When ever I see this scenario I can't help but think of a mother/daughter team that used to run in our area (long before I ever considered swinging). They were regulars at the local dance clubs and I worked next door to them at one point and that's how I finally discovered they were mother/daughter. I think that it worked for them only because there are those who are turned on by the idea of a mother/daughter team. Neither of them were particularly attractive and both looked a good bit older than they were.

 

Honestly, if there is no thought that you'd be willing to play together I'd probably avoid it as while it might make you a hit at the parties, it may not actually prove the results you want. Even if you just went out as two single females there is going to be the hope that you will play together. To me it just seems like an awkward situation waiting to happen.

[81lizard69 470]

Hmmmm... Darn this is the second post where I am saying no. I am such a party-pooper. My wife and I have been around the block a few times and have seen some things we wish we had not in the swinging community. Yes for the wow factor this is hot as hell and would full fill many persons fantasy's. Men would talk about you and pine for your affections. If you did the mother daughter thing. Not saying that you would but that would be there.

 

However for me this falls into the you may not want to do this because it is almost too taboo... I know that can be a word that when used this way here will bring about a lot of boo, but this is my opinion. I have ranted about this here on not to judge others here based on their sexuality. I believe that the risk to being judged and the possible consequences out weighs any benefit that I can see.

 

I can see to many compromising situations that can happen here ranging from gossip to darn right out bad mouthing. And it does happen at the clubs.

 

I would leave my daughter's interest in swinging for her to discover for herself and not take it yourself to guide her on this path.

 

Good luck with this and please tell us how this works out.

[angelkin 1,326]

For the record, we would not be in this together. There would be no mother/daughter anything... not even sharing of partners.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I see this differently. Unless you're announcing that a mother/daughter team is going out to hit the scene and people can readily see that you two are related, I'm not so sure there would be people flocking to you to swing together. And I wouldn't really see it as people starting to wag their tongues about the situation. Of course, I could be naive about this. As in all things, just be clear and upfront what you two are willing to do/not do. If you aren't ever going to swing together to provide that mother/daughter scenario, then say so. If you and your daughter are comfortable going out, then that's that. Clearly, the thought of family members going out to swing events together doesn't sit well with some people. And for others, it might be a fantasy come true. And for another group, it's a mindset of being more open with your children--to be able to talk about sex and not feel shameful or embarrassed. If you two do go out together and it is a positive experience, assuming that you make your intentions clear to everyone who approaches you, then the two former groups will fall away and you will be connected with those that see the situation in the same light as you.

 

With that said, cplnuswing does have a good point...make sure you really take into consideration why you are suddenly willing to go out with your daughter and why you weren't the last month/year.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Being newly single is interesting and my daughter has always longed for us to be single at the same time. I think she wants to check out swinging and honestly, I find myself somewhat open to the idea.

 

She's been casually hooking up with not so great single guys with poor results and I think swinging as a unicorn is a viable option for her. She's bi, but not necessarily into couples. She's also a BBW but I don't think our suitors will come from the same pool.

 

Any thoughts?

 

A Mom who has experience in the lifestyle can be the best possible guide. Instruct her. Tell her that it really is just fun but that real, long-term friendship has happened. That's all. No more; no less.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Over the years, I've known several family groups that swing. Our local club is family owned as well, plus we just met the owner of TSC and his niece, who were on the swinger cruise with us. They've all made some sort of accommodation around their relationship, some by never visiting the club at the same time, others by using private cubbies and/or making sure they don't share partners. I imagine they had to have similar communication as couples around comfort and boundaries.

 

What are you comfortable with?

[Chicup 41]

It can be scary to go it alone, but sometimes you need to.

 

I think giving her advice would be wonderful, but I'd avoid going to the same parties etc, even though you wouldn't be sharing the same couples.

[Swing*8701 887]

My only thought is since she's hooking up with single guys and it goes badly, that she would be better off knowing how to have a healthy relationship first, before taking the plunge into swinging. -- Susan

[angelkin 1,326]

Over the years, I've known several family groups that swing. Our local club is family owned as well, plus we just met the owner of TSC and his niece, who were on the swinger cruise with us. They've all made some sort of accommodation around their relationship, some by never visiting the club at the same time, others by using private cubbies and/or making sure they don't share partners. I imagine they had to have similar communication as couples around comfort and boundaries.

 

What are you comfortable with?

 

she and I have discussed some of the boundaries that we would like to put in place if we were to do this thing together. it'll be more like a friendship thing, not a mother-daughter activity. she's not looking for a relationship and neither am I, swing seems to be a good avenue for casual sex with good friends as well as building a circle of friends with whom you're comfortable with. we would treat it more as socializing and less about the sex for sure.

[asncpl 729]

We have been going to a lot of parties with my sister and her husband, and on occasions my sister and I have gone as unicorns. At public clubs and events where we don't know many people, we do attract those who want us to play together, even though we make every effort to work opposite corners of the room when chatting with people. We have settled nicely in a private club setting run by a couple. They have done a great job of who they invite, and with a smaller setting, we have chatted with many people, and we haven't run into that problem. I think it's not a big issue if you set your boundaries.

 

I do appreciate the fact that I can talk to her openly about swinging and able to ask questions and get honest answers. I started when she was already an experienced swinger and I'd say I avoided many of the beginner's pitfalls because of our many conversations that last into the wee hours. So I think if your daughter is going to swing anyway, you may be a positive influence, especially since you said her own judgment in guys isn't that great. it depends on how open your communications are with her and whether she listens to you, not as a mom, but as someone with experience.

[Guy1964 177]

I was reluctant to weight in on this one due to my lack of experience and newness to the boards. I've been following this post closely, and some advice from the first lady I played with comes to mind. "The key is for everyone to have the same expectations." That keeps coming to my mind as I read the different replies on the board. If you ask her what her expectations are, they might or might not be the same. I can think of many distant situations where her advice would have saved me from bad circumstances, and I've definitely applied it in many circumstances. Since I learned that, I've been amazed at how often people think they're on the same page, but yet their expectations for outcome are totally different. I've had three couples I know divorce due to swinging-gone-awry, and all of them were because they weren't clear on these things ahead of time. Resentments always arise from violated expectations, and it's easy to violate those when you don't know what they are.

[angelkin 1,326]

Thought I'd come back to update. We ended up not going to the club and after some thought, she decided the Lifestyle isn't for her right now. She's more in dating mode and learning other life lessons. To be honest, so am I...so swinging isn't at the top of my 'to do' list.

 

More than anything, I was glad to have an adult conversation and let her know there are other options for sexual outlet.