Acceptance of Polyamory

[HarryP1147 15]

It seems that more and more people in the lifestyle are opening their minds to the old concept of "polygamy" and "polyamory." I suspect that in the history of mankind, sex in a polygamist or polyamorist relationship was more accepted and approved by people in general society than the last few hundred years. Even the Bible seems to accept having more than one wife for a husband as normal and rarely condemned, even by God.

 

Having seen some of the reality TV showing Mormons and their history of marrying more than one wife at the same time has caught the interest and attention of many swingers and non-swingers alike. I therefore wonder if society is coming to a point where polygamists might be accepted with full rights legally in society just as it is doing now for the gay and lesbian society around the world. Will churches be supporting those group marriages like they do more and more with homosexuals in the church? Please share your thoughts on this situation.

[Chicup 42]

It's coming yes, but I don't really care one way or another. I think in the long run it will still be uncommon in the western world.

[81lizard69 470]

It's coming yes, but I don't really care one way or another. I think in the long run it will still be uncommon in the western world.

 

I agree with C. We still have a lot of religion in America that does not like poly. I find that what ever floats your boat and does not hut some one else is ok with me. Who knows maybe we are doing it all wrong just being with one woman...errr never mind. I like poly and have found the poly people I know to be some of the best adjusted people I know. Its just not for me. I may change my mind later if my wife says yes to a second wife . I don't see that happening anytime soon.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I therefore wonder if society is coming to a point where polygamists might be accepted with full rights legally in society just as it is doing now for the gay and lesbian society around the world. Will churches be supporting those group marriages like they do more and more with homosexuals in the church? Please share your thoughts on this situation.

 

I have to go against the flow and say that I don't really see this happening in my lifetime or even within a century. Society has been extremely slow to accept and grant the same rights to gays and lesbians. Even the way our society negatively uses "gay" shows me that there's still a very long way for society to grow. In terms of polyamory, I find that our current society is very biased to the one man/one woman partnership. If you stay single all of your life, you're thought of as odd. If you deviate beyond the "normal", people in general just aren't sure how to behave, act, or think. They can react in a plethora of ways: a confused-acceptance, a I-don't-want-to-know-more acceptance, a you're-an-abomination hatred, and many that are here, there and in between.

 

Would it be great to have a wider range of alternative family sets so that there isn't the glaring observation that there is one "normal"? Of course. Will it happen? Perhaps. I'm thinking that we are more likely to reach a dystopian future first before there is a wide enough acceptance of group marriages to filter into the church circle of acceptance.

 

Additional thoughts: I'd also like to add that with all of the bad press coming from the Utah polygamists, society is going to think that this is the norm for polyamory/polygamy. Polyamory/polygamy is going to have to overcome this stigma before it can be seen neutrally and accepted.

[M&S 266]

I am not so sure poly it is really gaining traction. I think that prolific, cheap media has found a salacious topic in polyamory, so they make shows. But that should not be confounded with growing acceptance of polyamory or polygamy.

 

My own belief is that swinging (and other forms of friends with benefits, casual sexual connections) is becoming more socially acceptable because sex unlinked to love is becoming more acceptable. In this case, the change in society has to do with how we see sex (not how we perceive love). Swinging is, I believe more about sex for fun than sex for love.

 

The reason I do not believe poly is becoming more socially acceptable is because I do not see a similar change in how we see love; I am not saying it is right or wrong but I think an overwhelming majority of people (and it is not decreasing significantly) see true love/marriage/lifetime together as a couple thing.

 

I do agree with Chicup that perhaps more people are tolerant and do not care. To me, this is likely about the decline in religion as opposed to an increasing acceptance of poly

[a_d_xxx 663]

I read this today and thought it apropos to this thread. I like Alan's comments about the scrutiny bringing normalization.

 

Polyamory in the News: Conservatives shifting their aim to polyamory

[Fours Company 169]

Being an advocate for relationship equality, it is something I would like to see become more acceptable even though it's not for me (one woman is more than enough and yes I'm going to pay for that comment when Mrs. Fours reads this ) and because some see it as a part of the LS (I don't...but that's for another thread).

 

However I have to go with Sun on this, as I don't expect to see it before I become the subject of a Kansas song (too esoteric:confused:?). I've followed politics too long and seen first hand people's attitudes about "unconventional" relationships to learn change comes slow and intolerance and fear of the "other" can take decades to fall to the wayside or sometimes a generation or more. Though my generation has seen enormous changes in how the LGBT community is perceived and have no doubt I'll witness universal legalization of same-sex marriage, I don't expect to see universal acceptance or to the point it is seen as blasé.

Mrs. Fours, being older than me can remember the changing of miscegenation attitudes and even that isn't totally accepted or common to this day.

 

Will it happen eventually...I believe so. But not before the usual resistance and doom and gloom predictions of it leading to people marrying goats or hamsters, but eventually like all progress it will come to pass. I just don't expect to see it and although I would support it it would personally not change my life situation in the slightest.

[ref2018 29]

But seriously, i think practical non-monogamy could become an "accepted" "alternative" relationship style, but i don't see it being mainstreamed to the point where one person could put two or more other adults on their family insurance plan, etc.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Back in the Biblical times, poly was the norm and not the exception. I think that it will take years before it's allowed and/or excepted, but it seems like society is on an 'anything goes' course and it's just a matter of time before it arrives there...

[SwingSetWife 444]

I could actually write a thesis on this subject, but I will try to keep it short Also, I know in this post, I am leaving out religion, but I am doing it with reason.

 

I agree with Sun that even if poly should become more accepted and whatnot, I don't see any legislation being passed in my lifetime. The thing with poly is- western view on poly relationships vary greatly from societies that actually practice it. Poly relationships in other societies is not so much based on the ideas of "love" or even "more sex, yay!". They are relationships of convenience. There are only 4 known societies in the world that practice polyandry- one woman marries multiple men- and many many more that practice polygyny. In those that practice polygyny, the reason for doing so is often to increase wealth and the chance to have children. In many of the societies that practice this, the death rate among children is extremely high. In Western society, you have 4 kids, you raise four kids (yes I know there are exceptions to this), but in Sub-Saharan Africa (where polygyny is most prevalent), you have 10 kids, 8 kids die, you raise 2 kids. So it makes sense to have more than one wife. Also, women are the "workers" in those societies. More women=more workers=more income. All of this said not because I think anyone here needs a sociology lesson, but because these are some very concrete reasons why polygamy would be/are being objected in our society- it is not "needed".

 

Now, taking it more back to our society-

1. For polygamy to make sense in our society, I, at least, see group marriage being more practical than polygyny or polyandry. However, just because women "supposedly" have equal rights in our country, doesn't mean that is the way it actually works. With polygamy, all of the social stigmas and prejudices against women would still be applied. Men are horny, women are whores. Men are "expected" to be with multiple women before, and often after, marriage. Women that do the same thing are shunned.

 

2. For group marriage to work, homosexuality would need to be legal. While homosexuality is more accepted, it is far from legal.

 

3. I am a swinger, but that doesn't mean I am anything close to a polygamist. Would I feel comfortable with another woman breastfeeding my child? Ummm no, probably not. Would I feel comfortable with not feeling like "number 1" in my husbands eyes? That isn't a title I'm prepared to share at this point. I am socialized to feel this way. I know that. I know that if I grew up in a different place, or even a different time, I would feel differently, but that doesn't change the way I feel here and now.

 

4. Money- who is going to support all these wives/kids? We are often comfortable, and we often struggle. We are a family of 3, and our "provider" works his cute little ass off to take care of us. Could he/we afford another wife with more kids? Probably not. Even if the wives worked, maternity leave? daycare? hospital/doctor bills? a bigger house? more cars/insurance? Thanks, but no thanks. Polygamy would end up being a thing rich people could do and to hell with the rest. I don't see it working that way. I don't think a society could/would function as a half/half "norm". We don't, and will never, live in a utopian society where the norm is everyone just does with they want and lives in harmony. One of the most basic characteristics to society is that there is a "norm" and "deviance".