When the husband isn't as attractive as the wife

[elfman36 16]

I don't know if this has ever been queried, but I am nearing my 50th birthday. Although I keep myself in good shape, not overweight at all, I have the natural downslide of someone who is not as handsome as they used to be; (I know, I know, there are many of us in that boat as father time stalks us like a predator.) Anyway, I notice a lot more wrinkles on the brow, a lot less hair on top, and a whole lot less self-confident than I was.

 

My wife is a stunner from very young. Although she is still in her mid-forties, she actively models and has done nude shoots with girls half her age, and completely holds up comparatively. She is very supportive about my looks, tells me I'm still the one that turns her on, and overall very obvious about her love and lust for me, for which I am grateful.

 

When we meet couples in the lifestyles, the collective jaws drop for her, but I can definitely detect a less-than-enthusiastic response more and more so from the wives we encounter that I didn't ever have a problem attracting before.

 

My simple question, has anybody else encountered this nuance of a problem? I work out, I eat right, and do all the things one would suggest me to do outside of Botox, a facelift, and hair transplants. If I sound negative about myself, I suppose I am but the truth is the truth and I thought I could take this to the community for a bit of advice and/or perspective...

 

Cheers,

Elf

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Self confidence and a nice body really go a long way for me.

 

You might consider shaving your head or changing your hairstyle if it's getting very thin on top. That's what many men I know do, and it makes them look considerably younger than the monk look or the combover.

[Swing*8701 887]

Argue for your limitations and they are yours.

 

Upgrade the wardrobe, visit the dentist and whiten your teeth, have a hair style that represents who you are today and use a moisturizer.

 

At first , as you say your wife is stunning, the jaw may drop. Then, as you act as equals and things contemporize a bit, things will settle out.

 

Stop looking for trouble. Sheesh, if my husband worried like this, he wouldn't have made nearly as many women cum like a freight train, as he has. This includes me, of course.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

It's not about how you look, it's about how you carry your looks and what you convey. Some thoughts from someone about to turn 59, and who was propositioned yesterday by a powerful woman a decade younger.

 

1. Decide on your look. Stick with it. Personally, I started shaving my head more than ten years ago, steel-rimmed glasses, teeth in perfect repair, and suits that look and feel wonderful. My wardrobe is not extensive, but everything that is on the exterior screams quality. Even casual, the sweaters are a luscious material. If you're short on cash, second-hand stores often have excellent pieces in excellent condition.

 

2. Groom perfectly. The nose hairs, ear hairs--gone. Shave as often as needed, use a blade, make smooth perfect. Nails trimmed so as never to scratch lady parts. If you use cologne, very light and very sophisticated.

 

3. Think about what you are saying and make it count. Last night, as we shared a glass of champagne, I made compliments about her beautiful size 4 dress, a deep teal color. It was truly beautiful, as was she. It was also a size 6. Suggesting that a woman is younger than her years, slimmer than her size and richer than her actual worth has never gotten me in trouble--except for trouble I want to be in. Talk about a piece of jewelry she is wearing, or the lovely fragrance she has on. Engage her about her, and for the time you are speaking with her, let her know she is the most beautiful woman in the room, house, city, state, galaxy, etc.

 

P.S. I like this woman and respect her. I also do not cheat on my wife. I bought her dinner, we had lovely conversation and then parted ways. I also told my wife about the date. The LS demands it.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Okay, we see stunning women all the time with these fat beer bellied, gold chain wearing (No, I'm not shitting you here), shirts unbuttoned like they are from the 70's (maybe they are). You can't fix stupid.

 

I can tell you that since you are self aware enough to write this then you are able to make some changes. In swinging, you are selling yourself all the time and if you can't convince yourself you're worth someone else's time then they won't believe it either. You do have something to offer or your stunning wife wouldn't be with you. Take the advice above to improve what you can and don't worry about what you can't. Some people will be interested, some won't. Don't fret about what you can't control, get out there and work what you have! Someone will be interested, trust us!

[Chicup 41]

Without pictures we are just guessing. Assuming you ARE doing everything you can, it is what it is then. Realize you won't be everyones cup of tea and some who would happily nail your wife won't want to have sex with you. I've been there too, it sucks but such is life at times.

 

Never focus on what you can't have but on what you can. Always make sure a couple sees YOUR picture as well as hers prior to a meet if its 1-1. If its a club don't let your wife go off wandering, talking to couples without you, stay with her so they know what they are getting into prior.

 

We can only change so much of our appearances. I'm of a realistic nature in that, no matter what you do, or how confident you are, some will just not be into you. I've been said no too more than yes in swinging, the trick is forgetting the nos and focusing on the yeses.

[Brad145 58]

I don't think anyone mentioned this yet, but when you're out at a club etc with your wife HAVE FUN!

 

People are attracted when you are enjoying yourself, and if nothing else comes of the evening at least you had fun with your wife, which is what it's all about anyway.

 

btw, I'd never even considered women might not be into me due to my being bald, I think i might be too thin, and my skin way too pasty white, the freckles probably don't help either, but I'm rockin the baldness. No way am I shaving my head!

[Gordo 618]

That loss of confidence is a real killer. When you meet people it's not hard to sense that something isn't quite right but what causes it can be quite difficult to discern. Accordingly we/she would walk away or show reluctance in getting involved. We just don't do guessing games!

 

A personal note. When I was younger I used to get a lot of women hitting on me because I was good looking and had a great power job. But as I aged I noticed people (strangers) were starting to avoid me. I asked my wife what she thought the reason was and was told that my face almost always looked like I was "mad" at something. Even though I wasn't. I finally grew a goatee and man what a difference. Like night and day. Now people and women strike up conversations with me and getting close to some woman at a party is easy. I can't believe the difference that little bit of body hair has made. So do some body sculpting, shave your head whatever works!

 

And as far as confidence goes if you don't have the confidence to consider yourself a great lay then don't expect others to stand up and fulfill that confidence for you!

[elfman36 16]

Everyone:

 

Thank you so much for the replies and suggestions. It sounds like to me it mostly just a lack of self-confidence and that if I fix what is internal, I will fix alot of what is happening external. I will put into practice most of what I read above, and let you know how things go with the new 'Elfman' during the Christmas/New Years partying that we will be participating.

 

Thanks again!

 

Elfman

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Something that I have been telling people for years is to be comfortable in who you are, what you are wearing and have self confidence. If you are missing any of these three things people tend to notice.

 

I can't tell you how many times I have been talking to a very sexy women and she seems to not be into the conversation or me and it turns out that I wasn't me or the conversation but the fact that she is wearing a dress that is much shorter then she is comfortable in or the new sexy shoes with 6 inch heels that she is more worried in falling off of than anything else. Once the shoes or dress come off things go much better.

 

So find a look that you like, a hairstyle that works for you and get comfortable in your skin, then you can go out and meet people on your ground and they will respond to the "new" you.

 

K

[elfman36 16]

Well, it took some effort and faith in myself (and of course listening to ALL the suggestions here) but I got a new hairdo and just really made my brain over more than anything else.

 

The wife and I met a couple from Kasidie last week, and the whole thing was a home run all the way around! Up, up, and away and thanks to everyone!!!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Glad to hear it!! Look forward to hearing more about your adventures!

[Gordo 618]

Well, it took some effort and faith in myself (and of course listening to ALL the suggestions here) but I got a new hairdo and just really made my brain over more than anything else...

The wife and I met a couple from Kasidie last week, and the whole thing was a home run all the way around! Up, up, and away and thanks to everyone!!!

 

Congrats on being able to move forward!