Gf is horny but not quite into swing

[nitro2u2 17]

I have brought up the topic of swinging with my gf a couple of times but she isn't interested in it. At least not yet, may be. It is totally not in her realm as being something acceptable.

 

However, I know she enjoys watching other guys in porn and she is also flirtatious with some guy friends. For example, she goes for salsa dancing and has started going commando... apparently it turns her on when dancing around. Actually I find it quite hot too. But should I let her continue this way? Would having a MMF potentially lead to an interest in swinging?

[ref2018 29]

nitro2u2 said:

But should I let her continue this way? Would having a MMF potentially lead to an interest in swinging?

 

What the heck, "let her"? You don't LET her. You are not the boss of her. You are coming across like a control freak who thinks of nothing but sex. How old are you anyway?

[Trophy1802 132]

From our experience it is best to let the female decide what she wants to do and how far she wants to go. Don't push things as if she gets out of her comfort zone, it will just not work. However, that's just us.

 

Why not just relax and enjoy her new curiosity and interest in something new. As a couple, enjoy yourselves. If you communicate and there is an apparent interest in anything else (such as a possibly MFM), I am sure your GF will give you a signal or some subtle hints of her interest. Then you can enjoy yourselves developing that particular sexual interest.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Your title says your girlfriend is horny but not quite into swing, but the text of your post says that she isn't interested in it. That's rather different, don't you think? In terms of you letting her do things, I'm hoping that's just an unfortunate choice of words. However, do you mean flirting with guys? Women do that all the time. It's usually harmless and makes social encounters far more pleasant. Also, you probably can't stop it. Do you mean watching guys in porn? Also, probably not something you can stop, not without being a real dick (and not in a fun way). Or did you mean going commando? If you actually have the power to make your girlfriend wear panties, good on you, but...you'll probably also never have the balanced, loving, highly communicative relationship that really is required for successful swinging, because that generally hangs on the hook of female sexual empowerment.

[ref2018 29]

What does "going commando" mean? Is that in the Glossary? I'm down with jargon, but that one throws me for a loop, yo.

 

ETA: checked the Glossary to no avail.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

What does "going commando" mean? Is that in the Glossary? I'm down with jargon, but that one throws me for a loop, yo.

 

ETA: checked the Glossary to no avail.

 

No panties/underwear.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Dude, relax. This is the third thread you've started on "getting her to swing". She's not interested right now, so let it go, and approach the subject again later. And by later, I mean a year or five from now. If her lack of interest was expressed as "Hell no", then don't bring it up again until she brings it up.

 

I know the replies aren't what you want to hear, but we try to give honest opinions around here. Sometimes that means you get to hear what you don't want to hear.

 

Good luck to you.

[ref2018 29]

No panties/underwear.

 

Oh srsly for real? I "go commando" all the time, except when trying on pants in the store. I didn't realize there was a name for that.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Oh srsly for real? I "go commando" all the time, except when trying on pants in the store. I didn't realize there was a name for that.

 

Best commando reference ever:

[ref2018 29]

Is it still proper to refer to not wearing underpants as "going commando" when you're wearing PANTS, as opposed to skirts or dresses? Because I failed to qualify my last post with the fact that I only wear skirts and dresses in the summer, but the rest of the year I still wear no underwear but I'm wearing pants instead. Also, I prefer to simply go nude instead of "commando", but that is not always possible, nor do i care enough to make a political statement about it.

 

That is all.

[Fours Company 169]

I really think you're seeking some sort of validation in as far as being under the mistaken belief that because a lot of members here are experienced swingers, they are going to tell you how to talk your girlfriend into this. This is not how most of us started out nor should it be how you do as well. While the members here can provide advice on how to approach the other partner about swinging, there has to be some receptiveness on their part to it and it doesn't sound like that is the case here. We can not offer how to coerce someone into doing something they are not into.

 

The LS is about trust and mutual agreement not talking the other partner into things they are not comfortable with. There are many things I wish my wife would do differently (as is her to me), but we've long accepted our marriage is about putting those needs of the other above yours and a sign of a mature relationship of which I'm sorry to say you sound like you're far from that point.

 

If swinging is such a priority to you more then her concerns now, to some of us, this is a red flag that could potentially affect other areas of your relationship as well.

 

None of the things you mentioned she does in and of themselves indicate an interest in swinging and as you stated yourself, she has explicitly told you she it not interested. If you chose to consider other aspects of your relationship with her and continue, I suggest you backburner the whole discussion until you've had more time together. Just my two bits of realistic, if somewhat harsh advice.

[Gordo 618]

What the heck, "let her"? You don't LET her. You are not the boss of her. You are coming across like a control freak who thinks of nothing but sex. How old are you anyway?

 

Sorry I think this response is a touch over the top. Successful relationships are a series of compromises about likes and dislikes. While I may not be able to enforce a no commando rule I could certainly make my displeasure known or refuse to engage in activities that lead to it. Ultimately I could leave if her dancing and flirting and flashing with other guys bothered me terribly at some level and she wouldn't stop despite requests.

 

If it really bothers him he's entitled to bring it up and get a consensus and it has nothing to do with being a control freak. That was a little harsh!

[DigginIt 1,132]

nitro2u2 - there is an old saying...be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

 

While you hear about these great stories across the board, you have to remember that many couples fall by the wayside and never recover from their experiences. Swinging is something that requires a very secure relationship and lots of communication. It's something that should be considered carefully before making decisions and weighing the benefits against what you could possibly lose; also keeping in mind the reason's why? Once the cork is out of the bottle, it doesn't go back in so easily and it will never be the same.

 

Have you sat down and discussed why you want to swing? It's the first thing I would recommend to any couple contemplating the lifestyle. What is it you are hoping to gain from it? If you have a simple fantasy of wanting to do something then sometimes fantasy's are best left in the head and not played out in reality. Almost all encounters are never what you expect. Don't get me wrong, we have had some really great experiences but they are never what you imagine them to be.

 

It's not like you decide to swing one day and these gates open and you start having wild monkey sex seven days a week. There is a lot of frustration in swinging, frequent dry spells, people disappointing you. I'm not trying to bust your bubble because when it's good it's great but sometimes what you have is great but you don't realize it until it's too late.

[ref2018 29]

Sorry I think this response is a touch over the top. Successful relationships are a series of compromises about likes and dislikes. While I may not be able to enforce a no commando rule I could certainly make my displeasure known or refuse to engage in activities that lead to it. Ultimately I could leave if her dancing and flirting and flashing with other guys bothered me terribly at some level and she wouldn't stop despite requests.

 

If it really bothers him he's entitled to bring it up and get a consensus and it has nothing to do with being a control freak. That was a little harsh!

 

One of the things that makes this forum great is the wide variety of perspectives about all sorts of things. I think it's grooovy when people share their own point of view without feeling the need to scold someone else for sharing theirs.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

One of the things that makes this forum great is the wide variety of perspectives about all sorts of things. I think it's grooovy when people share their own point of view without feeling the need to scold someone else for sharing theirs.

 

Did you just say groovy?? That's far out!

[ref2018 29]

Did you just say groovy?? That's far out!

 

I did, but i spelled it with 3 O's. You cannot have too many O's.

[Gordo 618]

One of the things that makes this forum great is the wide variety of perspectives about all sorts of things. I think it's grooovy when people share their own point of view without feeling the need to scold someone else for sharing theirs.

 

Opinions yes always welcome even if they are contrary. But calling someone a control freak and asking how old he was is a personal insult.

 

There are times when the OP qualifies for a good kick in the ass but this post doesn't come anywhere close to that standard.

 

And that's why MY opinion is that your insults are out of line! And it was groovy to share that!

[ref2018 29]

Gordo said:

Opinions yes always welcome even if they are contrary. But calling someone a control freak and asking how old he was is a personal insult.

 

There are times when the OP qualifies for a good kick in the ass but this post doesn't come anywhere close to that standard.

 

And that's why MY opinion is that your insults are out of line! And it was groovy to share that!

 

Oh i see. You are part of the Volunteer Internet Police Department.

I just did you a favor and reported your post to the moderators in case they are looking for help running the forum.

 

You can report problem posts that you feel are in violation of the rules by clicking on the little triangle with the exclamation point located in the bottom left corner of every post.

 

Also, you spelled "grooovy" wrong.

[SwingSetWife 444]

In an attempt to get this thread back on the right track , I have read this as well as two other topics started by the OP. No, I don't know how to link them, and I'm sure most know how to find them, but if you don't just click on the user name and in the left toolbar click "latest started threads". Okay here goes...

 

From you description here and in "is this the start...", it doesn't sound like your gf has any interest in swinging at this time- period. Her being horny, not wearing panties, and watching porn have nothing to do with an interest in swinging. Sure, I'm sure many swingers enjoy some of those same things, but those things alone does not a swinger make.

 

The more important thread, at least in my opinion, is "finding a gf/wife...". Why? Well because as many stated in that thread, you need to find out for yourself how important swinging is to you. Is this relationship more important than swinging or vice versa? Even if your gf "comes around" to the idea of swinging, if you would leave her if she never did- this is not the relationship for you. You and your partner will experience many things that could potentially test, strain, or even dissolve your relationship over the course of swinging. If you are starting swinging with a relationship where you could take it or leave it, I highly doubt that relationship will ever be strong enough to survive the ups and downs of a vanilla relationship, much less a swinging relationship.

 

The general theme I keep getting from all three posts combined is that you are eager to start swinging no matter what. I think the better advice based on that is that you cool your heels altogether. Whether you decide to pursue it with this relationship, find someone else into swinging, or go at it alone, the road is bumpy and takes time. I know it may not seem that way when you come here and read all the great stories about the experiences others are having, but I believe if you take some time to read more (check out the archives) you will find that many, if not all, couples and singles struggle to some degree esp in the beginning. There is no "jump right in and have a great life", at least as far as I can tell, and if there is- it is rare. Bringing others into your primary sexual relationship takes time, communication, trust, commitment, honesty etc etc. There is a thread called "How long have you been thinking about/discussing swinging?"- you will notice there that some talked about it a couple of weeks before getting their toes wet up to several years. I know personally, DH and I have been talking about it our entire relationship- over 10 years. We have had some experiences but not nearly what we might have liked to if we didn't have to worry about other factors- having our first child was the main reason we "took a break", we had just decided to get started again but before we could even attend our first event we found out we have another on the way- but also, trust, communication, and general insecurity have played a part in the slow start.

[SwingSetHusband 110]

From my own personal experience. Dude you might just wanna sit back and watch what happens whether it turns out bad or good for you. If she wants to do it then she will let you know and vice versa. If you try to pressure her into it..... then it will be like trying to put socks on a rooster!! Good luck

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Oh i see. You are part of the Volunteer Internet Police Department.

 

Yes, actually, he is. So long as it is done in a way that doesn't violate the TOS or constitute an attack, every member is equally responsible for helping to maintain a friendly and supportive tone. That means that Gordo's form of peer review is appropriate.

[Gordo 618]

Also, you spelled "grooovy" wrong.

 

It's a well known fact that guys just don't get as many O's as the girls.....

[Alex855 16]

I agree with Gordo 100% on everthing he has posted on this thread.

[alexandlyn 15]

I remember doing what when i first thought i would be turned on by her with other men/women. She was not so interested on it. Little by little she came around until she brought up the idea of playing with another female. Although we have not done it yet, the idea is still there and open talk is key here. I told her one time very open and clearly I would be turned on by the idea of her with another guy or girl and it stuck in her head. Since then we have talked it over many times, talked the scary parts (jealousy, falling in love with others, etc...) Slowly it'll get there but only if you bring things up and not push her to it.