We signed up for a swinger party, but were removed from the list

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

We have been enjoying ourselves and meeting new people in the lifestyle for a short time now. We have enjoyed going to the clubs and attending the events but we have been interested in attending some off premises meet and greets. There are a few groups in the area that list them on the SLS board for anyone to sign up for and attend. I recently decided to sign us up for a party a local group was arranging. Since they did not make it clear in the posting I sent the organizer a message inquiring about the location and cover charge. we did not receive a message back but noticed a couple days later the post had been changed to include

 

"Guests that sign up, must receive a confirmation email from us to confirm their spot on the guest list. The confirmation email will include all the event details."

 

That makes good sense and we figured the event organizer is bombarded with messages and that was a great way to handle it.

 

I get on line today and noticed we had been removed from the attended list. I assumed I must have hit the wrong button and inadvertently removed us so we added us again. Two hours later, poof, gone again. I sent the organizer a message

 

"We have signed up for the event on Saturday and we seem to keep getting removed. Is this a very polite way to say we are not welcome?"

 

We have yet to hear back and my gut tells me we wont. Have we been told we are not acceptable for their group?

 

Their group information is a new social club for HWP couples and single females in the Raleigh and Charlotte areas. they have been around since 2012 so they are not very good at updating the group info

 

The event advertisement is the areas biggest and hottest social group in the Raleigh area, is thrilled to announce our next party will be on Saturday, January 18th from 9:30PM-1AM in downtown Raleigh! For those that haven't been to one of our events we rent out a bar in downtown Raleigh and routinely fill it up with the hottest couples and sexiest single females in the area! These events are pressure free and a great way to meet new friends. Our venue features a full bar, DJ, dance floor, large outdoor patio- all 100% for our group to protect your privacy.

 

That we are aware of we have never met the couple who organized the event. I have contacted one of the admins previously introducing ourselves to them. They stopped responding to our messages after a couple back and forths so I would have guessed they were aware I knew how to take a hint since I stopped messaging them.

 

We consider ourselves attractive although we are a bit fluffy so we can only assume they are able to look at our profile and public pictures and determine we are not their type of people. I went to the organizers SLS profile and it read;

 

We Are Looking For:

We are a fun and social pair that really enjoy meeting new people. As with most people we stay busy so our time out is limited so let when free we prefer to attend parties or events.

 

We like to believe we are attractive and both have very warm and outgoing personalities.

 

Overall, we think we are pretty snazzy people.

Description :

We have pictures to trade other than the ones posted here. Both of us are in good shape and HWP.

Our fantasies and/or real experiences:

What else we'd like to say, do, see, hear about and/or learn:

We are not into full swap. If this is not what you are interested in, we totally understand and respect it, but it is just not for us at this time.

 

Since what they are looking for describes who they are we can only assume they are looking for themselves.

 

If people are going to organize and hold events that are limited to only the type of people they want to attend should they not specifically advertise it as a members only event? If they advertise that they will send out confirmation e-mails and they don't want someone to attend their event would it not be less offensive to simply never send the confirmation rather than delete them from the event?

 

I know there is a whole argument about returning messages. Some people are saying no thanks by simply not responding, others at least take the time to send a quick thanks but no thanks. But a event organizer should at least have the common courtesy to say "we don't think you'll fit into our group". I think people like this are who put a lot of people giving the lifestyle a try the unnecessary push away and discourages participation. Yes, rejection is a normal and acceptable thing, not everyone is into everyone. But seriously, a whole group?

 

Yes I am ranting and I figured this would be a pretty good place to do it. I really don't want to send them another message because I intuitive enough to know that no response is all the response I will get.

[njbm 2,863]

There is a dark underbelly to the lifestyle. It reminds me of high school dating. There is a lot of superficial judging that results in rejection. I appreciate my wife and our relationship and we dabble in the lifestyle for fun. But I think people are hurt, offended , etc. Sometimes we like socializing with others even if all of us know it won't lead to play. There is more to people than their height and weight.

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

One of our preconceived notions about the lifestyle was everyone would be open and welcoming. Two of the clubs we attend have a large percentage of attendees that are like that but of course there always seem to be a few who are very judgmental. Usually they find each other and end up spending the evening in a corner creating their own commentary about the party. We tend to not pay them a whole lot of attention as its like Mrs Jiggly says, the party is what you make it.

 

I cant say I am completely innocent however. The Mrs is much more social and accepting than I am but she does also get a little bit more unwanted attention then she likes. I will socialize with everyone but when the flirting starts to go in an obvious direction I will back off to avoid the need to say I'm not interested.

 

We are looking for opportunities to socialize without it leading to play, I though that was the whole point of off-premise meet and greets. What really sad it there are several people attending that we have had a desire to meet but now we have know way of knowing who in the group would get a great big chuckle out of us contacting them. I am curious if some of them are aware their opportunities to meet people are being policed by the organizer.

 

I think njbm says it best, its high school stuff, along with internet dating. Its no wonder people get jaded.

[Chicup 41]

Most people are not comfortable rejecting people simply due to looks in a direct manner.

 

It doesn't matter if they say "we don't think you are a match for our group" or any number of euphemism for "we don't think you are attractive".

 

Its rude to not respond.

Its rude to basically call someone ugly.

Not responding is less confrontational.

Therefore most people don't respond when the only factor is finding them unattractive.

 

And while 90% of the time we won't get a response in these cases, I can't say I feel any better with the 10% who do tell us outright. Lets think of it this way, if they don't respond I have a lot of mental excuses to shield myself why they didn't respond.

 

You also have another strike against you and perhaps it wasn't that you were unattractive to the organizer, but you are not full swap and they state they are. Odds are they don't want a party of socializers who don't play. Now for something like that though I'd expect a response because its a lot less "rude".

 

Now as an event organizer they did goof I think. Just removing you from the event and ignoring you is not the way to do it. They are obviously looking for their "type" but as you said they should do more of a general membership thing and then invite members, not host an open party and preemptively reject, thats bad form.

[81lizard69 470]

You have been snubbed. Happens to the best of us.. A no reply is a good sign from a passive aggressive person thay are not interested in you. Dont push the matter just move one. I would not have put up all their group info up like you did.. it can just cause further problems.. I would just move up and move on.

 

We got hooked up with a what we thought were a good groups of swingers that we liked alot.. Some thing happened between myself and the female leader of the group. Turns out she did not really like me.. I wish I knew what I did? But what ever it was her and her husband stopped responding to my our emails and so did the other couples.. We were in fact black listed. I got a little chubby after a minor surgery and was not in the buff club any more.. That is my inkling as to what happened I will never know for sure..

 

Like I said dont let this get you down. Look to the next couple that you might have a connection with.. one thing for sure, swingers change partners alot.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Groucho Marx famously said that he would not join a club that would not admit him as a member.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Every group is different, I'd just move on. If there are people who belong to the group you are interested in, go ahead and contact them. Maybe it will work out, maybe they'll ignore you. It doesn't make sense to not contact them just because they're part of the group.

 

Different groups have different philosophies. Some are about the leaders finding good matches for themselves, so they only want their "type" there. The leaders put a lot of time and effort into their group so they have a right to operate that way. There was a group in our area that started like that. They only admitted couples with bi females. Over time they relaxed that restriction and the group has grown substantially.

 

My philosophy is more about building community so we are open to anyone over age 30 who is not cheating and not rude. However, often when I'm admitting people to the group I say, "Wow, they are not for me, but maybe they have hot friends..."

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

It doesn't matter if they say "we don't think you are a match for our group" or any number of euphemism for "we don't think you are attractive".

 

Its rude to not respond.

Its rude to basically call someone ugly.

Not responding is less confrontational.

 

You also have another strike against you and perhaps it wasn't that you were unattractive to the organizer, but you are not full swap and they state they are. Odds are they don't want a party of socializers who don't play.

 

I would definitely take offense to someone saying we are ugly but if someone were to say they are not attracted to us is completely different. I’m also offended when they say we like one of us but not the other. Not everyone is going to be attracted to everyone and what I find attractive others may not. Even between Mrs Jiggly and me we sometimes disagree on what we find attractive. We have told people that we aren't feeling a connection and hope that it is less offensive than being rude.

 

You have been snubbed.

 

I would not have put up all their group info up like you did.. it can just cause further problems.. I would just move up and move on.

 

Yes I have been snubbed and it’s definitely their right as an event organizer to decide who they want to attend. I just think they should make sure there events are listed as members only.

You are correct about the putting up the group info, I suppose it was my passive aggressive move. I left out the name of the group and the couple. I have toiled about sending them another message but there is no point. It would probably just entertain them. LOL

 

 

Groucho Marx famously said that he would not join a club that would not admit him as a member.

 

I was trying to think of that saying and I had forgotten who said it, Thanks!

 

Some are about the leaders finding good matches for themselves, so they only want their "type" there. The leaders put a lot of time and effort into their group so they have a right to operate that way.

 

I have no doubt the group leadership is only accepting their own type. I scanned through who is signed up and the profiles are all very similar. I think its pretty bad for the group because the leadership is policing who can attend and who can’t. I cant believe that everyone of those couples are into the exact same thing. Although I do recognize the profile when I see it and I call them bungee jumpers. They are looking for the adrenaline rush and bragging rights. A lot of the time they back off the cliff or someone pushes them off.

 

I would like to thank everyone for their input. When we first got on SLS we were all about reading profiles and trying to arrange meets. We were going out a couple times a week and met some very nice people. We also met some very odd ones. We had a huge amount of ignored messages and made some mistakes along the way. We have resolved ourselves to meeting other couples at meet and greets and rarely send messages on SLS anymore. If someone does contact us we always reply and we try and arrange meeting at the events. It just seems to work out much better.

 

The good news is there is a new meet and greet club trying to get started. We will be putting our energy into promoting that. The couple organizing it is very enthusiastic and want as many people coming as possible.