Girlfriend starts fantasizing swinging....

[nitro2u2 17]

My girlfriend has been quite reluctant and hesitant about swinging or the idea of it. It's really new to both of us.

 

When we have sex I used to bring up the idea of swinging and us being with another couple... she has been keeping quiet. Today I brought it up again and she played along... kept telling me about how she is imagining how another guy is fucking her, etc. Seemed to turn her on quite a bit. And she even mentioned how I'll be enjoying the other girl, etc.... all in the heat of the moment. And after that we didn't speak about it.

 

This is heading in the right direction isn't it? I don't think we are ready to swing yet or anything... but I'm ready to escalate our fantasizing to a new level... any suggestions? I'm very interested to know who or what type of guy she fantasized about, etc.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

This is heading in the right direction isn't it? I don't think we are ready to swing yet or anything... but I'm ready to escalate our fantasizing to a new level... any suggestions? I'm very interested to know who or what type of guy she fantasized about, etc.

 

If I say no, will you listen? The only possible way that you two are even close to swinging is if you guys have open on honest conversations (many of them) outside of the bedroom. Perhaps in the dining room over lunch, in the living room during a TV show, outside while gardening, etc. Only having pillow talk or "dirty talk" while having sex or under the glow or sex doesn't cut it. You both have to be comfortable talking about this outside of the bedroom before even thinking about going out to swing. If she doesn't want to talk about it then there's your answer. How many times do we have to tell you to leave her alone and wait for her to bring it up in regular conversation until you listen? I apologize for being harsh but I've lost count how many posts you've started asking the same thing. She is the slowest moving person in the relationship in regards to swinging. She dictates what happens next. Be prepared because it might be 20 years or never. If you can't handle that then move on and find someone who is open to the idea from the beginning and is able to talk about it outside of the bedroom.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Have you ever heard of Dan Savage? If not, you might want to check out his columns and podcasts on all things sexual and relational. Anyway, he has an acronym for sexual good sports, GGG, which stands for Good, Giving and Game. I think, far from heading in what you consider the "right" direction, your girlfriend is doing her best to accommodate your fantasies, being GGG. That's best case.

 

Worst case is that she's tired of being prodded into a direction she doesn't want to go and is hoping that by giving a little in fantasy play that you'll stop badgering her.

 

Every time you've posted something along these lines, I've had the same questions and I'm finally going to ask: Where, in all your fantasies and desires about swinging, is there any real interest in what your girlfriend actually wants? Is this something you really want to do together or is it all about what you want and she's just your ticket to do it?

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I hate the idea that some poor woman is being nagged, prodded and nudged into doing something she doesn't want to do, because she has a partner who is so attracted to a particular fantasy that what she wants is immaterial.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Nitro, you have come to this forum a few times before to ask essentially the same question. Did you believe you would receive a different answer this time?

[junglecouple 127]

LOL: "Daddy said it's ok, mom, if it's ok with you.. is it ok? huh huh? can I? can I? huh huh..?"

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Have you ever heard of Dan Savage? If not, you might want to check out his columns and podcasts on all things sexual and relational. Anyway, he has an acronym for sexual good sports, GGG, which stands for Good, Giving and Game. I think, far from heading in what you consider the "right" direction, your girlfriend is doing her best to accommodate your fantasies, being GGG. That's best case.

 

Worst case is that she's tired of being prodded into a direction she doesn't want to go and is hoping that by giving a little in fantasy play that you'll stop badgering her.

 

Every time you've posted something along these lines, I've had the same questions and I'm finally going to ask: Where, in all your fantasies and desires about swinging, is there any real interest in what your girlfriend actually wants? Is this something you really want to do together or is it all about what you want and she's just your ticket to do it?

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I hate the idea that some poor woman is being nagged, prodded and nudged into doing something she doesn't want to do, because she has a partner who is so attracted to a particular fantasy that what she wants is immaterial.

 

What she said ^^^^

[intuition897 2,179]

Ask your girlfriend to come here to read your posts and post her own questions and concerns. Better get used to her managing her own sexuality if you want to venture into swinging. The other thing you should consider is the saying that men get the couple into swinging, and the women keep them there. It's not unheard of for the man to start to drag his feet once the woman has discovered what sexual liberty does for her. It might make you more uncomfortable than you think.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I have to add, in the 7 weeks that you've been a member of the forum, you've asked the same question in a variety of ways...everyone telling you the same thing in each thread. I'm not your girlfriend but I'm starting to feel nagged about your persistence in the matter. As maui pointed out, I certainly hope you're not prodding your girlfriend in the same manner in regards to your fantasy of swinging.

[ViSexual 1,008]

OK, no since adding another of the same type of responses about her being ready....

 

But you also asked what kind of man your GF finds appealing, so I'll address that.

 

You will never know! I've been married for 42 years and I haven't figured it out. Everytime I think I have, she proves me wrong.

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

It's a HUGE step between what someone fantasizes about and what someone actually wants to have happen. Some fantasies people never want or expect to have come true...but the only way to find out is to TALK...lots and lots of talk. The fact that you are asking here instead of asking her says you are jumping to conclusions.

 

Swinging is all about trust and communication. Both of those have to already be in place before anything else can happen.