What the use of the term "Professional" in a swinger profile implies

[SwingSetWife 444]

 

When I see the word, I typically think "white collar". In our particular area I tend to think security clearance. I also tend to think that you if we went out with you that you would not be forced to make a choice between having a drink or eating dinner, or that you wouldn't have to try to bum money for a cab ride home at the end of the night (both of which have happened when we've gone out with groups of swingers locally).

 

I think this has less to do with how much someone makes/their job and more to do with their level of respect for themselves. We are not rich, there I said it!! Lol We do good. We pay all our bills and take care of our kids and even occasionally have enough to splurge. But there are plenty of times when we have to pass on going out because we are being financially responsible. We couldn't imagine going out and asking someone to pick up the tab for us. We are adults and unfortunately have to put our going out on the bottom of the priority list.

 

Edit- forgot to add... there have even been times when we have picked up the tab for another couple because they were short, despite both having better paying jobs than we had at the time. Only to have them turn around and buy something outrageously expensive a few days later... sigh... I'm ranting now but sure hubby will get a giggle when he realizes who I'm talking about!

[SwingSetHusband 110]

I think this has less to do with how much someone makes/their job and more to do with their level of respect for themselves. We are not rich, there I said it!! Lol We do good. We pay all our bills and take care of our kids and even occasionally have enough to splurge. But there are plenty of times when we have to pass on going out because we are being financially responsible. We couldn't imagine going out and asking someone to pick up the tab for us. We are adults and unfortunately have to put our going out on the bottom of the priority list.

 

Edit- forgot to add... there have even been times when we have picked up the tab for another couple because they were short, despite both having better paying jobs than we had at the time. Only to have them turn around and buy something outrageously expensive a few days later... sigh... I'm ranting now but sure hubby will get a giggle when he realizes who I'm talking about!

 

Lmao...so so so true!!! I'm pretty sure there have been other ppl who has done the same for them since.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think this has less to do with how much someone makes/their job and more to do with their level of respect for themselves. We are not rich, there I said it!! Lol We do good. We pay all our bills and take care of our kids and even occasionally have enough to splurge. But there are plenty of times when we have to pass on going out because we are being financially responsible. We couldn't imagine going out and asking someone to pick up the tab for us. We are adults and unfortunately have to put our going out on the bottom of the priority list.

 

Edit- forgot to add... there have even been times when we have picked up the tab for another couple because they were short, despite both having better paying jobs than we had at the time. Only to have them turn around and buy something outrageously expensive a few days later... sigh... I'm ranting now but sure hubby will get a giggle when he realizes who I'm talking about!

 

I agree. I think it has much more to do with (as someone else pointed out) a professional "attitude" in how they approach not just their job but life in general. I guess in that way professional could be a synonym for mature or respectful (which are perhaps much better descriptors to use in one's profile).

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I agree. I think it has much more to do with (as someone else pointed out) a professional "attitude" in how they approach not just their job but life in general. I guess in that way professional could be a synonym for mature or respectful (which are perhaps much better descriptors to use in one's profile).

 

Definitely. Plus, I suspect that there is more agreement on the meanings of mature and respectful, which makes them far more useful. "Professional" still strikes me as an all too easily drawn arbitrary division along socio-economic lines, which has the potential to be misread, plus seems to omit artists and other non white collar folks.

[81lizard69 470]

Wow looks like the personality conflicts are out in spades on this subject.

 

We have been trying to break our rut of attracting the same old white middle aged swingers for the past few months and this thread totally reinforces to me why we are doing things differently.

 

To us "white collar" meant middle class owns their own house. Not much more. But if you look deeper it tends to show a little egocentrism with, depending on how it is worded in a profile tends to show elitism. I have been above the financial station of others and below swinging. In the long term white collar meant nothing, however it is nice to have a conversation outside sex where you all can meet.At a howt and naughty party some of the guests where very wealthy conversating was awkward when we really only had sex in common. The sex we shared was really the same as with most others. This compares nothing to when we were guests at a party where the host and hostess looked like they lived paycheck to paycheck. You could feel the underlying financial desperation. That was a mood killer almost for me. His wife was hot... lol

 

As for the orginal poster I give this advice. You seem to be coming off differently than you think. We are receiving your message and get the feeling that you are almost disingenuous. I dont know if that is intentional or not. For me I know that the replies and reactions from your post will be telling on the message you sent by the feed back of the responders. Polish up your approach and you should be fine.

 

A profile on a wed site is just the tip of the swingers lives. Some people just dont know how to write a effective profile so they steal the words and phrases off of other profiles and hope it works for them. Casting judgement on a profile before you spend some time finding out about the couple can only hurt your chances on finding a couple.

 

The ages old phrase fits here.

 

Do not judge a book by its cover.

[shy_couple 460]

I always figured it meant "white collar" but thats about it.

 

We agree with this statement. And there was another statement about professional and discretion.

 

If professional means elitist just because we don't post close ups of our genitals and sleep with everyone we encounter, then maybe we are elitist.

 

We have talked about this at length, we both enjoy the social aspect of the lifestyle as we do the sexual. It is about meeting different people, new experiences, and freedom to say and do things that are taboo in our professional lives and in society in general.

 

Yes that means that we do tend to be more comfortable, relaxed, and trusting of people with a similar socio-economic background as us. Does that mean that we don't enjoy meeting different people and trying new things, no. But like most people here, we don't have much time to pursue all things hedonist or "lifestyle". So we do have that statement that we are a professional couple seeking similar in our profile. But we do hit the club scene from time to time.

 

P.S. We are a few pounds on the wrong side of HWP, just so that you know:)

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Here's my question for those who use "professional" as a way of saying "white collar": Why exactly is it necessary to draw that line of division between an already small group of people? Are we unconsciously desiring to to separate "labor" workers from "mental" workers? Is this another off-shoot of the HWP use in profiles where it is a "polite" way of saying "no fatties" but in this case it is a "polite" way of saying "only educated/certain salary brackets"? I'm not trying to provoke anyone. This is just one of those things that floats in my head and once in a while my brain decides to let me form it into an understandable question.

[MidWestMan 33]

Is it time to break out the dictionary yet?

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=professional+definition&cad=h

 

pro·fes·sion·al

 

adjective

adjective: professional

1.

of, relating to, or connected with a profession.

"young professional people"

synonyms:white-collar, nonmanual More

antonyms:blue-collar

2.

(of a person) engaged in a specified activity as one's main paid occupation rather than as a pastime.

"a professional boxer"

synonyms:paid, salaried More

antonyms:amateur

having or showing the skill appropriate to a professional person; competent or skillful.

"their music is both memorable and professional"

synonyms:expert, accomplished, skillful, masterly, masterful, fine, polished, skilled, proficient, competent, able, experienced, practiced, trained, seasoned, businesslike, deft; More

antonyms:amateurish

worthy of or appropriate to a professional person.

"his professional expertise"

informalderogatory

denoting a person who persistently makes a feature of a particular activity or attribute.

"a professional naysayer"

 

noun

noun: professional; plural noun: professionals

1.

a person engaged or qualified in a profession.

"professionals such as lawyers and surveyors"

synonyms:white-collar worker, office worker More

antonyms:blue-collar worker

a person engaged in a specified activity, esp. a sport or branch of the performing arts, as a main paid occupation rather than as a pastime.

synonyms:professional player, paid player, salaried player; More

antonyms:amateur

a person competent or skilled in a particular activity.

"she was a real professional on stage"

synonyms:expert, virtuoso, old hand, master, maestro, past master; More

antonyms:amateur

 

Everyone is right!

[Brad145 58]

So putting this all in context of the board we are on, would a professional swinger be paid hourly or receive a salary?

[Fours Company 169]

Here's my question for those who use "professional" as a way of saying "white collar": Why exactly is it necessary to draw that line of division between an already small group of people? Are we unconsciously desiring to to separate "labor" workers from "mental" workers? Is this another off-shoot of the HWP use in profiles where it is a "polite" way of saying "no fatties" but in this case it is a "polite" way of saying "only educated/certain salary brackets"? I'm not trying to provoke anyone.

 

I think some people do unfortunately use this term as a form as division. It is like any sub-set of humans, we feel most comfortable within our own circles and like attracts like. Although I can understand this to a degree, it is unfortunate that one would choose to eliminate whole groups of potential friends due to not wanting to step outside one's comfort zone.

 

Because there are also those who would look down on others and feel they are intellectually superior because somehow they earned their station in life more than someone with less money or education is one of the reasons I have always felt uncomfortable when the "what do you do?" question comes up. I've had to deal with assumptions by family and vanilla people for my life path choices almost my entire adult life and both direct experience in the LS and the comments within this thread tells me they exist as a judgment criteria in the LS as well.

 

The funny thing is, in a lot of cases, once some couples we meet found out my current line of work they usually act interested seeing how it's somewhat unique compared to all the other occupations that dominate the LS and usually have a lot of questions since most of their false assumptions no doubt comes only from what they've seen in movies. Yet, since when it comes down to it, uncommonness aside, it is still admittedly a job not requiring much cerebral energy and very low financial rewards to make me fear judgement from those who feel they "made it" and use descriptions like "professional". I guess this is why the tone of thread in some parts has really touched close to myself and quite frankly, very much annoyed me at times.

 

As far as trying not trying to provoke anyone, I don't think you should worry. Those who are offended by open discussion and opinion would no doubt find something to be offended about no matter how one worded it if it didn't match up to their own intellectually prose.

[Chicup 42]

Here's my question for those who use "professional" as a way of saying "white collar": Why exactly is it necessary to draw that line of division between an already small group of people? Are we unconsciously desiring to to separate "labor" workers from "mental" workers? Is this another off-shoot of the HWP use in profiles where it is a "polite" way of saying "no fatties" but in this case it is a "polite" way of saying "only educated/certain salary brackets"? I'm not trying to provoke anyone. This is just one of those things that floats in my head and once in a while my brain decides to let me form it into an understandable question.

 

Let me play the devils advocate here, its my favorite place to be

 

Now we do NOT have this in our profile and never have. If we were primarily looking for long term friends in swinging, we would be looking more for people like us. We are by no means "wealthy" in the real sense of the word, if I don't work 9-5 my five days a week we are quickly broke, but I do make a good living. Its kinda hard to be friends on a "hey lets go out level" with people who are struggling financially. I don't mean in where we go, but its rather uncomfortable to talk about your trip to Disney with the family with someone who can't afford to get their car fixed. Friendship is based on shared experiences, and if you are living in different worlds, you won't share much there.

 

But lets say thats not the issue. You can make a lot of money doing "regular" jobs out there and many "professionals" make less. Education and intelligence matters too in the whole friend thing. Its not insulting, its just who can you relate to.

 

Personally I've played with an aerospace engineer and the next night a "professional" stripper. For me, the issue with both of them was (besides being attractive physically) was they were smart we had a blast with both. So while we won't ever have "professional" in our profile, if it was possible and honest I'd love an IQ listing

 

Big brains are a turn on for me, always have been, always will be.

[SwingSetWife 444]

Let me play the devils advocate here, its my favorite place to be

 

Now we do NOT have this in our profile and never have. If we were primarily looking for long term friends in swinging, we would be looking more for people like us. We are by no means "wealthy" in the real sense of the word, if I don't work 9-5 my five days a week we are quickly broke, but I do make a good living. Its kinda hard to be friends on a "hey lets go out level" with people who are struggling financially. I don't mean in where we go, but its rather uncomfortable to talk about your trip to Disney with the family with someone who can't afford to get their car fixed. Friendship is based on shared experiences, and if you are living in different worlds, you won't share much there.

 

But lets say thats not the issue. You can make a lot of money doing "regular" jobs out there and many "professionals" make less. Education and intelligence matters too in the whole friend thing. Its not insulting, its just who can you relate to.

 

Personally I've played with an aerospace engineer and the next night a "professional" stripper. For me, the issue with both of them was (besides being attractive physically) was they were smart we had a blast with both. So while we won't ever have "professional" in our profile, if it was possible and honest I'd love an IQ listing

 

Big brains are a turn on for me, always have been, always will be.

 

I have thought about this a lot over the course of this thread, and I completely agree. DH and I are not social friends with any millionaires and have no desire to be; like you said, there is just no common ground there. One of my best friends, I LOVE her to death, but it is very hard being friends with her because she NEVER has money to go do anything. It kinda sucks, but we hang out at home and have a great time. On the other hand, I have another friend that NEVER has to say, "Things are tight right now, let's plan something for a later date." Those are two examples of the differences in our financial situations, but again, they are not huge extremes (ie. millionaires or fighting homelessness). So, this is not the problem I have with the word "professional". In this thread, the two people (that I can remember off the top of my head, at least)that have defended the term have compared "non-professionals" to 1. lacking intelligence and 2. taking closeups of their crotches and sleeping with just any ol' thing that will have them. That is where a clear line is drawn in the sand. I would even prefer them to say "I don't want to sleep with anyone that makes less than $xxx,xxx" (whatever that ideal number is to them) or say "I don't want to sleep with anyone unless they have this kind of career." But they don't say that, instead they make outrageous accusations about the people that don't fit into their idea of "professional." /endrant

[DigginIt 1,132]

Chicup and SwingSetWife hit a great point right on the head but often, means is more tied to how one manages the money they make versus how much they make.

 

The only thing the term "professional" tells me is you probably wear a suit and most likely have a college degree but it doesn't mean your're still not a jackass.

 

In five years, we have found maybe one or two other couples that do as much as we do but it's not because we make a lot of money, it's because we spend our money doing things, not buying things and few people can relate and birds of a feather flock together but I would say there is an equal mix of both (white and blue collar) in there and commonality is more important than how one thinks of themselves.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I wonder if the word "professional" rubs those who don't work white collar jobs wrong way while those who do have a harder time seeing why.

 

Because there are also those who would look down on others and feel they are intellectually superior because somehow they earned their station in life more than someone with less money or education is one of the reasons I have always felt uncomfortable when the "what do you do?" question comes up. I've had to deal with assumptions by family and vanilla people for my life path choices almost my entire adult life and both direct experience in the LS and the comments within this thread tells me they exist as a judgment criteria in the LS as well.

 

For me, this almost sums up exactly how I feel when I'm asked, "Well, what do you do?" I have felt this way since graduating from college, which is now almost 10 years. However, I feel the sting of it even more-so the past 5 years since I am a "homemaker," as some would say. Yes, I am a stay-at-home mom. And this has nothing to do with the LS, but years ago, I wrote about how I would get the "Ohhhh...." response once I've told relatives that I stay at home with the kids. It feels like I'm actually less valuable to society. It feels like I'm not contributing to society. It made me feel inadequate as a mother and a person because I wasn't employed outside of the house, juggling kids and a job.

 

So, yes, when I see "professional" in a profile, I steer clear because I feel like I will be looked down upon. I feel that we won't have any common interests. And, more than likely, we're in different phrases of our lives which is also why we don't relate to extremely young or older couples.

 

Let me play the devils advocate here, its my favorite place to be

 

Now we do NOT have this in our profile and never have. If we were primarily looking for long term friends in swinging, we would be looking more for people like us. We are by no means "wealthy" in the real sense of the word, if I don't work 9-5 my five days a week we are quickly broke, but I do make a good living. Its kinda hard to be friends on a "hey lets go out level" with people who are struggling financially. I don't mean in where we go, but its rather uncomfortable to talk about your trip to Disney with the family with someone who can't afford to get their car fixed. Friendship is based on shared experiences, and if you are living in different worlds, you won't share much there.

 

But lets say thats not the issue. You can make a lot of money doing "regular" jobs out there and many "professionals" make less. Education and intelligence matters too in the whole friend thing. Its not insulting, its just who can you relate to.

 

Personally I've played with an aerospace engineer and the next night a "professional" stripper. For me, the issue with both of them was (besides being attractive physically) was they were smart we had a blast with both. So while we won't ever have "professional" in our profile, if it was possible and honest I'd love an IQ listing

 

Big brains are a turn on for me, always have been, always will be.

 

I absolutely understand your Devil's Advocate case. I understand all about desiring common interests and having a certain level of intelligence. Perhaps we're just not that picky but one of our favorite couples aren't "professionals" in the white-collar sense. They were literally living paycheck to paycheck and were sometimes short. They didn't have college degrees. They were decidedly in blue-collar work. But you know what we enjoyed about them? Their personalities and their kindheartedness. There was a thread floating around the forum about whether people liked being asked "What do you do?" If I recall, there were some opinions that stated that they disliked it very much because it felt like people were putting them in boxes once they answered. How is deciding whether one is "professional" or not any different?

 

I'm not the most interesting person in the world and I'm certainly not the sharpest knife in the kitchen drawer but isn't this also veering into what type of swinger you are? For those who just want to screw and not get into personal details, it's not going to matter what job they have or what big brains they have. The bottom line is if you all find each other attractive enough to have sex. For swingers who want a friendship or ongoing relationship with other couples, then this might come into play. If you're more interested in socializing and building a repartee with other couples, then I can see there being some need to have a few common interests.

 

Let me play a Devil's Advocate to your Devil's Advocate. Let's say we're only looking for couples where there is a breadwinner in the house and a stay-at-home parent. For one, this just sounds absurd to me. Not only am I limiting our playmates greatly (because most couples in that situation aren't really engaged in the LS--due to age or time or no interest in the LS) but it seems too personal of a criteria. Two, this just sounds like we only want to associate with "our kind of people". We don't get the pleasure of meeting couples from all different walks of life. Believe me, I enjoy learning about other people and hearing their stories.

 

The playmates that I enjoyed the most had several similar qualities: they were great talkers, they had a kindness to them, exhibited great attraction to me, and they wore glasses (seriously, I'm starting to think it's a fetish). Other than that, their life experiences couldn't be more different from one another (or myself) and their intelligence ranged from average to above average. Overall, it's the physical attraction and personality. I don't care if you shovel cow manure or if you operate on human brains. Both stories are interesting but if you want to get into these pants, you need to charm them off of me.

 

Being in the right type of work doesn't make a person nice. Being educated or smart doesn't make them thoughtful. Being in the right "salary bracket" doesn't make them generous.

 

To bring this post to a complete circle about how some people react negatively to the word "professional" and others do not...I asked Mr. Sun to read this entire thread the other day (when it was a measly 4 pages). First, he balked because that meant time away from Reddit. Second, he complained that it was too long to read. Third, he thought people were getting too upset about the word "professional". When I asked him what he thought about the word "professional", his response was, "I don't know...someone who works in an executive office?" Although there is some debate about whether his job is white-collar or blue-collar, it's not manual labor, it requires a college degree, it requires "mental" work (although sometimes I wonder how hard he works when he completes a series of Scramble with Friends games with me when he's at work!), gets paid a salary, and is able to support us quite comfortably (hence why I can stay home with the kids)...I'd label his job as white-collar. Some might say it's a "professional" job. Mr. Sun doesn't see the hullabaloo concerning this thread.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Chicup and SwingSetWife hit a great point right on the head but often, means is more tied to how one manages the money they make versus how much they make.

 

 

I was just thinking about this as well when I was posting but I didn't think it fit into my post. It also reminded me of

.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

The only thing the term "professional" tells me is you probably wear a suit and most likely have a college degree but it doesn't mean your're still not a jackass.

 

Yeah, that. I wish you'd been around to say that a few dozen posts ago, but I'll take what I can get.

 

DigginIt actually crystalized something that I'd been chewing on for a day or two, which is that "professional" isn't a useful dividing line. Being a professional does not make you a member of the meritocracy, it just means you probably have to wear a tie to work, if you're a man. It says nothing about values - or your value in the world - or intelligence or education or even income. It just describes (because while I appreciate the help, the dictionary definition isn't the problem) something superficial - the clothing you wear to work - and something that may or may not be true, which is that you have a college degree. And it's that very lack of real differentiation that has caused many of the posts and the tug of war between the few who think "professional" has some substantive meaning and those who are saying some variation of "wait a minute, you're sticking a division where it has no right to be."

 

For me, I care about brains and humor, because both are sexy as hell, and I don't care what people do for a living or how much money they make or whether they live in a trailer (although I do give lots of bonus points for books), because none of those things matter, unless they're part of an interesting story that I'm being told.

[Chicup 42]

I absolutely understand your Devil's Advocate case. I understand all about desiring common interests and having a certain level of intelligence. Perhaps we're just not that picky but one of our favorite couples aren't "professionals" in the white-collar sense. They were literally living paycheck to paycheck and were sometimes short. They didn't have college degrees. They were decidedly in blue-collar work. But you know what we enjoyed about them? Their personalities and their kindheartedness. There was a thread floating around the forum about whether people liked being asked "What do you do?" If I recall, there were some opinions that stated that they disliked it very much because it felt like people were putting them in boxes once they answered. How is deciding whether one is "professional" or not any different?

 

I mentioned before, people look at profiles and find reasons to say no, and say yes in person. The biggest bitch I've met in the lifestyle is as "professional" as they get and while I won't say what she does, no one would disagree with me on this here, and despite her being hot as hell I have no interest in her, only revulsion.

 

It obviously goes both ways and you can't paint everyone with one brush. But back to profiles. We met a couple last weekend, but we had to plan it a month in advance. We are at that point with kids and most of our playmates have kids at ages that require a lot of planning to find a weekend night free. The odds are we will get along better with a "professional" couple.

 

At a club or M&G though, its a non-issue. Lets not forget we are talking about profiles in this case, not the actual meeting.

 

I'm not the most interesting person in the world and I'm certainly not the sharpest knife in the kitchen drawer but isn't this also veering into what type of swinger you are? For those who just want to screw and not get into personal details, it's not going to matter what job they have or what big brains they have. The bottom line is if you all find each other attractive enough to have sex. For swingers who want a friendship or ongoing relationship with other couples, then this might come into play. If you're more interested in socializing and building a repartee with other couples, then I can see there being some need to have a few common interests.

 

Thats why I mentioned if you were interested in long term friends. I think if you were that type of swinger then you wouldn't have "professional" in your profile to start with.

 

 

Let me play a Devil's Advocate to your Devil's Advocate. Let's say we're only looking for couples where there is a breadwinner in the house and a stay-at-home parent. For one, this just sounds absurd to me. Not only am I limiting our playmates greatly (because most couples in that situation aren't really engaged in the LS--due to age or time or no interest in the LS) but it seems too personal of a criteria. Two, this just sounds like we only want to associate with "our kind of people". We don't get the pleasure of meeting couples from all different walks of life. Believe me, I enjoy learning about other people and hearing their stories.

 

Its a big step from "professional" to "traditional middle class family with stay at home mom" in terms of the criteria. Added when I read "professional" in profiles its not a "We are looking only for professional" but "we are professional" so its information about themselves not what they are looking for. The reader of the profile is projecting the idea "they won't play with us because we are not professional" vibe in most of these cases.

 

The playmates that I enjoyed the most had several similar qualities: they were great talkers, they had a kindness to them, exhibited great attraction to me, and they wore glasses (seriously, I'm starting to think it's a fetish). Other than that, their life experiences couldn't be more different from one another (or myself) and their intelligence ranged from average to above average. Overall, it's the physical attraction and personality. I don't care if you shovel cow manure or if you operate on human brains. Both stories are interesting but if you want to get into these pants, you need to charm them off of me.

 

Being in the right type of work doesn't make a person nice. Being educated or smart doesn't make them thoughtful. Being in the right "salary bracket" doesn't make them generous.

 

To bring this post to a complete circle about how some people react negatively to the word "professional" and others do not...I asked Mr. Sun to read this entire thread the other day (when it was a measly 4 pages). First, he balked because that meant time away from Reddit. Second, he complained that it was too long to read. Third, he thought people were getting too upset about the word "professional". When I asked him what he thought about the word "professional", his response was, "I don't know...someone who works in an executive office?" Although there is some debate about whether his job is white-collar or blue-collar, it's not manual labor, it requires a college degree, it requires "mental" work (although sometimes I wonder how hard he works when he completes a series of Scramble with Friends games with me when he's at work!), gets paid a salary, and is able to support us quite comfortably (hence why I can stay home with the kids)...I'd label his job as white-collar. Some might say it's a "professional" job. Mr. Sun doesn't see the hullabaloo concerning this thread.

 

I don't see the hullabaloo either tbh, but I think I understand the hullabaloo. Basically when someone reads something they think excludes them, real or imaginary, it brings up the defenses. No one likes to feel they are considered "low class" by someone else and thats the vibe I'm getting about this.

 

But who cares? This is just another "preference" thing, if some couple wants to limit their search for millionaire midgets with purple afros, thats their business and their problem.

[Fours Company 169]

For me, this almost sums up exactly how I feel when I'm asked, "Well, what do you do?" I have felt this way since graduating from college, which is now almost 10 years. However, I feel the sting of it even more-so the past 5 years since I am a "homemaker," as some would say. Yes, I am a stay-at-home mom. And this has nothing to do with the LS, but years ago, I wrote about how I would get the "Ohhhh...." response once I've told relatives that I stay at home with the kids. It feels like I'm actually less valuable to society. It feels like I'm not contributing to society. It made me feel inadequate as a mother and a person because I wasn't employed outside of the house, juggling kids and a job.

 

So, yes, when I see "professional" in a profile, I steer clear because I feel like I will be looked down upon. I feel that we won't have any common interests

 

Though I have had very little time to post here lately, I wanted to be able to finally respond to this and perhaps offer a different perspective.

 

Ever since our oldest was born we have been dependent on dual incomes and all though we had discussed one of us staying home with the kids, it was never a serious option all throughout the time they were growing up and spending their important years being raised by others, we believe was responsible for a lot of issues later in life. This was made worse by some family and others actually trying to guilt Mrs. Fours for the opposite reasons as in your situation.

 

So I guess the point I'm trying to make is though I can understand why someone in your case may feel the way they do, but at the same time there are others who would find the situation ideal. You are performing a valuable service to something far more important then society and there are those of us who not only don't look down on those like you, but commend you.

 

I guess part of the problem is we allow others and society to tie us so close to occupational status as witnessed by the first question asked by others does seem to be the "What do you do?" one, that we are made to feel bad if we don't answer it the way some feel is the correct way and though I know it's easy to say, we should not allow them to. If others don't approve of the type of occupation we do or even if we have an occupation, that is their hang-up and not a failing on our part.

 

Unfortunately, as I stated, not allowing ourselves to be judged by other's criteria is easier said then done and I will purposefully avoid profiles that use such terms like "professional". Regardless of the intended meaning, I find my self assuming we will not have as much in common either and perhaps by not taking a chance, I will admit we are as guilty as they are when it comes to staying in one's comfort zone.

[DigginIt 1,132]

We have never taken it in a negative way when we see someone use the term. We just take it that the couple is stressing they need to keep their involvement in the lifestyle super private.

 

And despite a lot of the threads, you shouldn't, it should be taken as a whole with their entire profile It won't take long as you read to determine if it's an identifier or just a qualifier.

[DigginIt 1,132]

When I see the word, I typically think "white collar".

 

I was watching hitch the other night and there is a scene where this jackass tries to hire hitch to help him get laid. The guy is a real ass, power suit, power tie...

 

And then I thought about this thread

[fun4Ds 1,098]

All this, over seeing someone listed as a "professional' in a swingers profile ? We never would have made such a deciding factor having read this while profiling potential playmates. But we can relate somewhat, knowing " what do you do " is a popular way to start some sort of conversation. I'm thinking people who list "professional" in a profile, are just trying to blend in with others as they have read others profiles. Nothing more than trying to self classify...

[81lizard69 470]

I think that injuries suffered from the term professional of white collar are just blows to ones ego. There is nothing wrong with setting a standard for some one that you will sleep with. Rules and fences make better neighbors. When we first started swinging we went out of our way to meet swingers that were similar to us. There are good couples that put out there what they are like and what they would like in return.. it does not get any better than when looking for playmates. If you do not fit that bill why waste your time fretting that there is a profile out there that has excluded you or I. There are so many people that want to swing all we have to do is find them.

 

Near us is a large population of Harley bikers that like to swing. I like to think that I am a sophisticated man and really did not and do not find the allure of biker lifestyle very appealing to me. I got stuck on the stereo type that they were all smokers and over weight knuckle heads. Turns out most are Middle class white men that like big loud ugly motor bikes that are a throw back to the 50's and 60's. By my stereo typing I had excluded many potential playmates. We were invited to a SW meet and great a biker bar and found out that they were more like us than I had thought. if I could find a pack of cigarettes I could trade the and get my wife back from the bikers. HA!http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/images/smilies/eek.gif

[MarniJohn 172]

What is HWP?

[1XcellentXtra4U 29]

When I see Professional Couple I think responsible, realizes importance of privacy and people who use their brains. A couple that lives the Ozzie and Harriet life for the world but also lives out a very hot and naughty double life of really hot sex.

[Wornsilver 219]

I think the term "HWP" is typically a statement that they are or they are expecting you to be "Height and Weight Proportional." My motto has been that my weight is proportional to my height...which varies.