Wife is worried about having potential negative feelings after first swing experience

[Mfc 21]

Thanks in advance for all replies...

 

We are a couple, 35 yrs old, married for 4 years and have decided to visit Desire Resort, Cancun next year to hopefully play with some couples and enjoy the sexy open environment.

 

I am probably the more open and adventurous of us when it comes to taking the first steps into swinging. My wife is a very sexual woman, attractive Brazilian and we are up for almost anything in the bedroom.

 

We are complete newbies when it comes to the lifestyle, it will be our first time at a resort like this, first time naked in front of others and seeing others having fun openly and hopefully others seeing us having fun openly too...

 

We have talked a lot about what we are hoping to experience on our trip, starting off slowly at my wife's pace as long as she feels comfortable, maybe soft swap and possibly going further if all is good on our first experience.

 

But here is the question... My wife has real concerns on how she may feel the following day after playing with another couple and it is playing on her mind a little.

 

When we are in bed having sex and maybe watching porn, it turns us both on and my wife is very open and loves to talk dirty and tell me that she wants to do all the stuff in the porn movie, have another girl to go down on her (I wouldn't consider my wife too bi curious but she definitely appreciates a beautiful woman), or how she wants me to have sex with another woman as that woman is playing with her etc... you get the idea... But right after we have sex my wife is kinda embarrassed of all the things that she has said and feels a little weird about it...

 

She says that it maybe its because she was not brought up in a way that talking like this is normal or thinking of entering swinging is normal...

 

She is afraid that in the heat of the moment that she will feel comfortable, horney and enjoy the sexual experience of playing with others but that after play is finished and especially the day after that she will feel weird and be filled with negative emotions....

 

Now maybe I am wrong, but I would think that these feelings are somewhat normal for newbies, so my main reason for posting here is to hear from others that have had similar feelings prior to playing and how things were after and how you dealt with any negative emotions, if indeed there were any negative emotions...

 

Thanks for all replies....

 

Michael

[Chicup 41]

For me facing those "negative emotions" was the best and most important part of our swinging. What her negative emotions might be who can tell. Some are jealousy, others might be shame, especially if she feels a lot of guilt from a religious background.

 

Some will tell you they had NO issues with negative feelings and that if you do, you shouldn't swing. I think this is wrong myself. Learning to control and overcome those negative feelings can be quite liberating. Not feeling guilty about enjoying sex or being jealous, or whatever the issue may be is a great feeling.

 

So basically there IS a risk in swinging, and there is a reward. Knowing your personality and hers, you have to assess if this is for you.

 

And one last thing. We have seen posts like this in the past, where the man was ready to go and the woman had reservations but after the swinging, HE was the one with the issues and she thought it was great. Don't be so focused on her feelings you don't face your own.

[Lava&Spike 28]

You really don't know until you get there. Sometimes the one who is most enthralled and adventurous will be the party who is awkward the next day. And the one who was hesitant is now all for it. Communication is key. Just keep talking. Talk before during and after

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

All good advice above. Communication, openness, and honesty will go a long way. Also, making sure she totally knows this is HER choice whether to proceed or not. Just because you are going to Desire doesn't mean that you have to play, you may not even find the opportunity where it feels comfortable. The more you stress out over it ahead of time the less likely you are to enjoy it if the opportunity presents (or have it live up to your expectations).

 

RELAX!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

What she said and don't forget its a VACATION. Enjoy yourselves first and foremost. Anything else that happens (or doesn't) is a bonus. Just a warning about the rooftop jacuzzi. That place gets wild and does it early.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Almost always, we worry about the 'what if's" and more often than not, it's unnecessary worry. A really important thing that was not mentioned in the other posts is make sure you communicate with your potential company. Let them know that you are new and your comfort levels are still being defined and remember you can call a stop at ANYTIME if one or both of you feel uncomfortable. It's not like you are committed and can't change your mind half way through play. It might suck a little for the other couple but they still can have sex with each other.

 

Try it in stages, maybe the first night, assuming you find a couple, soft swap with them and then regroup, discuss and make a choice about the next encounter, etc. You get the idea.

 

Good luck!

[Talon34420 15]

The day after we had played for the first time, my wife was both overwhelmed with guilt and also wildly sexy!! By the time we decided to play again with the same couple, she was much more into it and we did continue to play until a job transfer led them to move away from the area. In spite of her initial reservations, she admitted that she had a good time and looked forward to more 'play dates' with them! If you've discussed it fully with your wife, I think you can expect some residual guilt from her religious upbringing but with patience and love, I'm sure she'll learn really to enjoy it!

[Mfc 21]

Thanks to all for the great advice, my wife and I are becoming more and more comfortable with exploring the Lifestyle...

In fact we are off to Amsterdam in a week and we are going to attend a Swingers club for the first time, fun4two, we have made a rule that the only playing outside of ourselves will be that my wife might play with another woman, she has never had another female encounter before and is open to it if it happens, if it doesn't happen this time round then that's ok too. With not going too far we hope it will be easy for us the following day to evaluate how we enjoyed the experience and about future encounters too, we are both really excited and a little nervous too at the same time, we will keep ye informed of our jump into the lifestyle.....

[Mfc 21]

We arrived back from our first swinger club experience.... We are already looking forward to our next experience.....

 

From the moment we arrived at fun4two club near amsterdam we felt so comfortable, everyone was so friendly and welcoming, not like any other night club we have ever been to....

 

We met a lovely couple during the night and immediately had a click with them and felt like we knew them for a long time. We decided to go upstairs to the playrooms and have some fun...

We all got naked in a small cosy dark room, before I knew it the other woman and my wife were all over each other and me and the other guy were just watching on in admiration!

My wife told me to start sucking on her breast while she was playing with her pussy, it was a surreal experience, after the two girls finished playing then we all started to have amazing sex with each of our partners together, it was the hottest sex ever, it was a great first experience in this new lifestyle....

 

Since we have come back from our trip we have been talking and having fun about our hot encounter, there was no sense of jealousy or weirdness the day after our playing which was a real concern before hand, if anything we feel that we are closer now than before, it was a great experience and we are looking forward to our next experience and a new world before us...

 

Thank you all for the invaluable advice we have gotten here....

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Congrats on your positive experience, and we're glad the board could be a positive resource for you!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Our best experiences are play and NOT stay. Play and go is what I would suggest.

[peggyisfun 16]

thats a great experience you had Mfc

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Mfc, I'm so glad that you had a great first swinger club experience! Have you been back to visit the swinger club since your last update?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Yes, any more updates?

[Powerglide 235]

It's like what Mark Twain said: "Most of the bad things in my life never happened." So glad your worries were unfounded.

[Guest nakedal]

I found the original question a really interesting one ... is it common to feel a sort of awkwardness either the day after or even straight after the initial orgasm? It may well relate to a Christian upbringing I guess, but I used to get it when we first got together and were having sex before marriage with each other - neither of us have had sex with anyone else before or during our marriage ...

 

Would be interested if anyone else had similar thoughts at any point ...

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Mrs. CoupleInMD79 had the problem early on of occasionally hearing her parent's voices in her head, telling her how wrong it was to do what she was thinking of doing, or (later on) had done. But she thoroughly enjoyed the sexy fun of playing, got a big ego boost from her play partners' attentions, and came to realize that our lifestyle friends are generally really good people. She has pretty much gotten over any lingering thoughts of others' puritanical disapproval.

 

nakedal, it's interesting that you bring up the possibility of awkwardness immediately after having "swinger sex". We find that the time right after everybody finishes is so comfortable, relaxed, and free, that it's one of our favorite things about being in the lifestyle!

[Guest nakedal]

Thanks I think it's because it's such uncharted territory for us - difficult to know how we'd react - but it probably hangs on how much we (particularly she) wants to play ... we'll keep talking and see where we go ...

 

We both love people, so I think it would have been disappointing if the others had just disappeared straight after the act. I hope we'd learn to love that part too - though obviously we are a number of steps away from that point!

[Mfc 21]

Been a long time since an update on our first experiences....

 

So we had our first experience at a swingers club as described and was great.

 

Two years ago we visited Desire resort in Cancun Mexico.

 

We were so looking forward to a week of enjoying the sexual vibe and being naked and dressing up each night and possibly dressing down too after dark...

 

Our first night there we enjoyed a late night of drinks at the hot tub and really got into the sexy atmosphere of seeing everyone so cool and relaxed, naked and we soon hooked up with a fun couple from the States, Anna and Jeff, not real names...

 

We went back to their room and immediately Anna was eating my wife's pussy while my wife was holding both mine and Jeff's cocks in both her hands and stroking us very gently as she moaned with pleasure from Anna doing a wonderful job of licking her out, it was such a turn on seeing another woman giving my wife pleasure and great to see my wife coming out of her shell and giving a hand job to both me and Jeff, this was a big next step for my wife doing that with another man, she stopped short of sucking his cock but that seemed fine with everyone as we explained that my wife was taking small steps... Anna and Jeff seemed a bit more experienced so they were happy to help us along...

 

Anna then started sucking on my cock, it was incredible having another woman sucking and pulling on my cock while I was now watching Jeff continue the good work Anna started and licked my wife's pussy some more, everyone was enjoying themselves, it was an electric atmosphere of sucking, licking, moans and groans....

 

I started licking Anna's pussy and fingering her, it was such a turn on, my wife and I were checking in with each other every few mins, a quick glance and a nod to see that we were both ok and enjoying what was going on.

 

After a good while of playing with each other's wife's, we swapped and had our own wife's back, the two girls got on top of us and started grinding us, all four of us fucking right next to each other on the bed, it was amazing, we changed position that both me and Jeff were fucking our wife's from behind, it was a sight! I fucked my wife so hard and fast and it was an incredible for everyone in the room!

 

We all chilled for a while holding our wife's close, we chatted and it felt so comfortable and relaxed.

 

We all enjoyed a fantastic night, what a great first night at Desire!

Anna and Jeff flew back to the states the following morning, we met them for breakfast, it was so nice and comfortable again the morning after.

 

I was delighted my wife was cool about everything and there was no worry or issues in anyway.

 

We didn't play with anyone else for the rest of the trip, but we still had a great full week at desire.

Hope to go back before long.

 

Next month we are going back to that club in Netherlands, fun4two, we are going for two nights!

It has been 2 years since our trip to Desire, so we are both looking forward to it, I am excited and my wife is excited and a little nervous. She still talks about how she feels from her catholic upbringing that it's not really normal and still has lingering nerves based on this.

 

Sometimes when we are having sex at home my wife talks dirty and talks about our wild night at Desire with Anna and Jeff while we are fucking, reliving that experience, but afterwards she feels embarrassed and almost ashamed that she was talking so dirty about it during sex, it's like in the heat of passion she is up for anything and then after she is thinking too much about it and feeling little bad....

 

I know that if she allows herself to fully relax and enjoy herself and all the pleasures that she will have a great time and that even with her catholic upbringing that she does not need to worry and focus on this, that she is allowed to enjoy new and exciting sexual experiences with her husband by her side.

 

We have been looking again on this forum and reading more stories similar to my wife's background thoughts, she is a sexy fit Brazilian woman that has a huge sex drive only matched by mine and it is a big turn on to see her in these environments and show her off in sexy outfits and hopefully she will concentrate on the experience and not the lingering thoughts afterwards.

 

Thanks again for all that read and replied to our previous update and advice and we will be sure to update next month after our club visit.

Thanks

 

Michael

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Thanks for the update! That was fantastic you find such a great couple to play with!

 

Your wife's anxieties are perfectly normal. I've heard various Catholics say things like "I'm Catholic. I can feel guilty about anything!" It's true! Seriously though, the religious aspect is a personal journey that can take time to adjust within. Not that it makes it 'right' in Catholic eyes, but there have been several popes that have openly had orgies, threesomes, and moresomes. It was common knowledge.

 

For my part, the religious journey was in part a realization that there was no victim in anything we were doing. We have always ensured the people we are playing with are not cheating on anyone. We are not cheating on each other certainly. So, where's the 'crime'? It is also worth noting that the Bible has many figures who had multiple wives, concubines, etc. The idea of one man, one woman isn't exactly all that the bible says. Also, the term adultery...one of the commandments speaks against it of course...isn't exactly what we think it means today. You might want to research into this, to help with the discussion about religious guilt.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Thanks so much for the update! It's always great to hear how something turns out (even if it is a little delayed), especially when the outcome is positive.

 

Christian upbringing can (and does) cause the same problems. There's a a thread here somewhere that was talking about religion and swinging...search ought to find it for you. It's always easy to say that what you are doing shouldn't feel wrong (look how many Old Testament marriages were to multiple wives and even the New Testament was filled with bath houses...what was Mary Magdalene's profession? {arguably this is a debate topic}) but years of being taught otherwise makes this difficult. Just give her the support and backing that she needs and don't push...let her move at a speed she is comfortable with (since it's been two years since your first experience before even thinking about the second, that speed is rather slow but that's okay). It will become easier for her...and you as you progress. Looking forward to hearing about your next experience and just hope that the follow up is just a bit quicker this time. Continued good luck on your journey!

[2NoLimit 95]

I can totally relate to your wife. I'm also Brazilian and the catholic background runs deep. After our first experience aboard the bliss cruise this past March (posted on first swinging experience). I can say the only negative thought that I had, was if my husband thinks any less of me now? But through communication, it was the complete opposite and he never felt so proud and lucky to be my husband. As for the religious part, that is something we had discussed prior to jumping in (we are both catholic). In our view, we feel no guilt, and do not let society dictate what's right or wrong, as that is constantly changing.

 

Recently we had to confess for our daughters first communion, and we talked about if we should mention about our LS, but we both agreed that why should we confess on something that has brought us closer to each other and have absolutely no guilt. We should only confess our guilt and nothing else.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

Wish you both the best of luck.

[alfitos 17]

Hi michael

 

I have one question for you

 

You see I and my wife are going to Berlin and Amsterdam this month and were thinking of going to insomnia berlin and fun4two or something similar in Amsterdam so what I wanted to ask is what was the average age there when you went 2 years ago.

 

I and my wife are newbies in the lifestyle, and never done much more then go to a club and have sex with each other while enjoying the atmosphere, which we re-live when we get home , when it is successful. The only problem I have found (in Spain where we live) is that often we are a lot younger then the others at the clubs. We are 33 and 36 years old. And many places here the age seems to be 50+ sometimes 60+, up to 50 is good but when the others are at our parents age, it can feel too much of an age gap.

 

Best regards