Do you avoid those that play bareback?

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Reading Chicup's post "Reading between the profile lines..." about V-safe being code of bareback play got me thinking.

 

If a couple/single admits to playing bareback as an option do you avoid them due to STI concerns even if you only play safe?

 

If they allude to it, as described in Chicup's post, do avoid them for the same concerns?

 

Do you bail on a couple that states they play safe in their profile, but when you meet, all of a sudden it is optional? What if it becomes optional after getting to know you better?

 

We have seen a few couple profiles that say they only play bareback, usually due to latex concerns, but I don't usually buy that, since there are condemns that are latex free. We have seen 2-3 more that just state that is how they prefer to play. And we have meet a good many that state they only play safe in their profile, but bring up that bareback is an option once we meet. The vast majority we have met do not use any protection during oral. So where do YOU draw the line?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Very good questions and I had to think for awhile before I came up with something I could articulate. I approach everyone as if they have an STI, whether they do or do not use condoms 100% of the time. I have used condoms and dental dams for oral (it's far more prevalent in the sex-positive/poly/kink communities), but I'm not a fan, so I take the risk of transmission unless I know my partners do have an STI.

 

That said, I would, perhaps irrationally, refuse to play with those who say they only play bareback. So, that's my line.

[lotsoffun201 175]

You know, we've thought about this for a long time. We don't play all that often, but either way is fine for us. The male isn't allowed to cum in the mrs, and I won't in the female partner. Mrs prefers the male to cum ON her and that is discussed prior to play. Also, mrs fun is a prolific squirter and will soak the bed, couch or whatever area we are playing on.

 

Condoms or not, fluids are going to be exchanged one way or the other. Now with the "unknown" person or persons, condoms are a MUST since trusting someone not to cum in the mrs isn't worth the risk.

[tribbles 490]

We gave up lines. It's easier that way.

[Chicup 39]

How hot are they?

 

That may sound trite but there is something honest in it too. Every profile has pluses and minuses. Bareback play is a minus but if they don't insist on it, it is not a deal breaker, just a minus. If enough pluses add up we MIGHT play.

 

Honestly this hasn't come up for us, maybe it is just the group we hang out with has had condoms drummed into their head since they were a young teen for so long it is like seatbelt laws. When they came out my uncles who were in their 20-30's bitched and moaned about it for a long long time. I personally can't be comfortable in a car without a seatbelt on.

[nottieme 18]

How hot are they?

That may sound trite but there is something honest in it too. Every profile has pluses and minuses. Bareback play is a minus but if they don't insist on it, it is not a deal breaker, just a minus. If enough pluses add up we MIGHT play.

 

Agreed. It's one (or maybe two) for the minus column when doing the imaginary arithmetic of sizing up a couple.

[NCCplForYou 21]

My wife and I were just talking about this today. She is a CMA and does these tests every day. I had read, I thought on here, that some couples require a "certificate" or a "recent test result within a week" from their doctor but what she told me is just what others have said on this forum. Plus, a doctor is not going to "guarantee" someone isn't FREE and CLEAR of any STD. Guess that and then reading this just now answered my questions. Guess we'll wait and play with the one or two couples we trust. Thanks everyone.

[CB&DD 216]

We play safe. We would love to find a couple or 2 that we could play bareback with, but that is a huge trust to put in someone and we haven't met them yet. It would be nice to find them so DD can live out her fantasy of having multiple men cum in her consecutively and enjoy that full feeling. Hopefully someday that will happen but not holding our breath.

[Brad145 58]

A couple that plays bareback would be a strong NO with us.

 

Of course, we would have no way of telling unless they mentioned it, so I'm sure it's already been done.

[Tia Vampire 167]

After seeing a couple that I know to have HIV come to a party and almost seduce some of the couples there, I will never go without a condom. Even if me and the couple have played before. No no no. If you're not going to cover it up, then yes I will avoid you like the plague.

[confused12524 201]

We would probably avoid "bareback only" couples. As far as others, there is no way to tell. The overwhelming majority of people we have played with, couples and singles, would not have thought twice about going bareback. Nobody has ever brought condoms or went to get one without my wife bringing it up again just as the guy was getting ready to slide in.

[TricianMike 758]

We have been fortunate that nothing bad has ever happened. Maybe Russian Roulette. Our first time we used absolutely no protection. I wouldn't know what to do with a dental dam. I also have never done oral to a guy wearing a condom. I would say as we have become more active, we have used protection but I would be a liar if I said always.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

We have been on the receiving end of a couple of abrupt bail-outs recently from couples who said they would not play with anyone who had ever played bareback. I made it clear in both cases that we will be happy to use condoms if anybody wants, and also said that we often insist on condom use. But because I admitted that we had gone bareback before (with couples that we knew and trusted), we were unceremoniously dumped at the curb (figuratively speaking).

 

Of course anybody is free to have any rules they like, but this particular formulation of "playing safe" strikes me as being not very well thought out. After all, these people were not insisting on the use of condoms or dental dams for oral- so they were apparently OK with some potential exposure to disease. And we were ready to use condoms with them. For a new-to-us couple, we would insist anyway!

 

It was hard not to take some slight offense. After all, we wash regularly, eat our vegetables, and are kind to the elderly! I had no idea that having ever gone without the raincoat would forever mark us as unclean.

[Guest Ready2dewit]

this topic seems to come up all the time. My take is that there are risks in this lifestyle, just like there are risks in motorcycling, skydiving, skiing, or any other activity that has a tendency to punish carelessness. You have to be comfortable with mitigating the risks involved. If you are constantly on the lookout for whatever bad can happen, what is the fun?

 

If a couple is sober, seems to be intelligent and capable of using judgement, and doesn't play with everyone who sends them a message on SLS or something, and they are interested in playing bareback, I'm OK with it. It adds to the experience for a lot of people. I'm pretty low-circulation, and seek those who are as well. I find that in most cases, I tend to become a "regular" with couples because it is easier to do the repeat performance than to constantly find new people. So it's their call.

 

30 day test? Doesn't mean that they didn't play last night. And there are bugs that make it through no matter how much latex is involved. Boils down to judgement and personal comfort. No way is right or wrong, and people shouldn't be shunned based on what they do in that regard.

[M1F2KTJ 472]

We always do bareback. My wife can't get pregnant. Our/my instincts have worked well so far. I don't mean any disrespect but I/we choose our playmates carefully. My wife loves the feeling of a naked cock in her and loves him cumming in her and I love watching it.

[living_free 44]

I love both...but bareback is better

[asncpl 728]

We play bareback with some and require condoms or other protection with others. First timers are always with condoms. We do tell people that we play bareback on occasion and I actually can think of only one instance when a couple declined to play with us because of it. On the other hand, we get plenty of requests from others to go bareback. Some just conveniently not put on a condom until I tell them to, and I had more than a few guys in mfm situations who asked if they could slip it in without a condom for a few strokes.

 

We don't draw lines but I think it's a judgment call with each situation, and we haven't had any problems so far.

[Guest Ready2dewit]

We play bareback with some and require condoms or other protection with others. First timers are always with condoms. We do tell people that we play bareback on occasion and I actually can think of only one instance when a couple declined to play with us because of it. On the other hand, we get plenty of requests from others to go bareback. Some just conveniently not put on a condom until I tell them to, and I had more than a few guys in mfm situations who asked if they could slip it in without a condom for a few strokes.

 

We don't draw lines but I think it's a judgment call with each situation, and we haven't had any problems so far.

 

This sounds reasonable, I can't imagine waiting until the "moment of truth" to have the discussion, but you have to use judgement when it comes to who you want to play with, bareback/condoms is just another extension of that.

[Guest]

If we pick a guy up at a far for MFM or if we meet up with another couple(s) at a local swingers club, we require condoms. In the MFM situation, hubby wears one two just so everything appears to be equal. In other situations where we have linked up with a friend or acquaintance, we haven't used them. A couple of times I have required the guy wear one for me to give him oral sex. The problem is, if there is one, that during oral sex when I usually don't require them to wear one, well, I get excited and tend to enjoy sucking so much that I end up being a suck and swallow girl.

 

However, as an example of the exceptions that can occur, our second MFM, we met at guy at a resort bar. He was a young businessman, a father, married, there on a golf/fishing trip. He and his 4 buddies were trying to pick up two younger girls at the bar but came over and started talking to us at the bar and then went to the hot tub with us. Back in the room that night, he goes down on me for the longest time while I suck hubby, he gets me to orgasm, climbs on me bareback and pounds it to me as I like. He then tells us that he is cumming, where should he put it. I look at hubby and pat my tummy. This is new for us, I can't get pregnant, hubby has a vas, I'm use to him just cumming inside me. So the guy spews on my tummy. I kiss him passionately, stroke his dick which is still spewing and go down and suck the rest out of him. How do you give up that spontaneity in the heat of passion?

[gsu22 187]

As a bi guy, it's a MUST to wear protection until trust and honesty is established....at which point, I LOVE barebacking.

[edtungsten5858 29]

Much like M1F2KTJ above, we only play bareback and say so ahead of time. Amy can not get pregnant (congenital) and I have a vasectomy. She loves a bare cock cumming in any hole and relishes having semen in her body. In a little twist from other stories here, we/she has been put off when a guy starts to use a condom despite our clear communication and prior agreement to the contrary. We call it quits at that point for the lie and wasting our time and money (room, gas). We have attended house parties in which no one used or mentioned condoms :-)

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

I will not avoid a couple for playing bareback but if they are playing w people I believe are high risk then I will not play with them. Had a couple experiences of people playing w people that admitted to having HSV because the didn't believe they would catch it unless the infected person had an outbreak. I think that is a very selfish mindset to have in this lifestyle.

[njbm 2,823]

HSV and HPV are so common that I find bareback to be a risky choice unless you are playing in a closed, tested group. Even with condom usage, HSV and HPV are transmittable. You pick your cards, you take your chances.

[couplers 4,465]

One of the reasons we are a closed poly family is because we all love bareback, but want to avoid the risks. We have talked about opening up and playing, but haven't gone there, at least not yet.

[AndyPlays 31]

I played bareback 90% of the time the first few years I was in swinging but now very selective who I bareback. I would take it on a case by case basis.

[njbm 2,823]

We are hesitant to play with people who play bareback. They are higher risk for HPV and HSV although all Swingers are high risk for STDs. I am also concerned that bi males are exposed to more STDs. I am not bi, but we've played with bi guys who play straight. No prejudice against anyone's preferences.

[Funguy796 44]

People need to be careful. Condoms offer good protection. I steer away from high risk activities like anal sex.

[Eddiem 139]

At first we do ... sometimes the situation dictates otherwise but we always come protected. There have been cases when other men try fucking my SO bareback and you know once they start they will try to finish.

[padoc 1,701]

"No prejudice against anyone's preferences" Are you kidding?? You should "pre judge" those who engage in reckless activities such as employing hookers, bi/gay anal, strangulation, scat, IV drug users. That's how you keep your wife and you safe and healthy. I've heard time after time that "in the lifestyle, we shouldn't judge". I think that's a bunch of crap! We wouldn't engage in a random, unprotected gang bang and we wouldn't play with someone who did. Are we judging the receptacle? You bet. We wouldn't engage in sex with a guy who wanted to butt fuck both of us. Are we judging him?? You bet! All human decisions are based on judgements of some kind. Why shouldn't we judge the people being considered for the most intimate activities and decisions we make?

[njbm 2,823]

We know there are a lot of bareback fans on line, maybe the majority, but we view people who play bareback as high risk for STDs and STIs. Not saying we wouldn’t play with them with condoms, but we’d be dubious.

[Sophy 568]

We only have condomless sex with our closest friends, people that we trust for years,in more that 7 years since we started swinging I have only had 3 men penetrated me without a condom that is including my husband.

We feel pretty safe compared to many single people living "regular sexual lives"

[GoNatural 104]

Between 2002 and ~ 2013 I was a young buck for about 10 different couples.

 

6 of them wanted it bareback from the beginning and creampies were important.   I was thrilled, because my first 2 couples were "condoms always" types.

 

Of the 4 couples that wanted condoms, one of those changed by the 2nd play date and wanted it bareback.

 

There's a few different surveys on here and one I recently saw on Kasidie that keep showing about the same stats.  It's neat to see that on different years, and even on a different website, the stats come out pretty much the same.

 

About 25% are condoms ALWAYS, on multiple surveys.   (I've seen one at 35% and one at 45% that asked primarily males). 

 

About 12% are BAREBACK ONLY, or hit the road Jack....

 

The rest are in the middle being the type to use condoms if requested, or ~20% go bare after months of knowing someone, or..... a few go bare after a couple fucks with a condom first for a couple of weeks.

 

The largest group with the most members is that flexible group that uses condoms situationally.

 

I'd lean towards going bareaback with most couples, depending on how frequently she gets with new brand new guys and if testing is at least every 6 months.    HPV is that pesky sleeper sti though.     I'm getting vaccinated, and I hope most women will too.

 

 

Edited February 21, 2023 by GoNatural

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,324]

Back in our days of swing clubs condoms were the rule - as they still are should we attend any event where random hookups are possible.

But these days we mostly play at home with select partners, and we mostly play bareback.  We require (and provide) a recent STD panel up front for potential playmates and this has served us well.

[njbm 2,823]

8 minutes ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Back in our days of swing clubs condoms were the rule - as they still are should we attend any event where random hookups are possible.

But these days we mostly play at home with select partners, and we mostly play bareback.  We require (and provide) a recent STD panel up front for potential playmates and this has served us well.

Are the women getting checked for HPV? Not necessarily in an STD panel, done at Ob/Gyn. Are you guys HPV vaxxed? If personal, do not answer, but I lay these questions out for everyone. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,324]

25 minutes ago, njbm said:

Are the women getting checked for HPV? Not necessarily in an STD panel, done at Ob/Gyn. Are you guys HPV vaxxed? If personal, do not answer, but I lay these questions out for everyone. 

Yes we are both HPV vaxxed. and honestly all of our at-home play these days is mfm so there isn't the need to check the ladies.  All our couples-swap activity is restricted to the very few times a year we attend a club or event and we do use condoms for such occasions.

[cplnluv1 851]

Meeting primarily those who were reaching out for the first time we with some caution met without using any precautions. There are a few that did request or ask if they could use condoms, I couldn’t say yes to oral with condoms because I would gag. Condom use was the exception not the norm. 

[njbm 2,823]

2 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Yes we are both HPV vaxxed. and honestly all of our at-home play these days is mfm so there isn't the need to check the ladies.  All our couples-swap activity is restricted to the very few times a year we attend a club or event and we do use condoms for such occasions.

You guys are playing smart and safe. Kudos!

[cplnluv1 851]

2 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Yes we are both HPV vaxxed. and honestly all of our at-home play these days is mfm so there isn't the need to check the ladies.  All our couples-swap activity is restricted to the very few times a year we attend a club or event and we do use condoms for such occasions.

At what age did you get vaxxed? 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,324]

17 minutes ago, cplnluv1 said:

At what age did you get vaxxed? 

Around the same time as our teenager 😄 We were about 40

[njbm 2,823]

You can get the HPV vaxxes up to age 45. Insurance will pay up to that age. We know people in their fifties who got them “ off label” and paid for them out of pocket. 

Edited February 22, 2023 by njbm

[robaval 219]

With the start of COVID a few years ago, some of our close friends had serious problems with HPV (LEEP, Freeze, etc. treatments). This was really hard on a couple of the marriages    We lucked out, but then I had Gardasil Vaccine years ago....when it first came out.   Since COVID we are only watch and be watched, not even soft swing or touching!  We have been paying for checkups  every 6 months and are fine and will be going back to annual checkups soon.  ... But then too, we also both recently completed Gardasil 9 vaccinations for some Squamous cell skin cancer issues at our dermatologist suggestion (not covered by insurance for old people,  LOL.     We are darn careful.   Julie and Robb

[MidwestHoneys 351]

We are vaxxed as part of vaccination protocol. Also Covid and Flu vaxxed. Maybe stupid vax should be developed because we always go bareback. Anyone say Cum Bucket. 

[GoNatural 104]

Error:  Double post.

Edited February 27, 2023 by GoNatural

[GoNatural 104]

On 2/22/2023 at 8:12 AM, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Back in our days of swing clubs condoms were the rule - as they still are should we attend any event where random hookups are possible.

But these days we mostly play at home with select partners, and we mostly play bareback.  We require (and provide) a recent STD panel up front for potential playmates and this has served us well.

That's pretty much my comfort level:  condoms when meeting out in the night life, but bareback (usually not for anal) with people that will sit down and talk about and share at least somewhat recent test results.

 

MFM is my jam too, and I'm typically dating women that have a lot of sex partners while I don't have many others, if any.

 

 

HPV is my bigger concern too, and mostly for women.  It's the only sti that I've known people in my poly circles to catch.  I knew a handful of people with HSV 2, but they had that from years earlier before non-monogamy.  

 

I'm about to get the HPV vaccine.   I got part of the Hep B vaccine a few years ago, and need a follow up (good for those that that like to lick some ASS .( ; ). 

[ConfusedHubby 111]

Bareback is our strong preference,  but we're generally pretty careful who we indulge with.  We have a handful of couples and a couple singles where condoms aren't even a thought in our play.  These are people we're friends with, travel with, spend time in each others homes, etc.--not just hookups.   

 

We also have a couple we're about 50/50 with.  We all prefer raw and they will only do it with us, but whether we play gloved or not for a particular session comes down to the mood of the other female half.  She's become the group shot caller, lol.

 

We also had a recent experience with a "low mileage" couple who were with us for their first full swap.  Under the circumstances we felt pretty good about their history (lack) communication and we had ourselves an au natural, good time.

 

Aside from these situations, we generally use condoms.  

[BillyandDebbie 300]

Our first play was with friends and they gave us the option as we did have fears of their activities. We opted to no condoms, Debbie made the call. Debbie told me she has no problem with condoms because for her there isn’t a major difference.  The one thing she won’t do is give a blowjob to a condom. 

[AdamGunn2 331]

We had a hard and fast rule of condom use. We were never talked out of it.

 

We met with some couples who would have rather gone bareback. If they stuck to their guns, we simply didn't play with them.

 

When we met with single gentlemen, we stated our rule. If there was any pushback at all, they didn't play with Mary.

[ConfusedHubby 111]

As mentioned above, we don't generally shy away from bareback friendly swingers and will engage ourselves when the vibe is right, but A scenario that just popped into my mind was a sketchy couple on SLS that recently reached out with a page strongly emphasizing bareback only who invited us to their private creampie gangbangs adding emphasis to the fact condoms were not allowed, before even given their names (or initials for that matter!).

 

We love natural sex as much as the next couple, but there's 'calculated risk' and then there is just straight up reckless. 

 

This did not receive a reply from us...