Not interested! Saying it politely

[jafo2k 20]

Just a question regarding couples that contact you on sites like AFF, if you are not interested in the couple, do you have a polite way of saying no? Yes, a lot I ignore, but if it's a couple that you see locally...

 

Nice people, but I not interested in the female. I don't really want to say why... now we are polite people.. good old country folks. Just wonder if anyone had any ideas... sorry, if this is a stupid question.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

"Thank you for your interest, but unfortunately we don't feel there is a connection. Best of luck to you both!"

 

Here's a list of threads with the tag "Saying no". You might find some valuable advice in some of these.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

We (and by that I mean I) answer all queries - although I just realized it's been at least a month since I looked at our SLS account - and mostly respond with something like, "Thanks so much for contacting us. We don't feel like we'd be a good match, though." If I think that maybe we would be in some circumstances, I ask if they ever attend our club. Rarely, I ask if they'd like to meet for coffee or a drink.

[orgyman1 16]

"Thanx, but we just dont feel any chemistry..." Everyone will understand ?

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I think is is the polite thing to do to reply to all inquiries, even if it is only to say, "no, thank you". It's understood that some people will just not click, but leaving a person hanging with no reply is more rude than declining in a simple, respectful, polite way.

[AdventurousP 18]

Ours is a simple "Thanks for your email, but we don't think we'd be a good match". There's really no need to go into details about why.

[Guest Ready2dewit]

As someone with years of experience at getting turned down, I always hold the couples who at least reply with a "thanks, but..." email of some kind in a little higher regard than the non-responders, or worse, the people who actually get a little nasty. Swinging is a social thing, you should be able to be polite and respectful to others.....hard, rude crass people don't get laid, anyway!

[shy_couple 458]

Much like you we feel that we are polite folks. She grew up in the mid-west, he grew up in the southeast. We feel that it is rude to just ignore people who contact us. (Unless its one of the very few single crude guys that have said something like "shes kinda big but I guess I'd do her." Those are auto-blocked.) Most people are sincere and its only polite to answer with a nice "thanks but no thanks"

 

SLS has a generic response that goes something like "We are not sure that we are compatible at this time. Thanks for checking us out." Its simple, to the point, and the right thing to do.

 

Just like AdventuosP said, there is no reason to go into detail or give any explanation.

[freddymike 18]

I am glad I returned to this website. Grateful even. Finding others who just accept me for what I am, even if I do do several selfies a week in swingers videochat, is just so homely and warm and comfortable, almost like a hot soapy bath afterwards actually. But being taught how to decline properly here has already helped me even just after reading it. I know how not to overreact now. Thanks.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

People often get hung up on feeling like they have to give a reason why, when the reality is that giving a reason is about the worst thing you can do. We've had a few discussions around here on this topic and this is one thing I can actually credit members here for teaching me (among many many other things). When you give a reason why it only gives them a response, they want to try to fix the reason, or will try to tell you why you are wrong. Simply stating that there is not chemistry or there is not a match gives a polite answer and closes the door.

 

Be aware that about 1/100 will still try to kick the door open, begging and pleading and wanting to know why. In those cases sometimes you do just have to ignore them.

[freddymike 18]

Mind blowing. I really did not know that. it helps to have been taught that in an emotionally safe environment though. Often when I am videochat performing and chatting with email to the audience I will think that's enough email now I want to just get on with this for my own reasons though, well always actually, so I can sort of already understand why its effective not to give them a reason and then ignore them if they demand. Hard to say thanks for a lesson like that but still. thanks anyway.

[celtic239 297]

On a rare occasion, we have played with a single guy for a MFM threesome but prefer couples play. The single guys on SLS must have some sort of NSA data bank because we get inundated with single guy inquiries. The general response to the single guys are "Thank you for expressing an interest in our profile. As a general rule we meet other swingers at Lifestyle related public events such as meet and greets or clubs. If you are attending such an event, and if our schedule permits, we wouldn't mind meeting you at that event for a chat". There is rarely a response, which works for us. As for non compatible couples, we will meet other couples at clubs or at small house parties where we personally know the hosts. If the venue is at a club we will check out the profiles of those attending and may trade a few emails, if we receive one from a couple that we know we think we won't click with, we will be polite but inform them that we don't think that we would be a match but wouldn't mind chatting with them just to be sociable.