Girlfriend broke the rules, I want to break up.

[cereel 19]

Hello. I need some advice. My girlfriend and I recently had our first couples experience. We met a very nice attractive couple and we were both attracted to each of them. During our meet we were all nervous but managed to get past that. Now our rules were no kissing and if one us is having issues the other will disengage and condoms. Now the problem is we started with soft swap and within five minutes she is kissing the male half of the couple.

 

The thing is I saw her. I didn't say anything but should have. Everything after that just went downhill and I could not perform. The female half of the couple knew I was having issues but my girlfriend never even looked up. Instead she is laughing and giggling and whispering the whole time which put me on edge even more. I had to leave the room for a minute to calm down and she didn't even notice. But I kept trying and managed to get it going in the end. I was fucking her from the back while she gave him oral. The female half of the couple was patient and as I pulled out of my girlfriend she tried to put a condom on me and I couldn't do it. So I said I can't do this and went to the bathroom washed up and started to get dressed.

 

I come out of the bathroom and my girlfriend is on her hands and knees waiting for him to put on a condom and she didn't even notice I left. Funny thing is I forgot my smokes and had to go back to get them and that is when she noticed I had left. I was going to leave her there but decided to wait. Ten minutes go by and she finally comes out asking what is wrong and I told her she broke the rules, virtually ignored me, and didn't even notice I was gone. And she tells me she can't remember any of what I saw. WTF!!

 

So now I am having major trust issues and think we should break up. Any advice?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Hi. First, welcome. Second, I am sorry your first swap went badly. Third, have some questions:

 

- What drew you to swinging?

- What other experience do you have with swinging sex?

- Did the other couple know of your no-kissing rule?

- How much of your desire to break up stems from your inability to maintain an erection (I'm not being bitchy here, but I do think it's important to think about whether you'd be having issues if you had had a good experience)?

[cereel 19]

Well the funny thing is I have some swinging experience, but I wasnt the one to bring it up. She did. And we wanted to try it together to ad more spice to our already awesome sex life. The thing that drew me to swinging sex was the excitement of meeting new couples who felt adults getting together to have fun and sex wasnt wrong. The other couple knew of the no kissing rule. In fact they told us no kissing too. But I look up and she turns his face towards herand frenchs him. How can she not remember that? The fact that I could not perform isnt the reason I am thinking of breaking up. I am thinking of breaking up because she broke the rules and claims she doesnt remember. Then to make it worse, she never got off the bed and didnt even know I had left.

[Guy1964 177]

I'm with MauiJaneDoe: I don't think this is about the kissing or about her not knowing you had left. I wouldn't trust myself to promise I could be in a sexual situation and not kiss in the throes of passion. I suspect the reason she "doesn't remember" is that she knew you would be upset. I'm wondering if you aren't thinking, at least at a gut level, that her not noticing you were gone means she prefers the other guy to you. My gut reaction is that feeling inadequate is what this is really about.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

That silence you hear from a community that is very friendly and usually rushes to provide advice and opinions? Part of it is that we've heard so many versions of your story before (truly, many of the archived threads are some variation of s/he broke the rules! and now I don't know what to do!), but part is because we're kind people and kindness isn't the answer here, at least not the kindness that lets you hold on to your unchallenged sense of being wronged and righteous.

 

Swinging isn't for everyone and no matter how much potential excitement there might be from the idea, in practice it's actually pretty risky. It takes a solid relationship, a lot of conversation about things other than the sex (Well, what if X happens? How will we handle it if one of us breaks the rules?) and the willingness to deal with way swinging exposes the cracks in you and your relationship, at least if you want to be reasonably successful at it.

 

I don't think you had any of those things.

 

If the other couple knew about the no-kissing rule, particularly if they also had the same rule, I'd at least give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you saw what you saw, maybe you didn't. Yes, I know you're sure, but I know that the no kissing rule is almost always imposed out of fear and I've had more than a few nights knowing that my fears are coming true (hello, monster in the closet). So, the biggest sin left is that you didn't have a good time, your girlfriend didn't notice and "(t)hen to make it worse, she never got off the bed and didnt even know I had left."

 

You know what? It's not actually her job to take care of you. It's yours. And however abandoned you might feel - and I know exactly what that feels like - it's still your job to take care of yourself.

 

In addition, there are women - I'm one of them - who aren't capable of having sex and also paying attention to a lot of other things. That may be true for your girlfriend as well. But, you also didn't ask her. Instead, you just expected her to notice your lack of a good time and your absence. That's not ever going to work well. Finally, I really don't think any of this would be a big deal if your experience had been a good one.

 

So, should you break up? Up to you. However, whether you do or not, I doubt swinging is something you should be doing.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Yep, I'm with MauiJaneDoe on this one also.

 

My added thought, if you are ready to drop and run just over this chances are this it not the relationship or Lifestyle for you.

 

Good luck with what you decide but I would look seriously at not being party of this Lifestyle.

[Brad145 58]

Not much to add to what has been already said, but I'm sure that by now you two have sat down and talked about what happened and came up with a plan to stay connected before during and after.

 

When we play I regularly connect with my wife whether its giving her a little spank, a kiss, or just making eye contact to 'check in', and of course I always have sex with her almost every time we play. If one of us isn't happy we exit as gracefully as we can (did that last Saturday night, other couple looked confused, but oh well)

[Chicup 41]

Being we only have one account here, of course shes at fault. I don't mean to say shes not, but we don't have the story from her perspective at all. As MJ said, we've seen this story before, there are always two sides, but the biggest issue is neither of you were really "ready" to be a swinger yet.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- So you know, I've seen men and women, so filled with endorphins and arousal that they don't notice anything around them. They are so into the moment they see nothing around them. Happens to athletes all the time. Happens at the wedding altar. That sort of thing. So, it is very possible.

 

I've always thought the no kissing rule was silly. Also, when you're play on a sexual fringe, once in a while, you may get your nose bloodied. Accept the experience and move forward in a positive way. She got laid, be happy for her. You had performance issues, learn from them and try again or stop. Heck, the other girl was even understanding of your situation and tried to help. How cool was that !

 

Frankly, most men would 'kill' to have a gf like yours who was happy and engaged with a new sexual partner. If you have problems with it, perhaps the best thing to do is let her move on. Nothing bad happened. In fact, a lot of great things happened. But your ego won't let you see them.

[christnthms 326]

The thing that popped into my head was this (and I freely admit this is just my own view):

 

If I need to be distracted (by anything) to be okay with my lady having sex with another guy, then I'm not really okay with it...

 

On the other hand, if I AM okay with her having sex with another guy and am having trouble with a hardon (it happens), watching her should help the situation rather than hurt it...

 

If I can see my lady having great sex AND have a willing partner trying to have sex with me, and I'm STILL bothered... Then I'm not okay with her having sex. End of story.

 

Personally, I don't want to impose rules on my lady's fun. Fewer rules means less things she has to worry about, and the more she can just plain enjoy herself. That IS the goal...

[81lizard69 470]

Hey.. She just got caught up in the moment. On our first hook up it was so hard to stay with the no kissing rule and no intercourse rule that I thought my head was going to explode. She just got into it and that is a good swinging thing. You do not know how many men would love to be in your position. She sounds like she knows what she wants and gets it. To me I think that your communication skills are a little lacking. It is not uncommon to for a couple to say one thing and then not hear what was said. My wife and I play this game. I will say something to her and she will say back to me what she heard. We use that skill to get on the same page. Do not fret to much about that this is a skill the both of you can work on. Obviously you seem like you want to be full swap swingers. Good luck.

[darkpleazure4u 15]

I agree to a degree with the others but in any relationship rules are rules dos n don't . She knew the rules and broke them with no regard. Now with me things would have been halted and night would been done. If she denies it and everyone else has seen it them time to move on.

[Sensualbicouple 122]

OP, my hubby asked for a no kissing rule when we first started. Frankly i had a hard time with that rule because i love to kiss, i love kissing my husband and i love to kiss during sex. Its both an intimate gesture between my husband and i that isnt replicated with anyone else, but its also the classic guaranteed to get me wet every time act of foreplay. So im caught between a rock and a hard place. Once we talked about it and i was able to explain why kissing with him does not symbolise the same as it does with playmates, he was able to understand what it meant and the no kissing rule was no longer. Anyway i guess the point im trying to make (rather inarticulately) is to say that you need to open the lines of communications with your girlfriend to really get to the crux of rules, abiding by them and what happens if they are broken as well as to discuss realistic and unrealistic expectations. Im not saying you are unrealistic OP, not at all. But you must have this frank and honest form of communication with your girlfriend not just before any playdate, but at all times. Maybe a break from this lifestyle while you both decide if its right for you and your relationship, would not be such a bad idea. Just a suggestion.

 

I hope you find some clarity OP.

[cereel 19]

All of you make valid points, some of which I had not thought about. I should have done a ton of things differently, but I didnt. Now I am even more upset because she told me she told me she could not have watched me have sex with the female but expected me to sit and watch her. The other thing is she said I have every right to be upset and everything I said was right. How is that possible if she doesnt remember? She said she got caught up in the moment but I dont believe that. Yes it is my job to control my feelings but at the same time and I was having a good time up until she kissed that dude and got totally ignored. She claims she wasnt all that in to the other dude but she was wetter than water. (Maybe it had something to do with me?) At any rate she doesnt want to talk about it but she keeps mentioning it every chance she gets. I guess I am lucky to have a girlfriend like her and I am trying to let it go but I keep having these nagging feelings that just wont go away. Maybe I should just believe what she says and trust that she got caught up in the moment. One of you said we should take a break from the lifestyle and I think that is what we are going to do.

[hubbyofabomb 16]

I've to say you're pretty hard on poor OP. Probably they are very experienced and seen that a lot and I understand them. Talking from my point of view I think she shouldn't have kiss the guy and she should have notice you leaving or having trouble. Our first encounter with a couple went wrong, I couldn't get hard, I felt really bad about it I wasn't having a good time at all. But my lovely girlfriend was there noticing, and we were checking on each others all the time. I love her so much for that and you feel extra connected.

 

If I share my wife with another dude and it's awesome (I did it few time) I never feel any jealousy. If some dude at her work tries to seduce her and she smiles back, I will get jealous. It's all a matter of trust. She brought some girl home, it was awesome too, and she wasn't jealous. In 'outside' life she could be very jealous.

 

Isn't the idea of both of the people in the couple having a great time? Going home, getting so exited about that experience they had? If Cerrel gf was a bit more checking on him, he would have feel there are together as a couple before anything else. He would have feel bad about that meeting but ready to do it again. Now he even think of breaking up. Everytime you see a advice tutorial on "how to make a great 3some" for newbies you see always: makes rules! speak to each other a lot before! Good communication!

...the girlfriend saying she doesn't remember...? is she 17yo? I don't get why every one take her defense. Everyone is jumping on this poor guy and I think personally it is unfair. I think if he had a good time and a real hard on for 4 hours yes probably he wouldn't be mad at her I agree. But, who cares, he didn't. You make rule for this bad direction scenario so you don't feel shitty and no trust and want to breakup.

 

Of course the question to the OP is what if it was reversed and the girlfriend was having a really shitty time and for him it was awesome and hard as a rock, would he had stop and go home?

[Chicup 41]

Of course the question to the OP is what if it was reversed and the girlfriend was having a really shitty time and for him it was awesome and hard as a rock, would he had stop and go home?

 

I did that before, not because my wife or I was having an issue but the other husband was, much like the OP. His wife was REALLY into it, and he couldn't keep it up and was getting frustrated. They were pretty new swingers too. So I called it quits for his sake, and all went well. Sometimes you gotta watch out for others.

[Gordo 618]

How could she not notice hmmmm

 

1/ I have gotten up in the middle of a threesome and gone and checked my email and she didn't notice

2/ I went and answered the phone on another threesome and talked for 20 minutes, she didn't notice

3/ In a swap T.O.W and I sat on the bed and watched her and her partner going at it while joking with him and each other about how out of it she was and she had no recollection of us sitting right beside her and teasing her.

4/ I got there late for a threesome (told her to start without me) and stood at the foot of the bed watching for about 10 minutes and she didn't notice.

 

Sometimes I think I should get a sign to put on my pillow "Hubby has left the building" :-)

 

Some people just really get into it and my wife is one. I wouldn't put anything on her not noticing. If she's having a good time good for her. That's what it's about. If you were having problems and didn't call a halt to it that lies on YOU!

[LFM2 1,482]

I absolutely think you shouldn't be swinging until you both sit and talk this out. VegasLee has said time and again this lifestyle is not for everyone. In fact, it's probably meant for less than 1% of the population because people can't handle their feelings or thoughts. They get into swinging for the wrong reasons; I have to agree. We got into swinging because we want to give each other room to experiment. It's a selfless kind of love. I want him to have as much fun as he possibly can with redheads, blonds, thin, fluffier, whatever women he wants. If all I get out of it is a story, that's good enough for me. As long as he had a great time. I know he wishes the same for me. I have no qualms whatsoever with what happens.

 

Crossing boundaries is something else. If the other couple knew of your no-kissing rule, they probably would have stopped at that. If they didn't know, it's not their fault. Yes, people do get caught up in the moment and go a bit farther than they intended. It happens. But, you also had a responsibility to stop the play and talk then. If you didn't, you're partly to blame. I know I've gone a little farther than we intended. It really wasn't a big deal to my husband, but it was to me, because I was a little more eager than we had intended. I'm reading this wondering also if you're a bit upset because you couldn't perform while your GF was enjoying her partner. Would it be a different outcome if you'd been able to keep a hard-on? BTW... that's pretty common early in swinging.

 

I do like to keep my husband in my eyesight during play, but if I pay too much attention to him, how fair is that to my partner? I'm not defending your GF's actions, but just letting you know she might have gone too far without meaning to.

 

Talk things out. See if swinging is worth pursuing and go from there. Everybody goofs up at times. it's how we handle those goofs that tells of our selflessness and character.

 

Let us know how things roll.

[Guy1964 177]

It sounds like you went into this with a lot of expectations about how things "should" be. I'm wondering if those "shoulds" are serving you or hurting you. She "should" notice I'm gone; She "should" refrain from kissing." I'm not sure if holding onto those is making the experience any better for anyone. Do those rules really serve a purpose? Albert Ellis calls that "Shoulding all over yourself."

[Chicup 41]

Reverse the sex when its the woman complaining about being ignored by her man and I think some peoples reaction would be different.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Reverse the sex when its the woman complaining about being ignored by her man and I think some peoples reaction would be different.

 

Not mine. And I kinda hope not anyone's, although the "can't get it up" phenomenon is peculiarly male and definitely a part of the problem, at least in my opinion, when it's a man doing the complaining.

[Chicup 41]

Not mine. And I kinda hope not anyone's, although the "can't get it up" phenomenon is peculiarly male and definitely a part of the problem, at least in my opinion, when it's a man doing the complaining.

 

Just a sort of "historical" observation as a long time member, people are far more willing to tell a guy to buck it up, and give women a pass than the other way around. Maybe I'm mistaken but I doubt people would be telling a woman how "lucky" they were to have a guy who is into swinging

[cereel 19]

Well here is an update: We talked again yesterday about the whole thing and I agree that I should have spoken up and stopped it if I was not comfortable. Now the thing is she said I put all the blame on her and I did. But alot of the advice I have gotten here made me do some self evaluation and it was not a pretty picture so to speak. And I let her know that as well. The thing is she suddenly remembers more of what happened and had an oh shit moment. Basically she told me she got so wrapped up that she did forget about me and was sorry but she also said that if the roles were reversed she could not have gone as far as we did and if she had saw me kiss the other girl or break rules she would have reacted far worse than I ever did. Strange huh? I think I am lucky to have her, but i agree with the last poster who said what if she had posted this instead of me? Would so many of you have been so critical? I am not upset that some of youe were I just wonder. As far as things with she and I we are ok and will work more on our relationship before we try swinging again.

[DigginIt 1,132]

but i agree with the last poster who said what if she had posted this instead of me? Would so many of you have been so critical?

 

I didn't respond after I had first read this post. I wanted to think it over some and then you provided more information and delayed my response further Some were a tad critical but on a board like this it's very important to understand that we only have what you provide us to go off of. Part of the reason I didn't respond was because my first instinct was very negative and I wanted to say something positive and just couldn't.

 

In a post like this, things that would have been important to know in the very first thread would have been things like MauiJaneDoe asked such as, how long have you been together (and it makes a huge difference). Were either of you drinking first, more or less than usual? Is this the first issue with trust or has there been a pattern? Why the two of you wanted to swing, had either of you swung before, etc. When you only provide a few things, then a few things later, then a few more things after that, you will get inconsistent advice.

 

I think you get the idea but the more details you provide the better and more thought out responses you will receive.

 

I wish you both the best of luck.

[christnthms 326]

I'm really glad to hear y'all got to talkin, and got some resolution. I think the level of honesty required in this lifestyle is far greater than in many other relationships, and that includes self honesty.

I'm sorry that it took a negative experience, but my hope is that you'll be far more secure moving forward than you would have otherwise. Whether you continue with some version of this lifestyle or not, I think the communication and honesty you've achieved will pay off big for each of you individually and hopefully as a couple as well.

[Chicup 41]

Not mine. And I kinda hope not anyone's, although the "can't get it up" phenomenon is peculiarly male and definitely a part of the problem, at least in my opinion, when it's a man doing the complaining.

 

I should have added, you are always consistent in that with your advice.

[hubbyofabomb 16]

well I almost feel bad I took defense of cereel so strong. At the end he admits what everyone was telling. And so I was wrong

[DigginIt 1,132]

well I almost feel bad I took defense of cereel so strong. At the end he admits what everyone was telling. And so I was wrong

 

We post off of the information given. Absolutely nothing wrong with opposing views and absolutely nothing wrong with changing your mind later.

[LFM2 1,482]

well I almost feel bad I took defense of cereel so strong. At the end he admits what everyone was telling. And so I was wrong

 

Oh, I've stood corrected a few times too. DigginIt is right. We can only go off what one person posts.

 

Sometimes it takes a sleuth to really figure out what's going or just intuition from several years experience here. You're doing fine.

[christnthms 326]

We post off of the information given. Absolutely nothing wrong with opposing views and absolutely nothing wrong with changing your mind later.

If everyone said the same thing, there wouldn't be much of a point of discussion. Respectfully opposing view have done more to open my mind than anything else. It makes me ponder my own perspective, and even if I don't change it makes me aware. I consider them essential to my personal growth.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Well here is an update: We talked again yesterday about the whole thing and I agree that I should have spoken up and stopped it if I was not comfortable. Now the thing is she said I put all the blame on her and I did. But alot of the advice I have gotten here made me do some self evaluation and it was not a pretty picture so to speak. And I let her know that as well. The thing is she suddenly remembers more of what happened and had an oh shit moment. Basically she told me she got so wrapped up that she did forget about me and was sorry but she also said that if the roles were reversed she could not have gone as far as we did and if she had saw me kiss the other girl or break rules she would have reacted far worse than I ever did. Strange huh? I think I am lucky to have her, but i agree with the last poster who said what if she had posted this instead of me? Would so many of you have been so critical? I am not upset that some of youe were I just wonder. As far as things with she and I we are ok and will work more on our relationship before we try swinging again.

 

I'm glad you're both communicating better. It's essential for a healthy relationship and trying to swing without it is pretty much a recipe for disaster.

 

As to your question about criticism, yes, we would all have been just as critical, but some of the responses wouldn't have been written down if it had been your girlfriend coming in with the same story. There would have been more folks like DigginIt who, without something positive to say, would have stayed quiet. Some of that has to do with the way men and women talk to one another. In general, women, if they're inclined to be blunt, will do so with men and women. Men, on the other hand, will be blunter with other men than they are with women. I'm speaking in generalities, based on what I've observed over the years, obviously.

 

Another factor, and one that is often overlooked, is that men and women are different when it comes to sex. Men are more apt to stay alert and aware than women are. More of us lose ourselves in the moment and that seems to be a biochemical response rather than something we mean to do. A woman abandoned is, perhaps unconsciously, deemed to be left unprotected, while a man is not. Again, generalities, but it might be a factor in why men and women with essentially the same complaint seem to generate a slightly different response

 

Still, we do end up holding up a mirror to everyone who comes here, although the images might be a little sharper for men.

[81lizard69 470]

I know it is hard putting yourself out there and revealing a part of yourself that you would not normally share. Not many people put their personal life on the internet to have it picked apart and that is what happened here. Be that it was only one night that you talked about it is still not easy to do. Yes any criticism is not easy to take. But Maybe just maybe you grew from it. A true friend will tell you what you do not want to hear. The advice did not hurt you all though it might have lt uncomfortable that is what you wanted. To me being able to grow and learn from what just happened between you and your partner is what counts. Swinging is a learned skill.

 

I remember when my wife was on the bed next to me and she was having more fun than me.. I felt hurt,angry and afraid all at the same time. I had never heard her moan like that before. Hell I thought she wont want to have sex with me anymore .. and from there my thoughts spiraled down to where she was going to leave me and I would have to pay her alimony while she was living with that man in all of ten seconds.

 

I affirm that your feelings are real and you do have a right to feel them. Most of us that swing have felt those growing pains and you can work through them. The reward is you get to have sex with other people. That is a cool perk if you can handle the sharing your partner with other people. I have met so many cool people swinging and done things that other people only dream about. That is my life and would like to see you experience that if you want to.

 

Good luck.

 

I think your partner is amazing if she is willing to share you.

[cereel 19]

The criticism actually didnt bother me all that much. The funny thing is my girlfriend who is five years older than me told me that nobody she has ever been with knows what she likes like I do. So I asked why were you moaning like that when the other dude was giving you oral? Her reply, because I was playing with her breasts. But I hadnt thought about it like that. I honestly believed that like the last poster she would not want me anymore after the other dude and all this and more went through my mind. But she told me that she feels terrible about how she acted and doesnt want me to think she wants some one else, but it was the excitement of something different that got to her. And she only enjoyed it when all four of us were interacting and I concentrated on her just as much as the other girl. I think I see a fmf threesome somewhere down the road lol. I want to thank all for the advice and will post again when we have our next experience.

[10thBadger 25]

On 3/29/2014 at 11:59 AM, mauijanedoe said:

That silence you hear from a community that is very friendly and usually rushes to provide advice and opinions? Part of it is that we've heard so many versions of your story before (truly, many of the archived threads are some variation of s/he broke the rules! and now I don't know what to do!), but part is because we're kind people and kindness isn't the answer here, at least not the kindness that lets you hold on to your unchallenged sense of being wronged and righteous.

 

Swinging isn't for everyone and no matter how much potential excitement there might be from the idea, in practice it's actually pretty risky. It takes a solid relationship, a lot of conversation about things other than the sex (Well, what if X happens? How will we handle it if one of us breaks the rules?) and the willingness to deal with way swinging exposes the cracks in you and your relationship, at least if you want to be reasonably successful at it.

 

I don't think you had any of those things.

 

If the other couple knew about the no-kissing rule, particularly if they also had the same rule, I'd at least give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you saw what you saw, maybe you didn't. Yes, I know you're sure, but I know that the no kissing rule is almost always imposed out of fear and I've had more than a few nights knowing that my fears are coming true (hello, monster in the closet). So, the biggest sin left is that you didn't have a good time, your girlfriend didn't notice and "(t)hen to make it worse, she never got off the bed and didnt even know I had left."

 

You know what? It's not actually her job to take care of you. It's yours. And however abandoned you might feel - and I know exactly what that feels like - it's still your job to take care of yourself.

 

In addition, there are women - I'm one of them - who aren't capable of having sex and also paying attention to a lot of other things. That may be true for your girlfriend as well. But, you also didn't ask her. Instead, you just expected her to notice your lack of a good time and your absence. That's not ever going to work well. Finally, I really don't think any of this would be a big deal if your experience had been a good one.

 

So, should you break up? Up to you. However, whether you do or not, I doubt swinging is something you should be doing.

My husband and I have been reading this site for the last month and we have gotten a lot of information from the site. Some good and some bad. But the one thing that everybody stress is that you follow the rules that a couple agrees on and that is to protect each person in this relationship from having trouble/jealousy/insecurities even though I think those words are overused but the one problem that I see is that when someone breaks the rules when it is totally stressed to go by the rules. Everyone comes to the rescue of the person who breaks the rules and always uses the heat of passion as a excuse. It is either that you have rules to follow or do not have any rules. 
 

it is simply that you can’t have it both ways. Because so many of you veterans teach the newbies what is good and what is not good to do and to save yourself and your relationship from having trouble while swinging. And then the same veterans come back and say, it was in the heat of passion. I think some of your sending a double message of which Say as I do and do as I don’t.

[10thBadger 25]

On 3/30/2014 at 2:49 AM, Sensualbicouple said:

OP, my hubby asked for a no kissing rule when we first started. Frankly i had a hard time with that rule because i love to kiss, i love kissing my husband and i love to kiss during sex. Its both an intimate gesture between my husband and i that isnt replicated with anyone else, but its also the classic guaranteed to get me wet every time act of foreplay. So im caught between a rock and a hard place. Once we talked about it and i was able to explain why kissing with him does not symbolise the same as it does with playmates, he was able to understand what it meant and the no kissing rule was no longer. Anyway i guess the point im trying to make (rather inarticulately) is to say that you need to open the lines of communications with your girlfriend to really get to the crux of rules, abiding by them and what happens if they are broken as well as to discuss realistic and unrealistic expectations. Im not saying you are unrealistic OP, not at all. But you must have this frank and honest form of communication with your girlfriend not just before any playdate, but at all times. Maybe a break from this lifestyle while you both decide if its right for you and your relationship, would not be such a bad idea. Just a suggestion.

Badger’s wife

I just have a brief question about your comment. You just said above that kissing makes you wet/horny. Then you said that you told your husband that kissing him was great because it made you wet but it’s going to be different if you’re kissing a stranger/partner but the same result is that kissing the stranger is going to get you wet but you were saying it is different. How is it different? You are getting the same result by being wet but you’re saying that it is different. That just makes no sense to me and I’m just wondering how you can say that.

[10thBadger 25]

On 3/31/2014 at 1:44 PM, mauijanedoe said:

 

Not mine. And I kinda hope not anyone's, although the "can't get it up" phenomenon is peculiarly male and definitely a part of the problem, at least in my opinion, when it's a man doing the complaining.

 

On 3/31/2014 at 4:09 PM, Chicup said:

 

Just a sort of "historical" observation as a long time member, people are far more willing to tell a guy to buck it up, and give women a pass than the other way around. Maybe I'm mistaken but I doubt people would be telling a woman how "lucky" they were to have a guy who is into swinging

CHICUP!!!!!!!!!!!! Preach bro!!!!!!  take them to church, because I have seen the same thing and I haven’t even been on this site very long. If it was the other way around, this guy would be blessed for not following the rules and hurting her feelings. And that’s why I wrote on here just a few minutes ago. One minute everybody saying follow the rules this is the best way to swing and to protect your partner and then when someone breaks the rules they say it was the heat of the moment. It can’t be both. Especially when they discussed it just before they started playing. Badgers wife/ my wife said just now why is there a double standard when it comes to rules? And then we read your comment and applauded