I can suck another guy but that's it, WHY the hangup?

[Sirramm 111]

I am an openly bi male, bi in the sense that I only suck other males off, and totally enjoy orally being with another male, but that’s where I stop wanting or desiring other men. That is not to say I have not tried/done other things. I have been bottom four times, my wife has fingered my ass and inserted toys countless times, and I have topped three times, none of which really did much for me. I have kissed another man more than a few times and that was actually a turn-off for me. However the ‘moments’ witnessed by my wife she claims were a huge turn-on and wants to see more of. She says for her seeing two men together is akin to guys seeing two women together and I get that. Although we prefer MFM situations, where I and another male please her and I indulge in my oral desires she wants more of M on M action while she watches.

 

So how do get over the hurdle and go from really liking having his dick in me and even his cum but no longer repulsed by having his tongue in my mouth? I want to at least give it a few more ‘attempts’ to open an additional door or two to freedom and fun and most certainly please the wife but just can’t get past certain issues. Bottoming is ok occasionally but I prefer being top. I really like sucking and feeling him cum or going down on her after he has cum inside her. However, just not into wanting to kiss, cuddle, touch him anywhere else other than his ‘package’. WTF do I have to do to get past this???

[DigginIt 1,132]

So, first off, I am not bi nor have any inkling to try anything bi but putting this into a common perspective, if you don't enjoy something, chances are you will NEVER enjoy it. What your wife needs to understand (and I'm sure she does or would) is that it's something you may do for her on occasion but it's not your favorite thing to do.

 

MD hates anal. I know she doesn't enjoy it but occasionally she will do it because she knows I like it. I NEVER ask for it but I appreciate it when we do it. She will NEVER enjoy it. The point is, hopefully your wife understands that you do that for her only and she should appreciate the things that you do enjoy and really appreciate the special occasions you go beyond what you like for her.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

If I had to guess, I'd say that out in the world you're not turned on or excited by men and that your sexual experience with men has always or almost always included a woman. If those are correct guesses, then it's not a matter of getting past things so much as discovering limits to your bisexuality. If, like me, you're fluid about men and women, pretty equally attracted to either and quite happy in relationships that pay no attention to whether a partner is male or female, then those limits won't come up.

 

As an adult, Mr. Doe has never described himself as straight, although his experiences with other men were pretty limited when we met. After some time swinging together, he was really clear that although he'd still never describe himself as straight, he doesn't feel comfortable describing himself as bi, either, because he has a lot more limitations than I do. If you're like M., then your same sex interest starts and stops at an in the moment physical level and all the trying in the world isn't going to change that, although you might get more comfortable with certain activities if you do them enough.

 

I'm pretty convinced, though, that our sexuality is inherent. If we're gay, we can have a lifetime's worth of straight sex and it won't make us straight and the same thing in reverse. I think bisexuality is also inherently fixed at a particular point and while you can fight the restrictions, you can't change the fixed point.

[ViSexual 1,008]

OK, this is only my opinion but, I think just getting used to it helps. When I first began exploring my bisexuality I limited it to oral too. And, like you, I really, really enjoyed it. But in recent times I've had partners who were more on the gay side and they wanted more. And, since I cared for them and their desires, I was more intimate with them than I'd been with other men in the past.

 

At first it was really strange. Kissing a man is just totally different than kissing a woman. You wouldn't think it would be but, it is! Men don't seem to enjoy the tentative soft kissing to warm up, they want to open mouths and go for the gusto right off. You know, discovering this may have made me a better kisser with my female friends.

 

I do think though that getting used to kissing men makes it more enjoyable. Just don't expect it to be the same as kissing women. Now I'm sure bisexual women know exactly what I'm talking about.

[JandKinBoise 859]

I am in the exact same boat as Sirramm. I was in one relationship with a couple, mostly with him. After a year or so, I started enjoying some things with him other than just oral. He was way more bi than me and I would kiss and top him because I knew he really liked it. Eventually, I started to like kissing him. I got more used to topping but really prefer to avoid giving anal sex with either sex, so I don't consider that to be a bisexual barrier. After him, I tried again with someone I thought was a close enough lover. Nope. Now I just resign myself to giving head and making sure J has as many orgasms as is humanly possible.

 

I dealt with this issue for a long time when I was seeing guys alone. I always assumed that my revulsion to any kind of emotional bonding events like kissing or bottoming was due to me not wanting to be gay. I assumed that if I allowed myself to fully submerge myself in man to man sex, I would find that I was gay. Fortunately, it turns out that I'm just not that gay.

 

At any rate, I assume there are several ladies here that bi play because someone likes it. My wife for one. She is fully straight but has had sex with a couple women along the way. Both as experimentation and for my viewing pleasure. I asked her how she does this and her reply was "it's just sex, I can do sex". So Sirramm, if she likes to see it, and it isn't hurting anyone, I suggest just suck it up as it were and give her what she wants now and then.

[yorktownvaguy 76]

I really do not think you can force this. I think we are all on a spectrum from gay to straight and it is just where you are on that spectrum with what you are comfortable with or how far you want to go. Yes, you may want to do things to turn on and/or please your partner, but if it repulses you or you are really against it I would talk it over, and tell her the things you really cannot do.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I remember hating some foods as a kid but now I like them a lot. I do think your 'tastes' can change.

[Chicup 42]

I think the issue is you are treating your desires as somehow "wrong" in how they work, hence the word "hang up".

 

Being not bi I don't consider my lack of desire to have homosexual sex of any kind a "hang up" and get rather annoyed when some posters seem to imply it is (), it simply is what it is.

 

I would also not call my wifes lack of desire for anal sex a hang up.

 

I could go down and pick out a dozen common sex acts between us that we don't care for, maybe tried once, maybe not at all, and odds are never will. We might change in that, we have in some over the years, but for now it's what we like.

 

Rather then blame yourself as somehow flawed for your desires, or in this case, lack of desires, accept them as what you are and have fun within those parameters.

[asncpl 730]

My husband is the same way as the OP. He enjoys giving oral to another man and being a bottom in a group setting, but he doesn't kiss other guys and has no interest in being one-on-one with another man. He's like that ever since we started swinging. He experimented but pretty much fixed those limits. I too don't like to call it a "hang up." Everyone has something they don't like to do sexually. It's more of a limit, and while it may change with time, it's something you can't forced.

[Sirramm 111]

Thank you ALL for the great advice! The wife and I have poured over this thread and in a short time have had many in depth discussions. Of course we've come up with 'ideas' to get me more onboard to giving her the show she wants and now actually with all the suggestions, discussion topics, and idea generators I think I'm getting close to being able to jump in the ring! Like a previous poster has said "it's just sex, I can do sex" and for me even if it is with another man.

 

Boating season is upon us and out boat will actually be at the dock by this afternoon, as soon I finish this I'm headed to the marina to get it in, which means the "Floating Play-Pen" (yes the actual name! LOL) will be on the water and 'open for business'...COME ON SUMMER AND COME ON ______________________________! Feel free to fill in the blank and offer suggestions galore!!!!

[gsu22 187]

In my opinion, it sounds like you've found your limit. Everybody has theirs. I'd recommend to not force anymore just simply because you don't enjoy it. I started off sucking cock (LOVED doing it) but had little interest in anything else. As I tested my boundaries, I eventually realized that I liked making out...later on I tried bottoming a few times and soon got very turned on by getting pounded by a husband as wifey watched. One step later, I tried topping and loved taking control of the husband (switching roles). Now there's not really anything I won't do with a guy. I took about a hundred small steps haha. When I fuck men, it's 110% physical for me.

 

Your wife gets to enjoy more than most would. I'd settle on what you like and be happy. My 2 cents.

 

I am an openly bi male, bi in the sense that I only suck other males off, more like love and totally enjoy orally being with another male, but that’s where I stop wanting or desiring other men. That is not to say I have not tried/done other things, I have been bottom four times, my wife has fingered and inserted toys countless times, and I have topped three times, none of which really did much for me. I have kissed another man more than a few times and that was actually a turn-off for me. However the ‘moments’ witnessed by my wife she claims were a huge turn-on and wants to see more of. She says for her seeing two men together is akin to guys seeing two women together and I get that. Although we prefer MFM situations, where I and another male please her and I indulge in my oral desires she wants more of M on M action while she watches.

 

So how do get over the hurdle and go from really like having his dick in my and even his cum but no longer repulsed by having his tongue in my mouth? I want to at least give it a few more ‘attempts’ to open an additional door or two to freedom and fun and most certainly please the wife but just can’t get past certain issues. Bottoming is ok occasionally but I prefer being top. I really like sucking and feeling him cum or going down on her after he has cum inside her. However, just not into wanting to kiss, cuddle; touch him anywhere else other than his ‘package’. WTF do I have to do to get past this???

[Lascivious L&L 866]

Limits are what you want them to be. If you want them to be forever, then they may be just that. But for many people limits change, expand, regress, circle. In another thread the no kissing rule changed for many couples. The no kissing rule may change for you...or it may not. I've found that kissing a male is more about the male than the kissing. And I've found females who are much less fun kissing than most. It's the people, the connection, much more than the act. All it takes is one guy that you find kissing fun with and suddenly you've kissed a guy and enjoyed it. It does not necessarily mean you'll enjoy kissing another man let alone men. Or any other act.

 

Finding that man you enjoy kissing may allow you to see what it is that allows you to enjoy kissing a man, and that way help you with others. Self knowledge like this is one of the most precious aspects of playing with others. You get to discover and understand more of yourself.