My boyfriend picks a fight after we swing.

[Surprised 15]

Hi I'm so frustrated and don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and have been in the lifestyle for a little over 2 years.

 

Every time we play with a couple or full swap I think we're all having a good time and stay within our boundaries and make sure we ask the other couple their level of play so we're all on the same page and it never fails every single time he gets upset about something that I did during play or starts accusing me of things that I didn't even do.

 

If the woman from the couple we're playing with doesn't give him a blow job it's my fault that she didn't and I shouldn't of given her guy one. Another time we we're playing with a unicorn and he decided to fuck her without a condom without asking me first and when I told him that he shouldn't have done that and I was upset about it he said I caused him to not use a condom with her because I had said I was hungry and it caused him not to be able to keep an erection to put the condom on.

 

When something bothers me and I want to talk about it he yells at me and turns the blame on me and will ignore me or not see me from anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months. But if he asks me why I did something during play like touched the guy in a certain place or we kissed to long etc. and I tell him that didn't happen he won't let it go for weeks and then will email that couple and make me look horrible explaining to that other couple I was out of control or drunk and that he was sorry I ruined the evening for everyone but to the other couple they say we had a great time she was great.

 

He chooses the couple we are going to play with and always the man is way over in his late 50,s and the wife is always beautiful and younger and if I say no I'm not attracted to the husband it's another huge fight, not once has he let me pick a couple where the husband is attractive and closer to my age he will make an excuse why he doesn't want to play with them. We are both very attractive and I get a lot of attention and its almost like he hates it.

[christnthms 326]

Sorry if this comes off as judgmental, though not terribly sorry, but this guys sounds like a passive-agressive control freak. I've found myself in relationships with a couple of these, and they often arent even aware of it themselves (at least consiously). It is in my nature to challenge this type of situation head on, to force it into the open. This sort of confrontation is difficult and unpleasant for many people. I can also only claim to have salvaged one of those relationships this way, and even that one we're platonic friends rather than lovers. I will say though, that being rid of the threat of attack is sufficient reward for me.

 

Dunno if that will help any. It's just one guy's experience.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I see that your are a new member here so please let me say, to the Swingersboard.

 

Telling you frustrations to others is therapeutic. So I hope that the telling of your situation has provided you a little relief. I do find your story interesting. So you'll allow me, maybe, to ask a question. How would you describe your relationship with your boyfriend in matters not related to swing?

 

~Michael

[81lizard69 470]

Its a emotional time when you share sex with others. It takes a while to be able to sort it out in your head.. I was jealous of my wife when we swung for a while. I wanted to do it... did it but still seeing my wife with another man was hard to get use to.. After one encounter I told the guy about my experience in martial arts.. how silly is that. I would be critical of my wife after we would play. Lets face it that women seem to get more out of swinging than the men do. Swinging is not a equal deal.. different people do different things when making love. It always seemed to me my wife would have more orgasms longer sessions and more fun than I.

 

Tell him how you feel and when he does go negative gently steer him to the positive side of things.

 

My wife and I have a agreement not to awfulize things and if we do we stop each other.. You can come at him from a total different direction by showing him when he is awfullizing things that are not related to swinging first.

 

Often other problems and insecurities from other areas of his life pop up when swinging.. Good luck.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

You boyfriend sounds like a jerk. It sounds to me like you guys need to stop swinging until he can do it and treat you with respect at the same time.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Welcome!

 

I wonder why you are with a boyfriend who treats you this way? His behavior by your report is hostile and mean. If my husband treated me that way we wouldn't swing and we wouldn't be married.

 

It sounds like there are things that you enjoy about swinging. Perhaps you should take a break from your boyfriend and see what else is out there. There are many nice, open-minded men who will treat you well and with whom you can have a happy swinging experience and aftermath.

[IEcouple 222]

I would seriously consider breaking up with this guy. Forget about swinging with him completely. You can't waste your time - or heart - with someone who's going to shame you for his own insecurities. And even if you laid this out for him and he said he understood what his problem was, that still wouldn't mean it would stop.

 

He's showing a tremendous amount of disrespect and distrust toward you by acting this way. I can't imagine that swinging is the only context in which he does it either.

[Gordo 618]

I'm not sure what you get out of this relationship or why you stay in it but he needs some professional help. If he's not prepared to do that I would walk away. Life is too short to live with that ongoing.

[Surprised 15]

I've tried to talk to him but he refuses to hear anything I have to say. He wants an explanation for whatever it is he accuses me of. He makes things up of things he said he saw me do that never happened when I try to talk to him and tell him my side he starts telling that I could care less how he feels. We are only a play in the same room only couple and he keeps changing on our profile that we play separately and do hall passes so I change it back and he will go and change it again. Everything he accuses me of is what he's doing himself and projecting it back onto me. When he wants an answer and I try to explain my side of things all I get back from is "go ahead and deny and argue what I saw" and when he starts in on me he grabs on like a pitbull and won't let go it's been 3 weeks now that he won't let this last argument go.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I'll be blunt... get out now.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I get that we're only seeing one side of the story here (as is usually the case), but I'm seeing nothing that indicates this issue can be fixed.

 

I'm afraid you have some tough decisions to make if you don't want to continue down this path.

 

Best of luck to you.

[christnthms 326]

Cut and run...

[Hippiegirlie 276]

I would like to see what your perspective of your relationship with this man is outside of sex. You were asked that above and you didn't answer. If my suspicions are correct, he is just as manipulative and controlling in other aspects as well. I dated a man very similar to this once. He wanted to make all the rules and control every situation. I left. He is in prison for assault.

[Surprised 15]

He controls when he sees me and only when he wants too. He's very secretive and when I ask what he's doing he avoids the question and won't answer. In the beginning it was great between us but now 6 years later it's just to much for me. I am on my out of this relationship and I know what's going to come when I do belittling name calling etc...let me just say this I'm not a jealous person and treat people with respect and don't believe in cheating and like the saying goes those who do the accusing are the ones doing it themselves. When we go out I get a lot of attention and the look on his face when I do is almost the look of hatred and when a male tells him that they think I'm attractive he will ask me what did I do to make that man say that to him and then the accusing starts and saying I was flirting. To let everyone know I am going to leave I just wanted to know if there were others who have encountered this with their partner in the lifestyle.

 

 

I would like to see what your perspective of your relationship with this man is outside of sex. You were asked that above and you didn't answer. If my suspicions are correct, he is just as manipulative and controlling in other aspects as well. I dated a man very similar to this once. He wanted to make all the rules and control every situation. I left. He is in prison for assault.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

He controls when he sees me and only when he wants too. He's very secretive and when I ask what he's doing he avoids the question and won't answer. In the beginning it was great between us but now 6 years later it's just to much for me. I am on my out of this relationship and I know what's going to come when I do belittling name calling etc...let me just say this I'm not a jealous person and treat people with respect and don't believe in cheating and like the saying goes those who do the accusing are the ones doing it themselves. When we go out I get a lot of attention and the look on his face when I do is almost the look of hatred and when a male tells him that they think I'm attractive he will ask me what did I do to make that man say that to him and then the accusing starts and saying I was flirting. To let everyone know I am going to leave I just wanted to know if there were others who have encountered this with their partner in the lifestyle.

 

Honey, don't be on your way out... run!

[R & K 18]

you deserve better then this, everyone does even him so do you and him a favor and cut him lose, hopefully you can find the right person for you and he can figure out what he needs to be happy