Swinging and BBW's

[Luvs_Tunes 15]

Hello Everyone, we are a couple in Minnesota and are very new to this scene. He is average + a little in build and I am a BBW but not grossly over weight (in my opinion). We have had one encounter with another BBW woman and loved it. We would like to meet more people (including couples) in our area that we can enjoy fun times with. However we have had a little difficult time finding people interested and I feel that it may be because of my weight. I have been told I am a good looking woman and I am very sexual and sensual. Hubby says not to worry but I feel that I may be holding the play time back because of who I am. Before anyone says "well just loose the weight", I have tried and can't due to a thyroid imbalance.

 

Does anyone out there have experience with being a heavier partner or having a heavier partner and any input as to if this lifestyle is a realistic adventure for us. I really enjoyed our first experience (it was my first with a woman as well) and would love to give hubby more, just not sure if its realistic for me to feel it will ever happen.

 

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated.

[fun_pairTX 26]

BBW women play all the time. Mrs Fun gained weight after a hysterectomy and it didn't slow us down a single bit. It is all about attitude. Flaunt what you got. Confident women are sexy and it shows. Personally I prefer women with a bit of extra, it accentuates the curves and I don't wake up with bruised ears either. If you have trouble in Minnesota, come take a vacation in Texas, Mrs Fun and I are far from alone in our Pro-BBW attitude.

[yawanna 17]

Now I LUV reading good stuff like that fun_pairTX

 

I am recently and temporarily 20 lbs more than usual...lifestyle change, less active in my work, etc. etc. and I'm very self conscious about it. Our existing swinger friends say it doesn't change a BIT who I am or why they luv us .. gawd BLESS them.. but I worry about when we meet new people. Will they go 'eeewww' or brush me off? I'd considered us taking a break until I get back to my original size.

 

I have heard the remarks made about heavier women, and older women as well....the not so complimentary comments, and now I remember that the commenter was, how shall I say, usually.... an asshole.

 

My husband talks to me and I read posts like this one from fun_pair.....and I have to admit, it's true. It's the confidence and an inviting fun personality that mature, confident, kind people can be attracted to. And we have been with couples where the woman was plump or plus sized, and it didn't matter a whit to us. By the same token, one heavier woman in particular who grumbled and complained all night at a club, was deemed 'not sexy at all' by my husband.

 

We are going to a house party tommorrow night. We know the hosts and there will be a lot of new to us people there as well, and a hottub I'm nervous. But hopefully I will have some words of encouragement and good news to share with y'all

 

"one toke over the line sweet jesus, one toke over the line......"

[SexhoundDog 18]

I'm a former weightlifter who has put on a few extra gut pounds myself, and my wife comes from a family of big people plus she's got a few extra. Although we occasionally reminisce over old pictures when we were "hotter", is it really worth the effort to worry about what those who are totally into themselves think?

 

I still like to pump iron to try and keep in a little shape, but I really got tired of those assholes who spent half their time working out and the other half with their egotistical (or is it insecure maybe?) faces glued to the mirror.

 

So unless you're grossly overweight, which is also a health issue, I wouldn't worry a lick. My wife's getting some gray and is heavy, but she's probably already forgotten more in bed than some of the so called "hotties" will ever know, and is still one of the two best pieces of tail I've had, and I've had lots.

 

If hubby thinks you're still hot and others have called you sensual and sexual, you are far better off than lots of women in this world. Believe me, people will find you. And if they don't, it's their loss. Hold your head up high, Luv-Tunes. I'm sure you exude sexuality to those who can sense it, and isn't that who you want to impress anyway?!

[BradAndJanet 70]

Sexy is a state of mind, not body. If you are fun to be with, have confidence in yourself, can carry on a good conversation and reflect a positive attitude we'll be happy to spend time with you, and if we hit it off, who knows where that will lead It's not really what you look like, it's who you are that will attract us.

 

We know that everyone isn't like that, of course, and to each their own. But, we don't think that you should be afraid to 'go for it', so to speak. We all will be rejected one time or another. People might think I'm too hairy, too short, too blond, or too something else, but I'll just keep on going and look elsewhere

 

Be comfortable with yourself and others will be comfortable with you.

[lovers 25]

I wouldn't sweat it.

 

In our case, there's a woman who I 'service' on a regular basis while her husband and my wife watch. She's extremely fun to be with both in and out of the bedroom. The fact that she's larger than average is irrelevant to me. It's who she is and how she screws (among other things) that's important.

 

Bottom line, forget about it and just have fun.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Bear is an advid BBW admire, which is great since I'm an BBW. Fun TX is right, there are many groups devoted solely to BBW's across the state. You might try looking for a yahoo group that carters to BBW's in your area.

 

We've played with both BBW's and older couples and I'd rather spend an evening with them than with some hottie worried about if the guy who's giving an orgasm is good looking enough.

 

As stated, it's all about attitude. Since the man I love, loves me the way I am, then who gives two hoots about what anyone else thinks.

[fun_pairTX 26]

I get a big kick out of the Barbies at clubs competing for "mirror space", I just can't decide if they are funny or sad. Anyone with a smile, a laugh, and a confident sexy attitude blows the skinnies away.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Have you ever sat in a restaurant or at the mall or at a ball park and just looked around...wondering to yourself..."hmmm...who would I like to play with? Does this person or that person look interesting to me?"

 

Unless someone was really exceptional, my general response to myself would be, "Nope. Nope. Nope." Too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too much hair, not enough hair, dressed funny, dressed too nice...the "con" side of my sheet would fill up real fast with nothing on the "pro" side. I used to wonder why and how I could be interested in the lifestyle when I really didn't find many people "interesting" as potential partners.

 

I finally figured it out. For me, I need to be "interested" in the person. I need to know the person. I need to like the person for all the parts that I think are really important - mind, heart, spirit, values, their ability to be discreet, common interests other than swining.... After that, physical appearance falls to the bottom of my list.

 

With that being said, I don't think weight is a primary issue among swingers, at least not the swingers that I would be interested in swinging with. I think we frequently focus on what we perceive to be our own "worst" physical characteristic and think everyone is immediately drawn to that specific thing, when in reality, others often don't even see it. We all have our own "worst."

 

But that takes us back to self-confidence. If you feel and exude self-confidence about yourself, that is exactly what others will notice. If you like yourself more than anyone else could possibly like you, the self-confidence will follow. The question for you will then become, "Do I want to swing with them" rather than "do they want to swing with me?" -EBF

[Luvs_Tunes 15]

Thank you to all of you who replied to my post!! You guys have all made me feel alot better about our chances. I really enjoy the experience we have had and want more. I will look into the yahoo groups ... i cant believe i hadn't thought of that since i have been on yahoo for so long LOL Sorry about the length of time it took for me to put in the thank you to all you guys but i have not been able to jump on the computer. This is a great place with a lot of great people chatting. I am sure i will be back more often You guys are all great !!!!!!!!!

[bear_n_bunny 43]

For me, I need to be "interested" in the person. I need to know the person. I need to like the person for all the parts that I think are really important - mind, heart, spirit, values, their ability to be discreet, common interests other than swinging... After that, physical appearance falls to the bottom of my list.

Once again EBF, we fall on the same page. My attraction to someone doesn't really start until I get to know them; male or female. Heck, make me laugh, or smile, or just feel good being with you and I'm yours. I can just about guarantee you that I wouldn't feel that way with someone who was more interested in their hair or whether I was attractive enough to play with, would do it for me. I know that while I'm not barbie, I am a very festive playmate and it's their loss if they aren't willing to go beyond first impressions.

 

Luv Tunes, I'm glad this thread helped. This board helped me so much when I first started out, before I'd actually gotten naked with someone besides my hubby. It made me feel comfortable with not only myself, but with swinging. These are good people here.

[yawanna 17]

so! I went shopping yesterday, the day of the house party, to find some new things to wear. My recent weight gain and the loss of anything even remotely resembling a waist line is a side effect of menopause and since I won't get my medical 'counselling' aka DRUGS for another week, I thought, 'bite the bullet' and buy some casual clothes I can still wear when the meds get my bod back to normal. I mean, I LUV wearing only an old ripped tshirt and my pink slippers, but, I don't think anyone else in the world needs to see this.

 

so! I wore my new zipper hooded sweatshirt with a fleece short skirt... and OFF we go to the houseparty .

 

15 or 16 couples (give me a break... it was dark )

 

Bottom line: I was invited into the hottub by 3 very nice men and we met 2 couples we are going to get together with again. One have called already

 

We had a blast in the tub, even though Mr called an emergency 'no one move!' cause he'd dropped a lighter....but end of the night, we had a great time meeting a lot of new couples. We were all sizes, ages, weights and it was a total blast

 

"I submitted one recipe, yes just ONE. I'm scared. Hold me. "

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Put me down with Sexhoundog; I've been with over thirty women in my lifetime, all shapes and sizes. And the best all-around sex I've ever had was with just two of them; Bunny and an ex-girlfriend, both of whom are BBWs (yeah, there were a few runners-up on the list, but most of them were BBWs, too....

 

Granted, I've always had a thing for plump women; there's just something about the curves that really do it for me. But if you give me a choice between a BBW and some Barbie clone, I'll take the BBW every time. For one thing, the BBW is far more likely to be a better playmate than Ms. "HWP".

 

To me, "attractive" is an attitude, as has been pointed out already. I've seen women that, if looked at dispassionately and by society's prevailing standards of beauty, would be considered good looking. But I wouldn't touch 'em with a ten-foot pole, because of their attitude and personality. (The eyes are the window to the soul and will tell all once you know how to look; never forget that.)

 

On the other hand, I've known BBWs, women that some would not look at twice because of their size, that to me, were incredibly sexy and attractive, and I'd jump through a lot of hoops to worship at the altar of their loveliness...

 

And one of the reasons they were so desirable was because they by God knew they were, and it showed.

 

And that says it all...

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by yawanna

so! I went shopping yesterday, the day of the house party, to find some new things to wear. My recent weight gain and the loss of anything even remotely resembling a waist line is a side effect of menopause and since I won't get my medical 'counselling' aka DRUGS for another week, I thought, 'bite the bullet' and buy some casual clothes I can still wear when the meds get my bod back to normal. I mean, I LUV wearing only an old ripped tshirt and my pink slippers, but, I don't think anyone else in the world needs to see this.

 

so! I wore my new zipper hooded sweatshirt with a fleece short skirt... and OFF we go to the houseparty .

 

"I submitted one recipe, yes just ONE. I'm scared. Hold me. "

 

Couple of questions, here. So you think the menopausal loss of your waist line will be corrected with drugs? Come here, my dear...I need to discuss this with you. Since I started the menopausal drugs, my waist is bigger than my hips and boobs! Yikes!! And as for those crunches and things? All I can say is my neck is well-toned.

 

Then the sweatshirt thing with a fleece skirt? In August? Is it cool up there?

 

And recipes...OK, OK...did the bouillabaisse get sent in? I'm glad you had a terrific time in the hot tub and all, and I think it's great that you met some new people and one couple has already called...but let's remember the priorities here, Bouillabaisse, bouillabaisse, bouillabaissee.... You might want to ask your new friends if they have any recipes.

 

Seriously!! Glad to know you had such a great time and met some new people. Head 'em over to the Board when the time is right. - EBF

[yawanna 17]

One word... "homeopathy" Although

 

YES I sent in bouillabaise (say THAT 3 times fast lol)... but I did. And Julie confirmed.

 

At the house party, we met the most amazing woman... she was 6' tall and all amazon I swear! .. she was a BIG girl....and.. just 27 years old! and her partner..... 6'4", and 40! They were just wonderful.....sat with her a good portion of the evening and just whispered and giggled.... such goofs we were but in a good way

 

This house party was our second and seems to work best for us in lifestyle activities... all I can say is we are today

 

 

in a good way.

 

yes.. thankfully..... the temperatures have dropped to 23C finally and I knew we'd be stumbling home in the early morning hours after hottubbing, etc. and I always like to have something warm to cuddle up into on the drive home (besides hubby). Luckily.. I wore my red brocade bra... seems to go well with the dark blew errrr blue skirt

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by yawanna

One word... "homeopathy" Although

 

YES I sent in bouillabaise (say THAT 3 times fast lol)... but I did. And Julie confirmed.

 

At the house party, we met the most amazing woman... she was 6' tall and all amazon I swear! .. she was a BIG girl....and.. just 27 years old! and her partner..... 6'4", and 40! They were just wonderful.....sat with her a good portion of the evening and just whispered and giggled.... such goofs we were but in a good way

 

This house party was our second and seems to work best for us in lifestyle activities... all I can say is we are today

 

 

in a good way.

 

yes.. thankfully..... the temperatures have dropped to 23C finally and I knew we'd be stumbling home in the early morning hours after hottubbing, etc. and I always like to have something warm to cuddle up into on the drive home (besides hubby). Luckily.. I wore my red brocade bra... seems to go well with the dark blew errrr blue skirt

 

 

Glad to know I have the bouillabaisse to look forward to. That has been a major concern of mine, you know...

 

I looked up that 23º C thing - that computes to about 73º F - not bad. Really about the same as down here at night.

 

Wow! Sounds like she is a BIG girl but if she's having fun, who cares? Of course, as short as I am, anyone over 5'3" is tall...

 

Red brocade...blue fleece skirt? Nice combo....have fun!

[smoothmoves 16]

Ms Smoothmoves is a BBW, and she has more fun than most women we've met. It's all in the attitude. She'll tell men she meets straight-out that they'll get spoiled by her techniques, and she's right. She always enjoys herself, and men (and women) can sense that, and get caught up in it. I love to watch her playing.

 

We've found a lot of web sites and shops that have lingerie specially made for larger women, and they have some really nice things. You might try some sexy clothes and lingerie, and see if that helps you feel better about yourself. We've also found several clubs and groups we party with that prefer larger women, for all the reasons already given in this thread. Overall, we find BBW's to be much more relaxed and comfortable to be with. They know how to let go and just enjoy themselves, and it's a very contagious attitude.

 

If you have problems finding groups up there, just come down to San Diego for a visit.

 

Just my opinion

[StacyCat 30]

Well, im a BBW. And ive had female partners between about 150 lbs over me, to a little size 4 girl. I find that personality matters a lot more than looks.

 

But, honestly, a big girl thats confident and friendly is a lot prettier than a stuck up skinny thing, or anyone without confidence. I would much rather play with the girl that looks and sounds as if she is enjoying herself, rather than the girl thats too shy to do anything. Size wouldnt make a difference in that instance.

[BBgurl 15]

BBW is in! Trust me, I know (now). However, I do relate to your concerns about weight, I felt the same way when I first started out. You will soon find out that people are more interested in your personality than you size.

[ranger733 15]

I am no expert by no means on swinging but a BBW woman usually know how to please a man. My experience with a bbw woman has been wonderful. I wouldn't turn a bbw woman away at all. I agree with the personality angle all the way. It is nice to have someone who isn't so stuck on themselves,and knows to have a good time.

[nwin_bifemcpl 15]

Your absolutely right! Us plus sized women are softer, more sensual, and know how to take our men to great heights of sexual awareness. My hubby was married to a real skinny woman before, and he says I by far am the best he's ever had. I wish more men would feel like you do and do away with the prejudices against us larger women...

[fun_pairTX 26]

Absolutely the way to go for those in the know. Y'all can have all the Barbies you want I'll take a WOMAN any day.

[Chicup 41]

You know I always wonder why its ok to say being overweight is somehow superior to being thin on these boards, but god help you if you claim the other way around.

 

Is it a double standard?

[Quin 17]

Originally posted by Chicup

You know I always wonder why its ok to say being overweight is somehow superior to being thin on these boards, but god help you if you claim the other way around.

 

Is it a double standard?

 

I have always wondered the same thing, Chicup. And to be truthful, I don't even think God is powerful enough to help you if you claim the other way around.

[nwin_bifemcpl 15]

I certainly don't think that BBW's are superior, we just wanna be treated equally. There is nothing wrong with a fit women. And I have no problem with them.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by Chicup

You know I always wonder why its ok to say being overweight is somehow superior to being thin on these boards, but god help you if you claim the other way around.

 

Is it a double standard?

 

I understand your point, Chicup, and I can see where you get the idea that being overweight is somehow superior to being thin.

 

But somehow, I really don't think that is the attitude of most. I'm not a BBW and it is kind of hard to see things from their view. However, I tend to look at the BBW vs. thin issue as I do the "mature vs. youthful" issue.

 

It was only a few years ago that I never dreamed I would one day be old , but suddenly, one morning, I woke up and found myself there. Much to my chagrin. And quite frankly, and at risk of sharing too much info about myself, it isn't always a fun place to be. It is a constant battle with myself to affirm my worthiness and value to myself...not to mention others. But myself is the the most important and on some days, myself is the person I have the most trouble with, not that there is a damned thing I can do about it (getting old, that is). My mental strategy and defense mechanism is to throw my age out there on the table from the get-go. In a sense, if I do it, you can't hurt me with a comment about it. (a generic "you")

 

And I can't help but believe that many BBW's feel the same way or at least have similar feelings. They are overweight and often times for reasons they have no control over. There is lots of recent research out there that has shown that for many, weight contol is a much greater issue than merely the amount of food consumed, and fortunately for some, they have chosen to give up a battle they could never win, anyway, and have decided to enjoy life as they are - BBW's. Unfortunately, for some, society's focus has been on the slim and trim, and after the constant bombardments, they may feel they have no value as people - just people. Much as I feel about my age.

 

Now-young people (defined for me as anyone under 50 ) and now-slim people really don't have any concept of the constant ego battles that are fought and it takes a lot out of you on a daily basis to fight those battles. All of us, in both camps, really do understand that others may not find us physically appealing. That's life and it hasn't changed an iota from my days as a younger person. But I really do want to be accepted as a person with value. And I think that is a large part of it for BBW's.

 

Just my opinions....EBF

 

...one more thing I want to add and I can...because I'm OLD! ...much of what I've said cannot be understood by those of you that are youthful and thin. They are things that can be understood only by those that have "arrived." I know. Because just a few years ago I didn't understand.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by Chicup

You know I always wonder why its ok to say being overweight is somehow superior to being thin on these boards, but god help you if you claim the other way around.

 

Is it a double standard?

 

I don't believe that anyone has every been put down on this board for being thin, there is simply not the stigma attached to it as there is with being overweight. As a BBW I can confirm that it's not easy to enter this lifestyle with a negative body image. All the designer dudes and foundation garments in the world are zero help when you're climbing into a hot tub in the all natural.

 

Face it, you never see a "I am too thin, too beautiful, too tall, too short" to swing thread. The great thing about this lifestyle, that I enjoy, is you can find all kinds of people to play with. One thing I've learned, once you've stopped worrying about what you or your partner looks like, the fun really begins. It's really hard to let go if your mind is focused on how big your butt looks verses the task at hand.

 

That being said, for BBWs who are comfortable with themselves enough to enter this lifestyle, then very little is going to stop them enjoying themselves. Again, it's all about attitude which always comes from within.

[C@YWMI 15]

Bunny I love you're attitude it is as fresh as a spring rain. I think we can all learn from you. Sometimes it is hard not to be superficial but when we challenge our boundaries we reap new rewards. I hope Jen forgives me for using one of her euphemisms but you Rock Bunny

[Guest Seymore]

I find women of all shapes and sizes sexy. Maybe not someone who's really obese, but that's not what youre talking about from the sound of it.

 

Women with a few (or more than a few) extra pounds are really sexy. For some reason, the older i get (Im 39), the more i feel this way— and im a pretty slim guy, too.

 

When I was younger, I was only attracted to thin women. I guess the more experience you have with real women's bodies, the more you appreciate them.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by C@YWMI

Bunny I love you're attitude it is as fresh as a spring rain. I think we can all learn from you. Sometimes it is hard not to be superficial but when we challenge our boundaries we reap new rewards. I hope Jen forgives me for using one of her euphemisms but you Rock Bunny

 

Many, many thanks C@YWMI. Entering this lifestyle has done more for my self image than I can say. There's nothing that will improve your body image more than having others enjoy the image of your body.

[NNJBoomers 15]

Swinging has turned out to be the best motivation for losing weight and exercising that I have ever experienced. But, the motivation would not work if I did not feel attractive at my current weight. It really is all in your attitude about yourself. If you know you look and act sexy, then others will agree!

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by NNJBoomers

Swinging has turned out to be the best motivation for losing weight and exercising that I have ever experienced. But, the motivation would not work if I did not feel attractive at my current weight. It really is all in your attitude about yourself. If you know you look and act sexy, then others will agree!

 

Exactly Pauline. Being accepted and enjoyed for who I am has motivated me to get healthy so I can enjoy myself all that much more. Stamina you know. When I'd previously lost weight and gotten into the beautiful people area, I was always annoyed that men who had been content to be "friends" now wanted in my pants. The shallowness of that was down right depressing. I don't think I'd ever be comfortable romping with people who were interested in my dress size instead of everything else I bring to the table, er, bed; included my plus sized attitude and enthusiasm.

[Chicup 41]

Originally posted by NNJBoomers

Swinging has turned out to be the best motivation for losing weight and exercising that I have ever experienced. But, the motivation would not work if I did not feel attractive at my current weight. It really is all in your attitude about yourself. If you know you look and act sexy, then others will agree!

 

Pauline

 

I agree as well, for my wife and I, it IS a good motivation to stay in shape.

 

Several months back, someone posted how he was out of shape and his wife was very attractive. Couples were interested in hooking up with his wife, and would become disinterested as soon as they met him.

 

I posted that perhaps the best course of action for him was to try to get in better shape and suggested a diet that I was on at the time. (Atkins, which btw is perfectly safe for most people, I've spent a lot of time researching it, but thats another topic) You would have sworn I told him to change race, or religion based on some of the responses to that I received. In fact I think I would have had less of a reaction if I did just that.

[bill&sabrina 22]

Originally posted by Bear_n_Bunny

 

I don't believe that anyone has every been put down on this board for being thin, there is simply not the stigma attached to it as there is with being overweight.

 

Thin people might not have a stigma attached to their appearance, but they should sure as hell have it attached to the attitudes they have. Only looking at the cover to determine the quality of the person inside is just plain wrong, but no one seems to care. Even people that are themselves not the most desirable physically are infected with the same shitty attitude. I like people as a whole. I found out recently that the misses isn't exactly like that though. She places I think to much emphasis on physical appearances. Something that is forgotten once we get to know people better, but something that I would like to see subside. Since like I said once we get to know people she wants to be with the person she once thought was unappealing. By the way I am a thin person, 5'9" 160lbs. Bring on the BBW's and anyone else that wants to have fun with fun people.

[wolfmaiden 15]

I am a heavy set woman and still turn heads. Just last night some guy asked me for my phone number at work and I said sorry I am married. I asked him for his phone number but he did not give it to me. Oh well I guess there goes my mmf. lol

[skidder11 15]

Just go for it woman of couple in Minnesota who feels she is overweight. Feeling good is feeling good!

[frenzb4sex 15]

You know, reading through this really gives me a sense of enlightenment into the perspectives all of us live in different stages, both physically and mentally.

 

Lora and I have been overweight since the birth of our first child six years ago (sympathy weight for me), and we have battled the bulge for a while now. Fad diets, exercise, cutting back, you name it, we've been there, done that. Of course, there was little or no motivation until we did get into swinging. Since we have expanded our outreach to others in the last year quite a bit, both Lora and I have lost a combined 70 lbs. between us. We still have a way to go, but we feel good about where we are at. The lifestyle has boosted Lora's ego more than she could ever imagine, because people started accepting her for her, and not for what she looked like. This has meant a world of difference in our overall life as well.

 

Attitude is everything, I cannot stress that enough. I'll take someone who is happy about themselves and flaunt it any day over just simple physical characteristics. Even if we don't lose another pound, I am pleased with who we are and what we look like. If others do not agree or have interest, it's their loss.