Feelings on the end of sexual monogamy

[Ebonylehigh 254]

Question for couples that were together monogamously for awhile before swinging. Were you sad about the end of your sexual monogamy?

 

My hubby and I were together 11 years only with each other before we started swinging a few months ago. Though I was/am excited about our new adventures I did feel a bit sad regarding the end of it only being us. I hope that makes sense.

[Gordo 618]

It does make sense. We were married around 23 years at the time.

 

I can remember driving to our first full swap at a hotel. I guess I was having second thoughts and feeling a little down about it. Which was strange because it was such a fantasy. I asked my wife if she was sure, that we would never be able to undo it and she said absolutely she was looking forward so.......

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Any time one of us wants to stop, we have already agreed that we will both stop and never look back other than with fond and exciting memories. Sexual monogamy did not end, it was just put on pause for a little while.

[oc1234 435]

My wife and I had been married for 18 years and neither of us had ever had sex with anyone else when when a couple we had been friends with for about six years seduced us. My wife and I were thrilled by the experience and it changed our whole life for the better. We had absolutely no regrets.

[tribbles 490]

There are lots of 'just us' times. There are just times when it's others added.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

That's a really good question, and one that I don't ever remember being asked on the board.

 

Speaking for myself, we didn't really have any sad feelings about it. We both had quite a few partners before we met, and that may be why it really didn't affect us.

 

I can see why some folks would feel that way though.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Neither of us had to abandon monogamy. Not long after first meeting, we discovered that neither of us had been perfectly faithful to our previous spouses. We wanted respond to the "faithful" question of our wedding ceremony with, "we'll try our best," but the presiding judge discouraged this plan.

 

Cannot claim that the swing lifestyle is a factor in keeping our married lives completely faithful for seventeen years. But married life has been without any stepping out or slipping around.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I think the reason that we humans put so much thought into monogamy is that humans are not monogamous animals. Like some other species that can mate for life, we still need others at times.

 

I read a study that says that the only true monogamous creature is the hermaphrodite.

[DnM69 70]

I'm still monogamous, I only sleep with one person at at time. My wife on the other hand...

 

No, we were not sad to end the monogamy, variety is the spice of life.

[SoFlaCouple 188]

I did feel a bit sad re the end of it only being us. I hope that makes sense.

 

Makes sense is relative to your perspective. Different people are in this for different reasons and get different things out of it. So while some people may be a bit sad and others not at all, both are perfectly normal.

 

I don't know that either of us felt a little bit sad, but you are right, it is a loss of something that was unique to the two of you. Regardless of the greater debate on this forum about monogamy, when you entered into your marriage, you probably expected that to be the case forever, and lived with those thoughts for a long time. Change in long held beliefs is hard, no matter how much fun that change may be. ;-)

 

I smiled when I read your post about being a bit sad. To me, it shows that you cherish your relationship with your spouse. That is the most important thing of all.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I'm sure the moments you spend together alone are special. Do you both still love each other? Having sex with other people is just another way to have fun. I'm sensing that you feel a bit of jealousy if he has sex with another woman.

 

It was MY fantasy to watch her having sex with other men. It took me a long time to talk her into trying it. She told me she wouldn't be able to handle watching me having sex with another woman. That didn't bother me at all. It wasn't about reciprocation. It made her feel more comfortable about giving it a try to please me. Her first time with another man in front of me was AWESOME! She loved it! It was no problem talking her into doing it again.

 

Our love for each other grew deeper. She enjoyed having sex with different men in front of me knowing that it made me happy by fulfilling my fantasy.

[eldiablo311 201]

My wife was actually a little sad knowing that when we got serious and finally married that she would never sleep with another woman again in her life! LOL! She has told me this many times that when I told her I was "into it" and wanted to see her with another woman, that made her happy to know she didn't have to give that up forever...but she could enjoy it from time to time like a fine wine!

 

For us, we love each other very much also, and we don't want this to be the focus of our marriage or sex life, just something we do maybe a few times a year, if that, to spice things up...for US. We consider this to be like porn, or playing with dildos or going to the strip club or something like that, just another way to create more passion in our sex life once in awhile. The second we feel like it is affecting our marriage in a negative way, we will drop it right away!

[cplnluv1 874]

We are married with 3 kids. Prior to getting married I was somewhat more adventurous than my husband. I believe his sexual experience was limited. I was a little wild child he we did talk about my history. I did figure those experiences would just be history and I was fine with that. We met a couple because of his desire to do something he never did and my underlying want to relive what I had done. Yes being with a woman again was in my thoughts. Sharing a woman with my husband was both exciting and scary. We couldn't find that woman so we searched for the best looking couple we could find. I know I didn't think of it as ending monogamy it was exploring fantasy. Watching my husband that first time I was not think it was the end of something. I wanted him to enjoy and deep inside of me I wanted him to prove to himself he could please another, younger, woman. He did a much better job than the man I was with. Again it wasn't an end it is a new beginning.

[SwingSetWife 444]

I understand what you mean about losing the "just the two of us" thing. But I don't necessarily feel that way. We still have our alone time. And I enjoy the non - sexual intimacy of our relationship.

 

Now I do get annoyed and maybe even a bit jealous about some things. But mostly it has nothing to do with swinging. Hubby loves to look at pictures and videos online. He does this daily. It can and does work on my insecurity sometimes. There is a part of me, although rarely, that wants to be the only one he looks at and the only one that turns him on.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

 

Now I do get annoyed and maybe even a bit jealous about some things. But mostly it has nothing to do with swinging. Hubby loves to look at pictures and videos online. He does this daily. It can and does work on my insecurity sometimes. There is a part of me, although rarely, that wants to be the only one he looks at and the only one that turns him on.

 

Thank you for writing that...it's comforting to know that I am not the only one here that sometimes gets that way, too.

[FlirtyGirl 20]

I understand what you mean about losing the "just the two of us" thing. But I don't necessarily feel that way. We still have our alone time. And I enjoy the non - sexual intimacy of our relationship.

 

Now I do get annoyed and maybe even a bit jealous about some things. But mostly it has nothing to do with swinging. Hubby loves to look at pictures and videos online. He does this daily. It can and does work on my insecurity sometimes. There is a part of me, although rarely, that wants to be the only one he looks at and the only one that turns him on.

 

As I also feel this from time to time I know it is not possible and are not scared to admit it...he is not the only man that turns me on so why should I demand something that even myself can not give....my husband gives me his love and his attention...he spoils me and goes to great lengths to please me and give me what I want and need and for me that has to be enough...I mean it is for him!

[sunbuckus 3,569]

As I also feel this from time to time I know it is not possible and are not scared to admit it...he is not the only man that turns me on so why should I demand something that even myself can not give....my husband gives me his love and his attention...he spoils me and goes to great lengths to please me and give me what I want and need and for me that has to be enough...I mean it is for him!

 

For me, I know it's completely irrational and it really is just my own insecurities and fears rearing their ugly head. It's definitely something I try to work on within myself.

[SwingSetWife 444]

For me, I know it's completely irrational and it really is just my own insecurities and fears rearing their ugly head. It's definitely something I try to work on within myself.

^this exactly. I -know- it doesn't make sense. But I can't always keep that in the forefront. I just need that little bit of extra attention during those times. And hubby is amazing and always comes through.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

Thanks all for the responses. It really made me see things differently, I really at one point felt like our marriage was tainted because of the swinging. When we married I took my vows seriously and felt pride in the fact that we only needed each other.

 

It really isn't a jealousy thing because I am relieved when hubby plays or has a good experience, because he is the slower partner. I was the wild one before I met him and he had limited experience before me. I think that may tie in to how I felt (honestly sometimes feel) I am not sure how to word it but felt lucky to have him and wanted to be worthy? Mind you this is all in my head, my husband has never done or said anything to make me feel any way about my past.

 

But he has made a comment regarding swinging - that he is ok going to parties and such just to watch. I told him I'm not, that I want to play, and he asked do I not have self-control? That hurt my feelings and made me think maybe he does feel some way about things.

 

We talked about that and I told him how that made me feel; he apologized but I am still wondering where that thought process leads.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

...he said do I not have self control. That hurt my feelings and made me think maybe he does feel some way about things.

We talked about that and I told him how that made me feel, he apologized but I am still wondering where that thought process leads.

 

Ebony, I'm sure you already know this but I think you two need to work through this. It's my opinion that your husband might be going through some doubts and insecurities and he's saying these things which he might believe in but deep down he knows it's not true.

[anais.henrix 20]

My perception of my relationship with my wife is different. Over our 26 year relationship we have had a number of sexual encounters with other people. She has occasionally had encounters with women without me.

 

It seems a bizarre thing for me to say but I regards us as a monogamous couple; we strictly stay within the boundaries we set and are content with those.

[eldiablo311 201]

My perception of my relationship with my wife is different. Over our 26 year relationship we have had a number of sexual encounters with other people. She has occasionally had encounters with women without me.

 

It seems a bizarre thing for me to say but I regards us as a monogamous couple; we strictly stay within the boundaries we set and are content with those.

 

My wife and I feel the same as you, we feel very monogamous as a couple in that we only love each other and anything we do is with the other persons feelings in mind! She has fooled around with a couple of guys and one girl in front of me, but we love each other very much and consider each other to be our soul-mate.

[willyoats 324]

While we were swinging, it was really great for our own sex lives. She had no regrets then. She quit several years ago, but I did not. Now, I think she wishes that we could have enjoyed the same level of intimacy that we had with each other without the swinging. My only regret is that she may have some doubts now. I thought it was good for us and I still do.

[Manitobacpl 81]

We look at non monogamy as still being faithful?.. unfaithful to us means cheating .. just sayin ?

[adamgunn 1,461]

Complexg on this board, yes, many people don't see the value in monogamy. I know for me, I'm happy I'm non-monogamous.

 

But get off these boards, out of this community, we're in the super-minority and perverts. So your feeling is perfectly fine.

 

I hope you and your relationship is doing well . . .

[couplers 4,718]

... Though I was/am excited about our new adventures I did feel a bit sad regarding the end of it only being us...

 

You can always go back.

[Eddiem 139]

Kind of a hard question to answer. For me personally it was like we were on the roller coaster we could not get off of so you kind of get thru it. It was an odd feeling after the first time. The emotional roller coaster of being present as she accepted another man in her the first seconds then as they focused on each other, when she orgasmed for him and when he came in her. I was so excited but so exhausted after witnessing it I could sleep for days but could not sleep. It was just odd. So in some respects yeah kind of sad but also excited about the new chapter opening in our sex lives.

Question for couples that were together monogamously for awhile before swinging. Were you sad about the end of your sexual monogamy?

 

My hubby and I were together 11 years only with each other before we started swinging a few months ago. Though I was/am excited about our new adventures I did feel a bit sad regarding the end of it only being us. I hope that makes sense.