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How do you initiate play with potential playmates at a swing club?

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We've been to several swinger clubs and my wife and I usually engage each other. What is your go to move if you want to play with others?

 

We have been newcomers at the clubs we've been to so it's not like we have friends there--makes it tougher. We are also in our mid 50s and seem older than average.

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Are we talking about first introducing yourselves to couples to see if there's enough attraction and chemistry? Or are we talking about after getting to know them through conversation for 5-10 minutes and then you want to know if there's a non-pressure way to ask if they are interested in playing with you two?

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Most situations where we've played, others have asked us. My wife seems reticent to initiate with others or to let me initiate. I'm not sure why. As a male, I am hard wired to ask and initiate. If I don't, I guarantee nothing will happen. I can accept a decline, although sometimes it stings. Maybe we have to get our team on the same page.

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I know this might not be what she wants to hear since she is reluctant about being the initiator (by the way, have you asked her why she doesn't?) but it is easier and less "creepy" if the women do the asking...and even less threatening if she asks the other female if they are interested. I remember when I first got that advice for myself, my heart sunk because I am really reserved and I don't really take rejection very well. I don't know how touchy-feely your wife is but it might help break the ice if she warmly rests her hand on either person's arm if she really likes something that they've said.

 

There are women who appreciate having the male be the one to initiate but sometimes it can appear too aggressive to the other male so it's a balancing act...I'm hoping a male forum member can perhaps shed some light in that area.

 

Angelkin once shared a great way to invite a couple without pressuring them by saying, "We're going over to one of the playrooms to play. We would love it if you two wanted to join us but no pressure."

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I agree. It's less of a power play if the woman initiates. Good approach by Angelkin!

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There are women who appreciate having the male be the one to initiate but sometimes it can appear too aggressive to the other male so it's a balancing act...I'm hoping a male forum member can perhaps shed some light in that area.

 

 

I have no experience at clubs or social gatherings but it could be that just asking the female would come off as a little disrespectful towards the male half. We see each couple as a unit and in turn should be treated equally, meaning both should be asked if they wanted to play rather than one asking one and not both. But that's just us. Not sure how much of the scene is so this is purely based on how I (J) would think another male would feel.

 

I mean I would be flattered that another couple wanted to play regardless of which one asked. Not necessarily a disrespectful thing to us. Just my $0.02

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Our successful bouts have been with me, the woman, initiating with the guy or with the couple. We have also had the other guy initiate with me. When a another woman approaches me, I tend to interpret it more as an invite for girl-on-girl activity and I'm not really into that. Although, I did have one woman simply say that her hubby wanted to see her go down on me and then she would switch over to my hubby and that went just fine.

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It's not unusual for my wife to obviously look at her watch, point, than exclaim "Oh look, it's half past fuck!"

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I would agree with our limited experience that the woman initiating things is what works. My wife and I have certainly been interested but when I ask the other woman, the other man shut's it down, at least it's definitely happened at least once. I think it's trickier flirting, and chatting up another couple than actually playing in the rooms.

 

That being said what we have had most success with in general is just talking to people and being friendly. That is gender neutral. We all know what we are here for. Often I am the one that initiates conversation, but I try and get some flirty feedback before, either a smile from her or a nod hello from him. If I get that I know somethings up and worth investigating.

 

Another odd fail is him chatting up my wife, and then when the woman meets my wife, it's over. This has definitely happened more than once and without me being involved at all.

 

I do know a couple where he does all the initiating and she bounces along behind them. She calls him her social butterfly and to be honest they are a really fun couple. We'll be chatting with her and then we'll see him waving in front of a room, and she'll be like 'gotta run to go play'. It's one of those things, I had to see it to believe.

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You meet a couple at a club and you and your partner are interested in them, how do you start playing? Should you just be forward and ask them or do you talk for an extended period of time? Who should make the first move?

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Once everyone appears to be comfortable with talking, SOMEONE eventually will have to ask 'so, would you like to play?'. It's really that easy, but so many times everyone is afraid to say anything...but remember, that's why you are there. If you aren't interested in playing with them, while the conversation may be good, both couples are usually there to play. You can have a great conversation at a coffee house, bar, or restaurant, but you sure can't play with another couple at a coffee house, bar or restaurant (experience talking here :lol:). Who should make the first move? Anyone should, just as long as someone makes the first move. Best person is probably you (instead of hoping someone else does it, cuz they usually are hoping that you are going to do it).

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Kinda the same way as with a single lady I'm wanting to seduce. The exact words & timing varies by person or couple, but at some point you have to get to the point. Often I've found suggesting massages is a good way to say it without saying it.

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