Cheating vs. Cuckolding vs. Hotwife

[sunbuckus 3,567]

We all know that cheating involves being dishonest with a partner when having sex with someone else. However, there seem to be a hazy line between cheating, cuckolding, and hotwifing that I'd like to be more cleared up for myself.

 

For example, let's say a man knows that his wife is having sex with another man. They don't talk about and it she obviously avoids the subject when asked. Pretty clear cut that it's cheating, right? But let's say that he isn't angry about it but quite turned on. Does this turn into a cuckolding situation or does cuckolding require the element of knowing humiliation between both wife and husband? Thus, does that mean that hotwifing is a full disclosure of when the wife goes out and has sex with other men? Or does it just mean that the husband and wife both know that each other knows she does out, he finds it arousing, but there doesn't really have to be any communication about her escapades?

 

Anyone willing to expand how they view these three situations?

[Mochacino 188]

Would love to see the answer to this. I figure the difference has to be in the amount of information disclosed.

[JandKinBoise 858]

When a woman is cheating with her husband's knowledge, there is humiliation, I would call it cuckolding. I was seeing a couple where the wife would have affairs and bring them up during sex with her husband. I guess since she was talking about it openly it was obviously cuckolding but he assumed she was having much more sex than she admitted, and that turned him on as well.

[Gordo 618]

Cheating---Husband doesn't know.

Hotwife---Husband knows and is turned on by it and both parties share the experience either through talking or watching.

Cuckolding---there is an element of humiliation toward the husband that also turns him on. It can take many forms.

 

Without the humiliation factor it isn't cuckolding. Otherwise we'd have to classify swingers playing separately as cucks. I wouldn't (and suspect others) like being called that.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Cheating---Husband doesn't know

Hotwife---Husband knows and is turned on by it and both parties share the experience either through talking or watching

Cuckolding---there is an element of humiliation toward the husband that also turns him on. It can take many forms.

 

Without the humiliation factor it isn't cuckolding. Otherwise we'd have to classify swingers playing separately as cucks. I wouldn't (and suspect others) like being called that.

 

You make it sound so clear cut, Gordo! But what about the example I gave where the husband knows but the wife is trying to keep it from him--either she doesn't want him to know or admit to herself that he does know. They don't talk about it and he obviously isn't present/watching when she has sex with another man.

[Gordo 618]

You make it sound so clear cut, Gordo! But what about the example I gave where the husband knows but the wife is trying to keep it from him--either she doesn't want him to know or admit to herself that he does know. They don't talk about it and he obviously isn't present/watching when she has sex with another man.

No I don't think it's quite clear cut either there are probably many shades of grey between each.

 

Where the wife goes out and screws around and refuses to tell the hubby about it even though he knows I would take as cuckold because he's too wimpy to stand up and say no and she's throwing it in his face. It has that element of humiliation I mentioned.

[christnthms 326]

Technically, a cuckold is any many whose wife has sex with other men. It does not require any other element.

 

In the fetish scene, cuckoldry often involves humiliation. However, this is a fetish scene using an existing word for a specific situation.

The hotwife fetish seems to separate itself from the traditional cuckold fetish by doing away with the humiliation portion.

I think the element to both of these fetish scenes that separates them from general swinging is that the females call all the shots. They pick who, when, how, even how many.

 

As noted above, technically any swinger whose wife has had sex with another man is a cuckold. I think that in general, we don't fit into either of those fetish scenes though. Every couple I've seen represented here represents themselves as making decisions together and nearly always taking the others' feelings and desires into account before their own.

 

The cheating "criteria," seems to me to be centered on dishonesty. Hiding or lying about the activity, even if the guy ultimately knows and doesn't object, is dishonest. As such, even within the two fetish scenes above, there may be some cheating.

 

It seems to be, that by definition, swinging precludes cheating. There may be assholes mixed in, but when everyone is open about everything, it doesn't count as cheating.

[Gordo 618]

The dictionary definition includes the term committing adultery to define cucking. They then define adultery as the voluntary defiling of the marriage bed with someone other than ones lawful spouse.

 

Technically I guess swinging is cucking if you use your marriage bed So buy a cot!

 

Interestingly enough they then define a marriage bed as that used by a newly wed couple. That does not match the definition uses above

 

I guess we have to take the fact that language evolves and with the increasing visibility of fetishes and sexuality that certain words can take on new meanings. We've all seen that on the internet. I mean your mouse had a whole different meaning 20 years ago.

 

I doubt the person writing the dictionary is a swinger.

[couplers 4,615]

...technically any swinger whose wife has had sex with another man is a cuckold. I think that in general, we don't fit into either of those fetish scenes though.

 

Interesting, but this seems to go around in circles. My husband is turned on generally by watching me having sex with someone else, but not specifically because I am committing adultery against him, just because it is live porn and he is happy I'm enjoying myself. Does cuckoldry require deception? If a wife holding a general hall pass fails to report afterwards that it was used (even if reporting is not required) does it turn into cuckoldry? Sounds like we need a lawyer to decide. Or maybe the Supreme Court to weigh in with their opinion!

[SwingSetWife 444]

You make it sound so clear cut, Gordo! But what about the example I gave where the husband knows but the wife is trying to keep it from him--either she doesn't want him to know or admit to herself that he does know. They don't talk about it and he obviously isn't present/watching when she has sex with another man.

I would consider that example cheating still. There is still an element of deception.

[SwingSetWife 444]

If a wife holding a general hall pass fails to report afterwards that it was used (even if reporting is not required) does it turn into cuckoldry?

 

I was wondering about this a bit myself. Although the only real life experience I have with this is the husband not telling wife. For example, I know a couple where the husband is allowed to sleep with whomever he wants but wife just doesn't want to hear about it.

 

Hubby and I have a similar arrangement. If he sleeps with someone on a hall pass, that's fine but I don't need to hear about it. It doesn't turn me on to hear the details and such. Hubby is different. If I slept with someone else, he would want to know and hear the details. Then we could go at it

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I started letting my wife go to his place without me. She would do this about twice a month. I wasn't watching anymore.

 

After a few months she confessed to me that he began inviting his friends over. It was never more than her, him and one of his friends. She only told me after she arrived at his house and there were about a half dozen cars in his yard. She left immediately.

 

She felt guilty about not telling me. She apologized. I was happy that she told me. I wasn't angry with her. I was angry with him. I called him and let him know how I felt. He assumed I didn't care how many men she had sex with.

 

So my wife, I guess, can be called a hotwife because I shared her with another man and she liked it. She cheated on me by having sex with other men that I didn't know about and not telling me (until later). I was cuckolded by her "boyfriend" by inviting other men to have sex with her and telling them that her husband doesn't know or care.

[confused12524 201]

All the terms are filled with grey area. The individual couple defines them.

 

Your example, where they have not discussed her playing on her own....that's cheating. The fact that he doesn't mind, is one thing, but its still cheating.

 

My wife knows my interests. She knows I would love for her to hook up on her own. And even do it a bunch of times before telling me. Similar situation but totally different.

 

Hotwifing and cuckolding are NOT the same as cheating. They are still part of "couple play" even if its one person being physical. Both parties still get something out of it. Its a game that the individual couple makes the rules.

 

Cheating is not "couple play". I'm talking about legit, deceptive, cheating. Not "roleplay cheating"

 

Two of the three are games. The first one, as defined, is an actual relationship problem.

[couplers 4,615]

the husband is allowed to sleep with whomever he wants but wife just doesn't want to hear about it.

 

Hubby and I have a similar arrangement. If he sleeps with someone on a hall pass, that's fine but I don't need to hear about it. It doesn't turn me on to hear the details and such. Hubby is different. If I slept with someone else, he would want to know and hear the details. Then we could go at it

 

Long ago, hubby and I agreed that if one of us was ever in the situation where we really wanted to have sex with someone else, it was ok. No prior approval, no notification, no subsequent debriefing required. We talk about (and listen to) sex in the same way we talk about everything else in our marriage. Sometimes all the details about the day at work, sometimes hardly any. Sometimes I describe a sexual interlude that I had with Red in detail, other times I mention it in passing. Or hubby will ask if I fucked Red, or whether Clair and I went down on each other today, just because he wants to know.

 

P.S. I've never used the hall pass. I'd be surprised if hubby has either, he doesn't hide anything, but it doesn't matter.

[asncpl 729]

I don't know about the official definition, but for us, we have cuckold and hotwife roleplay and it's with everyone's knowledge. It's talked about and no one is trying to hide anything. There is no dishonesty involved. From the people we have met, this seems to be the norm. It's cheating if the other spouse does not know about it or if one spouse is trying to keep it a secret. I would say it's a roleplay situation, just like other fantasies. It's with full consent of all the parties, and at least for my husband and I, we discuss how the situations play out, and we also have safe words.

[ViSexual 1,008]

OK, for me, it's none of the above if my wife decided to have another man.

 

It's not cheating because I've told her many times that I'm, not only OK with it, but would love it to happen. And that she doesn't need to tell me.

 

It's not cuckolding because I'm not being humiliated to put down.

 

And it's not hotwifing because I'm not finding her lovers or sharing them.

 

She's sort of the same about me being with men. Now if she'd only tell me it's OK to be with women too! But then, that'd be too much like an open marriage.

[herpob 563]

OK, for me, it's none of the above if my wife decided to have another man.

 

It's not cheating because I've told her many times that I'm, not only OK with it, but would love it to happen. And that she doesn't need to tell me.

 

It's not cuckolding because I'm not being humiliated to put down.

 

And it's not hotwifing because I'm not finding her lovers or sharing them.

 

She's sort of the same about me being with men. Now if she'd only tell me it's OK to be with women too! But then, that'd be too much like an open marriage.

 

Oh WOW!

 

I find this VERY interesting!

 

You wife have no problem with you being with men? Doing anything with them? Seriously?

 

And she will not let you do anything? with women? Even with her present or participating? Really?

 

Oh Wow? Any insights as to what is up with that? I am sooooo curious.

 

thx L

[B Bull 18]

I would not like to be considered a cuckold. I know my wife is with other men, we don't really talk about it, maybe a little here and there. She tells me she's going somewhere and that is about as far as I get into it. I look at her emails sometimes, but other than that want no involvement, I mean I would not like to be there for sure. I guess she is a hotwife?

[MrDiscover 802]

I guess not, a loving wife with a sexual profession, but that doesn't makes here a hotwife IMHO. It's not like this is a path you both have chosen and you enjoy your part, for example.

[playpeople 15]

If she thinks she's doing and getting away with something, that's cheating. It seems you feel the relationship is worth saving so you might want to discuss the whole situation with her.

 

As far as a cuckold or is she a hotwife? Call it what you want. Its merely a label. You decide what label (if any) you want to be tagged with.

[MacNfries 123]

You might wish to check out the word "wittol" ... its an old word that refers to a man who knows and accepts his wife's infidelities.

Cuckolding may or may not involve cheating ... it simply refers to a married man who's wife has sex with other men. The husband may or may not know, but the fact that she's married and having sex with other men gives him the cuckold title.

Hot wife just identifies the married woman (not the man) as having sex with other partners (male or female).

 

I kind of think of cuckolding as one-way swinging ... the wife has other sex partners while the husband remains monogamous.

 

Now for the twisters: Words tend to take on broader meanings over time, particularly the word cuckold over the past 10 years or so, I imagine due to the internet and huge availability of websites & info related to cuckolding. Now, women can become cuckolds as well as men ... I use as examples Sandra Bullock and Elizabeth Edwards, who's husbands cheated on them, and these women referred to themselves as "being cuckolded". Also, single couples, who are in supposedly monogamous relationships, can practice cuckolding as well ... both the cheating kind, and the voluntary kind. One partner remaining monogamous while the other partner includes others in their love play.

 

Hope this helps a bit in your understanding of cuckolding ... its really difficult, sometimes, to hold a conversation with people about a word that has different meanings to different people. Mac

[JessicaJamison 861]

Cheating is a woman or a man fucks around with another person while hiding it from their spouse.  

 

Cuckolding is when the wife flirts with other men openly and has sex with them openly, the spouse here knows and the wife does not care.  Often this comes with some humiliation for the husband.  Some husband's want to be cuckolded some don't.  The term does not mean consent.  It just means he knows and is powerless to stop it and has no say in how or when it happens.  

 

A Hotwife has permission to fuck around, think of it like a hall pass from her marriage.  Some men like to pick the other man, some allow the wife to decide.  So for instance, I travel for work, while I am traveling my husband and I have an agreement that I can fuck whoever I want.  I'm honest about my sexual proclivities, I tell him about the guys I date.  Sometimes I even send pictures, videos and texts giving him details of the evening.  

[discreetplay 235]

I'm not really a fan of labeling but I believe cheating is when one partner violates the trust of a relationship via some action (sex, flirting, etc). The definition of "cheating" varies between people. I find flirting relatively harmless. I have friends that don't.  Cuckolding is where the woman chooses another man and has sex with him with the man's knowledge (or in front of him, etc). Hotwifing is where the man chooses the man for the woman to have sex with and watches.

 

Cheating is deceitful. Cuckolding and hotwife aren't. These are a turn-on for the guy and both parties are in agreement with the activities.

[AllowingHubby 0]

My wife cheated on me several years ago. She sexted, met with and had sex with, a coworker over 6 months without me knowing. She knew it would hurt me and she did it because we were having some issues and frustrations in our relationship. It hurt greatly and it took a while to recover our relationship.

 

Fast forward several years, we're a happily married couple of 27 years and she has just recently, with my encouragement, gotten into sharing nude pictures of herself online with men and also chatting with men. We discussed it in great detail and I even told her I would be fine with her meeting a man in person as long as I get to be part of it (watch, join in, etc). She loves the online attention from men, talks sexually with them, but she is unsure whether she would be comfortable having sex with a man in front of me. I asked her why she enjoyed having sex with another man when she knew it would hurt me years ago but now that I am comfortable with it, in fact encouraging it, she is not sure if she'd go that far with the men she meets. She said she cheated because she was unhappy with us and he made her feel good and happy. Now that we're so happy together and our life is going so well, she would worry that it would hurt me or ruin what we have. I assured her the first time it happened, we would both have to agree to it, want to do it, and then agree to decide afterwards if it's for us or not. She said she thinks she may eventually want to try it if she gets to know someone well enough.

 

From my perspective, cheating means one or both of the partners are not happy with the other or their relationship. To have a shared wife, cuckold, Hotwire, swinger Lifestyle, etc both parties should be happy with each other, their relationship, and the situation. So for me it seems to boil down to happiness is the differentiator. 

[enhancer 1,584]

Different folks are going to have different opinions on these terms!  I know what ours are on the following.

 

Cheating is a betrayal of trust and done behind your partners back without any knowledge by them.  For us it not cool or something either of us would tolerate.  Break that trust and you will never get it back. I would be gone if it happened to me and there is no excuse that would change that.  We also will not play with people we know are cheaters.

 

Cuckolding is when your partner has sex with other people to humiliate you!  Usually with someone bigger and better.  The cuck gets satisfaction from being humiliated.  Cheating with your partners knowledge would also fall into this category.  Totally not our thing at all, but to each their own. 
 

A hotwife is a wife that has sex with other men with her partners consent and encouragement.  This can be on her own or with her partner present.  This is not about humiliating him.  It is about her being able to enjoy her sexual appetite on her terms with who she wants.  Hot wives or incredibly hot women IMO.

Last I will add the Stag and Vixen couple.  A Stag husband is a Alpha male who likes to share and watch his Vixen wife have sex with other men in his presence for both her pleaser and his pleasure.  This is not about being incompetent or humiliated.  It is about him thinking his wife is super sexy and wanting her to share that sexiness with other hot men.  Like having their own private porn star.  This is what we identify as ourselves.

[Anon321 521]

The way we see it:

• Cheating is engaging in sexual relationships that are dishonest and disloyal to your SO.
• Hotwifing is when a wife fucks around with her husband's permission.
• Cuckolding is the broadest term and technically all of these above.

Cuckolding is really just when someone's wife or GF is sleeping with another man.  I don't think someone needs to feel some sort of humiliation to technically be a cuckold.  However in this lifestyle that might be viewed very differently but from a dictionary perspective I don't think there needs to be any sort of humiliation involved to be a "cuckold."

 

The way cuckolding is viewed (as humiliation) does nothing for me and I've noticed it often does more for the guys fucking my GF than it does for me.  They often get off on trying to humiliate the woman's SO more than the actual SO gets off on it.  It's not that the woman's husband gets off on being humiliated but the guy who fucks the woman's husband is sometimes the one getting off on feeling more dominant.

[Sophy 569]

On 11/16/2021 at 4:00 AM, enhancer said:

Different folks are going to have different opinions on these terms!  I know what ours are on the following.

 

Cheating is a betrayal of trust and done behind your partners back without any knowledge by them.  For us it not cool or something either of us would tolerate.  Break that trust and you will never get it back. I would be gone if it happened to me and there is no excuse that would change that.  We also will not play with people we know are cheaters.

 

Cuckolding is when your partner has sex with other people to humiliate you!  Usually with someone bigger and better.  The cuck gets satisfaction from being humiliated.  Cheating with your partners knowledge would also fall into this category.  Totally not our thing at all, but to each their own. 
 

A hotwife is a wife that has sex with other men with her partners consent and encouragement.  This can be on her own or with her partner present.  This is not about humiliating him.  It is about her being able to enjoy her sexual appetite on her terms with who she wants.  Hot wives or incredibly hot women IMO.

Last I will add the Stag and Vixen couple.  A Stag husband is a Alpha male who likes to share and watch his Vixen wife have sex with other men in his presence for both her pleaser and his pleasure.  This is not about being incompetent or humiliated.  It is about him thinking his wife is super sexy and wanting her to share that sexiness with other hot men.  Like having their own private porn star.  This is what we identify as ourselves.

  Interesting, so according to the above,  I am a Swinger/Hotwife  

[enhancer 1,584]

10 hours ago, Sophy said:

  Interesting, so according to the above,  I am a Swinger/Hotwife  

Your pictures in the gallery do show that you are indeed a very hot wife!

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

Cheating is the only one that's socially acceptable. For example, if a vanilla friend spots your wife out on a date with her boyfriend then confronts you, you'll probably say she's having an affair rather than she's a hotwife/cuckoldress. 

[cuckboat 9]

With a cheat/hotwife/cuckold relationship it can be mixed. My last g/f fucked whoever she wanted. I could not. Sometimes I knew what she did and other times not. The knowing/not-knowing, seeing/not seeing, hearing/not hearing, wondering.....And when asked , the honesty was there and sometimes the deception....so permission is there but cheating is part if it. She was very jealous so I got nothing except from her and usually it was used......That worked for us.

 

[couplers 4,615]

On 11/19/2021 at 4:14 AM, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Cheating is the only one that's socially acceptable.

True.  The terms "cheating" or "adultery" are clear that they are sins, and if acknowledged as such can be forgiven.  The terms we here use, "swinging," "nonmonogamy," "hotwife," etc. suggest that all of the parties see it as acceptable behavior, not as a sin, and therefore, without repentance, cannot be forgiven.

[David Lovell 160]

My wife had sex with her friend's husband on two occasions. Both times her friend was present in the house but did not participate. Her friend encouraged it.

As a result the three of them decided to involve me and we  became swingers. 

Could that still be considered as cheating?  

[Popcorn 6]

I define it this way: if it hurts my partner, I don’t do it. She is first ALWAYS. And I am always first for her. 
Lying is cheating, and cheating can seriously damage your partner’s self-worth. A moment of satisfaction is not worth another human’s soul.

 

[Numex 2,409]

3 hours ago, David Lovell said:

My wife had sex with her friend's husband on two occasions. Both times her friend was present in the house but did not participate. Her friend encouraged it.

As a result the three of them decided to involve me and we  became swingers. 

Could that still be considered as cheating?  

In the first instance of your wife having sex with her friend's husband, it wasn't cheating for them but would be for your wife if you didn't know and approve.  Even if so, her cheating was extinguished and expurgated by your subsequent knowing and participation in the goings-on.

[couplers 4,615]

I was involved in negotiating a large commercial transaction where the parties were trying to determine when title to the large, complex, and expensive product should pass from the manufacturer to the customer.

 

The solution was not to say when title passed, but rather refer to each of the elements of title (possession, tax liability, risk of loss, etc.) and what each parties' relationship is to each aspect.

 

Same with the sexual behavior of a couple or other arrangement.  Rather than saying "We're hot wifing it," or "I'll be a cuckold!" the parties need to go through each characteristic of their relationship, even a vanilla one.

 

For instance, it is well known that Mike Pence has declared that he does not dine alone with a woman who is not his wife. 

 

 

 

Edited November 11, 2023 by couplers

[AdamGunn2 393]

Okay, here’s my take on the terms.

 

Cheater - if a woman is in a committed relationship and has sex outside that relationship AND if her husband (or SO) has not given her permission to have sex with others, then the woman is cheating.

  It doesn’t matter if the husband is aware of it or not, if he hasn’t given his okay then the bond between the couple is broken.

  Of course, the same goes if the cheater is a man.

 

Hotwife - A ‘hotwife’ is a woman who has sex with others with her husband’s permission. He might have knowledge of when she’s having sex, or not. But it’s expected that he will be fine with it when/if he learns of it.

  There are different forms of hotwifing.

• She may ‘solo’ with one or more men without the SO being there.
• The husband might be in the room with her and observing
• The husband might be the the other male in an MFM or MMF threesome
• Fill in others. There is a great amount of variation in how couples live the hotwife lifestyle.

 

Stag/Vixen - The husband is knowledgable and supportive of his wife’s sexual adventures. The wife does not humiliate her husband.

 

Cuckold - A man is a cuckold when his hotwife attempts to belittle him with her sexual adventures. This can be done either verbally or physically (for example, forcing him to wear a cock cage).

[keywestfun 41]

On 7/10/2014 at 7:23 PM, Gordo said:

Cheating---Husband doesn't know.

Hotwife---Husband knows and is turned on by it and both parties share the experience either through talking or watching.

Cuckolding---there is an element of humiliation toward the husband that also turns him on. It can take many forms.

 

Without the humiliation factor it isn't cuckolding. Otherwise we'd have to classify swingers playing separately as cucks. I wouldn't (and suspect others) like being called that.

Good to know, then i have a hotwife fantasy not cuckolding.