Is it just me or do most guys not even try?

[MrMarvin 268]

One thing that is puzzling to me is the apparent lack of effort by many men in the lifestyle. The lack of effort takes many forms-- scant number of photos on profiles, god awful appearance and overall creepiness. Why, as a guy, do I care? Well it's limiting my choices!

 

Case in point-- in reviewing profiles on line, I can't tell you how many I have come across where the guy looks like a total schlump. That breaks the deal right out the gate and is a shame as a number of these schlumps have attractive wives who do try.

 

I personally am trying not to fall into that category and make myself presentable. I am also very selective with the photos I post. We also try to post a good variety of photos instead of 87 boob shots, 114 photos of the "better" female half, and one fuzzy picture of the male. It's a team game and everyone has to want to play. Men who play the schlump role are killing me. Schlumps knock it off!! For those who do it right-- keep it up!

[ViSexual 1,008]

Mr. Marvin, you are so right! I can find something appealing about just about any decent woman. The information and photos of the wife in an ad isn't all that important to me. But my wife is pretty picky and I need to, not only see the husband, I need to know more about him to see if my wife would be at all interested.

[MrMarvin 268]

Mr. Marvin, you are so right! I can find something appealing about just about any decent woman. The information and photos of the wife in an ad isn't all that important to me. But my wife is pretty picky and I need to, not only see the husband, I need to know more about him to see if my wife would be at all interested.

 

Nailed it (and did so in many fewer words). I am in the same boat as my "yes" threshold is lower. Not giving any effort by the other husband makes the march an uphill one.

[tallicafan 41]

This is very common. We see lots of lady pictures that look good and if we are lucky we get one blurry picture of the guy that isn't impressive, but usually none at all. We try and post flattering pictures of both of us. I wouldn't want to be out right rejected after we met because they didn't liked how i looked or presented myself. Guys, step it up a little please!

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Most of our pictures show the two of us together, at least trying to look 'nice'. Other than that there are some pictures of just her. There are NO pictures of me by myself and especially none of me nude or of any of my body parts (kind of creepy to us). Anyone who would like to see that will have to meet us first and then we'll see what happens.

 

Nothing that stops us faster than a bunch of pictures of a naked guy showing himself off with closeups of his body parts or pictures of her alone and him alone...appears like either she doesn't know what he's doing or is not really interested (we've had experiences with meetings like that). If you are looking AS a couple, try to look LIKE a couple.

[SwingSetWife 444]

I think people need to realize that SLS is not their facebook. Don't post just any old picture because you are too lazy to dress up nicely (shaved, washed, and yes even smelling good) just to take a picture. It is not a waste of time. You are trying to get laid and only your wife wants to hump you right when you get off work.

 

But honestly, it isn't just on profiles. We see the same stuff at clubs. The men expect their wives to do all the work. But then they complain because the wife gets all the play....?

 

My husband understands if I say no though. Because he can obviously tell of the guy is not putting his best foot forward.

[tallicafan 41]

Good point! Didn't think about that part.

Most of our pictures show the two of us together, at least trying to look 'nice'. Other than that there are some pictures of just her. There are NO pictures of me by myself and especially none of me nude or of any of my body parts (kind of creepy to us). Anyone who would like to see that will have to meet us first and then we'll see what happens.

 

Nothing that stops us faster than a bunch of pictures of a naked guy showing himself off with closeups of his body parts or pictures of her alone and him alone...appears like either she doesn't know what he's doing or is not really interested (we've had experiences with meetings like that). If you are looking AS a couple, try to look LIKE a couple.

[MrMarvin 268]

Yes, all very good points. I agree too that any male "naked" photos are creepy (your mileage may vary). However, for that matter, I don't even need to see naked female pictures and actually prefer not seeing such photos-- there is something to be said about maintaining a mystery for both sexes.

 

Again though I second the thought on together photos being great.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

The secret to a great gift starts with the wrapping of the present. Sometimes it's the anticipation and the mystery of the wrapping that can make a present so much better (which is why there is a multimillion lingerie market). We agree that we would rather see classy photos of nicely dressed couples than crass nudity from either (or both) partners...but then again, we are looking for classy to start with.

[LFM2 1,482]

One thing that is puzzling to me is the apparent lack of effort by many men in the lifestyle. The lack of effort takes many forms-- scant number of photos on profiles, god awful appearance and overall creepiness. Why, as a guy do I care? Well it's limiting my choices!

 

Case in point-- in reviewing profiles on line, I can't tell you how many I have come across where the guy looks like a total schlump. That breaks the deal right out the gate and is a shame as a number of these schlumps have attractive wives who do try.

 

I personally am trying not to fall into that category and make myself presentable. I am also very selective with the photos I post. We also try to post a good variety of photos instead of 87 boob shots, 114 photos of the "better" female half, and one fuzzy picture of the male. It's a team game and everyone has to want to play. Men who play the schlump role are killing me. Schlumps knock it off!! For those who do it right-- keep it up!

 

MrMarvin

 

In our area, the opposite seems quite true. They try too hard. By that I mean, they post several pictures of themselves; most of them cock-shots. It's no secret that I don't enjoy cock-shots. They're well dressed (read: not schlumpy) in their "G" rated photos, some are "PG". They actually look good. They leave NOTHING to the imagination, though. It's seems true that the females have more pics than their male counterparts. The females are quite nice looking. The men, IMHO, should leave their pants on.

[SwingSetWife 444]

The men, IMHO, should leave their pants on.

 

This is something I have tried to convince SSH of. Not that we have cock-shots on our SLS. But he will sometimes text me some and expect me to swoon. For me, a cock is a cock. Yes, they are different but really they are just much of the same. I guess the same could technically be said about woman parts, but I would much rather see those than a cock.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

This is something I have tried to convince SSH of. Not that we have cock-shots on our SLS. But he will sometimes text me some and expect me to swoon. For me, a cock is a cock. Yes, they are different but really they are just much of the same. I guess the same could technically be said about woman parts, but I would much rather see those than a cock.

Maybe that's why there are so many cock pictures. Men enjoy looking at boobs and butt pictures so they assume that women enjoy the same so they send cock pictures or include them in profiles.

[iexxxcpl 19]

Totally agree!

 

Our local club has been falling to enforce dress code for guys and that's a bummer. The sad thing is some of these guys I've seen show up in dad jeans, random company screen printed t-shirt, and dirty sneakers have beautiful women who have taken the time to dress up for their night out.

[LFM2 1,482]

Maybe that's why there are so many cock pictures. Men enjoy looking at boobs and butt pictures so they assume that women enjoy the same so they send cock pictures or include them in profiles.

 

I think they do... They're trying to "sell themselves" on other women. Personally, I think all cocks look just about the same. Boobs on the other hand do not all look the same. Dave could stare at those for hours.

[SwingSetWife 444]

I think they do... They're trying to "sell themselves" on other women. Personally, I think all cocks look just about the same. Boobs on the other hand do not all look the same. Dave could stare at those for hours.

 

Totally agree with all of this. Boobs and lady parts, I find, are vastly different and enjoyable to see many different ones. Penises, while they can be different, still all just look the same to me. I don't care if they are different sizes or whatever. When you look at sticks in the yard, you don't consider the sizes and shapes, you just see sticks!! LMAO

 

And yes, Sun. I do believe that is the reason. They think it is a turn-on but they are really mistaken. I also think that it has to do with (bare with me now...) I find that women, myself included, are less likely to be into looking at nude pictures of any kind or watching porn or things like that AS MUCH AS men (I do enjoy these things just not as much as). SSH could (and does actually) look at some version of porn everyday. I only look at it when I am very horny, have not had any in a few days, and plan on getting off while looking at/soon after looking at. I don't look at it just to look at it....

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Men tend to be more visually stimulated while women tend to be more emotionally stimulated. That's why there are only a few magazines like Playgirl for women but there are 100's of romance novels that are geared towards the female audience. Still, some men think what works for them must work for women as well...that or they just enjoy posting naked pictures of their bodies.

[MrMarvin 268]

Good points. I agree with them all. My wife as well doesn't find cock shots appealing; if anything, they are a turn off. As for me, I can't personally even fathom posting or sharing such a photo as I like to view myself as more than a "living dildo."

 

In the end, it is all of course subjective, and dependent on personal taste. In our case, just a few G Rated pictures is what we look for in profiles.

 

In person, but speaking from a dearth of experience, the limited lifestyle functions we have attended reflect the same thing. Case in point-- we went to a lifestyle dance a few months back. One guy showed up in jeans, work boots, some awful shirt and a greasy ball cap. I was floored-- that will simply not work. I made an effort myself and it must have worked as I got "felt up" a few times on the dance floor (tee hee).

 

Again, all good takes.

 

MrMarvin

[SwingSetWife 444]

Men tend to be more visually stimulated while women tend to be more emotionally stimulated. That's why there are only a few magazines like Playgirl for women but there are 100's of romance novels that are geared towards the female audience. Still, some men think what works for them must work for women as well...that or they just enjoy posting naked pictures of their bodies.

 

excellent point

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

There would be a difference in Robert Redford showing in tattered blue jeans, printed t-shirt and dirty canvass shoes and Homer Simpson showing in the same get-up.

[Sexinthetardis 76]

I see a general lack of effort more in the physical appearance/fitness area among men in the lifestyle (compared to the hot, fit wives they are standing next to). So much so that the last couple we played with, my opening line (and yes it was a come on ) upon meeting him in the pool and noticing his level of physical fitness was "On behalf of all the women in the lifestyle, thank you for trying."

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Doh!

[MrsPandMe 150]

I would say conservatively that 1/3 of the profiles on SLS that advertise as a couple have zero pictures of the men. I can't understand why the guys would not put a picture of themselves up. Really, at some point you're going to have to show your face.

 

Mrs. P and I generally ignore profiles that have dozens of pictures of her and nothing of him unless they have some other compelling trait like a very well written profile, in which case we proceed with EXTREME caution.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We love it when the man uses an old picture or wears a hat or something to cover his head because of a reduction of hair follicles. If we ever do meet you, do you think we won't notice you are 10 years older or your hair is 6 inches higher?

[DestinyBandJ 34]

We love it when the man uses an old picture or wears a hat or something to cover his head because of a reduction of hair follicles. If we ever do meet you, do you think we won't notice you are 10 years older or your hair is 6 inches higher?

 

But what if you were trying to got for the hipster look? I know our profile shows me with shorter hair but I am going for the whole hipster look right now. Suspenders and everything

[Guest Ready2dewit]

As a guy, and a single guy at that, I feel there is a minimum standard that you should practice, and that it applies to both men and women. I think we've all seen some women that don't do much to enhance what little they were given, and they get away with it in the lifestyle because, frankly, so many horny bastards will hit on them anyhow why waste money on soap and shampoo? LOL.....

 

Getting back to the "minimum standard" thing...I think you should plan on being clean, well-dressed in decent, well-fitting clothes...just putting your best foot forward, like when you are dating, because, that's basically what you are doing. We can't all be hardbodies, playmates, or young again, but we can present ourselves in the best light possible if we are going to have a shot at attracting any favorable attention.

 

I guess the male half of a lot of couples don't feel the need to put a pic on a profile because they figure the wife is the honey in the trap and once she draws someone in, they'll just have to take him as part of the deal. I worry more about the couples profiles that have ONLY the husband's pic on them, because then they are usually a fake couple, or the wife isn't even in the lifestyle.

[cpl36996 91]

I see a general lack of effort more in the physical appearance/fitness area among men in the lifestyle (compared to the hot, fit wives they are standing next to).

 

Not just what this other poster wrote, but when couples take their pictures you could see on the background dirty clothing on the floor, mess up kitchen, backyards, bathrooms, living room and last but not least their appearance, the men usually not shaved or groomed and the ladies well that a different ball game.

[DnM69 70]

It doesn't help that for so many couples the wife has looked after herself but the husband has not. It would seem that there is far less pressure on men in general to look after them selves and stay in shape once they are married and have a family.

 

Maybe some of the hot wives need to offer their husbands some guidance or point out to them that they are not in fact "all that" even though they get to sleep with a very attractive woman every night.

 

I spend a lot of time at the gym keeping in shape and when we go to our favourite club I have no problems finding a playmate, I intend to stay in good shape as long as I can and I hope it continues to pay off.

[Tia Vampire 167]

I hear you OP. Big red flag in my opinion. Why even join a hookup network site if you are not going to show pics of yourself? How do you expect to advertise yourself without pics? Then on top of that, these guys don't show up for parties to meet in person. So I have learned not to answer to profiles without pics of the single guys that contact me. Couples without pics of the guy, must meet at a public place or swing house party.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

If I'm looking to give my wife an experience with a cock bigger than mine I'll ask you to send me a picture of your cock. When it gets to the point of exchanging pictures, a picture of your smiling face or doing whatever you do in your daily life picture is the ones we will trade.

[eldiablo311 201]

One thing that is puzzling to me is the apparent lack of effort by many men in the lifestyle. The lack of effort takes many forms-- scant number of photos on profiles, god awful appearance and overall creepiness. Why, as a guy do I care? Well it's limiting my choices!

 

Case in point-- in reviewing profiles on line, I can't tell you how many I have come across where the guy looks like a total schlump. That breaks the deal right out the gate and is a shame as a number of these schlumps have attractive wives who do try.

 

I personally am trying not to fall into that category and make myself presentable. I am also very selective with the photos I post. We also try to post a good variety of photos instead of 87 boob shots, 114 photos of the "better" female half, and one fuzzy picture of the male. It's a team game and everyone has to want to play. Men who play the schlump role are killing me. Schlumps knock it off!! For those who do it right-- keep it up!

 

MrMarvin

 

My wife and I are with you 100%! If you are going to do this, the least you can do is try to keep yourself in decent shape, good hygiene, and keep the hair situation under control! That is what my wife and I do! We hit the gym 5 days a week with 1 cheat day where we eat or drink whatever we want...the rest of the week is healthy food.

[MrMarvin 268]

My wife and I are with you 100%! If you are going to do this, the least you can do is try to keep yourself in decent shape, good hygiene, and keep the hair situation under control! That is what my wife and I do! We hit the gym 5 days a week with 1 cheat day where we eat or drink whatever we want...the rest of the week is healthy food.

 

Wow! That is dedication! Good plan and good for you two especially from a health perspective.

 

My wife would not necessarily rule someone out because they don't go to the gym-- baseline skills suggest you present as best as you can with what you have. It's that baseline, at least IMHO that is sadly missed by many men.

 

In the meantime, I feel I need to hit the gym!

[Guest]

Tom here, not the usual Sue. Half or more of our activity is MFM and, for the most part, just guys that we meet at bars or resorts and with whom we strike up a conversation. Sue obviously determines whether the conversation moves on to more. She has always been quite fit, a former college gymnast and cheerleader, many years of tennis leagues, as well as working out. And, she is unusually beautiful. Yet, I have always been surprised that her selections are not at all the guys that are really built; they may even be on the fat or somewhat heavy side. Rather, they are dressed nicely, clean (clean shaving and look like they had a shower before they went out tonight), good conversationalists, have some degree of confidence and humor in their flirtation but not lewd or overly aggressive. That turns her off.

[eldiablo311 201]

Wow! That is dedication! Good plan and good for you two especially from a health perspective.

 

My wife would not necessarily rule someone out because they don't go to the gym-- baseline skills suggest you present as best as you can with what you have. It's that baseline, at least IMHO that is sadly missed by many men.

 

In the meantime, I feel I need to hit the gym!

 

Thanks! Yeah, we consider working out a lifestyle, my dad taught me that,...not just for looks reasons, but as you said quality of life and health reasons. My Dad is a great example, he runs every other day and is in his early 70's! Also we have friends and people we know from the gym that compete in bodybuilding and that really motivates us to stay in shape. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno are a couple of people, besides my Dad, that I look up to for motivating me to stay in shape ever since I was a kid!

 

My wife and I workout together and that helps to have that support.

 

As you said though, at least present as best you can what you have!

[PeterJ 940]

There would be a difference in Robert Redford showing in tattered blue jeans, printed t-shirt and dirty canvass shoes and Homer Simpson showing in the same get-up.

 

 

I'm trying to picture Homer Simpson and Marge at a lifestyle party, but the reception is a little fuzzy...