Why do we want to see our spouse with another?

[XploreFun 26]

I have a pretty simple and honest question:

 

Why do people such as my wife and I each enjoy the thought of watching each other have sexual pleasure with another?

 

We have been together over 20 years. Happily married with kids. Earlier in our relationship neither of would even have such a thought. Now we both independently (as much as each other) really like this idea. For me, I want to see my wife with another man. My wife really wants to see me with another woman. Whilst we don't deny we could enjoy sex with another it really is secondary for us. The voyeur aspect is the key driver.

 

Do these feelings just develop at a certain age? Is it to do with relationship maturity? Is it a secure sign or a new need as the relationship grows?

 

To be honest the reason doesn't really impact our view but my nerdy side is interested in the thoughts of others on this.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Pick any ten people who profess to be in "The Lifestyle", ask this question, and you will receive twenty different answers. Answers you will receive at this esteemed Web site, I'm sure.

 

I, however, will not be able to provide one of these answers. Neither my wife nor I expressed a desire to see the other have sex with any other person. We agreed from the start that I wanted sex with other women and she wanted sex with men. I have long-time believed that more than a small measure of selfishness drives swing lifestyle. But this does not mean that each of us cannot derive pleasure and delight from knowing the other is having a really good time.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Speaking for myself, it gives my great joy to see my wife enjoying herself. I love watching her when we have sex together, because I love seeing the pleasure she experiences. However, sometimes I find it exceedingly distracting to actually be involved. My own physical sensations get in the way of experiencing her pleasure. Watching her with someone else allows me to just watch.

 

For my wife's part, she loves to perform for an audience... music, acting, public speaking, sex, doesn't seem to matter. She loves to have everyone's eyes on her.

 

Basically, our weirdnesses fit.

[ViSexual 1,008]

My wife has asked me, numerous times, why I want to see her with other men and I can't really answer her.

 

We'd only been married about three years when we were seduced by a couple who were friends of ours. That was almost forty years ago and I still have a very vivid memory of that other husband fucking my young, beautiful wife. I had been attracted to his wife for quite some time but I was so drawn to what my wife and her husband were doing that I probably neglected her needs somewhat. Oh well, she was enjoying the show too so it was fine in the long run and she and I made up for anything we neglected after our spouses went to sleep that night.

 

And with each of the other couples we swapped with, it was the same. I loved watching my wife with other men and knew it.

 

To this day I want to see her with other men. It turns me on just to see her looking at some other man. It really turns me on when she says she finds some man hot. And I'm in my little Utopia when she actually flirts with some man.

[couplers 4,730]

Warped Petra here with an inexplicable, but honest answer.

 

I have a pretty simple and honest question:

 

Why do people such as my wife and I each enjoy the thought of watching each other have sexual pleasure with another?

 

Don't want to spoil a simple question with a complicated answer, so here goes:

 

Watching my husband (or boyfriend) having sex with another woman still makes me burn with jealousy. It's even more intense now that hubby's girlfriend is also my lover, double the burn. After they're finished I want my turn, but can't wait for them to do it again.

[christnthms 326]

Speaking only for myself, I get at least 3 kicks out of watching my lady.

1. as Lionheart says, the voyeur portion is a big piece of it. I love watching my lady be pleasured whether be by herself, by me, or by another. While my own sensations are great during sex, as Lionheart described, they sometimes get in the way of fully appreciating her pleasure.

2. then there is the "rollercoaster" effect. That is how I describe the jealousy I feel. Many men don't claim to feel any jealousy during swinging. I most certainly do. I describe it as a "rollercoaster effect" because it seems to be a physiological response rather than an emotional one. The rush of a rollercoaster is a fear response, that we can enjoy because we trust that they coaster is safe; likewise, the jealousy isn't a negative experience for me because I have such complete confidence in my lady's devotion to me.

3. lastly, but most assuredly real, is the reclaiming sex afterward. I figure this is a very primal thing as well. But, as much fun as it is to watch my lady with another, I also know it will be incredibly hot sex with her afterward. Somehow, there is an extra enjoyment having her after another guy.

[couplers 4,730]

"rollercoaster" effect. That is how I describe the jealousy I feel.

 

In a post many years ago I said that the jealousy of watching my husband copulate with another woman was like a kid riding a roller coaster - scared, wondering why he ever got on this thing, can't wait for it to end, then as he walks off he says, "Can we do it again?" You expanded on it much better.

[XploreFun 26]

I think you have really shone a light on it there Christnthms. You can see the incentives clearly.

[cplnluv1 874]

It was Alan that wanted to watch me with a woman but then he watched while I went down on our first guy. I think he enjoyed that that first one wasn't that great. Me on the other hand was somewhat jealous watching the first time. I have since become less jealous and do like to hear and see him please a woman because I know he is mine to go home with

[Sensualbicouple 122]

We always wanted to watch eachother with another person. We started off with a MFM and even though I struggled to handle two guys at the same time (mouths, hands and bodies everywhere) hubby enjoyed watching me with another guy. Hubby had a FMF before he met me and of course he always did want to have a FMF with me. We haven't made it there yet and I don't know if we ever will, but I enjoyed seeing hubby with another female of a couple (even though I was more turned on seeing him with another male).

[Guest]

I can't really say that I am turned-on my seeing hubby have sex with another woman. My participation is possibly based on three factors. I love to turn him on, I enjoy being an exhibitionist (sexually speaking only, not as in public speaking, theater or such) and I really enjoy the entire process from flirting through fucking. Yes, hubby enjoys seeing me have sex with other men but that is just a piece of a larger pie, seeing me get turned on. This manifests itself in many ways: being excited by watching me masturbate, spending extended time stimulating me orally, or getting excited by seeing me flirting with or even seducing the guy that starts talking to us while sitting at the bar. This is why the MFM thing seems to work so well for us. We are interacting while he is getting excited watching me flirt, seduce and become a nasty girl and I get excited performing for him and then rewarded with sexual interaction with both he and the other guy. Couples swaps, while fun, moves him one step further away from me and if its not same room sex then gratification is delay and limited to verbal descriptions although the separation can allow for enhanced kink and, perhaps, even enhanced descriptions.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

It might have something to do with boredom? After 20 years you two have probably done it all more than a few times. I always fantasized about watching my wife and I having sex as if I was out of my body watching from above or standing in the corner of the room. She wouldn't let me take a video. My dreams and fantasies soon evolved into thinking I was watching another man have sex with her. I became obsessed with that fantasy and began to talk her into having sex with another man.

[christnthms 326]

I just had another one occur to me last night. The lady and I were enjoying a moment, and she was really showing off for me (I love it).

The thing is, as hot as she was showing off, I missed the entire finale. No no, I was there. But in my own moment, I lose awareness and so can't fully appreciate her showing off.

I honestly think that part of the kick is simply getting to see the stuff I'm usually missing, due to my own sensations and such. I mean, I KNOW how good it feels from personal experience and the looks/sounds. But I get to see the whole show this time, rather than missing the ending...

[couplers 4,730]

I just had another one occur to me last night. The lady and I were enjoying a moment, and she was really showing off for me (I love it).

The thing is, as hot as she was showing off, I missed the entire finale. No no, I was there. But in my own moment, I lose awareness and so can't fully appreciate her showing off.

I honestly think that part of the kick is simply getting to see the stuff I'm usually missing, due to my own sensations and such. I mean, I KNOW how good it feels from personal experience and the looks/sounds. But I get to see the whole show this time, rather than missing the ending...

 

Terrific point. When a person is having sex, the mind is transformed (for lack of a better word) and can't really appreciate what is going on with another person, whether it is the person you're screwing or someone else. I guess that's why when there are more than two of us together to play, we tend to go serially rather than all at once. It allows the others to appreciate the beauty of the "performance" with a clear mind. Thanks for this post.

[Guest]

...... she was really showing off for me (I love it).

The thing is, as hot as she was showing off, I missed the entire finale. No no, I was there. .

 

Tom here, not Sue. Perhaps its a understatement to say that we males merely want to see our ladies with another. Would it be more accurate to say we want see them being very nasty or very slutty or very excited. That would explain more the fact that we enjoy it whether they are with a man or a woman?

[ViSexual 1,008]

Would it be more accurate to say we want see them being very nasty or very slutty or very excited.

 

I think you just found it. When I watched my wife enjoying another man, it was just so out of character for her. All of her silly inhibitions were lost and she was simply being the erotic person that I've always been. That was, and is, our only incompatibility and for those wonderful moments we were perfect for each other. I do really like my wife but I totally loved that woman during those times.