Setting up play dates

[smuttybooklvr 16]

Morning everyone!

 

My husband and I are brand new at this lifestyle - we've met a few couples for drinks through a website, and had a lot of fun! We have yet to play with anyone, but two of the couples we had great chemistry with.

 

My question is how far in advance do you typically set up play dates? Do most people make a plan right after the first meet? Or us it normal to set something up for a few weeks later? I guess I'm just a little anxious that the other couple taking so long to set something up might mean they're really not interested. Thanks in advance for your replies!

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Hi, smuttybooklvr! This is a great question and it really does depend on the couples. Even though we don't do two-on-two dates with other couples very often since we have to schedule a babysitter for our kids and we don't get out much which leads to limited time to swing, I'll put out my two cents from what I've gathered from other members as well as our own limited experience in this realm.

 

For us, sometimes we will have met the couple before at a house party and arranged a two-on-two at a later date to get together. Sometimes this happened within weeks and once a few months because of the time constraints as well as difference in living locations. At other times, we have met couples for the first time and played later that evening as long as we knew one of us had the ability to host. In the former case, where it took weeks/months after the first meeting, it might be because of wanting a more intimate setting (non-party like) or one (or both) couples might be more comfortable not playing on a first meet so that there isn't any pressure to play that night. They might want to talk together later if there is enough attraction to swap or they might require a longer period to warm-up to swapping. In the latter case where you play on the same night, it might be a time/sitter constraint and they might be more comfortable playing the same night as meeting or require less time to warm up to swap.

 

Finding other swingers through just a swinger profile ad website takes a lot of time and dedication, in my opinion, which I applaud you for doing so (I'm not patient enough for it). There's a lot of shifting through profiles, messaging each other back and forth to set up a time and date. And if a couple doesn't like to play on the first meet, then it draws it out even more because then a 2nd date has to be scheduled. Couples who don't have as much time or patience () might try a swingers club or house party where there is a higher chance of finding a couple that they are attracted to and more likely to swap that night. And for others who don't like to go through profiles but don't want to do parties/club might go the Meet and Greet route. They can meet a lot of other swingers in a no-pressure environment and then schedule a later play date with a couple that they are interested in.

 

It all depends on what you two are comfortable with in the end. Are you two comfortable playing on the first meet? Are you not? Once you find that out, then go from there.

[MrMarvin 268]

I'm really not adding a lot here as Sunbuckus nailed it. In any event, here is more to chew on.

 

Personally, we prefer to meet couples one on one after finding them through a lifestyle site. We do face the issues Sunbuckus notes above with that approach. It is slow going and takes a lot of time. We've been at it about a year and a half and in that time span met somewhere between eight to ten couples for a "first date." That is not even one a month and I don't think are speed is atypical with this approach.

 

A major issue with our approach is that we encounter a lot of flakes and tire kickers. Couples who want to meet suddenly disappear and stop responding. We've met couples too that we've had a great time with and they disappear as well (even after saying they'd like to get together again). We've learned it is all part of the process.

 

Bigger picture, I'd suggest not to get enamored or focused on just one couple. Keep your options open, stay focused and most of all have fun (treat it as a journey, not a destination). Also don't ever "settle" as that invariably will lead to regret.

 

We follow this advice and to be candid, we have not played yet (which one wonders are we really "swingers" ha). Given that, take the advice as you will but don't hesitate to heed the instructions of the seasoned vets around here. I sure do!

 

Mr Marvin

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We agree with what has been already said but wanted to add our experience to the mix. We always do a first meeting (usually dinner at a neutral public place) just to find out if there is mutual interest. If there is, the second meeting can be a few days or a few months. We consider this a 'hobby' (for lack of a better word) and try to fit it in when there is available time. Sometimes life interferes with that. The couple that we have now been seeing for 1 1/2 years took over two months before we got together for a second meeting...and that was for another dinner since so much time had passed. Keep in touch and occasionally touch bases with the couples you like and see when they are available to get together again (if they are not interested, you'll find out quickly enough). There are no rules for this, just let things happen and enjoy yourselves and don't over think things (if I could only follow my own advice).

[Tahoecple 319]

My wife’s personality tends to be that of just letting things unfold, as they will. As for me, I’m a little more direct. If we have just met a couple and we have interest in taking it to the next level with that couple, I will email them telling them that. Within a day or so of the first meeting, I will tell them that we really enjoyed meeting them and are interested in taking this to the next level if they are.

 

When you meet a couple on a swinger’s web site, it’s safe to assume that they are on that site to meet other swingers. Now if they are really into this thing one of two things will happen after that. They will either, inform you that they don’t share the same interest in taking this further or they will get together with you to try to find a date for another get together with a very real option for that to progress to a sexual encounter.

 

It’s hard for some people to break the bonds of acceptable “straight” social behavior when they get into the swinging life style. In “straight” society, you would never meet another couple, enjoy their company, and then ask them if they would like to go somewhere and engage in a four-some. In the swinging society you are really only meeting that new couple with the intent to see if they are interested in going somewhere to engage in a four-some with you.

[Sensualbicouple 122]

As a couple with a preschooler and I work full-time while hubby is busy taking care of the home and studying full-time, we find it hard to set up playdates. But as it takes me a little time to warm up to any potential play, we are a meet first play later couple. As sunbuckus already said, searching online mediums to find potential playmates can be quite time consuming and requires dedication. And that's before anyone shows interest in you as a couple. Therefore we try not to take things personally and let things happen naturally. What will happen will happen. And if it doesn't happen, then we don't have an issue with that. Besides, I feel from our experience in this lifestyle, if you take the time to get to know your potential playmates, it allows you the opportunity to discuss everything in an open and honest manner. Get the serious stuff out of the way, before play happens so when it does happen, fun will inevitably be had.

 

Mrs Bi

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Get the serious stuff out of the way, before play happens so when it does happen, fun will inevitably be had.

 

I've never heard it said better.