She wants to swing with thuggish ex lover

[intersocial 15]

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 yrs now (moved in year 1). After months of discussion we both feel open-minded (and freaky) enough to give the lifestyle a go. Yesterday we had a good long talk, airing out secrets we kept from each other in regards to cheating early on in our relationship. Mine was more of a rehashing of my extensive rap-sheet, but she revealed that she did sleep with her ex-lover around yr 3 after we moved in agreement to start anew. It was an isolated incident for which she was ashamed, however I have little room to be upset in light of my long list of transgressions.

 

We are now in a happy healthy relationship. After mild hesitation she agrees that she too would enjoy the passion of bringing more fun into the bedroom. She then suggests that she could get in contact with her ex-lover as he would be her ideal candidate given her social inhibitions (shy). She says that they had limits to their past relations (i.e. no kissing, cuddling, etc). As much as I want to find issues with this, I am equally intrigued (I've always had a thing for the dangerous and uncertain). This guy is a bit of a thug and do not know how that will fare with my ego (I am very domineering in bed).

 

I am a first time poster and would like any advice or similar stories in relation to my current dilemma.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Hi, intersocial and welcome to the forum! I'm glad to see you jump right into the forums with a question.

 

As for your question, I think for a number of us, we would be more concerned about bringing in a former lover into the bedroom. Many of us shy away from bringing vanilla friends into the bedroom for swinging activities. Many more of us would shy away from bringing in previous lovers. Especially since you two are newbies, bringing a former lover can add an extra layer of possible issues on top of the usual newbie issues that might come up. You both don't know how you will react in terms of jealousy...and with a former lover in the mix, it can be intensified. Also, some couples like to exercise discretion...with a former lover, since they know a lot more about one of you, they can spread information or rumors about you more readily to people who know you or your girlfriend. There is also the danger of rekindling old romantic feelings between the two of them. And, if I read your post correctly, this is the same ex-lover that she cheated on you with? And to imagine, we haven't even touched the usual issues that can occur during a first time...like the men feeling nervous about being naked around each other, one or the other not being able to perform or achieve erection, rules, boundaries, the males being comfortable about incidental touching, etc.

 

Swinging is risky enough for a relationship...adding something like an old boyfriend/lover, especially when starting out, can be playing with fire. And we haven't even addressed the "thug/domineering" issue or that you two just aired each other's infidelities to each other yesterday. I think it's great that you two have started to be honest with each other and communicate about what you two desire but I would definitely give each other time to digest all that you two have said to each other and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and talk more about all of this before jumping in. Do some research, read the threads on the forum together, and talk about what each of you thought about them. I think you have started on the right track though by coming here and at least asking before doing.

[Tahoecple 319]

Welcome Intersocial, let me say this in truly the most welcoming way I can, “are you out of your fricken mind.” Bringing an ex-lover and man your GF has feelings for into your bedroom isn’t swinging, it’s a sign of insanity. Unless of course your tired of this GF and trying to get read of her.

 

Then you throw in the fact that this guy is a bit of a thug as the cherry on top of this scenario. Did you ever give a thought to the fact that as the current man in his ex-girlfriends life you may not be at the top of his list of guys he wants to be friends with. Although you could be right, maybe seeing you having sex with his ex-girlfriend could be on the top of his list of erotic visions.

 

Other than possibly getting killed or attacked by your girlfriends ex, reuniting your girlfriend with an old sexual interest of hers that she has cheated with, I can’t see more than a few hundred things that could possibly go wrong with this scenario.

[SoFlaCouple 188]

Great advice above. In case you are wondering...

 

Don't do it.

 

Experienced lifestyle guys are easy to find. Why court disaster when it is not necessary.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Keep in mind that a guy with that sort of attitude just might cause you both drama after. I know Altus and it's not that large of a town. Not only does a single third have a potential to bring friction between a couple, he can bring drama to the couple. Singles should always be vetted much more carefully than couples.

[intersocial 15]

Thanks for all your advice (some more helpful than others). I am always willing to look at both sides of the spectrum with disregard to casting judgement (to which I expected this LS to be all about). We have been cruising the boards, and after careful consideration we arrived at a mutual decision against it. We will start off by entertaining new friends. Thanks again.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Thanks for all your advice (some more helpful than others). I am always willing to look at both sides of the spectrum with disregard to casting judgement (to which I expected this LS to be all about). We have been cruising the boards, and after careful consideration we arrived at a mutual decision against it. We will start off by entertaining new friends. Thanks again.

 

Thanks for getting back to us. I hope you come back and let us know how your first experience was.