Update on our poly family

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Thanks for the update, we enjoy hearing what is going on in your family...

[kikonkrome 844]

Super exciting about the kids, we are wishing you the best

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Isn't it about time for another update?

[couplers 4,717]

Isn't it about time for another update?

 

Sorry that I have been missing on the Board. Our lives have been crazy, but good; everyone in the family is doing well.

 

The only disappointment is that I'm not pregnant yet. We're still committed to having Red's child, unlike last time where I played baby roulette with hubby and Red, which I liked. I haven't had "regular" sex with my husband in almost half a year, and Red has but rarely cum in Lora, my mouth or bum. So sex has become a serious baby-making effort. In the grand scheme of things, it really hasn't been that long, five of my cycles. But I'm impatient, and it bothers me that Clair and Lora are holding off getting pregnant until I do, so we have appointments to see reproductive specialists.

[couplers 4,717]

Since I haven't gotten pregnant yet, Red and I went to some specialists. (They wanted us to have a year of trying before doing any testing, but I am impatient and got my way.) Long story short: Red does indeed have an impressive semen output, but his sperm production they figure is on the low end of normal. Net result is that the sperm that he is producing are being diluted in all that cum. Most of it would just run out even if I slept upside down like a bat.

 

They said there's nothing wrong with me as far as they could tell, and said "keep trying," and talked about possibly doing some centrifugal sperm concentration and artificial insemination.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

As always, thanks for the update and we continue to wish you both luck.

[couplers 4,717]

Another of my periodic updates, although this is something that happened a little while ago and I didn't know whether to bring it up. David and I got divorced.

 

The background is that our poly family consists of five adults (Clair, Lora, David, Red and me) and our five children together. Our family started with my fiance Red and me, who broke off the engagement but kept the relationship going while marrying David. We were joined later by Clair and then Lora. Our relationship is good and we all live together. David, Lora and I have good corporate jobs that have what are now the ever-vanishing family benefits like health insurance, etc. Red is a self-employed "creative" type who is doing better than any of us expected ten years ago but whose finances still vary, while Clair has given up her career to be a full-time stay-at-home mom to care for all of our kids.

 

Each of us gives Clair 1/5 of what we earn (including bonuses, stock options, etc.) to make her whole. Otherwise we keep our finances separate, and contribute equally to the household expenses (we all own the house) and whatever the children need.

 

It seemed pretty clear to all of us that it would be best overall for Clair and Red to be married to those with regular corporate jobs. So after much discussion it was decided that David and I would divorce, he would marry Clair while Red and Lora would marry. That leaves me single. I would like to say it didn't affect me, but it has. I have always considered Lora my rival to David, but thought I had a superior claim because of my marriage to him. Then we divorced as she had a child with him. And now I realize that David loves me as much as ever, but he loves Lora more. I really don't know what else to say.

[couplers 4,717]

Time for another update in our saga. We (meaning the women) have been discussing having another, final, round of children. I have borne one girl, one boy (I say "borne" and just don't say "have" because all of them are my children, our children, no one makes a distinction.) That would make for a total of seven kids. We agree that would be enough for five adults, and I'm not going in on this round; I've contributed one boy, one girl; one by Red, one by David.

 

Lora is keen on having a second child with David, and Clair wants a third child, this time with Red. (Of the five children that we have, four are by David; Red's only fathered one, with me.) We haven't set a time yet to start trying, but it requires some preparedness. It means that vaginal love making will be constrained to the desired father, sperm needs to be conserved in any event, and we need to decide if Lora and David wait until Clair is pregnant since Red's sperm count is low and it took a while for me to conceive with him.

 

It sounds crazy, but Clair manages the home front terrifically (I was going to say "handles" it, but she manages us adults as well in getting done at home what needs to be done). She is a domestic goddess to us all.

[pete c 34]

Wow, that was quite a read.

 

Not sure how you all manage to make it work, but looks as if you do. Good luck going forward. Your life would make one hell of a TLC reality show!!!

 

I could see such a situation for older, empty-nesters or even younger folks with no plans to have children. But I just see the whole thing getting really complicated as the kids get older. But then, there are step families all over the place, which, I suppose is just as much an issue. I am the product of such and somehow have managed to become a mostly well adjusted adult. Fortunately, due primarily to dumb luck and stubbornness, I am still married to my first and last (I hope) wife of 27+ years.

 

We frequently talk about what a PITA it would be if we came into the marriage with children from others.

 

In particular, I could see such a situation working great for older people. There is the "economy of scale" benefit. There is also the added comradery that is helpful, I think, as empty nesters at time feel lonely. And also, there is the comfort of having multiple partners when the sad, but inevitable situation of someone's demise eventually shows up.

 

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story. I couldn't imagine living it myself, but it is an interesting read.

[pete c 34]

Petra, I do have one question.

 

In your arrangement, it is pretty much everyone doing everyone with the exception of Red/Clair (I think). Might have been someone else, but I do believe that was it. Perhaps you should post a spreadsheet!!!!

 

Anyhoo, if you don't mind my asking, why nothing between these two? Is it just simple lack of sexual chemistry?

 

And have they even bothered to give it a shot?

[couplers 4,717]

Petra, I do have one question.

 

In your arrangement, it is pretty much everyone doing everyone with the exception of Red/Clair (I think). Might have been someone else, but I do believe that was it. Perhaps you should post a spreadsheet!!!!

 

Anyhoo, if you don't mind my asking, why nothing between these two? Is it just simple lack of sexual chemistry?

 

And have they even bothered to give it a shot?

 

Your questions deserve answers. Until around about two years ago Red and Clair did not have a sexual relationship, now they do. It is complicated, but had its origins in what those two believed about the relationships. Now we all have sex with each other, except between the guys.

 

The other parts of it are: 1) Lora's ex-husband, Walter, plays with us occasionally (like three or four times a year for a couple of days) whenever he is back east. [backstory - Lora and David lived together (and planned to get married) before he and I met, but Lora's parents are proud black folks and put tremendous pressure on her to marry a black man. I met Lora independently at the gym and we started socializing. I was fascinated, not jealous about her and David's past, and got them together again. Lora and I also share a Lesbian side and a strong attraction for one another.] Lora first played with hubby, then me, and later Clair and Red in our forming poly family. At that time Lora was just dating Walter. He was then brought into the fun and it all seemed great, and they got married (Walter is black), and Lora thought she had it all - a good life with Walter, happy parents, and the chance to be with my husband. But long story short, Walter and Lora moved to California to advance their careers and Lora realized (and I believe my husband did as well) that they were deeply in love. So Lora decided suddenly to leave and divorce Walter and move in with us. She now also has a child by David as well. David loves me as much as ever, but I believe that he loves Lora more. But I'm happy with that and for them. Plus Lora and I love each other, both romantically and sexually.

 

2) As everyone in the family passed thirty, we found that we three women have a greater desire for male sex than the two guys (not counting Walter) can provide. As I've told in another post, Clair as the stay-at-home mom meets a lot of other mothers. One woman (Becky) whose husband (Frank) and child we had already met, confided to her that she wished that she could find a safe sex partner for her husband because she has a severe negative psychological reaction to having an orgasm or even sexual stimulation. (I posted a link about the condition in another post about them.) After carefully dancing around and approaching the subject, we ended up with an arrangement where Clair, Lora and I have sex with Frank when the need and opportunity arises. Sometimes it's something quick at their place or ours, and sometimes we all get together on a weekend where Becky or another one of us women watches the children and we all just have fun.

 

Messy, often literally, and complicated but it al works. Any other questions?

[pete c 34]

So, you met Lora independent of David?

 

That's hillarious! It truely is a small world.

 

What a fascinating story. It really should be made into a movie.

 

Thanks for sharing it.

 

And good to see that everyone is now doing everyone. I suppose that does simplify things in a sexual logistics sort of way.

 

Well, almost everyone. David and Red haven't added a gay twist to this, but sounds like they've got their hands full already!!!

 

Does anyone else here notice that while Lesbian sex is extremely common in the LS, Gay sex seems to be every bit the taboo it is in the vanilla world.

 

Why is that the case?

 

Don't mean to hijack the thread and I suppose the topic has been addressed in other threads.

[couplers 4,717]

So, you met Lora independent of David?

 

That's hillarious! It truely is a small world.. .

 

Yeah I saw Lora at the gym, thought she was hot and approached her. But remember that she and David lived together in the same area as he and I now did, so it wasn't like we ran into each other in Kathmandu. David didn't talk much about Lora, but I knew she existed and figured out that it was her quickly. We are all about the same age, and have similar interests, including loving the same man, so the attraction was immediate.

 

 

And good to see that everyone is now doing everyone. I suppose that does simplify things in a sexual logistics sort of way.

Clair and Red equated one way monogamy with proving love to David and me, respectively, in a silly way. It was flattering, but I'm glad it's over. Lora joining us certainly moved that along.

 

David and Red haven't added a gay twist to this, but sounds like they've got their hands full already!!!

 

Does anyone else here notice that while Lesbian sex is extremely common in the LS, Gay sex seems to be every bit the taboo it is in the vanilla world.

 

Why is that the case?

 

Don't mean to hijack the thread and I suppose the topic has been addressed in other threads.

Yeah, the guys have no interest in each other, and we women are glad for that. What men have to give in sex is limited, and it's ours! Even in the vanilla world, I don't think most men are jealous of their woman with another woman; it's not a threat to them. I think lifestylers are more tolerant than the general population, but it doesn't appeal to most of the men or women.

 

And you are correct, there are other threads going on this topic.