New and nervous about meeting couple

[911junkies 17]

Ok. So we are very new to this LS, only a couple of months. After chatting, texting, emailing etc. we are to meet another couple tomorrow night. We have meet in public before and had drinks and hit it off. We both have a nervous excitement about the whole experience. Hubby and I even had a long chat about it yesterday to make sure we are on the same page.

 

The thing is for me that I'm not sure the other male is. Call me paranoid but I'm getting mixed signals. We have been texting/sexting non-stop since before our meet but in the last couple of days have heard VERY little from him?

 

We are to meet at their home tomorrow night. Even last night he said we should just take our time, no rush. I'm nervous that he will not be interested in me I guess. I have put on weight (trying to lose it is not that easy) and he is a very attractive man who takes good care of himself. I guess I just don't want to get hurt. I do plan on going and being myself.

 

Anyway that's my rant. Any advice for us is more than welcome!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Don't over think it.

 

There are probably a million different possible reasons for his change in texting and attitude. It could be as simple as his wife saying "Honey, chill out a bit, you're going to scare them off", to his own realization that you are new and may need to be reassured that you can take your time, to he's been busy the last few days.

 

Go with the attitude that you're going to enjoy the evening, and whatever happens is cool, and at the end of the night, you'll be going home with your awesome husband.

[911junkies 17]

Thanks. I know he's been busy at work. Just a bundle of nerves I guess. Will find out soon enough. Nobody is in a rush. Just having a drink and chat.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

You didn't say how long they have been in the LS...they could just be nervous just like you two are. Hopefully, you have all discussed limits and how far you want to go so that everyone at least have an idea as to what is expected...(?). Other than that, deep breath and don't worry. Just let things happen and have a good time (even if nothing happens). No pressure, just enjoy yourselves (and let us know how things went).

[cplnuswing 4,713]

For what reassurance it may be, I'll add to the chorus and just say to try not to overthink things, on the texting, and even when you get there. It's hard I know, and anxiety and swinging go hand in hand for most. The trick is to control the anxiety enough to where it's positive anxiety that is based on anticipation, and not negative anxiety that is dragging you down. Easier said than done, and a fine line to walk I know from experience.

 

What may help is to just understand and accept the anxiety is likely going to ratchet up when you get to their house. Try to resist the urge to be reading between the lines on body language, etc. You're anxious, and not likely to be at your rational best so may see things that aren't really there at all. What is rational though is to remember 1) you've met before, 2) it went well, 3) well enough they invited you to their house. So, obviously something positive is happening, right? Even outside of swinging, the first few minutes with someone you don't know well is usually awkward, and being at someone's house for the first time can feel awkward, so just recognize that going into it and give it time for the edge to wear off a bit and soon you will remember why it is you are there to start with

[M1F2KTJ 473]

You sound as nervous as a virgin. I don't mean any disrespect. You are the kind of woman I would LOVE to give you your first experience in front of your husband. You have met him before. He knows what you look like. If he wasn't interested you would not have been invited to his house. I'm guessing he is very horny to fuck you. They may have had many experiences with other couples and are not as excited as you are about the first time. You haven't mentioned his wife/girlfriend.

 

It's awesome that you are planning on being yourself. That is the woman he got horny for. Relax and enjoy yourself. He probably sees a much more beautiful, sexy woman than you do when you look in the mirror.

[yorktownvaguy 76]

You'll do fine when you stay yourself.

Please let us know how it went!

[911junkies 17]

Haha I think I was less nervous losing my virginity. All the same I am comfortable/ confident with myself and my sexuality. He is also married and his wife is very interested in my hubby:)

 

I plan and going there tonight with an open mind to relax and enjoy their company with no expctions.

[911junkies 17]

I wil:)

[HotCplNY 33]

I think some nervousness is normal. It's different for everyone. For us, when we first meet others, we always try to meet in a social environment first, bar, restaurant, or something, and we make it very clear that we do not play on first meeting. Meeting outside of the lifestyle scene takes a lot of pressure off. If the chemistry isn't there, everyone can just go home.

[couplers 4,614]

Fear of being rejected is with us all. But it is not about your attractiveness, it's about the match, the spark, the fit. So even if the "worst" happens, it is not you, not him, just the way it turns out. The important thing is to continue the adventure with your loving husband.

[911junkies 17]

UPDATE!!! I'm out!

So we went and met with the couple last night. Today I want to crawl under a rock. I never felt that he had a strong attraction to me but maybe a little. Rejection is not even the word. Something was telling me that he was only doing this for his wife and was I ever right.

They were more than hospitable but I got the feeling from the minute I walked in that I wasn't wanted there. Such a bad feeling, never felt like that in my life! Both the men were completly all over the other wife and here I was like a fool. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that hubby and the other wife hit it off but I don't think I can put myself out there again.

[intuition897 2,179]

I remember going to a club in Toronto once and met this woman in the ladies room. She was rather plain, and stood a good 6 feet tall. She was what you might call big-boned. Amazonian stature. The polar opposite of petite, cute or delicate. But she was wearing this GORGEOUS gold lace gown and heels and she exuded a powerful, confident femininity that oozed sexiness. She had presence. She glowed. Her size was just a number, and it didn't matter. What impressed me about her was this shining happiness and confidence that said, "What man wouldn't be drawn to me??" It was magnetic. And anyone who was blind enough to not see it wasn't worth her time. Be that woman. Find that goddess in yourself and let it out for others to see. When you are your genuine self this way, it gives others permission to do the same. It draws people to you.

 

UPDATE: Okay just read the last post. I'm so sorry to hear that, 911Junkies! One of the things about the LS is that it's harsh that way. Don't take it personally. Other people are imperfect, they have their insecurities and weird preferences. And sometimes there's just no chemistry. I mean, we have to do what we can with what we've got, but no one is everyone's type. Chalk it up to experience and try again, seriously. Dust yourself off, lick your wounds a little if you like (because it sucks to be rejected), but get back in the saddle. If for nothing else, to say you did it. Get dolled up and go to a club and shake what your momma gave ya. Everyone is someone's type, you just didn't find it this time.

[911junkies 17]

Thanks so much! That is usually my attitude but I just felt left out I guess! Sucks to be him:))

[sunbuckus 3,567]

911junkies, I'm sorry about your bad experience but everyone goes through bad experiences while swinging...unfortunately, you just happened to have yours early on. It's just a matter of using it as a learning experience--maybe in this case, learning to trust your inner voice--and going back out there. I think the best thing to focus on right now is that it doesn't matter if you are someone else's cup of tea or not...you are your husband's cup of tea with some scones and cookies...and that's what's most important. You get to go home with a person who knows all the good and not-so-good parts of you and still loves and desires you.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

It doesn't feel good when things don't work out, especially when the first few steps seem to go well but then you just don't get to the finish line. What I always try to keep in mind is just like how most don't seem like a good match for us from our standpoint, then it stands to reason that from their standpoint, just as many will think the same about us. From no interest at all, like to hang out but not interested sexually, some sexual interest but not evenly across all four, and so on. Finding a good match with great chemistry is a very difficult thing to do!

 

People that we think aren't a good match for us and so we decline, it is absolutely nothing personal. We always thank them for their interest in us, and wish them good luck and all the best in the Lifestyle, and we sincerely mean that. Along with persistence and work, it takes some luck to find good playmates, but when you do, then it makes all the bad things to have been worth it. So, like the others have said, just keep at it and you will find what you seek eventually.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

This reminds me of a couple that we had met. Things went very well at that first meeting and we planned a second 'date'. They were both attractive, we talked and enjoyed their company, and we all seemed to hit it off great...and months went by without us getting together. Then, we ran across them and set up another dinner (only) date to reconnect and see why none of us set up that second date. Once again, things went great. Wonderful conversation, mutual attraction, and we ended up planning on getting back together again 'real soon'...and it didn't happen. Something wasn't quite right and we weren't sure what it was. We WANTED it to be okay but in the end while we couldn't place our finger on what wasn't right, we knew that something wasn't clicking. It's too bad, we REALLY liked and enjoyed the time we spent with them, but that little voice said 'don't do it'. Sometimes you just have to listen to that little voice (they must have heard it too since they didn't make an effort as well). There are always more couples, just keep looking. When it isn't right, it really isn't right but we also have learned that when it is right, it REALLY is right.

 

It's a learning experience, don't take it personally.