Erectile Dysfunction, guys what would you do?

[SwingSetHusband 110]

What would you do if you couldn't get it up and couldn't turn on your wife or gf because of that problem. How would it make you feel to know you can't satisfy her the way YOU would want to?

[swing.kidz 367]

Shit happens...for her, it has nothing to do with how "I want to satisfy her."

 

Ultimately, I'd talk to her, find out what she wants, but also be honest about my physical situation. If I've learned anything from this lifestyle, it's that the girls' sexuality is extremely complex and flexible...no doubt we'd still have a fantastic time. My wife can forgive a case of the flaccids with a good oral and manual session. Bring in some dirty talk and her hitachi...maybe a few friends...it would be like I had no shortcomings.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

What would you do if you couldn't get it up and couldn't turn on your wife or gf because of that problem. How would it make you feel to know you can't satisfy her the way YOU would want to?

 

If it was a recurring issue, I'd work to get to the cause, and address it.

 

How would it make me feel? Honestly? Frustrated, pissed off, disappointed, and a hit to my ego.

[SwingSetHusband 110]

If it was a recurring issue, I'd work to get to the cause, and address it.

 

How would it make me feel? Honestly? Frustrated, pissed off, disappointed, and a hit to my ego.

 

It is recurring and I am trying to get to the cause of it. My patience has ran out though because how is a man supposed to feel like a man if he cant satisfy his wife? Yes, I'm frustrated, pissed off, disappointed, and it is a hit to my ego to the MAX!!! Thx for your comments.

[SwingSetHusband 110]

Shit happens...for her, it has nothing to do with how "I want to satisfy her."

 

Ultimately, I'd talk to her, find out what she wants, but also be honest about my physical situation. If I've learned anything from this lifestyle, it's that the girls' sexuality is extremely complex and flexible...no doubt we'd still have a fantastic time. My wife can forgive a case of the flaccids with a good oral and manual session. Bring in some dirty talk and her hitachi...maybe a few friends...it would be like I had no shortcomings.

 

It doesn't have anything to do with the LS. This is about me wanting to satisfy my wife.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

How would it make you feel to know you can't satisfy her the way YOU would want to?

 

The word you yourself emphasized really stands out for me... you can't satisfy her the way you want to. There are lots of ways to satisfy a woman that do not require an erection, however none of them are quite as satisfying of a man. I hear your frustration and I understand.

 

You say it's a recurring problem and you're looking to the cause. That's really all you can do on that front. In the long term, I expect you'll find a solution. For good or ill, medical science has put a lot of work into creating erections.

 

In the short term, I suggest you try to work past your frustration and focus on those alternative methods of sexual satisfaction.

[swing.kidz 367]

It doesn't have anything to do with the LS. This is about me wanting to satisfy my wife.

 

Sorry if I wasn't clear...sometimes after a few Saturday libations, I tend to ramble. But, ultimately what I said isn't exclusive to the lifestyle...nor was it meant to be. What I was saying is this:

 

Many of us talk about how being in the lifestyle has complimented (if not completely revolutionized) our communication, honesty, and understanding of sexuality and relationships. So, assuming you've experienced the same benefits of being a part of this lifestyle, leverage these skills and apply them to all aspects of your life (hence the reason it is called a "lifestyle"). Talk to your wife, find out what she wants and is satisfied by, be honest about your physical limitations and the insecurities you have as a result, and go from there. Then, hopefully you understand that women don't need a dick to get off, you'll be on the road to satisfying her.

 

I especially like this from Lionheart:

 

There are lots of ways to satisfy a woman that do not require an erection, however none of them are quite as satisfying of a man.

[christnthms 326]

There are two separate things going on here, and in order to find the best path they need to be identified separately:

1- You want to satisfy your wife sexually.

2- You want to be able to perform the way you want to sexually.

 

The first is the easier of the two, since at least most of the time it can be accomplished without you having an erection.

 

The second is harder (forgive the pun), as the frustration adds to the problem. There are medical reasons, and psychological reasons. If it is found to be medical, tread carefully... A hardon is not worth setting yourself up for a heart attach, or other serious medical condition. If not a medical problem, the medical solution can still be a help. Sometimes the best thing to break the trend is to break the trend. No, not meant to tease. Even if the solution is psychological, seeing yourself throbbing hard and able to take her the way you want is a very therapeutic experience. Even if a pill is necessary to get you there... It's not cheating if it helps in the long term.

 

Keep in mind that the very things that guys tend to internalize the most (stress, insecurity, fear) can become chronic enemies of the erection. Nothing beats them quite like some good fucking.

[GoldCoCouple 4,070]

Isn't there a pill for this?

 

BTW: Ms. Gold would probably marry Hitachi if it was legal. I know that she loves me more than just about anything, followed in second by Hitachi. But what she seems to love the most is me and Hitachi together on her.

[MidWestMan 33]

Isn't there a pill for this?

 

 

The pill(s) of which you speak aren't magic, though they may seem like it. Believe it or not, a male's upper brain can get in the way of the lower one...and can also prevent the magic pills from achieving the desired results. Frustrating appendage, no?

[tribbles 490]

Female response here:

 

I would hope my guy figured out how to enjoy sex with me however our bodies work as we age. If there were problems, first, rule out it's a total body change- if it is, deal with it. Pills, shots, implant. Find what works.

 

And don't ruin sex cuz you are not having sex like a teen anymore. If every time leaves you unhappy, sex won't be happy for me either and then I don't want it cuz who wants to be miserable doing something that used to make you feel good? Let's find ways to make it fun and loving and good to be together.

 

Sure you feel all those negative feelings the first few times but then.....you have to move past misery to coping and accepting and adjusting to the curve balls life throws at you.

 

Sending warm wishes you find ways to keep on keeping on.

[SwingSetHusband 110]

I really appreciate all the responses here. This is exactly why I love this board, because no matter what I can always ask here. I will take everyone of these responses into consideration then I will go from there. Again, thx to all of you!!

[Lascivious L&L 868]

I'm 64 and have had problems getting erections and keeping them. This past year I had two major accidents, the first breaking my hip. It required two hospitalizations and finally a hip replacement. Then after healing and getting back into physical shape I fell and broke seven ribs, my collar bone, punctured one lung and had an embolism. Eight days in the hospital, but no surgery. Not being able to breathe properly really takes you down. I've recovered from that and consider myself back in shape. After each hospitalization it took some time to get an erection, a week the first, weeks the second time. My head really got in the way and can still.

 

Physically Viagra helps wonderfully. I don't use it all the time, but it is nice to have a night I can go two rounds with my wife and a lover and have that teenaged cock back. But if my head is not in the right place, Viagra is wasted, doesn't do a thing. For me that happens about a third of the time and is very frustrating. I can generally masturbate well yet there are times I just can't get it up.

 

I can always inspire orgasms within my wife using my lips and tongue, which I love equally as well as intercourse. Yet you want what you have less of, so intercourse looms large. It can come down to acceptance, accepting the limitations of age and health. I find when I'm in an accepting and positive frame of mind I have much better erections, with or without Viagra.

 

My wife has her lover and I have mine. Hers is twenty years younger and can fuck forever and make her cum many times. I love that at the same time it can be so challenging. But don't feel sorry for me, my lover is twenty years younger and very accepting of my limitations. She can get me hard much of the time, even if I can't stay hard. It's enough to inspire her orgasms. We often play all four, but our lovers don't play even though my wife and I would love to see it. They massage, hug, and touch, but nothing more.

 

The best way to get in a nice frame of mind? Just this past weekend the three of them massaged me, got me hard, and my wife climbed aboard. Wow, did I cum! Our lovers love to watch and got quite a show. Then my wife's lover climbed on my wife so that my lover got to watch while I touched her. She is quite a voyeur. By the time we got to bed, she was wet and climbed on top of me, had her orgasm, then I climbed on her and came hard again. That really helps iron out the frustration!

[Guest]

There are two types of problem in this area. You get turned on but can't get it up versus you can't get it up and have no interest. My first husband died at an early age from prostrate cancer. Bingo, found it and he had less than two years. I was told that he would go impotent from the treatments. What I didn't realize is that he would lose any interest at all. I tried everything, masturbating for him, a lot of nudity in front of him, basically he didn't want to even smell sex on me. He told me he understood my needs and to discretely (we had teenage children) find myself someone(s) who would take care of my needs.

[longun45 115]

The Reasons for ED are many.

Diabetes and related meds - mainly heart meds. Doctors have a universal playbook they play by so they do not get sued. If you are not achieving the results you want then you must change your diet and the doctor should change your meds. But first you have to talk to him/her

Heart - HTN - HTN medications. Any thiazide diuretic ( that is all of them) can cause (ED)loss of function. (ED meds will most likely fail while on these meds) If you take certain allergy meds you will not be able to get it up no matter how hard you try. This also goes for certain common heart medications. Metoprolol comes to mind first.

 

Eating wrongly, to many processed carbs, not eating green leafy vegies, salads, have squash, fruits. (not the smoothies.) Eat your beans and don't forget to have liver at least monthly. Do not be afraid of garlic, onions and radishes.

 

Not eating enough of the right things can cause loss of function. Everyone needs Iodine in the diet, regardless of sex. If you are a female it will help you children in the womb come out smarter. Women can also use the iodine to help with female to reduce the troubles that are estrogen driven.

 

Not enough exercise, the heart must be worked to keep it's strength up. Male kagel exercises, and for males get your estrogen and testosterone checked. Make sure you are taking in enough of the right fats. I always recommend medium chain triglycerides like coconut oil, but not olive oil. Tropical oils got a bad wrap in the 70s and 80s but are now revealed to be beneficial. And while on fats, stay away from vegetable oil and fast foods, animal fats are ok and are better utilized in the body. ( warning they can go bad and have a limited shelf life.)

 

Lack of desire can come from lack of connection and yes cancer can get in the way of that.

 

Nitric oxide is key to both normal blood pressure and erections. You can get extra Nitric Oxide from beet juice. There are also other sources.

 

 

The other thing is do the work to learn about your body and what it needs nutritionally and understand many of the diseases may come from malnutrition in the American diet and deficits will have to be overcome before normal operations are resumed.

 

lastly I do not hate doctors, but i do find them of limited usefulness. They are not there to cure, they are there to treat and to suppress symptoms using pills. Surgeries can be helpful when done for corrective reasons but the underlying cause must also be corrected.

 

Many Doctors have no incentive to cure, but they do have incentive to keep you coming back. To that end you must educate yourself in your bodies proper operation and nutrition. There is a lot of good information out there and you are smart enough to see what they are selling, check it and triple check it.

[kikonkrome 845]

What would you do if you couldn't get it up and couldn't turn on your wife or gf because of that problem. How would it make you feel to know you can't satisfy her the way YOU would want to?

 

You know I think it's really pretty brave of you to post this question. I am certain that this is a more common problem with men in the lifestyle express. It would explain many of the situations I have found myself.

 

So, first off would be to determine the 'medical' reason for it. Hopefully it's just life style change stuff, weight loss, quit smoking, no alcohol. I would certainly make those changes. There have been some other really good posts in this regard.

 

Something that actually makes me horny as hell after the fact is Yoga. Not so much during, regardless of the hot Yoga chicks in the class, the actual proactice is rather too stressful, but later that night I want some.

 

Frankly I would be pissed and frustrated if I was in your situation. I would also start setting my mind around some kind of new happy medium, try and get to an acceptance level as quickly as possible.

 

Bottom line is life is constantly changing, although we do not like to think that it is. The quicker we figure out how to manage the unpleasant changes the more we are able to savor the pleasant changes.

[Alura 2,777]

lastly I do not hate doctors, but i do find them of limited usefulness. They are not there to cure, they are there to treat and to suppress symptoms using pills. Surgeries can be helpful when done for corrective reasons but the underlying cause must also be corrected.

 

Many Doctors have no incentive to cure, but they do have incentive to keep you coming back. To that end you must educate yourself in your bodies proper operation and nutrition. There is a lot of good information out there and you are smart enough to see what they are selling, check it and triple check it.

 

I had to point this out as a Great Post!!

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

So, what are the recommendations or opinions on remidiation & prevention? Anything better than Beet juice? What sort of vitamin regimes, or other foods to improve circulation, boost testosterone, & other physical aspects.

 

In my case I'm finding that while I'm aroused it takes steady stimulation to become fully hard & erect & stay that way. This interferes with getting started at penetration, changing positions, or other breaks. I'm assuming there is a circulatory component to this?

[Fundamental Law 2,928]

From a physician: Aging does affect sexual desire and performance. There are data to suggest that general fitness measures (normalized weight, physical activity) are important. There is a "use it or lose it" aspect to just about all physiology, sexual and otherwise.

 

There are also specific endocrine and cardiovascular disease processes that need to be evaluated and controlled. Diabetes and atherosclerotic heart disease and hypertension are high on the list. Unfortunately, some of the treatments for these conditions can also affect sexual function. The need to try different strategies and work with your health care provider is important. Open conversation about the issues is key, and if your healthcare provider doesn't ask about sexual issues, you need to bring it up.

 

"nutriceuticals"--choosing this food over than one--is probably harmless and ineffective. The conversation about soy estrogens for the ladies is a case in point--the concentrations are so low that it would be really hard to imagine anything other than a placebo effect. Unfortunately, marketers know that "all natural" "safe" and so on will get people to buy just about any supplement. Beware claims of "herbal" and so on, what is in the supplement may be different than what is advertised. Content and claims are more or less unregulated by the FDA.

 

The various ED drugs--Viagra, Cialis, Levitra and some second generation things that are in the pipeline--are effective for many men. They have known and well characterized side effects. Nothing is risk-free, but at least you know what is in the tablet and what the risks are.

 

Finally a note on "low T" and medication for same. Testosterone is an important hormone, but it is important to avoid the "some is good, more is better" trap. The diagnosis of "low T" is largely an invention, and while testosterone supplementation can change body composition (more muscle, less fat) and libido, there are clinically important side effects of androgen supplementation at any age. Informed consent about the indication for YOU, the risks for YOU, the potential benefits for YOU and alternatives (including not to treat) is especially important here. A lab value and a prescription to 'fix' a lab value is all too common and can lead to disaster. Speak with a qualified health professional and make sure to get detailed information before reaching any decision.

[chrisjoci 25]

I think I may have ED, when my wife and I have sex I lose my erection rather quickly. I tried a cockring last weekend and it didn't help at all. I out her out to give her an orgasm, which sucks in a way but at least she came. Now last month when we had sex I lost my erection, but luckily I had a half pill of Viagra that a friend gave me and it helped out a lot. I want to get a script. It's an embarrassment, my wife said its not that bad since I make her orgasm by oral, but it's frustrating as hell. How long does it take for a doctor to prescribe a script of Viagra?

[njbm 2,924]

Not long at all. Talk to your family doctor or urologist.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

How long does it take for a doctor to prescribe a script of Viagra?

 

Assuming you have a primary care physician, it can be part of a routine visit. Your doctor will probably do a quick assessment based on your medical history, age etc. then make a recommendation.

 

For me, it went like this: "Doc, I'm 50 years old, and it isn't working as good as it used to". Her response was to tell me about the different meds available, pros, cons, and side effects, then toss me about four packs of Viagra samples. "Try these. If they work for you I'll write you a script". That was 5 minutes out of a routine checkup.

[chrisjoci 25]

Damn, that's great! I was afraid everyone was going to say something like a month or two. If my doctor is that good it would be awesome. Thanks for the info.

[chrisjoci 25]

I just read through all this thread and forgot to mention that I have type-2 diabetes.

[dudleydoesit2 17]

Chances are that the problem is all in your mind and the more you think about it, the worse it gets. However, if it is an organic problem there are numerous medical or technology methods available to correct the problem.

[chrisjoci 25]

I hope it is just in my mind. Maybe I was just too excited, I read that can have an impact on an erection.

[chrisjoci 25]

I guess I don't have ED since my wife and I just had sex before I left for work and I didn't have any problems.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I think the threshold for a doctor to prescribe Viagra or Cialis is pretty low. You don't have to prove a debilitating condition! It can really help, even if you don't always have a problem getting or maintaining an erection. Of course, I don't know how your type 2 diabetes affects things- but your doctor does!

[GoldCoCouple 4,070]

Yes, if you ask they usually have no problem writing a script for it. Now PAYING for it is another problem (almost never covered by insurance and Viagra runs around $20 a PILL)...

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Damm! What is the cost of Cialis?

[CuckholdTheClow 42]

I thought it's covered under insurance. That's pretty steep for a pill.Guess I'll be cutting them in half.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

My insurance covered about three or five Viagra doses per month. This was not sufficient for when we went for a week-long swinger cruise last year! After paying out of pocket for the difference, and taking that sticker shock, I went back to my doctor and explained the problem. Being a kind and practical person, she recommended that I switch to Cialis- which has an on-label use as a BPH (prostate condition) medication, and is thus covered by insurance for a daily dose!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

My insurance covered about three or five Viagra doses per month. This was not sufficient for when we went for a week-long swinger cruise last year! After paying out of pocket for the difference, and taking that sticker shock, I went back to my doctor and explained the problem. Being a kind and practical person, she recommended that I switch to Cialis- which has an on-label use as a BPH (prostate condition) medication, and is thus covered by insurance for a daily dose!

This is a fact that I am able to confirm. Even if your insurance will not cover, it would be only about $1.20 a day.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Aside from the insurance compensation what are the pros & cons between Cialis & Viagra. Anyone with experience using both? Or with any reliable alternatives? The latter seems fairly shaky from the annecdoats, but opinions are welcome.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I have used both Viagra and Cialis. I find that both work for achieving and maintaining an erection. I have found that, in my experience, I have a tougher time reaching orgasm when I'm taking Viagra.

[njbm 2,924]

Have used both, prefer Cialis.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Thanks. Any reasons for the those remarks?

[njbm 2,924]

Just works better for me! Your mileage may vary. There is also Levitra. Never tried that one.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

Not a "quick fix" like Cialis or Viagra but the same things that keep type 2 diabetes controlled help with the ability to gain and maintain an erection e.g., diet and exercise.

[njbm 2,924]

Very true. I lost 45 lbs from dieting this year. It helps!

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Very true. I lost 45 lbs from dieting this year. It helps!

 

A guy told how he quit buying food/snacks in the bodegas. He lost over thirty pounds, and all the diabetic symptoms vanished. Another related how they tried to cut out everything with corn sugar. Same results. Dont know if the problem was the sugar, cornsyrup, or something else.

[njbm 2,924]

Yes, if you are closer to normal weight and not overweight, all your systems will work better. Having healthy food in your system can only help, as opposed to eating high fructose corn syrup and chemicals.

[njbm 2,924]

I was embarrassed into dieting when my urologist referred to my pubic area as a fat pad. He was not trying to insult me (I think), but clinically describing it. As I have lost 45 lbs., it is shrinking and my pubic bone is closer to that of my partner with increased stimulation. I have 15-20 lbs to go, but I am on the way to better health and better sex.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Wow, good for you njbm! If we got together again, would we even recognize you?

[njbm 2,924]

You would! Just less of me!

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Well, congratulations- I hope you feel better!

[njbm 2,924]

Much better! More alert and energetic!

[chrisjoci 25]

Quick question. Do the generic Sindenafil work as good as Viagra? I had to get them now, not the Viagra since they do not honor their own coupons unless you buy at least six pills.

[Exhibitionist 39]

I find masturbating every day helps. Just not too much.

[njbm 2,924]

If you masturbate everyday, wouldn't you be "out of gas" when it's time to have sex with a partner?