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I'm just trying to sort out my feelings and maybe writing them down, and having the good folks on the forums offer their $.02, will help.

 

So, I've got a crush on my friend-with-benefits. I probably should have seen it coming. In fact, I think I did. She's exactly the type of lady I've always crushed on. Smart, strong but with a hint of softness, geeky, long dark hair, great eyes... Yeah, I was doomed from the start. When we first met, I joked about it: "If I was ten years younger, she would have been exactly my type." First she was just a casual acquaintance and sometime babysitter (yes, I'm banging the babysitter, get over it, she's in her 20's). Then we were friends. Now, we're friends with benefits. It's a casual thing... friends and occasional sex... really great sex.

 

OK, I knew I had a bit of a crush on her right from the start. I'm an idiot but I'm not a total idiot. I said as much. I said it to myself, to my wife, to her wife, to her... we all know it.

 

The other day I looked at her picture online. I went looking because I hadn't seen her in a week. (A damn week? Really, I should have known better.) It hit me... that feeling, that swooping, heart skipping a beat, light headed, what-the-hell-I-shouldn't-be-feeling-this feeling. Oh crap.

 

So I said it to her. Those three damn words. She knows. She cares about me too. But she doesn't feel "the way I want her to." (Her words.)

 

The thing is, fucked as I know just how I want her to feel. I don't even know what these feelings mean to me. What we have is good. Friendship and occasional really great sex. I don't really want more than that... except maybe more often (twice a month instead of once) and she and I both want that. I don't want to run away with her. We both have good relationships with our spouses and other partners. I don't want to mess any of that up. I like what we have. In fact, liking what we have is what got me into this emotional confusion in the first place.

 

Maybe it's just a question of definitions. What is love beyond friendship and sex? What does it mean that I have this crazy-making neuro-chemical reaction just to seeing her? Aren't I too old for this shit?

 

Nope, still haven't sorted it out. I'll just have to keep trying. (If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Welcome to my crazy. :) )

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Do a search for NRE (new relationship energy) and while you're doing that also search for 'midlife crisis'. Hey, you've been here long enough to know this already haven't you? This is fairly common and will die down after awhile. The real question (that I think you are trying to ask) is: What's more important to me, my wife or a younger woman who doesn't have feelings for me as strongly as I have for her? Don't do anything rash or hasty here.

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The NRE thing is for sure at play here, and with time as the relationship matures, some of the aspects that come with that will likely fade.

 

"Love" comes in many different forms and can mean many different things to different people, and putting any of it into words for someone else to truly understand where you are coming from is a very difficult thing to do. As it applies to your relationship with each other, you each may be defining it differently, or maybe not. Getting that figured out, which is not going be easy, does need to be done to keep the relationship with everyone involved a healthy one though. Although not likely to be pain-free, exploring that aspect in conversation would be a worthwhile thing to do I think. Doing so may help speed through the NRE more quickly than would happen if things were just left to sort out piece by piece on their own. You'll get to the same place using either approach, one will just be much quicker than the other.

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Sounds to me like you DO have it sorted out. Some people wouldn't know what they're feeling in this situation. You do. Your wife knows, your play partner knows, you know, everything's on the up and up. So long as everything is stable, I'm not sure where the harm is in this...?

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Sounds to me like you DO have it sorted out. Some people wouldn't know what they're feeling in this situation. You do. Your wife knows, your play partner knows, you know, everything's on the up and up. So long as everything is stable, I'm not sure where the harm is in this...?

 

Huh... well, you're not wrong. I guess I was just getting caught up in the sudden intensity of it all.

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...I was just getting caught up in the sudden intensity of it all.

 

Be gentle and generous to all concerned, especially your wife, and enjoy riding the wave regardless how it turns out. As a poly person, I admire you and those involved in this situation for all being cool. Why is it so many swingers can not only allow but enjoy having their spouse get sexual satisfaction from other people, but recoil at the thought of there being any emotional attachment? As if another person not just fucking, but actually caring about the one you love is a bad thing. My husband feels comforted that my boyfriend treats me well and would take care of me if anything happened to him, and I about him and our girlfriend. If there is no jealousy, no dishonestly, then work it for everyone's best. I truly hope you get the opportunity to see your new love twice a month, at least, and that her husband and your wife are there to celebrate in mutual joy.

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We can so relate to this.. In the swinger community that we travel in we are attracted to few that we really like to play with. There are two men that my wife really loves and one passed recently much to everyone surprise. He was way to young to go.. it broke her heart to loose him. I have had a couple of women that have rocked my world.. one.. and she was the total package. She was a fitness nut. Had a great job.. is smart, well read and traveled. I really hit it off with her. We must have been married in another life. She could end my sentences and I hers.. we are a match. We care about eachother.. and feel strongly about one another.. and that is as good as it gets for us.

 

My wife gives me space with her as I give space to her.. It was a good day when I could finally let go of having to be everything for my wife and her being everything to me. That let the pressure off so we would not have to pretend not to like our swinging friends. Or even love them. If my wife decides she does not want me and went to another man I would let her. As she would do that for me.. I want a partner not a hostage. I chose and made a promise to be with her and I feel that way about my wife.

 

I did not hear you talk much about your wife in this. How does she feel about your relationship with her? Does she have a fwb?

 

For us the infatuation will pass.. it always does. No one can fit next to me in life like mine does. Those tender moments are what I live for. I live to make my wife happy..

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I did not hear you talk much about your wife in this. How does she feel about your relationship with her? Does she have a fwb?

 

My wife very supportive. When my friend and I started talking about being FWB, I asked my wife if she was OK with it. She rolled her eyes and said "Of course." When we started actually seeing each other I asked my wife again. She rolled her eyes and said "Yes! Stop worrying about it." :) I keep talking to her about it.

 

The one and only time when my wife's response has been anything other than amused was when our local swingers club shut down. I invited my FWB over to not-watch a movie on a night when my wife would be out. I asked my wife how she felt about us using the bed. At first she was puzzled by the question, but after a moment the significance of me having sex with another woman in a bed we share struck home. She said "let me sleep on it." The next morning, shortly after waking up, she looked at me, smiled and said "It would be fine." My wife is remarkable.

 

To answer your other question, no, my wife does not have a FWB of her own. Nor has she expressed any interest in one. She's happy that I have friends I hang out with who aren't her (something I hadn't been able to do for several years after we moved... I don't make friends easily). It means she can spend time with her friends without feeling guilty about leaving me alone at home, because I have time that I spend out with my friends. The fact that I happen to spend some of that time having sex with one of those friends really isn't all that significant to her.

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We can so relate to this..

 

My wife gives me space with her as I give space to her.. It was a good day when I could finally let go of having to be everything for my wife and her being everything to me. That let the pressure off so we would not have to pretend not to like our swinging friends. Or even love them. If my wife decides she does not want me and went to another man I would let her. As she would do that for me.. I want a partner not a hostage. I chose and made a promise to be with her and I feel that way about my wife.

 

....

 

For us the infatuation will pass.. it always does. No one can fit next to me in life like mine does. Those tender moments are what I live for. I live to make my wife happy..

 

Thank you for this post. I live in a poly family, and this spoke to me.

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I did not hear you talk much about your wife in this. How does she feel about your relationship with her? Does she have a fwb?

 

 

My wife very supportive. When my friend and I started talking about being FWB, I asked my wife if she was OK with it. She rolled her eyes and said "Of course." When we started actually seeing each other I asked my wife again. She rolled her eyes and said "Yes! Stop worrying about it." :) I keep talking to her about it.

 

...I asked my wife how she felt about us using the bed. At first she was puzzled by the question, but after a moment the significance of me having sex with another woman in a bed we share struck home. She said "let me sleep on it." The next morning, shortly after waking up, she looked at me, smiled and said "It would be fine." My wife is remarkable.

 

To answer your other question, no, my wife does not have a FWB of her own. Nor has she expressed any interest in one.

 

Your amazing wife sounds exactly like my husband! It was the most refreshing thing in my life when I was first dating my not-yet husband David and he asked whether I was still seeing my ex-fiance. I honestly answered "Yes" and David told me that seeing my ex, having sex with him, even loving him was fine. It was not until years later that I was able to give him the same freedoms, but I have gotten there.

 

Thank you for sharing your story.

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You know, it's been a while since this thread was active... I really thought I had a handle on my feelings. Things have been going OK. I've been able to see my friend fairly regularly. It's been fun and I've managed to not make a complete ass out of myself. :)

 

Yesterday, my friend drops by semi-out-of-the-blue. Her wife had dropped her wallet here that last time they were over for gaming and I said come over anytime to get it. To be fair, they had messaged me they were coming to pick it up, but I didn't get the message. So, I'm sitting alone, watching Netflix, expecting a quiet afternoon when there is knock on the door and there she is.

 

The air goes out of the room and she's the only thing I can see.

 

I managed to give her the lost wallet. I think I managed to use words in a semi-coherent manner. I don't really remember. :headdesk:

 

I told my wife later. She said "awwww."

 

Oh yeah, I'm so doomed.

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I feel like a total selfish jerk...

 

Apart from the brief time last weekend mentioned above, I haven't seen or heard from my Friend for two weeks. For good reason, her wife had a death in the family and she's been dealing with that. My head understands. My heart doesn't give a fuck. I want to see her, talk to her and I'm upset that I can't.

 

I knew going in that she had lots of obligations and I was a secondary, at best. I guess I just got used to the fact that for the past few months we'd managed to get together every other week. I'm trying not get all doom-and-gloom over it. I know I have a lot of stress in my life and that makes everything harder to deal with.

 

I just wish I could see her. :(

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The heart is a funny thing. I don't envy your situation because it can be so visceral that it hurts. Hope you can see your friend soon.

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The heart is a funny thing. I don't envy your situation because it can be so visceral that it hurts. Hope you can see your friend soon.

 

Not bloody likely unfortunately...

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They ended up falling in love with each other. Their experiences together were always awesome and sexy to watch. They were totally comfortable being that way in front of me. It made me feel uncomfortable watching them kiss so passionately.

 

He wanted to posses her for his own but she chose me and our marriage (home and assets?) over him.

 

It was a wild ride.

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Nor should you be! You clearly have poly/love feelings for her and yet silence? Texts are so easy, and yet not a word?

 

I am sorry, my friend. I find this silence oddly out of place.

 

I certainly understand loss and tragedy and being caught up in life. However, a short text would put you at ease.

 

You've always been a straight shooter and so I will here, too. Weeks without a word? Trouble in paradise.

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Of course, part of me is thinking: "Fuck it, clearly she's broken up with me and neglected to tell me about it. To hell with her."

 

Another part is thinking: "I like being with her so much, I'll take her any way I can get her."

 

Meanwhile, the sane voice lurking in the back of my head is pointing out: "This has very little to do with her. I'm massively stressed out and panicked about my own troubles, and rather than dealing with them I'm obsessing about her. It's probably better that she isn't in touch while I'm having a general meltdown."

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Have you tried texting her? Asking how she is doing and if there is anything you can do to help?

 

Yeah. Well, I messaged her on FB which is the way we communicate... about once or twice a day for the past two weeks. I reached the point where I decided I should stop because I've messaged her "too much" ... that lasted about a day.

 

The annoying thing is, it is perfectly possible that she just hasn't checked her messages. She's been known to do that. Getting any kind of two way communication going usually requires either luck (us both being online at the same time) or advanced planning (which requires the luck of us both being online at the same time long enough to make a plan). With everything else going on in her life, she hasn't been online much and the times she has appear to be the times I haven't. It honestly wouldn't surprise me to get a response for her starting with "oh crap, I didn't see your messages." It's happened before.

 

To a degree, it's my own stresses which have escalated this in my mind and my own pessimism turning it into a "she's ignoring me, she hates me" crisis.

 

Unless it isn't... arrrggghhh. :bangdesk:

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I hope this didn't come off as mean. That isn't my intention. I like you, you seem like a cool guy, but you're obviously feeling more in this relationship, and I hate to see you get hurt.

 

You're not saying anything I haven't said to myself over the past few days (apart from the "cool guy" bit, thanks for that). Honestly, you're probably right.

 

Of course, it doesn't actually help but what else can you do. :/

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Well, I embraced my idiocy, apologized for bugging her and I'm done. Either she talks to me or she doesn't. Fuck it. It's not like anything else in my life is going right either.

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Just so I am clear here, you have an fwb that you told you had feelings for, she didn't reciprocate. Then she went dark on you.

 

You messaged her once or twice a day for two weeks with no response.

 

Then you messaged an apology for bugging her.

 

I am sorry you are broken hearted, but I don't think you are ever going to see her again.

 

I mean reverse this and see how it fits. Wouldn't you go dark?

 

Time to spend some time on something else entirely to clear you mind.

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Give them space and time but there's nothing else you can do that won't make things worse.

 

Move along, nothing to see here...

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Just so I am clear here, you have an fwb that you told you had feelings for, she didn't reciprocate. Then she went dark on you.

 

No.

 

I have a friend with benefits. Ten months ago, I told her I had feelings for her. She didn't reciprocate. We continued seeing each other. In fact we started seeing more of each other than we had been, to the point where we chatted online briefly almost every day, chatted for hours at least once a week and got together in person every other week.

 

A month ago her wife had a death in the family. We chatted briefly after that, but then she went dark... then I messaged her a lot and finally apologized for bugging her.

 

In short, welcome to my Ignore list.

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Give them space and time but there's nothing else you can do that won't make things worse.

 

Move along, nothing to see here...

 

Yeah, I've finally reach the point where I can accept that. I just hope I didn't fuck things up too badly before I got here. Ah well, only time will tell.

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I find it strange that she'd just give you radio silence considering you had been seeing so much of her . :( things must be very crazy with her wife's family. Since things seemed to be going so well beforehand, just give it time.

 

It could be she realized you were falling more for her every day and she just doesn't want to hurt you. Now, just stopping all communication hurts you too, but even the most mature people in their 20's aren't always rational. Heck, 60 year olds aren't always rational.

 

Here's hoping she communicates soon, if only to give you an answer one way or another.

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I find it strange that she'd just give you radio silence considering you had been seeing so much of her . :( things must be very crazy with her wife's family. Since things seemed to be going so well beforehand, just give it time.

 

Thank you. You have now articulated my thoughts much better than I have been. To be fair to myself, I've been having a really amazingly bad couple of weeks too.

 

Here's hoping she communicates soon, if only to give you an answer one way or another.

 

Yeah, that's about where I'm at too.

 

Thanks.

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Followup, short form... I heard from her. We talked. I apologized for bombarding her with messages. She apologized for not warning me she would probably have to go radio silent. We're still both dealing with stuff in our own separate lives but we're still friends. Once things settle down, we both hope to get back to where we were.

 

Thanks everyone for providing me a place to vent. I'm sure I'll be horribly embarrassed about it later on. :)

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Well, time for another venting of the feelings. This is mostly me working things out by writing them down. Not so much looking for advice as just trying to lay my thoughts out straight.

 

I talked with my friend-with-benefits a couple of weeks ago, about my feelings and pinning her down on hers. It was a good talk but we arrived at where we've been - that she is interested in and has time for is "friends with benefits." I said I was ok with that, because really I am. I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her, my stressed out/hormonal reactions notwithstanding.

 

Unfortunately, I've been thinking since. Back when we started our relationship, I told her that I didn't think the "benefits" were going to cause problems, the "friends" part would. As a fairly introverted person, I have a very different definition of "friends" than a lot of folks I know. Most people I know, I consider casual acquaintances. To me, a Friend is someone you can really count on, someone you can turn to in a crisis, celebrate with when thinks go well or just sit quietly with. Unfortunately, my friend-with-benefits has said she can't be that for me. Which means, we aren't Friends, not the way I think of friends. Which... is disappointing and presents an emotional puzzle. Do I accept that we're casual acquaintances who occasionally have great sex - fuck buddies, I guess is the term - or do I give that up and stop seeing her altogether. I'll be honest - I like socializing with her, I like gaming with her and I really, really like having sex with her. I don't want to give those things up if I don't have to. I feel like I need to break up with her - in my own head and heart - so that we can have the relationship we already, actually have without me wanting to bring all this extra stuff into it. Which is too bad, because I would really like to have a friend of the kind I mean when I talk about a friend... but she can't be that. So, I need to respect that and accept it.

 

... and that's my answer. She can't be the kind of friend I want to have. If I want to be able to have any kind of relationship with her, I need to respect that and move on. I guess I that's what I'll have to do.

 

In the end, it's all a language problem. I need some new words, or to change my definitions of the one's I've got.

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Several years ago I started dating a woman. By dating, I mean that we would go out for dinner, or I would make her dinner or she would make dinner for me and then we would have sex. We would go for a drive to different places and have a good time spending the day together and then we would have sex. I would come over to her place and fix things that needed attention and then we would have sex. One day, as we were going to go for a drive down to the beach, she suddenly said that our dating wasn't what she wanted. She wanted us to go on 'real dates'. I asked what that was and she couldn't explain what she was looking for. I thought we WERE dating and told her that. In the end, we broke up. A week later she called me back and said that she missed what we had but understood that I couldn't give her what she was looking for (that thing that she didn't know what it was as well...she didn't have the words to describe) but wanted to try having a 'friends with benefits' relationship since she really enjoyed us spending time together...and the sex. While I would have loved to continue, it was obvious that the relationship would never work out so I thanked her and walked away. I really cared for her, but sometimes things just don't work out and the best thing to do is for everyone involved to walk away. I think you are doing the right thing. Neither of you can give what the other needs or wants...walk away.

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Ok, so I didn't actually break up with her (well, I did but I didn't). But I am cooling things off. I am not going to message her, or initiate contact at all. I actually tried it as an experiment... I didn't message her for a week and I felt better about things. I saw her over the weekend, and we talked. We agreed that we need to cool things off, but we both still want to be friends and occasional play partners. I'm not going to initiate contact with her. If she wants to get together, she'll call me. That way, I'm not waiting around for her to reply to my messages. We'll see how it goes.

 

I'm sure some of you will think I'm an idiot, but I'm pretty sure I admitted that up front. :) The simple fact is, I know how my brain works. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing deal for me. If it did, I don't think I'd be swinging in the first place.

 

Thanks all for your good thoughts and helpful comments.

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So, this relationship ended a while back to no one's great surprise, I'm sure. Amicable breakup, no hard feelings. Still, the back of my mind has been pondering things and I feel like I want to share some of the conclusions I've come to. Forgive me if I've said any or all of this already...

 

We started out casual, fun, friends-with-benefits. That's what we both wanted and it was good. Then my life kinda went straight to shit. Lost my job, lost my house kind of straight to shit... and here was this one pretty, young woman who made me happy and liked that she could make me smile. I liked that and I needed it... too damn much, as it turned out. Because my life continued to go to shit and, at one of the serious low points, she wasn't there. Not her fault, her wife had a crisis and she needed to be there for her... but between the need and the absence, I went nutso... as can be seen clearly in any of the many threads I dedicated to this, embarrassingly preserved to remind me of my own descent into idiocy. :) In the end, while I wouldn't admit it or even seem to recognize it, I wanted more than she had agreed to give... more even than I wanted to want (if that makes any sense). So, it ended. Neither of us explicated said this was why, but in hindsight, I think it was.

 

I like understanding these things. They help me get a handle on my and hopefully improve my future. Thanks everyone for listening and if any of this is beneficial to others I'm truly glad.

 

PS - My life is still shit, but I have a wonderful wife and a deep capacity for hope. Like a great, albeit imaginary, man once said: Never tell me the odds. :)

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The thing about shit is after awhile, you just don't notice the smell anymore. We continue to hope that things do get better for you.

 

This reminded me about a quote from the movie Dumb and Dumber: "So you're telling me there's a chance"

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The good thing about getting hurt after what felt like a strong connection with a younger woman, is that if it happens again, your brain will tell you..."oh yes I recognize this emotion, and it did not end well"...most likely you'll either pass on it, or, if you go for it, hopefully you'll be able to enjoy the perks while waiting for the inevitable end. I remember when it happened to me (ok, I admit it took more than once for me to learn...lol..), she was telling me in tears that she knew it was hurting me, that she cared about me, but that she had to end it. The emotions were raging inside of me, just like the previous times, but instead of trying to find a way to make her stay, I said calmly..." do you need money for the cab?". It's called growing up. Good luck.

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So, this relationship ended a while back to no one's great surprise, I'm sure. Amicable breakup, no hard feelings... My life is still shit, but I have a wonderful wife and a deep capacity for hope. Like a great, albeit imaginary, man once said: Never tell me the odds. :)

 

Yo DO have a wonderful wife, much more than 99.9% of men could even hope for. And you had a relationship that grabbed your soul, made you understand yourself better. That is life, and what great art springs from. Good luck and thanks for sharing.

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My husband and I are ok with the crushy type feelings. We just don’t want to cross over into full blown let’s all live togther or leave people for people love. We have our family and kids. We are secure and happy. Our preference is a couple and it’s what we had for few years. We all had crush and genuine caring feelings but not full true love. We welcome the crushy feelings. It’s so fun!

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      I looked at Jim and asked, "Your thoughts?"  Jim laughed a bit and said, "Are you kidding me, I'd love for Sue to stay another day." 
       
      Jim then said he had a serious comment for all of us.  He said he didn't want anything to interfere with the friendship the three of us had.  He said it was obvious our relationship was different than most in that he and Sue get to be intimate with each other.  He specifically said, it was more than just sex with him, without over stepping on feelings.  He saw the relationship as being very close friends with both of us, it just happened to also include he and Sue having sex. 
       
      He also said that he brought up the idea of whether or not Sue would be comfortable on having a consistent FWB relationship IF I was also comfortable with it.  I told Jim that it was a fantasy of mine but the thing we should do is consider the weekend a "test run".   And once he brought Sue home, she and I would talk about how we all felt and then follow up with him on his feelings.   
       
      To be continued.
    • By HotwifeHusband
      Sue and I had taken a break for most of our 40's.  Out of the blue I met a guy named Jim through work.  We got along well.  He had been divorced for a number of years, was well educated, and held a very responsible job.  As friends, our conversation eventually turned to "let's get together for dinner some night and you can meet my wife."  There was no "intent" for anything other than for Jim to meet my wife. 
       
      We invited Jim to dinner at our house one night and the conversation was great.  Over the next few months we got together a few times for a drink at the end of the work week.  Sue wasn't working anymore so she'd meet up with us.  Eventually the conversations got a little more "suggestive" but nothing was said until one night on our way back home I told Sue that Jim had told me it had been a long time since he'd been with a woman and had no interest in dating someone because he didn't want to deal with the drama "of a relationship". 
       
      I told her I thought it would be fun to see if he'd be interested in getting together some night for some adult fun and she said she'd consider it.  I told her I wouldn't pressure her at all as I wanted her to make the decision based upon how she felt.  The next day she brought the subject up and said she'd be willing to try one night but for me not to plan on it being a regular thing like what had happened with John.  I then talked with Jim and mentioned to him the conversation I had with Sue but told Jim not to let Sue know I told him.  The plan was to get together at Jim's and at some point I'd mention about playing cards, and Jim would say, "all I know how to play is strip poker".
       
      Sue and I showed up at Jim's and he had cheese and crackers and wine set out.  Sue only needs one glass of wine before she starts feeling "good". 
       
      So after one glass of wine, the cards came out and when Jim mentioned "strip poker," I said, "I'm fine with that", and Sue said in a flirty way, "if we play, nobody can chicken out at any time."  Jim laughingly said "you may regret you said that." 
       
      Sue was the first one to be completely naked.  When that happened she said, "ok, the game is over".  I said, "the game isn't over until we are all naked as we said, nobody could chicken out."  Sue said, "I don't have any more clothes to take off, can I put them back on?"  We both said "no". 
       
      Sue lost the very next hand and looked up at us and said "oh well, nothing changes".  I said, "no", she lost the hand.  I then told her to pick a card from the deck and whatever the number was would be the number of minutes Jim and I had to use our hands anywhere on her.  She picked a 6.  With that Jim felt up Sue for the first time.  After just a minute or two Sue grabbed Jim's hand and looked up and said, "OK, we all know where this is going, why don't we just go to the bedroom."  And with that, we had our first threesome. 
       
      We eventually had a number of 3somes and we were all comfortable with each other.  Jim owned a secluded summer lake house and after a few months invited us over for the weekend.  He and I talked together and I shared that I thought it would be cool if we met at a restaurant and I'd let Sue off at the door and she'd walk in and sit at the table that Jim was at, as if she was picking him up.  And, that I would sit at a separate table and then follow them to his house when they left.
       
      So, the Friday had finally come and on the drive to the restaurant to meet Jim, Sue all of a sudden said to me, "what would be your perfect fantasy for tonight and Saturday?"  I asked her "why" she was asking.  She responded that Jim was someone she'd be willing to do pretty much anything with if it was a fantasy of mine.  I then told Sue it would be a huge fantasy of mine if I just dropped her off at the restaurant, for her to go sit with Jim as I parked the car.  That I'd watch them from another table and that she'd leave with Jim in his car after they had a drink and I'd follow them.  I said I wanted to "watch her" as if she was on a date with Jim and for her to act that way, knowing I was watching.
       
      It was exciting watching them have a drink together and just talking and laughing.  When they got up to leave, I followed them out the restaurant and saw them walking thru the parking lot holding hands.  I sat in my car waiting for them to leave the parking lot.  That took longer than I thought and I was wondering what was going on.  Eventually they passed me in the parking lot and I followed them out.  During the drive I noticed Sue's head bobbing up and down and realized that she was giving Jim a blow job while he was driving.  I can still picture it now.
    • By HotwifeHusband
      We both had graduated from college and Sue saw an ad from a local modeling agency looking for male and female models.  She set up an interview and was hired. 
       
      Her first modeling assignment was a "fashion show" for Fredericks of Hollywood clothing.  This was similar to what she had done once in college so she decided to do it again. 
       
      The fashion show was in the next town and was at a person's home.  When we both got there we were greeted by the hostess from the modeling agency, and about a dozen men.  The event was uneventful as she modeled every outfit, saving the last which was a light yellow teddy with "open cups" exposing her breasts and crotchless bottoms exposing her pussy which ever since our trip to Mexico with Dan, she kept clean shaven.
       
      We got married soon after.  Sue and I both found jobs at the same high tech company and after a few months the Director of Sue's department called her in his office.  He told her he didn't want to cross any lines but needed to ask if she ever did any modeling because he had been to a house that had a lingerie fashion show and she looked like the model.  Sue was a bit embarrassed and admitted that it was her. 
       
      At this particular time I was under a lot of stress with my work and hadn't been up for as much sex as Sue wanted...and it became an issue of me trying to explain that it had nothing to do with her and that I still found her very attractive. This went on for a couple of months.  Eventually she told me that she felt the Director that mentioned the fashion show was starting to flirt a bit.  They had sat together a few times in the cafe for lunch and he was starting to make some suggestive comments.  I told her that if she wanted to she could encourage it and see where it took them as it would also  take some pressure off of me. 
       
      Within a week Sue came home from work and said that the Director (John) called her in his office and shut the door.  He started with, "I want to be very careful of what I'm going to say because I don't want to lose my job if I offend you about something." 
       
      Sue interrupted him and said,  "I know what you are talking about.  We've been having discussions that probably cross the line, and we are both guilty of that.  So say what you want to say, and I won't be offended." 
       
      John then told her that she's been driving him crazy and that he constantly thinks about her.  He also said, "Even right now with you in my office I want to bend you over my desk and have sex with you." 
       
      Sue then looked at him and said, "John, I've known we were heading to this based upon our conversations, and I didn't want to stop it.  Obviously, we can't do anything in your office, but all you need to do is invite me to your house."   And then she said, "And to be honest about it, my husband knows and is ok with it." 
       
      John was a divorced man so he lived alone and didn't have to worry about sneaking around.  And with that, Sue came home after work and told me that that Friday she would be leaving work right at 5 pm and going to John's house.
       
      I made arrangements with my best friend to go out to a sports bar for the night, to help me keep my mind off things to help the time go by quicker.  I got home at 10 p.m. wondering if Sue would be home.....and I waited and watched as the clock hit 11 p.m., midnight, and then I finally called her at 12:30 in the morning and she answered her  phone stating she was on her way and would be home by 1 a.m.  John lived 25 minutes in the other direction from work so he lived about one hour from our house. 
       
      As soon as Sue got home she looked at me and all she said was "I don't care how tired  you are, you need to take me to bed to re-claim me."  I asked her how it went and she said she'd tell me when we got to bed.  I was surprised she spent so much time with him.  Apparently John came inside her three times, telling her that he "was inspired" by her.  Sue told me that even after cumming in her, that he'd leave his cock in her pussy because he wanted to take advantage of every minute he had with her.  And they would either spoon after cumming or they would be facing each other with his cock still in her and they'd just talk....and they did that all three times he came. 
       
      The next morning was Saturday and it looked like she was getting dressed for work.  I asked her what she was doing and she said she had to go back into work as they were working on a major project with pressing deadlines.  For the 1st time in all these years of being open minded it really bothered me knowing she would be with him again after just getting fucked by him about 10 hours earlier.  I didn't like it because I felt their relationship was getting more "personal", rather than just about the sex. Little did I know what would happen later. 
       
      About 2-3 years later we were in our bedroom getting ready to call it a night and Sue looked up at me and said, "I have to tell you something and I'm worried about you getting mad but I can't live like this, keeping a secret from you."  I asked her what she was talking about and I never even thought of John being brought up.  She then proceeded to tell me that after that first night with John that she saw him a couple more times.  That three times she went to his house when she told me she was going shopping and that one time he was out sick and he had called her at work, and that during lunch she went to his house to visit him because when he called her he jokingly said, "I'm in the mood for a blowjob right now, can you come over at lunch time"...and that's what she did. 
       
      I went silent when she told me this and all I said was, "leave the room, I need time to think through this."  I didn't speak to her that night and didn't respond to her trying to bring up conversation for the next couple of days.  Finally she came to me and said, "All right, I understand you're angry but can you please speak to me.  I don't know what I can do other than keep apologizing to you."  She said that she would be willing to do "anything to earn back your trust." 
       
      I looked at her and told her that she was right about me being angry and that I felt betrayed and I didn't know how long it would take me to get over that feeling.  I also told her that I couldn't get it out of my mind that she had made arrangements with another man, to fuck him, and she kept it from me.  We had always been open with each other about this.  I mentioned how hurt I was by the deceit rather than the physical act of having sex and developing a friendship with John but that at the same time I felt myself being turned on by it. 
       
      I then asked her if she was serious about doing "anything" to earn back my trust?  She said "yes", and I said, "you might not like what I'm about to say." She said it didn't matter if she liked it or not, she just wanted to earn back my trust.  I proceeded to tell her that I would be going on Adult Friend Finder and that I would find a guy that she would have to start fucking. 
       
      So I eventually found another person named John and met up with him.  He was a divorced guy who owned his own small construction company that included two different crews.  They would build homes, and do high end renovations.  He lived alone, and his schedule was fairly flexible.  All John asked of me was to bring pictures of Sue as I told him I needed to meet him alone first as I knew the type of guy Sue would be interested in. 
       
      I told Sue what I was doing.  She said she understood.  I told her I needed to take a few pictures of her in fairness to John to see if he would be interested.  Sue again understood. 
       
      I met with John and he was absolutely interested in Sue based upon the pictures and I could tell he had a personality that would go well with Sue's.  When I came home after meeting John I told Sue about meeting John and felt that he would work out well.  I also told Sue, that if things went well after the three of us getting together the first time that "earning my trust" would require a longer term Friends with Benefits situation, until I got the previous situation out of my system  Again, Sue said she understood.  
       
      We met at John's house and got pizza delivered to help start the relationship and eventually I just said, "Are both of you comfortable"?  They both said yes, and with that John took Sue into his bedroom and they fucked each other.  When they were done, they both came out of the bedroom fully dressed.  I then told Sue to take off her shirt and pants as I wanted her to just be standing in front of John and me with her sheer green bra and matching sheer green panties.  She gave me this look, and I just shrugged and said, "you know why." 
       
      She did what she was asked and we visited for about another 20 minutes, giving John the opportunity to stare at Sue's totally sheer bra, still exposing her tits and nipples the entire time...and left for home.  On the drive, Sue did say that John was a very friendly person.  I told her that John and I would be talking the next day to get his feelings but that she needed to be prepared for anything because of her prior indiscretion with the previous John.  All she replied with was "OK, I understand."
       
      John and I had our conversation and he said the night couldn't have gone better and that he was very attracted to Sue, and that he also just had a very good feeling of a relationship between the three of us.  I told him I agreed. 
       
      When I got home, Sue asked how my conversation with John went.  I told her that he was attracted to her and he enjoyed the sex with her.  I asked Sue if she would be upset if I told her that he was the one I was going to pick for her to start fucking on a regular basis and she said if that is what she needed to do to regain trust that she could do it as she also felt they were compatible in bed, and she also liked the conversation the three of us had and felt we all could be friends. 
       
      But Sue didn't know what would be happening next.  I told Sue that John and I discussed how "moving forward" would look like and that we both were in agreement.  I then gave Sue John's phone number and told her he was expecting her call.  That from now on the two of them would communicate with each other but Sue, unlike with the previous John, needed to tell me every time she and John would be getting together. Again, Sue understood and said she promised to be totally honest with me about anything to do with John and she was willing to do whatever I wanted her to do, given what had previously happened. 
       
      I then looked at Sue and told her to call John, and I wanted her to be "forward" with him on the phone and that she first needed to ask him if he felt comfortable after meeting the two of us (I already knew how he was going to answer).  I then instructed Sue to specifically say on the phone that she was "also very comfortable both in conversation, as well as being in bed with him."  Sue then stated, at my request, "I'm interested in seeing you on a regular basis if you are.  And if you can commit to not dating any women on the side, I'll commit to having sex with you, pretty much whenever you want.  And, one more thing, if you are ok with it, I'd rather you no longer wear a condom." 
       
      And that started what turned out to be about a 15 year relationship where we are all still friends today. About two months after they started seeing each other, John called me and asked about the possibility of Sue working for him part time.  He was thinking about her going to his house two days a week, just half days.  One day would be to work on calling back customers who call to set up an appointment with him, and another half day to take care of sending out the bills, and making bill payments to suppliers, etc. 
       
      I had an idea pop into my head because I was still of the mindset of "punishing" Sue for cheating on me earlier.  John really liked my idea and now I was going to tell Sue.  When I told Sue what John had asked and what he and I decided she initially thought it was asking too much...but I reminded her about how hurtful her cheating had been and that I really needed her to do this. 
       
      Sue was a teacher and was about to have almost three full months off.  I told her that John would be paying her to work part time out of his house for two days a week.  She needed to be at his house around 7:30 in the morning to review his schedule so she could set up appointments for him to meet with people calling asking for a quote of construction work, and then on the second day she would handle all the billing that needed to be either paid, or invoiced. 
       
      She looked at me perplexed as if to say, "Ok, what's the big deal?" I then told her that EVERY day she went to his house to work that she was not allowed to wear a bra, and had to wear a top that was revealing either because of sheerness or being low cut. 
       
      After her saying, "Are your serious?", I responded, "You are damn right I'm serious, and frankly it's all because you were fucking the other John without telling me.  Now I'll know for the next three months what you'll be doing, and the plan is that you and John will be fucking each other each day, and sometimes 2X a day (when you first get there, and when he comes home for lunch). 
       
      She said, "Ok, I get it, but I hope this is coming to the end of it."  I then had her call John and had her say the following to him, "I hear  you have a job opening for me, can you confirm the dress code and expectations that I just heard from my husband."  She listened to his response and said "When do you want me to start?.  And for the next three months she arrived at John's house, always with a sweater on in case she got stopped by a police officer or if something weird happened on her way "to work." And the first thing she did when she got in the house was take her sweater off. 
       
      The very first time she was to go to work she came downstairs and took her sweater off and said, "Does this meet  your approval?"  She was obviously braless, wearing a thin, low cut tank top with low arm holes exposing plenty of side boob, and you could make out the color of her nipples through the top.  I told Sue I couldn't have picked out better work attire and then she went to work. 
       
      During the three months doing this I had to go on a business trip for a few days so I called John and told him to call Sue and ask her out to dinner and make plans to spend some time at his house.  I also told John I wanted "photo proof of him fucking her so I know she went."  This was also going to be a test to see if Sue would be honest about telling me what she was going to do. 
       
      About 30 minutes after talking with John, Sue called me.  She told me that John had asked her out to dinner and wanted to make sure I was ok with that?  She said it felt like she was going "on a date" rather than just being a friend with benefits.  I told her it felt the same way to me, and considering that she pretty much "went on dates" with the previous John without my knowledge, that she now needed to realize that she was about to start dating John WITH my knowledge.  She asked how much longer she needed to go through with this and I told her I hadn't even started to think about that yet because I had been hurt so much. 
       
      So Sue and John had their first "date" while I was away on business.  John sent me an email that included an attachment.  He laughingly wrote: "As you requested, my first date with your wife happened.  I also told her that you asked me to inform her that you wanted her to agree to start "dating me" rather than just me fucking her.  And she agreed to it, so once she's back teaching and can't come over during the summer anymore, she is going to start seeing me for longer periods of time rather than coming over for an hour to fuck each other, we'll grab dinner or take a drive somewhere."
       
      John also told me to watch the attachment as he sent "more than a photo".  I opened the attachment and saw two things: a photo of my wife's face with his cock in her mouth, pressing her cheek from the inside so I could see his cock bump pushing out her cheek. And he also sent me a video that lasted a few minutes of him fucking her.  He told me not to worry, that he'd delete both the photo and video, but I told him I wanted him to keep it so he'd always be able to look back on how they looked fucking each other. 
       
      And that relationship lasted around 15 years.  After fucking John about 10 times Sue told me that she noticed something different and wanted to be honest with me.  I asked her what she was talking about.  She said it felt like John was "fucking" her at times like he was paying for it but other times it was more emotional, it was starting to feel like he was "making love" to her. I told her I guess that would be normal after seeing someone consistently that you liked.  I told her I was ok with that. 
       
      She then said she was starting to feel like she was making love to him at times, that it was emotional for her as well feeling like she was giving her body to someone she cared about as a friend.  She wasn't having any feelings of being in love with him, but she was getting some emotional connection where she wanted to give herself to him when they saw each other.  It turned me on. The frequency of sex got less over the last couple of years but he and I estimated, that not counting the three months she worked for him and they fucked anywhere from 2-4 times a week, that he had fucked her somewhere between 50-100 times. 
       
      And to this day, years later, the thought that she's been fucked so much by the same guy is a turn-on.  We all still remain friends today.  I thought that would be the end of our openess in our marriage but there would be two other men that would enter our lives, both of which got substantial time with my hotwife.  And she wanted it. 
       
      If you'd like to read about it, let me know and I'll write it up.
    • By Littlephish69
      Hi ..newbie here..please be gentle! 😉
      Husband (straight) and I (bisexual) are about to embark on our first meet. Originally started with us doing ff and men watching, joining in with own partner. After much discussion, it's now progressed to us doing more! We communicate well in our everyday life and with this too..you have to! Both happy with what we have decided, but, I am feeling stuff about certain things and I can't explain these feelings (emotional and physical!) Both happy with ff and mf. His biggest turn on is watching and mine is him watching me. I'm ok with him receiving oral from f (baby steps!) But the thought of him giving feels different and more 'scary'! Only word I can use that is anywhere near! That being said it also all feels a turn on at the same time! I'm so confused..we're talking a lot between us and other couple, and being very open about everything. We are very happy and in love and have an amazing bond already.
      We have talked in depth over a few years and ready to take the plunge. 
       
      Any advice or explanation about this or how to deal with this, and how process and explain would be gratefully received x 😊
    • By spicylife42
      The hubs and I were very active in the lifestyle for several years.  We had a great time, we had lax rules where we were ok with each other playing solo.  I traveled with him on business and had a particular lover I was completely head over heals for.  The sex was like no other, he felt it too.  Fast forward many years, we’re out of the lifestyle. He became an alcoholic and our marriage imploded.  During all of this, we had split briefly. He came back but I let him know that I didn’t have feelings for him anymore.  We could try to coexist, for the family.  We have lived this way for 6/7 years.  Last fall T, reached out to me and I went to see him.  It was electric, as it always is.

      Well I was planning to see him again, and I was going to tell the hubs b4 I left, that I was going to see T.  Explosion!  He had suspected since last fall, how can he ever believe me again, oh yeah sure I was going to tell him... yada yada.  Hubs says well if this is the way we are going to spend the rest of our marriage we might as well get a divorce.

      He’s the one that drug me kicking and screaming into the lifestyle, we allowed each other freedoms.  I’m heartbroken and mad! 
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