Unicorn needs a mate

[101unicorn 15]

I am a 27 year old single female who has been in the Lifestyle for about four years as a single and as part of a FWB couple. I have two long term FWB's, four and two years long. Neither of these men are options for a real relationship.

 

My problem is now that I know I want a life in the Lifestyle but I want a partner that I can marry and have a life with. I started out thinking I might meet single men at parties or clubs but quickly discovered this isn't the case as these venues are so particular about who attends. Every couple I have ever spoken with or played with all ended up swinging after starting out as a monogamous couple. I am at a loss about how and where to look for a male partner to actually date and have a relationship with but that is also open to swinging or open relationships. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?

 

Playing with couples is beginning to lose its amusement because it just ends up being a reminder that they have something I don't have Which is a total bummer as I genuinely enjoy these encounters.

[couplers 4,640]

Hello and welcome to the Swingers Board. Thanks for joining and giving all of us another interesting perspective on the lifestyle and how life can unfold.

 

As to your question, I was in something of a similar, but somewhat different situation as you when I was in my early 20's, having an on-going relationship (both sexual and emotional) with my ex-fiance who I still loved, when I met David, the man that became my husband. David deserves the credit for recognizing that as I was falling in love with him all the while I was still seeing my ex. He identified the situation, I admitted it, and he said he was fine with it. We got married, all the while (and to this day) I still have my boyfriend. Hubby wasn't looking for reciprocity and I did not encourage his sexual freedom until several years later. Now we are in a poly family.

 

So there are guys like that out there that are ok with, or even looking for, a woman that wants to have a life of non-monogamy of some sort. So I would say to just "date," enjoy it, all the while being open and honest with the fellows you meet. There is someone out there who you are meant for and is meant for you.

 

I know this advice is very general and probably other here can give you more specific advice. Best of luck on you journey, and please let us know how it goes.

[jjmcd 15]

Boy, you have a really difficult challenge. (Duh, like you don't know that already). The best idea is to leverage the network of people you have.

 

People In the Lifestyle who have friends are probably your best bet. Finding a couple of stable pairs that have external social (non swinger) friends who are available. From there, you have all the challenges of finding a partner.

 

Biggest challenge is going to be making sure you can build a relationship while having fun. That makes it doubly hard.

[angelkin 1,326]

101unicorn, I feel for you. I was half of a swinging couple that divorced. I was looking forward to being a unicorn, but the fun just wasn't there for me without a partner. I did have a go-to couple and we're still great friends. I even threw a party, but felt like odd man out as most of the attendees were couples. I missed the partner-in-crime dynamic of swinging. Like you, I saw everyone and the closeness they shared in their relationship and I longed for that again.

 

I started seeing single men in the lifestyle, FUN - but the lifestyle isn't all that great of a place to meet another single for something meaningful as for the most part I found that others in the lifestyle are not seeking to become emotionally involved. I ended up dating in the vanilla world and met a wonderful man who is sexually open and has the right attitude for swing lifestyle. We've been together several months now and things are very serious. I think eventually we will end up swinging, but for now we are just enjoying the exploration of one on one kinks and riding the wave of new relationship energy. In time, the trust, commitment, and openness will come - but we just aren't there yet and we both agree there's no rush.

 

I knew this guy was for me when he told me he had interest in the lifestyle, but his then-wife would not hear of it. I appreciated him even more as he's never pressured me to move into that realm and said even if we never get there, I am always enough for him - there's no need for more.

 

My advice to you...date vanilla. Find someone who wants a relationship AND shares your interest in swinging. Seek a man who doesn't pass judgment on your past activities and even shows some interest. If you are feeling vanilla is a waste of time, then perhaps a meet & greet venue where single men are welcomed would be better than a club. Maybe even put it in your profile that you are looking for a partner in crime and perhaps open to more with the right person. I can't believe there aren't single swinging men out there who are also looking for love!

 

I hope you are able to find a kindred spirit - do let us know how things go.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

If only you were a little older and lived a little closer to the west coast...we've been looking for an equal partner but haven't had any luck even spotting potential unicorns. Good luck with your search...