Wife is reserved whenever we talk about swinging - what should I do?

[ccpro 15]

I've posted a few times and received great advice from many of you. My wife and I have not progressed much in the swinging department but we've been communicating much more about the topic. My goal is to make her feel comfortable about taking our sexuality to the next level a threesome.

 

We've been together for 18 years and I still get hard just looking at her, I think her self image is holding her back. I tell her how hot and sexy she is, and guys everywhere find her attractive. I'm trying to create the perfect scenario, at least what I think she would want. S

 

he's open to the idea of a mmf but is afraid of what if she enjoyed herself too much and how I would react? I tell her I'm very confidant and I want see her eyes roll to the back of her head. I tell her the more she enjoyed it the more it would turn me on! I tell her her I want to see her in ecstasy and yes of course it's for me too. She is very beautiful and deserves getting turned and having total pleasure, even by a a better looking, more endowed, longer stamina lover than me. I think I'm fine with it as long as I'm there for it.

 

So anyway, I think I'm pushing a little much because I'm chomping at the bit. I give her full disclosure and she'll answer me comfortably but never has a follow up question for me. I tell her very vividly how sexy it would be to see her handling two cocks. Should I just hang back and let everything resonate with her. She is never surprised or disgusted with my thoughts. She's just reserved? I would say mildly interested?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

As long as you are communication openly and honestly on the subject, then you are on the right track. It may eventually lead where you hope it will, or maybe not, but either way, there's just no other healthy way to do it than openly talking about it. Trying to take shortcuts into swinging is a dangerous road to travel, so just be patient and keep up the conversation and see where it goes. Maybe trying a low pressure environment like a casual meet and greet just to get a feel for things might help with some of her concerns?

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Beware of chomping at the bit. All you can do is open the door. She's got to want to go through it. If you pressure her, it will not turn out well.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Hi, ccpro. Don't think of this as a race but a new adventure for you and your wife to embark on. As it sounds, you have your bags packed and you're reading to get in the car but your wife isn't even in the stages of packing for the trip yet. It seems that there might need to be more communication and she needs to be at the point of believing that you want her to be pleasured. There could be a lot of reasons why she's reserved. Maybe she isn't as interested in pursuing this as you are. Maybe she's afraid that you are pushing a MFM so that down the road, you can have a FMF and she isn't comfortable with that. Perhaps she's afraid of truly being honest with you about her fantasies. Only you and her can figure out what is going on and work through it.

 

With all of that said, I am curious as to why she might be reserved about this since you had said previously that you two first met and had a MFM together. Have you two ever talked about it frequently after it happened or was it never spoken about afterwards? If it is the latter, I am wondering if she felt shameful about that threesome since it was never talked about.

[ccpro 15]

Valid points, some I have addressed. She asked me if I wanted a mmf just so I could have a mff....i told her know but I understood why she asked. By no means bragging but I've had mff threesomes, group, and several women before I met my wife. Knowing her, I believe she would love mmf, just afraid of fallout. I've brought up the night we met several times. ...but she said she only remembers being with me...i know, I know. I think she feels some shame because my buddy who made it happen has had hundreds of conquests..i think she feels stupid/used for being with him at all!

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Open the door and encourage her is all you can do. Do any more (especially try to push her through that door) and it WILL end badly. On top of everything else, it sounds like she also has a problem of thinking she is a slut (or worse) if she is with more than one person. She remembers being with you when you met because she latter married you. Remembering that she was with TWO guys the night she met you (especially since she had sex with you shortly after meeting you) and she is then a slut. Be patient and supportive (but not pushy) and let her move forward (if she chooses to) at her own pace is really all you can do at this point. Good luck and don't rush things...

[alieen 15]

So we have our site set up and have received a small handful of contacts. About 20-30 mostly people who were aren't interested in for one reason or another. Not sure if we are being too picky, but the idea is were are looking for someone we are going to have sex with and I would be this picky in my single life. We have narrowed our selection to 5 people/couples that we may be interested in. 2 couples, one lady and two men. We had a lot of choices in men and feel like we for some responses from really athletic and attractive guys.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Being choosy is the right approach. The first experience is the most difficult, and the best way to make it even more difficult is to try to force it by doing it with someone you have some doubts about when it comes to chemistry.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We always try to arrange a vanilla no strings attached dinner rather quickly with another couple with the complete understanding that nothing else is going to happen other than dinner and conversation. That takes the pressure off (mostly) and lets everyone have a better chance to get to know everyone. Also, all the email in the world won't tell you as much as the first 5 minutes after meeting someone. Usually you either click or you miss but you can very quickly tell once you meet in person. Plus, the worst thing that can happen is you can eliminate the time wasted on something that won't work and/or you spend a pleasant evening with another couple talking about sex.