Need advice regarding shared fantasies about sharing wife with other men

[kellynjack 16]

Hi to everyone here. This is my first post and I hope you will bear with me. Its a bit awkward.

 

My wife and I are in late 40s, stable in our relationship for over 20 yrs, kids that are teenagers, and generally leading a normal life. I have long had the fantasy of sharing her with another man. This goes back for years. This fantasy was fueled by reading about wife sharing on the internet. In particular, I discovered that other couples actually do this and maybe I am not as unusual as I was thinking. I would not describe myself as a cuckold wannabe... not into the humiliation aspects at all. I love the idea of showing my wife off to other men, and sharing her sexually with them while I watch and/or participate depending on them.

 

I finally brought this up to my wife about a year ago while in bed... after we both had maybe more wine that we should have. I remember being nervous about bringing it up. I was not sure what her reaction would be. I was quite surprised that the idea turned her on. We described the fantasy to each other as we had sex... she has actually told me she would like a younger man, maybe 25 to 30 with a nine inch penis... yes she actually told me this so I think she is interested... this comes up probably every other time we have sex. Last time we discussed this, I asked her if she would really do it and she said yes. We have not talked about this out of the bedroom.

 

I am curious what others think of this situation and how I should proceed? We have a trip planned in a few months and she has said she would try it, but remember this was in the heat of passion and has not been discussed out of the bedroom. Maybe she was just caught up in the fantasy... or maybe not. I have tried to find opinions elsewhere but hotwife/cuckold forums are unrealistic and as far as I can tell are just a bunch of men fantasizing. I got ridiculous opinions there.

 

This forum seems to be real people with experience. I know this is not exactly swinging... but I figured you all may have good advice.

 

Thanks

Jack

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Welcome, Jack! I'm sorry you couldn't get advice at the hotwife/cuckold forums but that's just another reason why I love the people here...everyone here is always willing to help with sensible advice.

 

As for your situation, take her out to dinner and ask her if she's really serious about trying it out. Tell her that it's something that you fantasize about, too. Let her know that you love her, support her, and want to share this sort of experience with her. Make sure you two talk about it without any alcohol in your systems. Talk about it rationally. Talk about any concerns or fears. Rules, boundaries, maybe even other fantasies that you each have. Talk about it several, many times outside of the bedroom. Heck, bring her here and you both can do some research and ask for advice together.

 

Whatever you do, make sure you don't "surprise" her or spring it on her by bringing a young stud home or having someone seduce her without her permission. Those are definite no-nos and I hope you didn't get that advice from those other forums.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Welcome to the Swingers Board! You have come to the right place. I think you will find this community is different than most on the internet, and that's a good thing we are very proud of. People here are indeed real and indeed do have real life swinging experience.

 

Swinging has a broad definition, and I think the type of scenario you describe certainly fits within that definition, not that labels really matter much to start with.

 

I think the answer here is an easy one. The subject has been brought up repeatedly in bed, no one freaked out, so now it is time to talk about it over a cup of coffee one Saturday morning and see where that conversation goes. You won't know until you try, and the hard part is over, the initial broaching of the subject. Have an open and honest conversation about it, and if you decide you both are interesting in at least learning more (and this site is a great place to do that), then just start reading and asking questions and then discussing together what you have learned. It may end up where you hope, or may not, but I think you will find going through that process has been a positive to your relationship in terms of communication.

[LFM2 1,482]

Hi Jack and WELCOME to our little corner of the world. It's great to have you as a member here at the Swingers Board!

 

You sound like my husband and I when we first started. We were in our late forties, our youngest kids were in high school, and we led a "normal" (whatever that is) life. He had the same fantasy and when he brought it up, it was during sex. I admitted to being quite intrigued as well. We've been happily swinging ever since we discussed a lot of issues and ironed out the details.

 

It's great that you can discuss fantasies with each other. Seems like we're close enough to talk about everything but sex and what we want. I give props to both of you for not holding back. Now, the challenge: Do it outside of the bedroom. Talk over the kitchen table, coffee (or other beverage) and face each other and still discuss what you want in your sex life. If the answers are still an enthusiastic agreement you'd both like to try, then you have some other homework cut out for you.

 

If you're both still inclined to want this, I encourage you to both read the posts and threads in here and there is also the book, The Swinger Manual (

 

This board *is* full of real people. We don't condone cheating, but we do encourage fun sex. There are a lot of hurdles to jump, but with the right attitude, a lot of communication, honesty, respect and more communication, you could be on your way.

[CB&DD 219]

Only thing that jumps out at me is that it has only been discussed in the bedroom. Should probably discuss it some in a less sexually charged moment. Also discuss any concerns either of you may have and rules that would make you both happy, if any are needed after thorough discussion. Hate to have something bother one of you in the moment and potentially sour the experience. Another thing to keep in mind is the fantasy may be better than the reality for one of you. Communication is super important before you progress.

[kellynjack 16]

Thanks for all the advice... So I am being as honest as possible here. She really seems to get turned on by the idea and will go into detail about it while we have sex... she even has talked about me going in right behind another and getting sloppy seconds... but I am almost afraid to bring it up out of bed and without a few drinks...

 

If you were guessing and I realize this is a guess, what do you think the chances are she is really interested versus just going along because she knows I like the fantasy?

 

I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do, but I want her to do everything she wants to do.

 

If you were guessing, where do you think she stands?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

If it comes up every other time you have sex as your original post indicates, then I would say at a bare minimum it is a favorite fantasy of her's. From what you have told us, you are already ahead of about 99% of the guys when it comes to popping the swinging question, so I would do it. She may not say yes, but I wouldn't expect someone to get mad over something that they themselves talk about that much, even if it's sex talk. She may tell you it's just a fantasy and she wants to leave it as such, or she may ask you "when can we start?" You won't know until you have that talk, but like I said, you are way ahead of most on having a way to bring up the subject.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Just as cplnuswing said...you won't know her true interest or where she stands until you ask her. We can guesstimate all we want but we don't know your wife...and we aren't your wife. Only she knows the answers to your questions regarding how she feels about it.

 

Don't be afraid to ask. This is the woman you are married to. You've been together for 20+ years. You have a life, family, house with this woman. If there's anything beneficial that will come of this, it will be an improvement in communication between you two. You two shouldn't be so afraid to tip-toe around such subjects. I know a lot of couples are but if you think about it...doesn't that make you sad to hear how the one person you share so much of your life with isn't the person you feel comfortable talking about anything with? For us, the best thing that came out of swinging is the improvement in our communication with each other and the increased intimacy that came with it. I wish you and your wife the same thing, even if nothing comes out in terms of living out fantasies.

[MrDiscover 802]

First of all:

 

I think the above posts already have lots of good advice and I can indeed recommend the mentioned book, very honest and open written. Not only for yourself but also to read together and as a discussion-starter. I know of at least one couple who used it that way: us. ?

 

Another source is the Talking to Your Partner About Swinging forum (for instance Need Advice: Turning Fantasy into Reality )

 

You two are certainly not alone, lots and lots of couples are, will or have been going through this phase. Ours is just a few weeks back.

And your biggest and brave step is already done: bringing it up. ?

 

[Wornsilver 219]

So much good advice has already been posted, and yes this is a terrific forum.

 

How can we know what another person is thinking, no matter how close we think we are to them? Impossible. Without asking and discussing.

 

What is the worst thing that can happen if she dismisses the topic during the non-bedroom chat? Is she going to divorce you? Get angry with you? From what you have said, I would discount any calamitous results.

 

Now, like all of us guys, you have to spool up your courage turbines and go for it.

 

Good luck.

[kellynjack 16]

I do appreciate all the advice... I am just very nervous to bring up in a non-bedroom alcohol free setting!

 

I am also curious about what the "day after" is like. I have been interested in this a long time... and she has been fantasizing in bedroom over a year.. if we talk this through and both agree, I still wonder what the next day will be like. I don't know there is anyway to prepare for that.

[MrDiscover 802]

kellynjack said:

I don't know there is anyway to prepare for that.

There is and it is the same as the advice given above: start and keep on communicating. Establish open lines well before all the 'day afters' happen so you both already know you are welcome to discuss (and how) everything that bothers or excites you. Although I am too very new with this, I know by now there is not only a 'day after' after the first date. There was one after the very first time discussing this sober at the breakfast table. There was one after asking her if she really wanted to go to a Tantra training. After the training itself. After asking her if she would like to have an account on SDC. After taking the profile pictures for it. After the first emails from another couple. And certainly after the first date. And I hope a lot more will happen. ?

 

So the next step is indeed being brave and just start talking about it.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

As MrDiscover said, there isn't just one "day after"...every day after should be day where you two can continue to communicate. It doesn't just stop with one conversation, nor should it. Fantasies, the possibility of making them reality, and actually doing it...it all requires constant communication. It isn't a one-time conversation and then it's over--if it is, you're doing it wrong (unless she's adamant about not trying it at all, then you keep quiet until she brings it up again in the future). You want to be able to make sure you both know where each one stands. If one is uncomfortable with something, it needs to be brought up. If one is frightened about a specific aspect, it needs to be acknowledged and worked through. You and your wife will be embarking on a journey together. Constant communication is the verbal way of holding hands throughout the journey. If you don't, someone will be left behind.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

The next step is always the hardest...always. However, the destination can be amazing (but still enjoy the way there). As said, you will eventually need to talk about it outside of the bedroom and while it can be an uncomfortable conversation to start, think how exciting it can quickly become. I wouldn't necessarily do it at breakfast, but maybe in the evening...possibly when you are talking about this upcoming trip. When you are talking about the things you two want to do on the trip, ask her if she still wants to see about finding a guy...

 

It sounds like you two still have some talking to do. Love/trust/communication. Love her enough to trust her, trust her enough to communicate, communicate with her and the love will increase. It's a vicious circle (lol).

[Sunflower 22]

When we have play dates or go to parties we always talk about it the next morning. We will discuss if any rules were broken, if one of us did or said something to make the other uncomfortable, what we thought about the people, etc. We have found that it usually makes for good breakfast conversation.

 

As far as everything else, I would agree with the advice that has already been given. Good luck.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

kellynjack said:

I do appreciate all the advice... I am just very nervous to bring up in a non-bedroom alcohol free setting!

 

Try this if you're nervous. Don't bring it up at the kitchen table. You'll have to look at each other face to face. You'll be nervous, she'll be more likely to measure her response.

 

Bring it up while driving, while going for a walk/hike. In other words, while you're together and tuned into each other, but not face to face. It allows for more thought, introspection, and a more casual conversation.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I love the idea of showing my wife off to other men, and sharing her sexually with them while I watch and/or participate depending on them.

 

For me my obsession became wanting to watch her fucking/getting fucked from a different perspective. She wouldn't let me make a video. I began to fantasize about other men having sex with her so I could watch it.

[Aquarius 37]

We have been role playing this fantasy for over a year !! IT has added to our great sex life ! We seem to have some of the most intense sex and she cums multiple times when we role play this fantasy and my orgasm is over the top intense ! Because of this we role play at least once a week ! She knows my desires and she enjoys it as a fantasy herself ! We have no problem talking about it but she doesn't want to act on it ... We have been married 16 yrs and have a strong relationship and we are best friends ! Maybe one day she will make our fantasy a reality ! SO enjoy the ride as I am

[Jaxson1234 19]

I have the same desire as you, but besides little hints here and there she has no idea.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Try this if you're nervous. Don't bring it up at the kitchen table. You'll have to look at each other face to face. You'll be nervous, she'll be more likely to measure her response.

Bring it up while driving, while going for a walk/hike. In other words, while you're together and tuned into each other, but not face to face. It allows for more thought, introspection, and a more casual conversation.

 

I know this is a resurrected old thread, but I had to add how impressed I am whenever this forum reinforces that our experiences are common and normal.

 

Nearly all of our frank discussions about this occurred during oral sex or while driving. Nearly impossible, at first, to talk about it eye-to-eye.

[DjRayder 43]

I really love the advice on this thread! Bravo everyone! As everyone said make sure you two take it slowly. What you two need to find what exactly turns you both on so you can point out what you like so look into hot wife relationship and cuckolding.Also make sure you find someone who is experienced in not to get emotionally attached, it happens fast with young men. And if you two like the man or men for that matter make sure they go through you only. some will want to talk to the wife. So this will eliminate any attachments that might occur. Good luck and hope you two have fun.

[jeff111 44]

How did it go? Have you raised it with her yet?

Remember, if the focus is on how much you love her, want to pleasure her etc, it's a little less threatening...