Is what we did swinging? How to show my interest in doing it again?

[kavitaraj 27]

We are a young Indian couple, now married for six years. About two years back my hubby brought up the subject of swinging. Being from a conservative background, I was shocked and I resisted it very strongly. My hubby was very persistent and he continued pestering me. In every lovemaking session of ours this topic came up and I resisted it.

 

then one night he told me that if I am not Ok with swapping then atleast we can have sex on the same bed with another couple. we will have sex only with each other and they too will do the same. it appears that he had already contacted a couple on the net, they were married and a little younger than us. my first reaction was of denial. However, he kept on insisting on it and assured me that it will be only once and he will never ask for it again. one night under pressure I agreed to it. So he invited the couple over the weekend, we had a small chat and dinner, (They were a nice and decent couple) and after dinner as was planned, we had sex with this couple on the same bed

 

Although, I had sex only with my hubby, there was a lot of touching all over the bodies by all of them and I could not avoid it. They left the next morning

 

As was promised my hubby has never repeated any such request again. However, after this episode, this incident has never left my mind. All kind of thoughts come to my mind. It even crossed my mind many times that I missed an opportunity and should have gone all the way. I often feel like repeating such an event but I am too shy to ask my hubby for it. I am very confused

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

 

The story you've told does not sound like a healthy swinging story! An enjoyable entry into the swinging lifestyle should not include one partner pestering the other relentlessly. Also, it sounds like your husband forced the issue by making arrangements to meet a couple behind your back.

 

If you could find a way to tell your husband what you've just told us, it seems like that would be a big step forward in your relationship with him.

 

Perhaps you might have enjoyed going further, but it's also possible that you might have regretted it. It's probably just as well that you didn't do any more at the time, especially if you had not thought it through beforehand, or talked with your husband about it.

 

One interesting thing about couples in the lifestyle is that they nearly always have a solid relationship that is characterized by excellent communication and mutual respect. If you don't mind an opinion, it sounds like you two should stop thinking about swinging for a while, and concentrate on building a solid relationship with each other. However, do not be too shy to talk to your husband about being more sexually adventurous. If you can tell a message board full of complete strangers, you can tell the person closest to you! Given that your husband brought up the idea in the first place, it seems likely that he will be receptive to at least listening to your thoughts about going further. The lifestyle will still be there for you if and when you decide together to have another adventure!

[MrDiscover 802]

No, you're not, since it does not has a safe foundation to share intimacy with others. It is all about him and not you, not about respect, by what I read (with my Western ethnocentric eyes, I must add)

 

MrDiscover

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Personally, a one time occurrence doesn't get you membership in the club. As stated, this also doesn't sound like it was a very healthy first step since he shouldn't have made arrangements without your participation and knowledge. This shows a lack of love and trust on his part. Still, it sounds like it opened a door for you into something you never thought you would do let alone enjoy. I would show him this link so he can learn that how he did this was a potentially damaging thing so he can learn from this. At the same time, it sounds like it will open up the communication between the two of you so you can start talking about this and more. Know that this won't fix a damaged relationship, but it can make a good relationship stronger and better. Communication is the first step, talk with him and let us know how it goes.

[honeybees 21]

You are almost there. You have to take the final step to sail together. I do not know what is preventing you to talk to your husband about it. May be he will welcome it. What you are going through is a natural process. Open communication between a couple is the key to happiness. Since you have come out of the shell, let it happen. Do not supress your natural feelings

 

if you have any further questions/doubts, do let me know

 

best of luck.

 

Keep in touch with the forum

 

Honeybees

[two4youinswva 3,069]

I was going to voice concern about your hubby being so persistent about playing around.

 

As was promised my hubby has never repeated any such request again.

 

But, it seems he may have corrected the error of his ways, so he gets a pass, for now.

 

That being said, if YOU are interested in doing more, then you'll have to overcome your shyness in order to approach the subject. You appear to be quite capable of typing your thoughts out, so have you considered writing him a message, detailing exactly what you are and aren't interested in pursuing?

[kavitaraj 27]

Thanks for your suggestion. We don't message each other. I think, I have to overcome my shyness and give a positive signal at the very first opportunity. Since we both want it, we have to make it happen

 

Thanks everyone for the advice

[intuition897 2,180]

This would not be the first time a reluctant wife turned the tables on a pushy husband. Sometimes what happens is the wife becomes the happy enthusiast, and the husband starts dragging his heels when he realizes that the "dollies" have minds and desires and fantasies of their own...and he may or may not be necessary to the equation. Fantasy and reality are two very different things, and like watching the movie after reading the book, the reality can be something of a disappointment if you've built up certain expectations in your head. On the other hand, the reluctant partner is expecting the worst and then finds out that...it ain't so bad. Kind of fun actually. Actually REALLY fun... And the rest is history.

 

Anyway, just saying, be aware that your husband's experience may not have been positive, and it was easy for him to drop it because - like I said - it wasn't what he was expecting. Or if it was positive, be prepared for more pushiness. He sounds like a very insistent dude.

[payal1 22]

I have read all the comments. I feel some of them are very harsh and at the same time some are balanced. You must know that India is not like the west, where even a wife can tell her husband that she is interested in swinging

 

You must understand the psyche of Indian women. No wife will agree with the husband right away. We all got into lifestyle the same way. She took the initiative to pen it down in the forum because it is almost anonymous and she had no one to turn to for help.

 

My advice to her is to not wait for the opportunity but to create one. After all, if both of you want it then why there should be any shyness / inhibition / hesitation.

 

Kavita, do not delay it, just go ahead and let it happen. Tell the forum when it happens and how you achieved it

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I have read all the comments. I feel some of them are very harsh and at the same time some are balanced. You must know that India is not like the west, where even a wife can tell her husband that she is interested in swinging

 

You must understand the psyche of Indian women. No wife will agree with the husband right away. We all got into lifestyle the same way. She took the initiative to pen it down in the forum because it is almost anonymous and she had no one to turn to for help.

 

My advice to her is to not wait for the opportunity but to create one. After all, if both of you want it then why there should be any shyness / inhibition / hesitation.

 

Kavita, do not delay it, just go ahead and let it happen. Tell the forum when it happens and how you achieved it

 

This was one of my main reasons for not replying to this thread earlier. As much as I hated how the husband pressured the OP to engage in a sexual experience she did not want, I also understood that she is from an entirely different cultural background from where I come from. I knew that I didn't really have any advice to give considering that things done here in the US aren't necessarily done in India. However, I don't consider the replies to be harsh. Members who are from the US are used to both halves of a couple being equally interested in trying out swinging. If we see a thread where one isn't interested, we advise caution in proceeding or to even stop where they are and work on their relationship. This is what is normal to us. It would not surprise me if many did not see that the OP is from India.

 

With that said, since we have had 2 replies on this thread from members who are from India and understand the intricacies of the relationship between husband and wife in India much more than those of us from the US, perhaps you and other members from India would like to be more detailed in how to help kavitaraj in her quandary.

[MrDiscover 802]

I did see the first post was from India, so I put a disclaimer about my location in my reply. However, I still feel 'pestering' is not the same as a good way to communicate, even in patriarchal cultures. Also, not being able to avoid people touching you sounds an awful lot like it was very involuntary. Involuntary sex is not ok for me personally, no matter where it takes place, that was the reason I talked about respect.

 

My apologies if that was too harsh.

 

MrDiscover

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Paypal: Thanks for the perspective. Why isn't everywhere just like the USA? (lol)

 

Kav: Best of luck and let us know how things go.

[kavitaraj 27]

A few days back I stumbled upon this Swingers Board just by chance, while surfing the net and I decided to pen down my problem. Its nice to know about different views by so many people. Thanks everyone for your comments and advice.

 

My special thanks to Payal1 for her views and advice, which I consider most appropriate. I have decided to bring my hubby to this thread and let him go through it. This will make life easier for me, I think this is the best and easiest alternative available to me. Let us see where the things go from there

 

Thanks everyone once again

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Once again, good luck and let us know how things go...

[MrDiscover 802]

Great kavitaraj, good to read you are going to discuss this with him. Good luck!

[payal1 22]

Yes Kavita, go ahead, you are in the right direction. We all wish you luck and don't forget the Forum

[honeybees 21]

Best of luck. Be like a honeybee. Collect as much of nectar as you can

[simmi 115]

Interesting, I am very curious. Please keep us informed, how it goes

[honeybees 21]

Hi kavita, we are looking for an update

[shalini 15]

Interesting.

 

I am new here.

 

I thought, I am the first one here,

 

I am surprised to see so many ladies from India

 

and Kavita what happened after all that???????

[kavitaraj 27]

A lot has happened in the last ten days. I showed my blog and comments to my hubby. He was so surprised and excited, he said, “Why did you not tell me earlier, we wasted so much of time” We both were so excited that most nights we kept awake till well past midnight.

 

The very first night, we talked and talked. We surfed so many websites. We even put in our profile at different websites. We emailed to some of the couples and thereafter even met a couple but did not find them compatible

 

On my suggestion he emailed the couple with whom we had SRSP. We got a prompt reply from them; they said that they had relocated to another town, not very far from us. However, they said that they were open to our suggestion to get together; they invited us and said if we can not travel, they can come down here.

 

This Friday night they were here. It all went on very well. We decided on same room. However, when it came to sex, hubby noticed some hesitation in me to have sex in front of him, so he said that they are moving to the other room and they left us to ourselves. After that there was no problem what so ever. We got together again at four in the morning

 

We both are now in such a heightened state of sexual excitement. We are unable to think of anything other than sex. I don’t know what the future has for us

[MrDiscover 802]

Great to hear everything went well!

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Glad to hear that you two have opened up your lines of communication! It's such a turn-on to discover that you both share this desire to explore your sexual boundaries, isn't it? Your willingness to trust each other enough to allow playing in separate rooms is also a good thing. If you give each other a full report on your separate-room encounters afterwards, it serves the purpose of reinforcing your trust in each other, as well as being another huge turn-on! And who knows- one of these times, you both may decide to try being in the same room together. As long as you keep talking and keep trusting each other, you will have a great journey together!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Thank you kavitaraj for coming back and letting us know how things went. It sounds like things went very well and that this success is something you can build on if you so choose. Just take things slow and keep progressing step by step with lots of communication between you and your husband, enjoy the sexual energy you both are feeling, and swinging can become a positive part of your lives and your relationship.

 

Our first few experiences were much the same way on the same room vs separate room issue. It was maybe some element of hesitancy, but mostly that she found she was just able to relax, focus, and enjoy better without the extra distraction of two other people right there in the action too. Over time, that has evolved a bit, and depending on the situation now, we usually do a combination - we'll play all together for a while, take a break and maybe play separate rooms, take another break and end up all back together again. Just do whatever feels best and natural to you, and don't worry about it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Yes, thanks for the update (and keep them coming). It's always frightening to let your guard down and open up those secret corners of our minds (especially with someone we care for) but once that first step is taken, it can open up a flood of excitement and intimacy. Good luck as you continue forward...

[Nick2016 15]

hi

thats a part of swinging its called same room same partner. btw if you are interested

[Nick2016 15]

well replied. and i just wonder

 

"just looking what is out there and how people are having fun...and I am not"

[Nick2016 15]

hi there

 

We are a young Indian couple, now married for six years. About two years back my hubby brought up the subject of swinging. Being from a conservative background, I was shocked and I resisted it very strongly. My hubby was very persistent and he continued pestering me. In every lovemaking session of ours this topic came up and I resisted it.

 

then one night he told me that if I am not Ok with swapping then atleast we can have sex on the same bed with another couple. we will have sex only with each other and they too will do the same. it appears that he had already contacted a couple on the net, they were married and a little younger than us. my first reaction was of denial. However, he kept on insisting on it and assured me that it will be only once and he will never ask for it again. one night under pressure I agreed to it. So he invited the couple over the weekend, we had a small chat and dinner, (They were a nice and decent couple) and after dinner as was planned, we had sex with this couple on the same bed

 

Although, I had sex only with my hubby, there was a lot of touching all over the bodies by all of them and I could not avoid it. They left the next morning

 

As was promised my hubby has never repeated any such request again. However, after this episode, this incident has never left my mind. All kind of thoughts come to my mind. It even crossed my mind many times that I missed an opportunity and should have gone all the way. I often feel like repeating such an event but I am too shy to ask my hubby for it. I am very confused