A problem that occurred at a house party

[montcpl99 15]

My problem occurred at a house party. This was going to be an intense house party, like 10-12 fun couples. My wife was only interested in about three of the guys coming, one being the host.

 

The party had a great layout. A large open basement with bar on one end and couches on the other end. There were a few play rooms off to the side. My understanding was at this party, there was not really a bunch of pairing off, but rather all kinda get together and start playing in the big room.

 

By 9 p.m. the host wanted to get things started so he grabs my wife and starts undressing her. I in the mean hile ran upstairs to use the bathroom unknowingly. When I come back down to the basement, I don't see my wife. Well I find out from another guy that she is over at the couches on the floor playing, just her and the host. Everybody else is standing around the bar on the other end snacking and talking.

 

We have a rule for "same room only" when we play. Also I felt disrespectfully, I did not know where she was. We have played with this couple before but in the same room. His wife was at the bar talking. After about 20-30 minutes my wife comes up for air and motions for me to come play with her and the host. By this time, I was just really getting upset, but did not want to say anything at the party. The Host's wife did approach me and kinda took me over to where my wife was playing and we all started playing.

 

I did not say anything for 24 hours. After talking to my wife, she did realize that she forgot to let me know where she was or anything about the same room rule. Being a house party and she conceptualized that everybody would just start playing all together when they started playing, but that really didn't happen for 1/2 hour or so later.

 

I am very upset. She broke a rule that if I had done the same exact thing she would have been furious. I did not let it consume our weekend, but Sunday night I sat her down and talked to her. I think I am just disappointed that she did not even let me know what she was doing or enough respect for me. I felt really stupid coming back downstairs and looking over the couches and seeing my wife and the host only playing. I kinda just looked around for like 20-30 minutes while they played. Not much fun at all.

 

I am still very upset. I feel like may have lost some trust, or something. Please help wit any thoughts. My wife and I have a great relationship and this is a huge strain.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

First, I see you are new to Swingersboard so I want to extend a hearty

 

I want to say as well that I send my best wishes that this not strain your relationship.

 

Third, I will tell you that there was a point in "our" swing journey that I was very envious of my wife's success in attracting attention while I was attracting no attention. To make a long story short, we eventually abandoned the same-room rule and decided that the idea of house parties, anyway, was to be able to separate and have our own fun. The same room rule still exists for us when having two-on-two meetings.

 

Wishing you the best.

[Brad145 58]

Sorry you had this problem.

 

You've already discussed it with your wife, you didn't say how she responded but if she acknowledged and understood your concerns you'll just have to move forward now that you are both on the same page.

 

My wife and I had something similar happen before, we now have established a general rule that we only go into play areas together.

 

Kissing, groping and flirting with people is ok without the other person present, unless of course one of us vetoes contact with a specific person or group which of course means it doesn't happen.

[njbm 2,880]

If your wife understood your concern and agreed to do better in the future, let it go and move on. You may make a boo-boo at a later date and you will appreciate your wife's forgiveness!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Yes, let it go. A one time happening is a mistake, if it happens again THEN it might be a problem. The two of you have discussed the situation and it sounds like things are now over. Don't beat her up about it or hold it over her...just let it go.

[tribbles 490]

Does your 'same room only' rule mean you both must be playing and see each other playing?

 

If all play was in one room, I'd figure my guy was in the room and watching or talking and might not notice he left the room for a bit.

 

Maybe the exact way your same room play rule was imagined by each of you was different. Don't blame, just hash out the real details better for the future.

[montcpl99 15]

Sorry you had this problem.

 

You've already discussed it with your wife, you didn't say how she responded but if she acknowledged and understood your concerns you'll just have to move forward now that you are both on the same page.

 

My wife and I had something similar happen before, we now have established a general rule that we only go into play areas together.

 

Kissing, groping and flirting with people is ok without the other person present, unless of course one of us vetoes contact with a specific person or group which of course means it doesn't happen.

 

 

Thank you very much. Great to get on here and be able to talk it out.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Good to know it helps. Keep us informed as to how things are going...

[curious_2for2 92]

Great advice to let it go. If she got caught up in the heat of the moment it's certainly not worthy of more than a discussion, and being over it. She knows how you feel and there's no point in going further and

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I will tell you that there was a point in "our" swing journey that I was very envious of my wife's success in attracting attention while I was attracting no attention. To make a long story short, we eventually abandoned the same-room rule and decided that the idea of house parties, anyway, was to be able to separate and have our own fun. The same room rule still exists for us when having two-on-two meetings.

 

I think this is a really good point. One of the sure signs for us that we had started to get comfortable in swinging was when we started to have some flexibility with different situations. Rules and boundaries are important, especially at first, but like what some great military mind once said, no battle plan ever survived first contact with the enemy, so adjusting on the fly is an important skill to develop. When you look at successful swingers who have been at it a while, that seems to be a key skill they have, not getting locked in on anything.

 

If your wife understood your concern and agreed to do better in the future, let it go and move on. You may make a boo-boo at a later date and you will appreciate your wife's forgiveness!

 

This is another trait of successful swingers. Things will happen, and both sides will make a mistake. The mistake itself is often not a big problem, but the response to the mistake can unnecessarily amplify it into a very big problem.

[Guest]

The play calls for the QB to fake the pass, run towards the sideline, getting just enough yardage to make the first down. The QB is in total agreement with the coach that we don’t want him out there doing a lot runs, it could be dangerous. But this time, QB doesn’t see anyone at all close to him so he runs down field and makes a touch down. Should the coach cheer him and lecture him? A similar analogy might be used with teaching your child to ride a bike. You let go of the bike, hoping he’ll get more than 20 or 30 feet on his or her own, and she suddenly keeps going and goes all of the way round the block, out of site. She gets to you and says I was afraid I would fall if I stopped. Is this a call for praise or punishment? We get our wives involved in swinging. They start feeling comfortable, catch that pass and run with it. Isn’t that the wife you really wanted? One that’s really getting into it.

[Baconheads 432]

There are guys out there, lots of them, that would give their left nut to have a wife as hot as yours. That would entertain the idea of playing with others in whatever capacity is negotiated. Whether its watch only, soft, full swap or beyond, guys would kill for what you have. I don't want to say man up, because it obviously didn't work for you that night. Seems like you and her need to negotiate something with a little more freedom and trust.

[dan63 106]

While this thread is an antique and I sure hope they worked it out, I do have to make a couple of comments of my first impressions.

 

First of all, from the way the OP is worded, it sounded like you just kinda snuck out of the room when she was starting to make out with the host. Obviously you didn't have any problem with this, you could have stopped it, you were there. I assume the OP did not go over to her while she was making out to let her know he was going to take a shit. Had to be taking a shit, how else could she have progressed from making out in the middle of the room to getting boned over in the corner in the time it takes to run upstairs take a leak and run back downstairs. I can guarantee you that if I was in his position and my wife was getting hot and heavy I would try my damnedest to hold it in, or if I absolutely had to I would be gone for about 30 seconds. She has no idea he has left the room. It doesn't sound like this is their first rodeo so she is just going with the flow. She figures if hubby wants to join her and the host he can at any moment. Probably even pauses a couple times to look for him and see why he isn't joining them. Finally she sees him and signals him to come over.

 

C'mon Man! No harm no foul. It's not like she was fucking someone that was supposed to be off limits. She did no wrong and you probably owe her an apology for your reaction. But that's just me.

[luvin eye full 140]

While we all can tell him to harden the fuck up and get over it, the point is that it has come between them right or wrong!

 

Man talk it out and i bet your partner did not mean any ill feelings so you should be able to say hey now i know what that feels like lets not do that thing again what ever it maybe ( there will be other thing over the years to work out as well lol )

 

The ones that make it in the LS are the ones that talk it out - learn what is OK and what is not and what they want to try, above all as long as you to are not going out of your way to hurt each other and are willing to talk you will be fine. ( most of the time )

 

Take your feelings on this and learn from it.