3 questions: Body image, chafing, and psoriasis--would these turn off other swingers?

[Psquared 21]

We are brand new to the LS. We have not met or talked to anyone in the LS. We have been reading threads on this board and have joined a group in our state to be able to attend their club. We are also going to a hotel takeover. After reading posts on this board, we are going into the weekend with the attitude of, we are getting away together without the kids, we are going to have a great weekend together gathering information and meeting new people, we are going to have loud sex with one another without having to be quiet for the kids, we might get to watch people have sex live instead of on the computer, and MAYBE something fun will happen with others.

 

Having said all that I have three questions:

 

1. Body image, if I wind up naked in front of someone, I want to know what goes through people's minds. I am an hourglass BBW, size 18. I love my curves. But I don't love my c-section scar (and yes, I have read all the posts on FB about being proud of it), or my stretch marks, or cellulite. In a vanilla situation I would wear my spanx to shape it up but I know that is a no-no. Don't want to deceive plus they aren't sexy getting out of or into LOL. So do you get grossed out by that stuff once a person is unveiled?

 

2. I LOVE to dance. Can't wait to hit the dance floor. But being a BBW with ample thighs there are chafing issues. Again in a vanilla situation I would have on pants or spanx. If wearing a dress, I would have applied some type of powder to prevent chafing. But that would be unsightly to get naked and have thighs covered in powder or be red and tender. I am planning on wearing sexy dresses. Any suggestions?

 

3. My husband has psoriasis. It is a skin condition that is not contagious. It causes dry skin with white flaky patches on knees, elbows and sometimes his hands. Also red patches on his body. He has worked with a dermatologist for years to keep it under control but the medicines are expensive and we can't always afford it. He just got his first shot of a new medicine last week, $3000! Thank goodness his new doctor is working with the drug company and insurance to get most of it covered.

How do we bring this up in conversation if it turns out someone might be interested in us?

 

We appreciate your input on these issues and are grateful for all the posters here who have provided so much information.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Hello, Psquared! I'm so glad to see that you've jumped in and started a new thread!

 

First off, I think your plan for the coming weekend is great! I hope you let us all know how it went for you two.

 

As for your questions:

 

1. One of my most memorable and prominent memories in swinging wasn't even about sex...it was seeing thin ladies with cellulite, stretch marks, and scars at our first club visit. I had been brainwashed into thinking thin women didn't have such body "flaws" when in actuality, they are normal to have and are a sign that we really are human and have life experiences. So, you will find that there are a lot less people out there who will be "grossed out" by that stuff than you think. Does that totally eliminate the people who will be? No, but if they are it's because they still maintain unrealistic expectations of what human bodies should look like. If they still hold those opinions, you wouldn't want to swing with them anyways so it's all good in the end because there are plenty more people out there who will be attracted to you...and those are the type of people you will want to consider.

 

2. I have ample thighs as well but they don't chafe. For comfort, if I were in your shoes, I would wear a sexy dress but still go with the powder so you can still dance without causing chafing which might put a downer on your evening if you end up in pain.

 

3. We've seen others with skin conditions when we go out to swing. I think it's really up to you how you want to deal with it. You can be upfront about it and explain it or you can see if they ask about it and then explain it. For us, we're the polite type and don't really ask or bring attention to it because we don't want to cause any embarrassment. Put yourself in the other couples' shoes...would you rather that they be upfront about it or do you even care to know or would you ask so they can explain it?

[MrDiscover 802]

Hi,

 

First of all I do like your attitude to just go there and see what the evening will bring and *maybe* doing more. I think that is the best way to look at such a first visit.

 

Secondly, and please don't see this as some kind of general rule because it is only my personal taste: size or skin conditon is one of many details that make up an image I have of a person. So is bigger (or thinner) than average or psoriasis not important at all for me? Yes it is, but equally is a sense of humor, haircut, eye contact, length etc. Personality. It all has to be in balance.

 

And then I thought 'this or that aspect of a body totally turns me off' and then I meet a girl with said aspect with a lovey smile and I discover those aspects are not a turn off anymore.

[Brad145 58]

Try Bodyglide for the chafing.

 

Amazon.com : Bodyglide Original Anti-Chafe Balm (Packaging May Vary) : Hot And Cold Sports Therapy Products : Sports & Outdoors

[cplnuswing 4,713]

You guys have a great plan for the weekend! With a plan like that, it's guaranteed to be a success In my opinion, setting expectations beyond those is a surefire way to reduce your chances of having a fun night together, and having fun together is what this is supposed to all be about.

 

1. If we hit it off and you wound up naked in front of me what would be going through my mind would be how happy I was that you felt the same level of attraction I did. Feeling self-conscious about one thing or another is something everyone, and I mean everyone, struggles with to some degree. Don't worry about it. I know that's easy for one stranger to tell another, but seriously, don't. Swingers are real people, and that's part of the joy of it, that they are so real. Being a real person means you have lived life, and no one passes through life unchanged. There is so, so much more to attraction than just the superficial physical traits. Having said that though, not everyone feels sexual chemistry with everyone else. In fact it's just the opposite, there are many you like and think are nice fun people, but just don't have that sexual chemistry with. That's just part of it. Just like every male you meet isn't going to be someone you want to have sex with, it will be the same toward you. Nothing mean-spirited about it on either side, it's just that sometimes the sexual chemistry is there, often it isn't.

 

2. My only suggestion is do whatever it takes for you to be comfortable while having a great time. Again, don't worry about it. If it is something that does really concern you, then maybe slip off to the restroom or wherever before playing? When it looks like playtime is in the cards, it's not at all uncommon for everyone to take a brief detour to hit the restroom before getting started, so no big deal.

 

3. I feel for him. I have some mild psoriasis on my elbows and a few other little spots, and that's aggravating enough and it's just a few small areas. It's so aggravating because you're right, it's not something that you just take a pill for a few days and it goes away. I'm a little self-conscious about it (like most, I don't always follow my own advice ) but it's never been an issue to anyone but me, and honestly, of the people I've played with, I bet most if not all didn't even notice. I think the advice you received about putting yourself in their shoes is the right way to look at it to get the best approach. If it's something that you wouldn't feel like someone else should have brought up to you, then I wouldn't even mention it. The Golden Rule is just as golden in swinging, maybe even more so, so the approach of putting yourselves in their shoes will always serve you well with coming up with the right answer to questions that come up.

 

Good luck and hope you guys have a great time! If you like, please let us know how it went.

[AskMeOk 148]

Body image. Just own it. I'll take a size 18 with a good personality to a size 5 "princess" ANY day. Dancing. I suck at dancing, so you'll have to find a better mentor than me. Psoriasis... tough one. You may need to educate potential playmates. If they walk because you have a minor skin condition, that is probably your benefit.

[Psquared 21]

Good luck and hope you guys have a great time! If you like, please let us know how it went.

 

 

We had a great first weekend! I won't go into all the details here but I will address the issues I posted and how they were handled.

 

1. Body Image: I was not the smallest or the largest. I saw plenty of women in all forms of dress from fishnet body suits, lingerie, dresses and nudity. There were stretch marks, scars, cellulite and they didn't care. So I didn't either. Obviously I was appreciated by both men and women, and my husband. Several asked to touch my hair, told me I was beautiful, patted my ass, among a few things that happened.

 

2. Chafing: Loved loved loved the Body Glide that was recommended. Worked perfectly and had no problems all weekend.

 

3. Psoriasis: We did get naked with two couples. By the time my husband was undressed, there was so much going on, that no one commented on it, if they noticed it.

 

I will also say, on the body image issue, we met two couples who were not turned off by our size and shapes despite them being very fit themselves. The first couple were newbies also and we hit it off at orientation. She was STUNNING. Very petite and a runner. An AMAZING body. Her husband was in pretty good shape too. We both hardly dared to dream that we would hook up with them. But I guess personalities clicked. It was definitely an eye opening weekend. One we hope to repeat soon.

 

Thanks for all the encouragement!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Thanks for coming back and giving us an update! Reading something like that makes me feel really, really good inside

 

The primary reason is I'm happy for you guys that it went so well and you had a fun time together, and that maybe in some way this site helped with that a little. The second reason is any time someone new tries swinging and it goes well, then that validates and serves as a reminder once again why we do it too. We weren't within 100's of miles of there, but reading your post, I pick up on the feelings like we were there and know exactly what they were because we have feel them too, and it's nice to get to relive that vicariously through someone else.

[Shemurmurs 36]

I have psoriasis as well, since I was 12. It has always been a point of self consciousness for me so I heavily empathize with your hubby and being a size 20 BBW I totally understand your plight too.

 

I would love to say my mind is liberated and I don't care but I am still very shy about my body. I avoid stress and psoriasis triggering foods a few days before going to the club and wear outfits I feel flatter me and make me feel confident. Confidence is the best but most difficult to acquire trait you can have that will make you sexy to others. If you and your partner build each other up before hand with compliments and great solo sex the confidence will come more naturally.