The age thing

[kinkgeeks 55]

So we're new to this and finding it difficult to find people around our age to hook up with. We prefer under 40 because we're still in our 20s and just aren't that attracted to much older people. However, it would seem that many get angry when we tell them that we are not into such an age gap. Is this normal?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

It shouldn't be normal that people get mad about it, but a best practice is to say "Thank you for interest, but we don't feel a connection.", or something along those lines. No need to tell them why, because that always opens up another can of worms.

 

The bad news is there are fewer swingers in their 20's, but the good news is there are a lot more 20 something swingers than there used to be.

 

How are you pursuing other couples? Ads, parties, or clubs?

[Guest]

We're in that over 40 group and really not at all interested in the younger group, or at least not for couples play. We never say, "not interested, you're too young." We just give them a polite "not tonight like we would any other couple that we are not interested in," or just move our focus to another couple more our age and liking.

[kinkgeeks 55]

Our main method of trying to find playmates is the internet as there aren't any clubs for this sort if thing around here and to be honest, as odd as it may seem considering our sexuality, we're shy at first and don't really like the club scene.

 

Well we are always polite about it and try to avoid being so up front but with many that isn't an option as they press the issue, seemingly needing to know why they've been turned down then we, politely as possible, tell them that there's too much of an age gap for us.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Well we are always polite about it and try to avoid being so up front but with many that isn't an option as they press the issue....

 

If the messages are completely through the internet, once you say, "Thanks for the interest but we don't feel that 4 way connection," and they press further, just don't answer any further communication with them. If they keep sending messages, if there is an option, block them.

[kinkgeeks 55]

We just stop contact at that point. It's crazy how many older men will try even after we put an age preference, then be rude as crap because we're only into single guys closer to our age and at least orally bi. We do make it clear that we're only into bisexual ladies and at least orally bi curious guys but for some reason that message never seems clear enough. We do currently live in the southeast and plan to move to Oregon this Summer so maybe things will be easier in a more open minded and laid back location.

[yorktownvaguy 76]

While I do not condone it, it might be understandable. My excuses for my rude compatriots; I for one can not understand how those rude people can be sexy and loving. I believe that good sex only happens when you love and respect each other ... yes even with strangers/swingers. Sex has a loving/tender part in it.

 

However, being 61 years old it sometimes is frustrating to get rejected. We all hear that 60 is the new 40 and honestly, while the calender says I'm 61 I still feel 40, physically and sexually. Again, I will honors peoples age restrictions etc, and I will hit the back button as soon as I see I don't fall in the couple's (person's) preferred age range. I hope I have not been rude to anyone (as far as I know I have not), but I am just wondering if you are clear enough in your listing.

 

On a second point, I have been with younger people and actually I prefer people over 40; they seem to take their time in making love and take care of the feelings and pleasures of their partners better than young ones. But then again, I might have been with the wrong young ones. In other words it is so difficult to generalize.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

We do make it clear that we're only into bisexual ladies and at least orally bi curious guys but for some reason that message never seems clear enough.

 

Some people will just look at pictures and message and won't do any reading of the actual profile. I know it can be frustrating but you'll find suitable playmates if you keep at it.

[kinkgeeks 55]

Thanks for the responses. For us the age thing is mostly just for an actual physical connection. We enjoy hearing from more experienced folks and can be friends with them. We share pictures because we enjoy exhibition and don't mind who see them and like and appreciate all positive comments. I still need to update and develop our page here as we're very new to this. Seems like a cool site, we've tried a few others and have had issues with rude people, so far so good here.

[angelkin 1,326]

If you have the inclination, there is a thread for couples profile reviews. Perhaps (but unlikely) you're not completely clear on your age range or leave it to some misinterpretation?

 

Most of the time, people who respond to ads without fitting what you're looking for are of the belief that they could be the exception. As Sunbuckus said, just don't get baited into a conversation of 'why not' - it's easy enough to avoid by simply not responding. AND if people aren't reading your preferences, you are under no obligation to reply at all. Sometimes being polite just takes too much effort - you've already been polite in your profile by stating your preferences, that should be enough.

[vvcouple 26]

We get the opposite, we're in our 40s and specify late 30s to mid 50s, yet get numerous guys in their 20s.

[asncpl 729]

this is one of the downside of finding playmates online. We are lucky enough to have a pretty vibrant swinger scene since we live in a big city, and I think it's so much more interesting to meet people first, before asking about their age. The thing is many people look younger than their age, and may look older. I am turning 40 this year and many commented that they thought I am in my early 30's. I have had playmates who surprised me when they told me how old they were, but we found a connection before that and age wasn't a factor. I understand your need to give a age range online, but unfortunately I don't have solution if you don't have meet-and-greet or clubs near you.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

People who would be angry about your preferences are people you should be happy to avoid.

[Guest]

On the other hand, if you are just in your 20's, you may want to gain a little experience with some of us over 40. After all, who would you rather shoot hoops with, a kid just drafted out of college or maybe a Michael Jordan or Larry Bird. And, one day, you'll be over 40. Wny not get a preview of the exciting things to come.

[STandTM 15]

We agree 100%. We're in the exact same situation. We're in our mid 20s and not really interested in anyone over around 35/40 max.

[NoobHedonist 15]

Same here. Me and my gf are just trying to get started swinging, but we're still not entirely sure of the best way. I was considering craigslist, but i've never used it before. Any thoughts?

[PandO 103]

I was telling O last night it seems like most swingers are in their 40s. Luckily I like older men. O is 10yrs older than me and the couple we played with, that gentleman was 17yrs older.

 

I'm with Kikonkrome here though. With online profiles, if we get messages and they aren't what we are looking for, depending on the situation, I ,a lot of times, just ignore the message. I would ideally like to respond to all messages with at least a "thank you," but we really do get so many. A large percentage from single bi men, and right now we're only interested in couples.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

It seems to us that most swingers are either 35-45 or under 30. The problem with under 30 is that the relationships can still present some...drama for lack of a better word so be very selective.

 

Noob: I would say to keep away from Craigslist. If you are looking for a man for a MFM, then maybe but otherwise stay away. There just aren't a lot of couples there and maybe 1/2 of them are either fake are too afraid to ever meet. Set up an account on one of the swingers sites...most have free accounts, and look there. There's more fish in that pond so the chances of finding someone is greatly improved. Thankfully, you can usually set your preferences to keep responses limited.

[PandO 103]

We've, personally, had the opposite experience. We have a couple of profiles on sites to meet people, and we've yet to meet a quality couple on any of them. It seems like most of them are too far away, just not what we're looking for, or again with the single bi males. But we actually found our couple through craigslist... maybe it has to do with where you live too?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I think you are right, PandO. Same goes for different swinger sites. We joined several only to find that they had nobody or very limited people in our area. Finally found one that suited us and have stayed with that one. Out here, Craigslist is mostly old men getting a thrill looking for people they can fantasize about having sex with...no matter what the listing says.

[Guest sandraandalex]

I find if I'm going to challenge a boundary, age or otherwise, I prefer to do so at a club or house party. I'm 26, and when I was 25, Alex and I were at a house party. I really never thought of having sex with someone much past 40. Yet, I struck up a conversation with a 50 year old guy and the longer we chatted (it was a legitimate conversation and not 'player' talk) the more sex with him sounded like a pretty great idea. I admit it was a fun makeout session and my legs were in the sky and I came powerfully. It was an easier choice because he was fit, well groomed and a good appearance and not just for his age. So, while I wouldn't do this a lot, or as a goal, on a case by case basis, absolutely. Yet, it was much easier to challenge a boundary at a house party as opposed to over emails or online listings. I don't think that would work well at all.

[Pklon 62]

Like the old saying goes " to each their own " You cannot predict what there age preference other people have. It not your fault if they do not fit to your age group. Yes it is hard to find other couple in the late 20s and early 30s. Like I said in the another post the world of swinging is changing fast, there are more younger single and couple that are getting into it.

 

For me, when I got started I did not mine playing with older couple, men and women since I knew at the time there was not many 18 to 25 year old that were into the lifestyle, so I played what I had. And I had fun. That what most important. That what key to everything to have fun.

When I meet my husband it took awhile for him to get used to it and when I told him I played with older people, he was surprise by it that I like older men.

 

For him he does not like older women, he is will to play no more the 10 years older then him. To me that ok because I was willing to give and take. When I Play with other people other then my husband I am free to play to who ever I want, and he is happy that I am happy.

[fifty4x2 15]

We are in the same boat. We are both 64, say in shape and get plenty of compliments but when it comes to finding couples to play with we are batting zero.

[NC_Seniors 518]

We prefer under 40 because we're still in our 20s and just aren't that attracted to much older people.

On the other hand, if you are just in your 20's, you may want to gain a little experience with some of us over 40.

We're in our 60s. We had our first swap with another couple at the very end of March and we've played with four other couples since then. One of them is in their 60s, two are in their 50s, and one is in their 40s. The last couple was a mix of a male (probably) in his 50s and a female who can't be a day over 32. We've played with the 60s couple AND the 40s couple on multiple occasions. We don't think the 40s couple had any idea of our ages when we played for the first time ... we simply got along great and still do! So you just might want to consider giving the older folks a try ... after all, with any luck, you'll be where they are one of these days!

[micknchris 27]

We will reach out to others if we are within 10 years of their stated age preference. Having said that, we also let them know we are awarer that we are older than their stated limit. We also state that we have found the age preferences seem fairly flexible for many couples, but if their preference is firm, just let us know and we'll make no further contact, no offense taken. We usually don't contact people under 35 even if they have a wide age range as we probably won't have much in common to talk about.

[Napoleon 230]

I just tell the women I'm not attracted to "No thank you".

 

Everyone has a personal preference, nothing wrong with that.

 

I'm 36 years old, childless, I don't want children, I have absolutely no desire to get married. I have a 3 to 7 hour week per week. I have a lot of time on my hands. Damn near all the single women in my age group(age 30 to 40) and older are single mothers, a few "extra" pounds in bodyweight and looking for a man to settle down with. Since I never want kids and never want to get married the best age group of women who's the most compatible with my lifestyle and I find the most physically attractive are childless women age 20 to 24. Many women in this age group aren't looking to settle down or have kids yet and they have a lot of free time, the best fit for me.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

So we're new to this and finding it difficult to find people around our age to hook up with. We prefer under 40 because we're still in our 20s and just aren't that attracted to much older people. However, it would seem that many get angry when we tell them that we are not into such an age gap. Is this normal?

 

Rejection is part of life. People who get angry about your preferences seem to forget that they also have preferences. That means, the people who are like that (1) are so self centered that they can't imagine anyone having preferences different than their own; (2) are not likely to surprise you by being really charming or make you question your preferences if you did meet them; and (3) didn't make you work too hard to figure out they weren't worth a second thought. (Since we are a couple outside your age range, I'm telling you this from the point of view of a couple you would probably reject, so I'm not just throwing out platitudes.) Consider those angry replies back to you as a plus, since you now know what those people are like and it has nothing to do with age.

[Anon321 522]

Early on my GF had this preference of only being with men between the ages of 23 - 39. Last summer we were at a graduation party and she fucked a kid who was 18. Since then she has also fucked a guy who was 58. It's ok to have an age range but you'll likely slide out of it.

[Yourfunfriends 45]

When I (the male) was in my 20's I had this huge cougar fantasy and if I was in the lifestyle then, I would have loved to be approached by "the over 40 crowd." 

 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

At a club or house party we are less likely to care about ages. We have had just as much fun with 20 somethings as our age (late 50's) As a regular thing well if you can't remember when Hotel California was a #1 hit then we prolly don't have much in common.  Other than sex and sometimes that's ok too. 

[Guest]

When I was younger, it was the older men that many times pursued me and were, at times, nice for a change.  As I grow older, I think it is so nice how many younger men are so interested, again, making it nice for a change.

[Guest]

Oh I love being a cougar. Not just to make a young man's fantasy complete, but the attention is flattering. Other than having a virgin, my favorite was with a young Mexican boy. We had been going to a local family restaurant and there was a waiter boy that was smitten with me. He fawned over me, and when we were set out of his area, I noticed he would trade tables to serve us. I even heard his mother tell him, teasingly in Spanish, "Your girlfriend is here." She didn't know I spoke Spanish. I am a very light skinned Cuban. 

 

After some conversation with my husband, I was brave enough to leave him a little love note with my phone number. He called me and I asked if he would like to visit me. He came over after his work riding his scooter! How sweet! He was very nervous about the whole thing and in retrospect I should have sent my husband away. When I got him to bed he was about to burst. His pretty cock was all hard and purple. It was snotty and leaking. I opened my legs for him and the poor baby lasted about 10 seconds. After he kept calling me and wanting to try again. I am happy I did it for him but I sensed he was in youthful love and that a tryst was too sophisticated for him. 

 

 

[ALilOEverything 901]

When I first joined the swingersboard in 2004 I was 29 years old. I may contradict myself but I recall using 40 or 45 as our upper limit. I felt it easier to connect with those in my age group. Now that I'm 45 my target age is probably more like 25 to 60. What I've learned is the numbers are definitely never a hard rule. It's more a tool to narrow the field and help zero in on that great experience. You have to start somewhere though to find that compatibility and age is just as good as anything else as a place to start.

[adamgunn 1,460]

We've always had a tendency - I would call it a rule - to have foursome play with people who are within twenty years or so of our age. Now that we're in our late sixties, that's not much of a problem, as couples in their forties really aren't that much interested in us.

 

But . . . my wife is also a hotwife. And the messages we get from much younger men surprise us. We probably get five or more a month, they are looking for a Mrs. Robinson experience. Mary doesn't accept many of these, but every once in awhile she'll meet a guy in their mid-thirties or forties and have a great time. Three times she's met with men in their twenties, and it simply didn't do it for her. It felt too contrived, and the men didn't have much sexual technique.

[lcmim 1,082]

Age is a funny thing.

We are older 65 and 69.

We use age desires, both ours and others, as  a guidelines, not as ironclad rules.

This is about individuals not categories.

 

My personal standard is that if they can not remember Eisenhower as president I am not interested. That standard has been broken on occasion.

 

The most powerful mutual attraction was a lady born when I was a freshman in high school.

On the older end there is a there have been two gentlemen one in his late seventies , the other mid eighties, who my wife enjoyed very much. One is still a regular play partner and a social friend as well. The other would be if he didn't live so far away.

 

Stepping outside of our stated parameters has worked well for individuals, but the parameters stand in general.

 

If we are approached by someone beyond them we usually take the time to talk and perhaps meet. 

At that point the same standards apply as with those square in the middle of our bracket.

Is there a connection or not?

 

If there are things in their profile that  redflag them we are not bashful about saying why, if it is age. They can't help being twenty for instance, and we have a grandson that age.  Other things we just politely refuse.

We do not wish to waste their time. 

 

 

[padoc 1,703]

Our rule of thumb has always been plus/minus 10 years of our age. However, the hottest night we had ever was about 4 years ago with a couple who were both 25 years younger than us. It IS a rule of thumb, just  not carved in stone!

[kittyswinger 260]

If we swing as a couple, we put an upper and lower limit (+-10yrs our age) to our partners. But on my own, I seem to get the interest of younger guys. I did play with an older guy too who was my boss at work years back. 

 

I thought before that younger guys are less attached and wouldn't opt for anything serious so I didn't mind starting a relationship with one who is my bf now. I realized each person is different and he stayed for many years and evolved as a co-primary partner. I'm now in a parallel relationship with 2 guys. I will go with the flow and see how things turn out.

[Guest]

I have never made a choice for age and sex. If I were to get married again I would prefer someone near my age so that we could enjoy all activities in a way that our age put us in a common place. For sex I enjoy a good lover that has a fun spirit. I was at my friends house for a party and an older gentleman asked me if he could spend some time with me. He was 20 years older maybe. He had a hard dick from his viagra. He fucked me with a lot of energy and made me cum. He kept going for me and only stopped to prevent himself from having an orgasm. I told him that he could cum if he was ready. He was respectful and asked if he could cum in my mouth. I got on my knees and sucked him. He came quickly and was saying thank you thank thank you while I swallowed his semen. He was very sweet on me. I liked it very much. 

[let's do it again 414]

Hook up with the age group that you are comfortable with or attracted to. My SO is 10 years younger than me so we get offers of all ages. We get couples much younger than us, we even swung we a couple in their 20's in Jamaica the night before they got married! Don't concentrate on age as much as personality,  for me age isn't near the issue as much as a fun and passionate couple!

[BillyandDebbie 301]

We were just with a couple that had a big age difference. He was close to our age and she was much younger. She enjoys older people if she married older. I was the one who at first felt uncomfortable doing what we did with her though it was a turn on.