Are you more likely to reply when language skill is evident?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I saw on the CBS Sunday Morning program an opinion piece on the use and misuse of personal pronouns like who, whom, he, she, him and her; the presence or absence of the "ly" ending on adverbs. I remember a 1960s animated cartoon in which Fred Flinstone speaks, "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should" and the instant outcry from middle school teachers that Fred was teaching an entire generation of children poor grammar. Fred eventually replied, "Wadda ya' want? Good grammar or good taste?"

 

Putting aside the question of whether or not Fred was displaying poor taste by encouraging kids to smoke cigarettes, I will pose these questions. If and when you receive an invitation to the Horizontal Mambo from a member of SLS or other swingers' Web site and the message is loaded with spelling errors, misused (or no) punctuation marks, statements like "Him and her are friends of ours" or "we have real good sex", are you less likely to reply in the affirmative? What if the gal looks like she's a page from a Sports Illustrated Swinsuit Issue but she had the writing skill of a second-grade drop-out?

 

What, in other words, do you want? Good grammar or good taste?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Those things do play a big role with us. Our standards aren't exacting, because we make mistakes too, so a "their" instead of a "there" by itself isn't going to make much difference, but if the whole profile or message is full of misspellings and errors, then we will pass by that one. I think more than anything what it comes down to for us is if they didn't care enough to take the time to try to make a good first impression, then there are probably other things they don't care enough about either that we find important in good chemistry.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

100% agreed with cplnuswing. This is particularly true on profiles. When we read a profile we look for mistakes. The profile is the most important piece of "advertising". If they can not be bothered to fix glaring errors, it is an indication of their quality. Is there a correlation? We don't know. However, given the dearth of other clues, such things become more important, whether accurate or no.

 

We also avoid contacting people whose profiles are very short. This is for a similar reason.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I can think of a couple of guys over the years that Mrs two4you has "liked" a lot. Nice guys, pretty good in bed, and generally fun to be around. In both cases, I also have enjoyed their partners.

 

Fortunately, we met both of them at a club, where the friendship blossomed. Because neither one can spell a lick. I mean, very bad. Hieroglyphics being easier to comprehend than what they write.

 

So yes, we're bad to screw ourselves out of potential swinging friends if we pursue online ads, all because we're grammar and spelling snobs.

Probably yet another reason we have more success at clubs and house parties, since most places don't require a written entrance exam.

[Brad145 58]

It can either way for us, we aren't overly picky about grammatical errors or spelling, but there is definitely a line.

 

On the other hand, this is an line from a local profile "She is lithe and yet deliciously curvy". My first thought when i read that is that this person tries way too hard, and having met him he's not trying too hard, just nowhere near a match for us.

[AngelandTiger 364]

I'm much more likely to reply to people who've posted a profile that isn't riddled with grammatical errors, or isn't comprised of a few sentences that prominently feature the words "tool", "well-hung", or "equipment". That said, we do overlook minor grammar mistakes; we're not the grammar police after all. However, including "Your welcome to look at the pics on this sight to see the solid tool I'm workin with" isn't going to be met with a flurry of responses from us.

 

In general, I think that it's a mistake to judge the compatibility of a couple by one characteristic, be it grammatical skill, political affiliation or other trait. We may indeed be missing out on couples that, if we were to meet them in person first, would turn out to be exciting and compatible playmates. However, if one is going to write an ad for oneself and one's SO, it would seem to be important to put one's best foot (or other appendage) forward, not to put too fine a point on it. A poorly written profile, in our opinion, does speak to the care and sincerity one brings to the LS.

 

T

[libertymoon 25]

What, in other words, do you want? Good grammar or good taste?

 

Both--online prospects are held to a much higher and stricter standard than those we just meet at a club or party.

 

I had to reply to this thread after a recent email we received--not only was the opening sentence cringe-worthy but there was a blatant "lucky you [we're picking you!]" tone to the email. That in itself was off-putting.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Yes, what's wrong with asking for both? While we don't eliminate someone who may have an occasional spelling mistrake (uh, spell check please) or grammatical error, if it is a continuous theme running through their profile then it becomes something that we take notice of. Wait, is that a dangling preposition? Oh, whatever...ly.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

Someone wrote us and their message is very hard to read due to typos. I think I'd be hard pressed to find two words in a row that are correct. I went and looked at the profile and it was the same. They looked ok but I know my wife is probably turned off by that. I know this because the message was in the opened but not replied folder.

[JAPrufrock 588]

I try to give people leeway. I am not 100% grammatically correct, and I find it exhausting to go over everything I write with a fine-toothed-editing-comb; most of the time I do it anyways. It seriously takes me forever to post, and I'm still not 100% correct.

 

I tend to lean more towards the "language is fluid, and write how you speak" camp. I don't really care where your commas, periods, and apostrophes are, as long as the message you write is comprehensible. Unfortunately, I cringe when I get a message that is difficult to read and comprehend. Since we are looking for a certain amount of compatibility in and outside of the bedroom, I tend to pass those people over. I shouldn't, really. It's not their fault the public school system failed them miserably, but I can't help it. I figure the things we would be interested in are likely very different.

[angelkin 1,326]

I'm judgmental that way. I think that written word can show a person's level of intelligence...anytime I tried to get over it and meet someone with poor writing skills, I've been disappointed in other ways.

 

That's not to say that spelling errors are an automatic "no", but it plays a factor. I can typically read a profile and know if there's a good vibe about the type of people they are based on what they say and how it's written.

[Heing&Sheing 75]

We take grammar into account, but a few mistakes does make a deal breaker. I am not perfect in my typing, especially when I'm on my phone. What does irritate me is when I receive a message on SLS that is comprised of complete text-speak. I just delete them with no response.

-She

[JAPrufrock 588]

What does irritate me is when I receive a message on SLS that is comprised of complete text-speak. I just delete them with no response.

-She

 

YES. They couldn't be bothered to at least write a few sentences? I mean, I'm not expecting a novel, here, but you are essentially trying to get us into bed. At least put some sort of effort into it.

 

I like to think of these as the written equivalent of a dick pic (at least when they're from single dudes.) "Hey, ur pics r gr8, wanna fuck?"

 

No. No I do not.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

A lot of misspellings or poor grammar might be a case of someone learning English.

 

Poor spelling or grammar may be from someone who is learning English.

 

They might be too drunk to think about using a spell checker easily available here

 

I'm not too critical. I would be as turned off by someone who would make an effort to point out my poor grammar as they are of me.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

The quality of writing in a profile or a note to us is just one of many factors that we take into account when deciding whether to get together with new people. We like intelligent, funny, engaging people! So if their written words convey that impression successfully, that represents points in their favor. Minor or infrequent mistakes are not a big deal if the overall impression is of thoughtful people who will be fun to talk to (uh-oh, another dangling preposition?).

 

Thin profiles with also most nothing written down leaves us thinking that the couple may not have much to say. And we want to be attracted to minds as well as bodies!

[intuition897 2,179]

I still sometimes screw up he/him/himself, and I have a habit of dangling my prepositions, but generally because the alternative just sounds so...uptight. I do have a few pet peeves that instantly put your chances of getting my pants off in the red, such as deliberately changing the spelling of 'come' to "cum", including the use of the quotation marks. It's not clever. Not even a little bit. It's about the cheesiest thing you can put in a profile. Other peeves include your/you're or there/their/they're fuck-ups, and lose vs. loose. My grammar and spelling are not perfect, but dammit, at least I try and I'm embarrassed if I get it wrong.

 

So in a nutshell, I can overlook some things - like attributing some technical discrepancies to simply complying with a more casual vernacular - but I have my limits. Sloppy spelling and grammar cause me to believe the writer also has a sloppy mind and a careless attitude, which are not appealing to me. I appreciate intelligence, or at the very least, someone who obviously puts forth some effort. Perfection isn't required, but effort is.

[JAPrufrock 588]

I do have a few pet peeves that instantly put your chances of getting my pants off in the red, such as deliberately changing the spelling of 'come' to "cum", including the use of the quotation marks. It's not clever. Not even a little bit. It's about the cheesiest thing you can put in a profile.

 

Thank you! I thought I was being super uptight about that, but I'm glad I'm not the only one bugged by it.