Trying not to get frustrated with online swinging

[BeStylnIT 114]

One week on SLS and I can tell you it's difficult! Most of you knew that already I'm sure...

My profile must suck, my emails must suck and it's possible I'm the most unwanted person to ever use the site. God!!! It's frustrating and hurts the ego!

I've never felt more rejected in my life.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

BeStyInIt, I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated, unwanted, and rejected. When we first started swinging, I soon realized how much tougher it is to be a male in the LS than it is a woman. Just be genuine and honest about yourself, be open to making new friends without any expectations of sex and I am sure that opportunities will come your way sooner or later.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

The online game is tough, it's tough as a couple and even tougher as a single male. Patience is the key, after a while things will start to fall into place.

[angelkin 1,326]

First, sorry you're feeling frustrated. I wish good single guys didn't have such a hard time in the lifestyle, but it's the norm.

 

I'd suggest finding a club or meet n greet for single guys over online searching. In person, people get to know you - your personality, your looks, your swagger. So many people online are fakes, only going on looks, or simply flirting with the idea of swinging. If you feel committed to online methods, find a site (or use SLS's) online chat platform. You'll meet people that way - at least you'll get past the initial email rejection (or worse, being ignored).

 

Just my .02.

 

I used to swing almost exclusively with single men and much preferred to meet them at the club or a meet n greet. Online, it's hard to tell if they are cheating - at least in person, it seemed easier to assess. You might hit it off with a couple and once you break into the community, word of mouth is your best advertising.

[tribbles 490]

Patience is key and knowing it's not you they are rejecting cuz they don't know you, they know your status and maybe a tiny bit more so it's not you personally.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Unfortunately for you, single guys are a dime a dozen while single women...well they are called unicorns for a reason (so rare that they are almost mythical). A week is nothing, however. Work on your profile and pictures, but also try clubs and house parties. Most couples are looking for the right 'personality' and that is hard to get across in a profile. Face to face usually will work better, but be patient. If you come across as being in too much of a hurry, you will scare people away.

[BeStylnIT 114]

Appreciate your advice and encouragement y'all!!! Frustration was taking over and in the driver's seat. That won't get anyone anywhere...

Thx again

[BeStylnIT 114]

No, it's me... I'm blowing it. Today a hot couple reached out to me and after we opened private pictures for each other I didn't get immediate response. I started feeling insecure and convinced myself they had lost interest and were going to ignore me.

So I emailed them telling them they should tell me they're going to keep looking instead of making me sit and wonder. Turns out they got preoccupied with non-swinger related things in life and to quote him they were "VERY INTERESTED" but my impatients turned them off. They don't know me and with the impression of myself I gave them who can blame them. Getting rejected is one thing, I can deal with it actually. Knowing that this couple was interested and was attracted to me until I opened my mouth too much makes me feel like crap! I hate myself right now

[cplnuswing 4,713]

This all happened today already? Don't beat yourself up too much, there are plenty of other fish in the sea and just learn from it knowing you'll get another bite. No one expects an immediate response to anything on the personals sites though, it's a waiting game, that's just part of it.

 

You must learn patience Grasshopper

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Yes, for most people this is a hobby that comes after everything else...work, family, relationships, chores, etc. You may get an email from someone but it can take some time for both parties to have everything at a point where they can get together and look at things like this. There WILL be couples that express interest and then never contact you again and you will never know why. It may be they are not interested in you, it may be because only one person in the party is interested and the other doesn't even know that this is going on, it may be some lonely guy generating fantasy material for himself...don't take it personal. Take your time, take it slow, and don't try to force things. Forcing it will never help. Cuz a haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate and a fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, you just need to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off, shake it off.

[kikonkrome 844]

OK this is going to sound like an odd suggestion, but try reading up some pick up artist stuff. It's helped me and I'm a part of a couple. Also frankly, as you are single there are TON of women out there that want a guy to 'show' them the lifestyle. Who won't go to club alone, etc., but will with a single guy. I used to do that when I got married, and it will expand your market.

 

Good luck.

[blkbull4wmf 15]

i ever liked sls alot of fake couples or couples where the hubby hasnt told the wife he is looking so they will never meet you

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Have you noticed the other posts? Do you know ... I'm sure you probably don't ... When I/we first tried posting on "adult" sites looking for someone who would be interested in having a discreet sexual relationship with my wife while I watched I'm sure the server crashed and I was lucky my account wasn't terminated .

 

If you are advertising on swinger sites you would need to have a wife or girlfriend to swap. If not you are but one in thousands of men who are looking to have no strings sex with other mens wives.

 

You'll have more luck if you profile ... you are a white male looking for a black couple, a black male looking for a white couple, you are bi curious, you have a big dick, your toy bag includes restraints, paddles, clothespins ... etc.

 

Try multiple sites. Don't rely on one source.

[JandKinBoise 859]

Finding a GOOD single man is as difficult as finding a unicorn. Sure there are tons of single and married guys out looking. The competition isn't that stiff. Literally.

 

Spend some time reading profiles from single men. See what they are saying. Get an idea of what is working.

 

I didn't read your profile, my sls account is idle, sorry.... When you write your ad, address the wife of couples. She is the one you need to make an impression on. The guy doesn't care as much. Don't discuss sex in length. Most couples are looking for a person, not a cock. Your pictures should be not be sexual. I know it sounds incredulous but she doesn't want to look at your dick. If you have a big dick and are super proud, imagine seeing her reaction the first time she reaches for it.

 

Advertise your lifestyle. If you are a power gamer and live for the next new video card...lie. lol Seriously, if you do lie, you will probably be called out on it. We get very inconsiderate when we show up for a meeting and the guy is not what he advertised. We maximize his embarrassment if possible. Cruel? Whatever. Hopefully he won't waste the next couple's time.

 

Our swinging is specifically mmf. We look for guys that share our lifestyle which is very active. You need to present yourself as living life to the fullest, experiencing everything.

 

You need to show you are not attached or married. Something simple like "I can host in my clean comfortable home" will prove you are single and that will help a lot.

 

When meeting a couple for the first time, focus on the wife but don't be creepy about it. EYES!!! Ask her questions that she can't answer with yes or no. If you get her to open up, talk about herself and show interest, it will leave the door open.

 

And finally, you need to get thicker skin. If you get bent out of shape that easily, this won't work. You gotta be like Fonzie, cool. Your expectations are misdirected. Assume you will probably be able to actually have an encounter with one of every 10 couples you meet. Some may say they are interested because they may not want a face to face uncomfortable situation. Assume they are not interested until you are actually invited to join them.

 

Sorry this is so long but I could triple it really. We have seen guys make every mistake possible.

Good luck.