Overnight partner swapping

[Leigha 23]

Curiosity question with no right or wrong answer... just interested in where everyone stands.

 

When you spend the night with another couple, do you ever swap partners overnight? Do you enjoy sleeping in bed next to someone else, or do you prefer to sleep next to your own spouse/partner? Or does it vary? What do you prefer and why?

[Guest]

I would definitely prefer going back and sleeping with hubby. To me, swinging is about sexual activity, not emotional attachment. Cuddling up and sleeping with someone, that's emotional attachment. On the other hand, when we were at Desires, we noticed couples swapping for the entire day, into the late night. This seemed interesting. They were doing this across groups, so the swapped lady didn't just get to know the other guy but actually became an honorary member of the new group, from a different part of the country.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

We have done both. When we have had overnight stays, usually we all go back to our own spouses. But there is one couple (I think the Mrs. and I would both consider them our favorite couple) where we have stayed swapped overnight. I guess Mrs. CoupleInMD and I thought of it as more of an extended play session, with a comfortable sleep break in the middle!

 

Chiccouplexx, that happened at Desire? Wow, I wish we had gone with that group! When we were there in February, the place was kinda sleepy and even somewhat prudish (for a lifestyle-friendly resort).

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We have always slept with our own partners on overnights. By that time, we're tired and not looking at the bed as anything more than a useful place to get some sleep, and we're most comfortable doing that with each other.

[dragonmoon 17]

Next weekend will be something new for us, the hubby has played a few times w/o me present but never overnight. Next week he'll be spending the night with his playmate. I'm a bit unsettled over that as it is another boundary that is being moved beyond what we've done before (many of of rules have gone by the wayside with time and experience) and I'm wondering how he will feel sleeping next to another woman. He always feel the most safe and relaxed when I'm sleeping next to him. He'll not only be sharing a 'falling sleep next to another person' experience, but he'll know that I'm home alone almost two hours away from him.

[angelkin 1,326]

I've never stayed overnight with play partners unless I was single at the time. I was close friends with those I stayed with. For me, sleeping with someone is far more intimate than sex...in my new relationship, we aren't swinging yet, but I feel like its something we would never consider. Kudos for those who do, just not our cup of tea

[M1F2KTJ 473]

We have always slept with the other until we wake up and leave. Sometimes in the same bed which leads to a pleasant good morning good bye one last time sex.

[Brad145 58]

We don't d overnight stays, so no overnight swapping.

 

I can see the appeal, maybe someday.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Neither my wife nor I take a stand on this question. But I can say that it has never happened that we have spent an entire night "sleeping" with the "other" of a couple who are our house guests.

 

It has happened on the evening of a house party, however, that one or the other or both of us have spent the overnight hours hopped from one bed to another punctuating the bed-stays with brief periods of sleep.

[kikonkrome 844]

It has happened on the evening of a house party, however, that one or the other or both of us have spent the overnight hours hopped from one bed to another punctuating the bed-stays with brief periods of sleep.

 

That's a HOT night...yeah jealous...from both of us.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Mrs two4you is the only person qualified to sleep with me. I'm an "aggressive" sleeper. I talk, thrash, and am generally a very disruptive bed partner. She knows how to handle it. Anyone else would be ready to kill me before sunrise.

 

So, yeah, we always go back to each other.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Overnight partner swapping, whether it be in the same house or not requires a specific level of trust and comfort in the other person that is outside of the relationship. Early on in our swinging journey, we had the opportunity to explore overnight partner swapping in separate houses with such a couple where there was mutual trust and comfort.

 

I must also state a caveat with such overnight swapping though...it does create an intimacy and emotional attachment between swap partners, especially when done repeatedly with the same couple/person. Depending on how a couple feels about developing such feelings will determine if they should explore such a situation. If a couple doesn't wish to create an emotional attachment with swing partners, it is best to steer clear of overnight partner swapping.

 

For me, the first time we engaged in it, I missed Mr. Sun and really wished I was falling asleep with him instead but it could have been because of habit, fear of the unknown, and fear of judgement. Having someone else see you in such a vulnerable state of sleeping, waking up in a non-gussied up look, and having morning breath peels off the superficial layers of casual sex and brings it to a level that few swingers are comfortable with outside of their own spouse. I remember reading a thread here about a male becoming unaroused when he had to hear his swing partner use the bathroom and couldn't find it in himself to become attracted again. We like to focus on what attracts us to others and minimize the unattractive, ugly habits that might abhor us.

 

Aside from whether a couple is interested in developing an emotional attachment or not, there is also the matter of how a couple sees other people in the LS. Do they see them as sex toys to be used and discarded after their need for them is over? Do they see them as other human beings who have emotions and feelings? Do they want to keep their distance from others and see sex as part A going into part B? Do they want more than NSA sex? I am sure there are other factors that can also determine if a couple is interested in overnight partner swapping.

 

As for us, what do we prefer? We are open to overnight partner swapping but it does not happen with 99% of the couples we meet because of what it requires...that certain level of trust and comfort in the other couple. We have only reached that point with one couple during our journey so far and we don't expect to come across that level with another couple any time soon. However, if it does happen, we are open to it. As it stands now, we are more than happy to go to sleep and wake up with each other on nights that we go out to swing and nights that we don't.

[asncpl 729]

Having someone else see you in such a vulnerable state of sleeping, waking up in a non-gussied up look, and having morning breath peels off the superficial layers of casual sex and brings it to a level that few swingers are comfortable with outside of their own spouse. I remember reading a thread here about a male becoming unaroused when he had to hear his swing partner use the bathroom and couldn't find it in himself to become attracted again. We like to focus on what attracts us to others and minimize the unattractive, ugly habits that might abhor us.

 

I have slept with swapped partners overnight but I'd say it's rare, mostly because of what Sun said about the unattractiveness of it all. First is that I personally don't feel attractive in the morning, with the morning breath and messy hair. And then there is the other partner. One time I slept with a swinging partner and he not only snored quite loudly but also passed gas in his sleep. Whatever desire I had for morning sex, I lost it.

 

There is something to be said about the comfort of sleeping with your own spouse, who has put up with all of our not-so-attractive noises and smells. I find it to be the most comfortable security blanket.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Mrs. Sun, thanks for your thoughtful post. Your comments had me (mr. CoupleInMD) thinking carefully.

 

Since my earlier post on this topic, we've had another overnight where we stayed swapped, with the same "favorite" couple with whom we've done this before(this was, as before, with everybody in the same house). I understand what you mean about the higher comfort level that is required. I personally feel actually flattered that the woman is comfortable enough that she is willing to see me as I am first thing in the morning, and allow me to see her in the same state. Funnily enough, I worried about the morning-breath thing, too, but forgot to be embarrassed by that when we got frisky! I think in our case this demonstration of the high comfort level is a turn-on, rather than a negative. In thinking about the other people we play with, I can't think of anyone else that I'm sure we'd be comfortable doing this with.

 

I think the Mrs. And I are good with this kind of arrangement with this particular couple, but we understand and acknowledge that we are getting closer to a limit for us. I think the prospect of extending the arrangement to different houses somehow puts things in a different category for us, and probably on the far side of a line we do not want to cross.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I understand what you mean about the higher comfort level that is required. I personally feel actually flattered that the woman is comfortable enough that she is willing to see me as I am first thing in the morning, and allow me to see her in the same state. I think in our case this demonstration of the high comfort level is a turn-on, rather than a negative.

 

I am in the same camp as you in agreeing about this point. However, I know that not everyone has this opinion and may find that the same things things that turn you on with this level of comfort make others uncomfortable and a major turn-off.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I would very definitely get up out of bed, go into the bathroom and close the door if I needed to pass gas.

[dragonmoon 17]

My husband just did his first overnight with another woman, he found it to be so-so, not that the sex wasn't what he'd hoped for, but he missed me and had a restless night trying to sleep next to someone who wasn't me. He says never again will he fall asleep with another woman in bed unless I'm right there too.

[celtic239 297]

My wife and I have hosted swinger friends staying overnight because they are visiting our area but reside in other states but at the end of the night they sleep in the spare bedroom and we are in our bedroom. My wife will not sleep over at another's home because she is a cigarette smoker and is self-conscious and considerate about non smokers so we opt to play but stay in a hotel overnight.

[afterwork 89]

We have special couples that we are very comfortable and secure in our relationship. it is more about being exhausted and/or not being on the same pace as our spouses are that has often found one of us falling asleep waiting for our spouses to finish late rounds of sexual frenzy.

 

We have long ago became comfortable seeing the eight of us bleary eyed after an all nighters. Makeup and hair styling takes a beating when pivoting between crotches.

 

Always seems that when we do happen to wake up with the other spouse, the sex starts again. Our fun practice is which ever couple wakes up first, they play a bit then go start a foursome with the sleepy heads. We generally finish with a group shower. Yes, we do retreat for privacy if the toiis need for anything other than peeing. Yeah, we long ago gave up running out on a couples or group shower with this couple decades ago just to pee. The girls grabbed their own husband' flaccid cocks on more than one occasion trying to have a water pistol contest shooting each other. We guys cajoled them to use their own "pistols," to shoot each other when we ran out. Sort of amazing just how far they can project. All that playing seems to get things going again and a lot of shower masturbation happens.

 

These are not practices we do with other fuck buddies, just our most comfortable friends. We agree that there certainly emotions attached for them that we don't seek or gave with other swingers. Guess they are at a level where they are a fixture in our life.

[Billygoat 443]

We like many have evolved over the years to be more a polyamorous swing couple. Over the years we have had couples or lovers that we share more than sex play. A closer bond. It happens naturally over a length of time if you routinely meet in both social and intimate settings. Every couple and individual in the lifestyle have their limits and preferences. No one set of rules, guidelines or preferences apply to everyone equally or through mutual agreement change over time, depending on who you are with.

[Numex 2,416]

We have gotten to where we play alone with the people we know well and play with regularly. Usually it's a threesome when one of us is unavailable, but we'll also do twosomes, mostly because it just makes it easier to have more sex. "Spending the night" is fine, we do it with couples swaps mostly. It adds variety and let's the play go places it otherwise wouldn't.

 

And yeah, sometimes there are emotions, but it hasn't caused any problems, our marriage is still as strong.

[Shore2Please 611]

Our first experience was an overnight in separate rooms with a couple we met on a vacation, a cruise. It was a life changing night and a night I will always remember. Before some of you flip out, it was memorable because it was a first for me. We are still good friends with this couple and still enjoy playing with them. My feelings for them are still as very good friends even if I say I love being with them. That first night was very romantic and I have said before it was more than sex. We have played together in front of and with our spouses and it is totally different. Our play has evolved as a group. I now am more open to playing and sharing with four of us together.

[Numex 2,416]

. That first night was very romantic and I have said before it was more than sex. We have played together in front of and with our spouses and it is totally different..

Good for you for being willing to go there. I have heard my wife say, "I love you" to a guy and to a woman. It makes me happy for her to be so deeply satisfied. It has only increased her love and devotion to me and our marriage. Watching them have sex together only hints at how their sex play is different from ours.

[njbm 2,871]

Call us traditional recreational swingers, not polygamous. If the “I love yous” start flying between us and our playmates, we would be concerned, to say the least. Not judging what other people enjoy or are looking for.

 

I will say we sometimes play in separate rooms with people we know and it does feel less restrictive and distracting for both of us.

[Shore2Please 611]

Good for you for being willing to go there. I have heard my wife say, "I love you" to a guy and to a woman. It makes me happy for her to be so deeply satisfied. It has only increased her love and devotion to me and our marriage. Watching them have sex together only hints at how their sex play is different from ours.

 

There is no “I love you” being said. There is that big difference between making love and being in love. Also a difference in having sex. To me making love is having sex in a romantic way. Kissing, exploring and enjoy being together. Alone for the night we lose any inhibitions we might have. We can talk and laugh. The first time we had sex in front of our spouses in was hard sex. No romance. It was sex not in a fun way. I will add that we have evolved as couples sex. We know everybody better and we can now have the happy fun we are looking for. I have learned to enjoy seeing my husband have fun too.

Separate rooms for the night is good for us

[funcouplems17 15]

We have and do. No issue with us at all.

[Ems1485 37]

We don't really have a preference because it varies a lot, it depends on how well you get on with each other, how attracted you feel, sex drive variations between each of you.

I remember one night we went back to our hotel rooms with each others partners, me and this other guy started going at it from about 9pm, at around 11pm his wife walked in on us as we were going for it, she smiled and laughed a little before leaving to go back to my hubby's room she said to me "he's good isn't he?! have fun!". It wasn't until 4am that we were both exhausted and tired we fell asleep.

You try walking back to your room the next morning with an hangover walking in high heels with only three hours sleep after having that much rough sex... as soon as I walked into our room they both looked at me and my hubby said "talk about Walk Of Shame! we had a good laugh about it lol. That was probably one of my own best experiences though, he was just amazing.

[Yourfunfriends 45]

This is a hot fantasy that the Mrs and I talk about, but it's just that; a fantasy. After sex, i want the woman I love next to me. Not the hour or two of lust partner. 

[hlgcpl4fun 79]

In all our years we have had only one overnight guest. He was a really 🔥 hott fireman who attended one of our couples parties. Sabrina is partial to BBC so during the party she played around with him and after the party she really played with him. It was really late and his house was in the opposite direction of where he worked. He stayed in the guest room but Sabrina woke up horny and woke him up with a blowjob and some cock riding. Great way to start the day. 

[Numex 2,416]

We enjoy alone overnighters with our play partners.  The biggest impediment to doing it more often is that we, as well as most of the other couples, have one or more children.   Going off on a vacation is easier.

Edited September 25, 2023 by Numex