Wife wants "open marriage", not sure about the idea

[3622maw 39]

My wife told me she wants go explore new things in life, she even brought up an open marriage. I don't think that is the avenue to take. Need some help with this?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Come on in and take a look around. I think you will be able to find lots of useful information here.

[3622maw 39]

Thanks, need all the help I can get.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Also feel free to ask any questions. If you are not receptive to having an open marriage, then it probably isn't a good idea. You and her need to sit down and have a long talk about this. This is all about communication and you need to find out why she is interested...is it just a fantasy, she doesn't have much experience with other men, or is it something more serious as she is thinking your relationship is in trouble? It's all about love, trust and communication and it sounds like you both could use some more communication right now.

[CB&DD 218]

Hello and welcome to the site. We couldn't say it any better than GoldCoCouple did.

[kikonkrome 844]

Look around the site, lotsa different options. Discuss with her some idea's?

 

Good Luck!

[JandKinBoise 858]

Welcome! You picked a good place to look for help. Don't freak out because we have almost no information here but my first impression after reading your post was 'she has a boyfriend'. Open marriage is a huge step which involves having your cake and eating it too. It rarely works except in instances where 2 people are very secure, adventurous, and open minded. You don't come across as the type to go for that.

 

You guys need to talk. Ask open ended questions, face her, keep your hands open and relaxed, talk in a relaxed manner so she is comfortable opening up to you. You need to learn why this came up.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

3622maw, welcome!

 

Just one small, but potentially important thing. Have you two discussed specifically what she means by "open marriage"? It may be worth it to just make sure that she means the same thing as you think she means there. I think most couples in the lifestyle would not consider themselves in an open marriage, since their play choices are made together, and either person has "veto power" over who the one plays with.

[cruisingcouple 31]

Welcome maw! Big difference in my book between swinging and an open marriage. One is with both parties willing, open about it and share the experiences. The other is a "do it but don't involve me or tell me about it" type of arrangement. Just our humble opinion though.

[LFM2 1,482]

I've always hated that term "Open Marriage". What a misnomer. It brings to mind all sorts of things, but "marriage" is not one of them; there is nothing "open" about it either.

 

It's more like "we're married, but let's live like brother and sister and I'll do what I want, and you do what you want and we'll get along fine". I've never known of one open marriage that had a positive spin to it.

 

The owners of the local swinging group decided to try an open marriage. They were swingers for a couple of decades until one of them wanted to change the rules. She has now moved to another state to be with her boyfriend and he is still living here. They are divorcing after 35 years of marriage.

 

And then, maybe her definition is different than mine. What exactly is she proposing?

[3622maw 39]

I'm new to this, and so is my wife! It was my idea to get something new going. I got her to start chatting with gentleman online about 8 months ago. It work out really good and our sex life improved greatly. Last month she started asking questions about husbands wanting there wives to have sex with other men. Then she started telling me that she had been reading about it and said that it was something many men did for real. After many of our talks she told me that the gentleman she has been chatting with had asked her about meeting. It turns out they have talked on the phone, and have been talking on Skype. She told me she would like to meet him in person now.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Were you aware at the time that she has been talking on the phone and Skyping with the other guy? It's important for you both to be totally open about your activities as well as your feelings, because unwelcome surprises of this nature can poison a healthy relationship.

 

Are you OK with the idea of her having sex with this guy? Does she want you there to participate, just watch, or not be there at all? Also, this arrangement seems a little, let's say, "unbalanced". Are you both OK with that unbalance? Would she be OK if you hooked up with a woman? Do you want that as well?

 

These are some of the questions I would want to discuss with my wife if I were in your shoes.

[3622maw 39]

Were you aware at the time that she has been talking on the phone and Skyping with the other guy? It's important for you both to be totally open about your activities as well as your feelings, because unwelcome surprises of this nature can poison a healthy relationship.

 

Are you OK with the idea of her having sex with this guy? Does she want you there to participate, just watch, or not be there at all? Also, this arrangement seems a little, let's say, "unbalanced". Are you both OK with that unbalance? Would she be OK if you hooked up with a woman? Do you want that as well?

 

These are some of the questions I would want to discuss with my wife if I were in your shoes.

 

I did not know about her talking on the phone or skyping. And when i asked her about it she made it clear that i was the one who talked her into chatting In the first place, she also brought up the fact that i talked her into posing naked so she could send them to online lovers. She also pointed out that i was the one who bought the headset and video camera for her. So i didn't have a leg to stand on when i brought up the phone and skype deal.

 

i know she is excited to do this and i know why. He sent her a video of himself, and you know what he was doing on the video. He is hung like a donkey, and for his age he is in great shape.

 

as long as she is ok with this i am willing to let it play out. I will keep a close eye on them now and if i feel something is out of wake i will jump in and stop it.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

3622maw said:

I'm new to this, and so is my wife! It was my idea to get something new going. I got her to start chatting with gentleman online about 8 months ago. It work out really good and our sex life improved greatly. Last month she started asking questions about husbands wanting there wives to have sex with other men. Then she started telling me that she had been reading about it and said that it was something many men did for real. After many of our talks she told me that the gentleman she has been chatting with had asked her about meeting. It turns out they have talked on the phone, and have been talking on Skype. She told me she would like to meet him in person now.

 

This is a different tone than what you shared in your other post: Wife wants a open marriage. In this thread, you make it sound like you are on board with everything but in the other thread, it sounds like she has been going behind your back with everything.

 

Why was it your idea in the first place to start chatting with other men online? What were you hoping to accomplish?

[3622maw 39]

sunbuckus said:

This is a different tone than what you shared in your other post: Wife wants a open marriage. In this thread, you make it sound like you are on board with everything but in the other thread, it sounds like she has been going behind your back with everything.

 

Why was it your idea in the first place to start chatting with other men online? What were you hoping to accomplish?

 

I thought it would spice up our sex life. I had read stories about it. And it worked for a while

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

IF you ask me, this isn't swinging. It is hotwifing or cuckolding, both are different things and usually the woman is in charge and can involve demeaning or humiliation towards the husband. The question is still, are you on board with this...if so, have a good time (but please be VERY careful), if not, you need to firmly apply the brakes NOW. Just because you were encouraging her in the past, it now sounds like she is doing this on her own without you participating or being involved. Once again, I suggest extreme caution. If Mrs Gold ever said that she wanted to stop, I would in a second. She is more important that anything else we do. It doesn't sound like your wife is thinking the same way...

[3622maw 39]

I don't think my wife would do or try to humiliate me in any way. And i just like you would pull the plug on this if he tried in any way shape or form. I will stand behind my wifes decision to go forward with this and i will be a part of every aspect of this.

[MrDiscover 802]

If that is so, why didn't you pull the plug on her idea open marriage, as you stated in your opening post that you did not think it was the avenue to take? I don't hope so, but it all still sounds so uneven to me. Not swinging. No other men, just one particular man. I'm a bit concerned for you, that you cross you own borders because you don't want to loose her.

[3622maw 39]

If that is so, why didn't you pull the plug on her idea open marriage, as you stated in your opening post that you did not think it was the avenue to take? I don't hope so, but it all still sounds so uneven to me. Not swinging. No other men, just one particular man. I'm a bit concerned for you, that you cross you own borders because you don't want to loose her.

 

I don't think that is true at all, i consider a threesome swinging

[MrDiscover 802]

Good! But the question remains: why did you say earlier on you did not think it was the avenue to take?

[3622maw 39]

Good! But the question remains: why did you say earlier on you did not think it was the avenue to take?

 

I didn't think I said that, I said the avenue I didn't want to take was her seeing him without me. That's what was going to happen at first.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

3622maw, please don't take the questions people are asking here in the wrong way. We are just trying to help you guys out, helping you to avoid some of the perils of non-monogamy. This thing of ours is a real emotional and relationship high-wire act! It can be exciting if done with everyone's consent and enthusiasm, but can also destroy marriages if you are not both very careful.

 

I hope you understand that we are presenting friendly-but-honest challenges of your and your wife's thought processes, just to help make sure that you have both thought things through.

 

So in that spirit, let me ask- is your current plan to join your wife in the threesome, or come along and watch?

[3622maw 39]

3622maw, please don't take the questions people are asking here in the wrong way. We are just trying to help you guys out, helping you to avoid some of the perils of non-monogamy. This thing of ours is a real emotional and relationship high-wire act! It can be exciting if done with everyone's consent and enthusiasm, but can also destroy marriages if you are not both very careful.

 

I hope you understand that we are presenting friendly-but-honest challenges of your and your wife's thought processes, just to help make sure that you have both thought things through.

 

So in that spirit, let me ask- is your current plan to join your wife in the threesome, or come along and watch?

 

That decision will be totally up to me, I have three options: let them go by themselves, join them and watch, or join them as a threesome. I will decide that when we meet.

[3622maw 39]

My wife and I talked and we are going to his house for dinner tonight

[MrDiscover 802]

Have a nice evening & enjoy yourselves!

[intuition897 2,179]

Please do let us know how it went. From the way you described the situation, I had little red flags popping up all over the place. Trust your instincts and say what you're thinking. Say what you think she's thinking, and what you see happening, and tell her where you see that going. Then ask her whether it's true. If you still feel like you're getting the runaround, tell her so, and be very firm with her when you explain how important it is to you that she tells you the truth. And the consequences of being anything less than honest with you.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I'm glad to hear that you both will be meeting him together. I hope you come back and update us on how things go.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

3622maw, it's the morning after. How did it go?

[3622maw 39]

Good morning everyone,

I had the most erotic time of my life last night!

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Uh...details?

[3622maw 39]

What i witnessed last night was the most erotic thing a man could ever witness, his wife having the most intense orgasms. William was right when he told me she would go absolutely insane from two mouths,four hands and two dicks. The only thing he was wrong about was lasting all night. I know one thing after a hour and a half Jillian and me were totally spent. See her having sex with another man was totally off the hook, what i thought would be hard to watch was nothing of the sort. I found myself encouraging my wife to take William. Having sex with my wife after another man was the hottest thing i have ever felt it was so warm and soft it's hard to explain. William left at 11 we fell asleep right after, at 3:20 i woke up from Jillian giving me a handjob and kissing me. We made love this time and i have to tell you it was insane she was still like hot wet silk, her tightness was still gone and i wouldn't have it anyother way. Again we did last long in each other's arms and as soon as she started to orgasm i did too. We held each other for an hour and kissed and talked. We got up and i took her to a diner and we had an early breakfast. We both called into sick to work. We made love again a little while ago and it was no different then at three in the morning.

[SoFlaCouple 188]

Great story! Glad it worked out so well!

[3622maw 39]

Great story! Glad it worked out so well!

 

thanks,

It truly has opened my to so much

[3622maw 39]

We are going to go upstate with William this weekend to a cabin retreat

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Sounds like a good time was had by all! And I'm really glad that you all went the threesome route, so no one felt left out.

 

Have fun this weekend!

[3622maw 39]

It's going to be a great get away for us! Been getting a lot of support from everyone, and a lot of advice. I don't know what this triggered in my wife mentally or physically but she has never in the 12 years i have known her been so horny. I have been totally worn out from her the last three nights. My wife has never given me a BJ and finished the job until last night. I must have looked like babbling idiot, i was trying to stop her because it was coming but i couldn't stop her. It was unbelievable.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

LOL, that sounds familiar! First time the Mrs. gave me a BJ "to completion" was after a house party during which she was especially popular, and received the attention of three guys at once (one of whom she sucked, and made cum in her mouth, too)! None of them was me, and in fact I wasn't in the room at the time (I was having my own fun), but she told me all about it on the way home from the party. I think I must have been saying, "Holy Shit!" for about 10 miles down the road! She was good enough to show me exactly how she did it later.

 

Have a fun getaway!

[3622maw 39]

I know what your saying, I'm 42 and that was my first start to finish BJ. Now i see why everyone wants them, wow unbelievable

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Looks like you have released her inner beast!

[3622maw 39]

Looks like you have released her inner beast!

 

Well we did it, it was one crazy night filled with surprises and emotions