It's official. Two of the children figured it out -- and told us so.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

We had suspected for a while that they suspected. But now we know. While guests in their new home, our daughter and the prospective future son-in-law told us that they know about our "swing stuff". They apparently have no concern that we are on the road to perdition or are turned into sex fiends. But we did feel a need to give them a more accurate understanding of what it was all about. They were burdened by some of the typical misconceptions.

 

It's a pretty sure thing that we will now tell the other adult offsprings about our lifestyle activity. Not a race, I'm sure. But even if the others already know, we should put them straight on things.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Probably best to out yourself and have a talk with them before the ones in the know do it for you (if they've not already). So, did they tell you how they know?

[kikonkrome 844]

Waiting with held breath to hear the answer to the above question?

 

OK had to breath...holding breath again...

[cruisingcouple 31]

Not a secret I want my kids to know about. It would ruin their image of perfection in their mom and dad. ;-)

[LFM2 1,482]

When our oldest daughter found out, it didn't really surprise her, but to this day, even after all the talks we've had, she still cannot wrap her head around what we do.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

It's great that they felt comfortable enough to tell the two of you that "they know". It's also great that the four of you could have a conversation about it, and you were able to educate them on what swinging is and isn't, and kill any misconceptions they have about what you're doing.

 

Best of luck to you when you inform the rest of the gang.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

It's interesting. One night when we were heading out, offspring happened to see a sexy nametag on a costume (happened to be a labcoat) and remarked "Oh, you guys are going to a sex party! Have fun!". Mrs. FL was mortified. But only briefly. So we knew that daughter (only child) knew. Of course, conversations about sex are pretty open in our home, so it was less of a cataclysmic event than it might be in other households.

[VegasLee 1,486]

The Truth will set you free!

 

Ok, had to do it. Those that think they won't be found out over time are kidding themselves.

 

We always felt it better the kids found out from us rather they others telling them they saw their folks on T.V. or in the newspaper.

 

We have never understood how people could have a hobby they have to lie about to those most important in their lives.

[angelkin 1,326]

Sorry if it causes you angst, but better now than later. I told mine and discussed it openly with them. I think they still don't approve, and that's fine. We don't talk about it unless one of them brings it up.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

SW_PA_Couple, glad to hear that your revelation/confirmation was well received. It must be a big load off your minds! And good on you for explaining the complete story to them. I'm happy, and not a little relieved, for you!

 

We may be facing a choice like this soon ourselves. Our daughter, who has been away at college for our entire (young) lifestyle adventure so far, is likely to move back home soon after graduation- in a month or two. She has already asked some awkward questions during a spring break visit home (e.g., after spying our play-supply bag, asking "what's in the gym bag, Mom?"). I only hope things go as smoothly for us as it did for you!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

JustAskJulie said:

So, did they tell you how they know?

In retrospect, we left a trail that even Ray Charles could have followed. They found Halloween Party costumes in a closet that had sewn-on patches that bore hard-to-miss suggestions. The iPad automatically suggested Adult Swingers Personals Service and LifeStyle info. when typing simply www. The prospective future son-in-law has friends that do swing stuff. It was hidden in plain sight.

[Havasmoke 29]

Interesting! Most parents don't consider their sex lives any of their children's business.

[intuition897 2,179]

Interesting! Most parents don't consider their sex lives any of their children's business.

 

Yeah, this is kind of our take on things. Just because it happens to be the truth doesn't mean I'm about to give my kids the guided tour of what lurks in Mom's toybox, or what their Dad and I get up to in our sex life. It's none of their damn business! So we're not about to explain ourselves to them. But if they confronted us and were completely upset by it, we'd set them straight about a few things. For example, that our marriage is perfectly healthy and we love one another completely, that it's a philosophy that he and I share that makes our lives and marriage better, and that the discussion about it ends there...because it's none of their damn business.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Although we've mentioned this elsewhere, it bears repeating. What kids think of their parents' sex lives is context dependent. The "ewww..." factor is always going to be there. Our (adult) daughter frequently remarks that among her circle of friends, we are the only parent pair that is (a) still married to one another; (b) still madly in love with each other and © still (her words) "fucking (y)our brains out". The fact that we see sex as fun and yet are emotionally totally committed to one another gives her a measure of hope around her own relationships and their future.

 

Kids are pretty smart. While we would all like to keep out private lives private (see ewww... factor, above) and we can agree that what we do is none of our kids business, they are still looking to us to model a healthy relationship. If kids see it as healthy, they surely are not going to judge you. They might try a different path with different rules. But they surely will remember that mom and dad stayed happy and totally in love.

[dragonmoon 17]

My kids are all adult and know, my husband's daughter is 19 and doesn't, whether he ever lets her know will be his call. My adult kids have all experimented in swinging in their own way too.

[Guycurious 39]

Our kids are still young (10 and under) so we have a few years until the oldest starts putting two and two together which will really suck big time because I love having guests over for play time in the hot tub after the kids are in bed. As he gets older he will want to stay up later and later, not sure what we will do when this happens.

 

Our hot tub is the best sex toy we ever bought !

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Hot tub is almost a must have if you are going to swing.

[Guest JandJonell]

Jonell's daughter figured it out one day. I asked her about getting molly, she asked what I planned on doing that night. I told her her mom, myself, and Jonell's friend Phoebe were going to a club, she winked smiled and called bulls###! After I just about swallowed my tongue, she said she knew something was up, because Jonell told her we were going to a hotel party. After I almost swallowed my tongue AGAIN! She said it's all good.

 

She told me she was a regular at Saints and Sinners, but not for swinging purposes. She is friends with one of the bartenders and she pays for 1 drink and the bartender will give her free refills all night. I heard her mention a swing club in passing before, I had never paid any mind but she said she liked going there because everybody was so nice that went there. The free drinks angle doesn't hurt either. She started to ask about specifics, I put her off at that point, I will not confirm or deny anything, she almost broke my heart with the next question, you and mom still love each other right? I was like yes of course, if anything after the last couple of weeks I love her more then ever. She laughed and said it's all good, you guys secret is safe with me. We both laughed and I thanked her for being so grown up about the situation.

 

It's all good, the kids will always love you no matter what....

[celtic239 297]

I haven't posted in quite some time but after reading the posts we have taken a different take on this issue. We have never and will never tell our kids about our swinging activities basically because it is none of their business. We like our privacy and have always respect their privacy when they were growing up. We have three grown children and after several years of taking vacations to Mexico telling them that we go to a really small resort called Azul (the code name for Desire) or overnight trips to historic sites like Gettysburg (to visit on premise clubs in that area) or an overnight trip to the Poconos (Sunnyrest) I suspect that they believe we are nudists.

 

For years we used our vacations and searching possible retirement locations as part of our cover story for hitting Lifestyle clubs. We just started going to house parties and hosting a couple of house parties and believe me it is really difficult keeping our anonymity especially since we babysit our 2 year old grand daughter three times a week (our daughter is very nosy). We are a private couple and don't feel the need to "liberate ourselves" by outing ourselves to others, but that's just us.

[angelkin 1,326]

The thing I like the most about swinging is I get to be my authentic self. I prefer to be myself with friends and family...and when I told them, I sorta likened it to "coming out". I am sexual, I am open, I am free, I am me. I told my adult children for different reasons. My son suspected and I needed to set him straight. Of course then he told my daughter and we discussed it at length because it was a lifestyle she hadn't considered - a different avenue to safe, casual sex than Craigslist.

 

While I understand privacy can be a concern, I wanted my children to know whatever flavor of sexuality they chose was acceptable. It opened many productive conversations and learning my "secret" allowed them to be comfortable in their own choices. Ultimately, both of them confided in me, that they were bisexual. Without the honesty and openness, they might have felt ashamed with their orientation...instead they feel accepted and encouraged.

 

Regarding privacy, I'd never let them see our adult play area (affectionately known as the fungeon) because knowing the details of my sexual proclivities serves no purpose. But, sharing my lifestyle does serve a purpose.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I am so, so, so glad you said that, angelkin. Since I came from a household where sex wasn't really discussed and during the times it was, there was a lot of, "________ is wrong," talk. It was pretty easy to ascertain that there was a limited view of what sex should be, who it should be for, and that a lot of what was going on in terms of sex in the world wasn't appropriate to do or talk of. When parents aren't open, available, or even accepting of what sexual preferences and orientations there are the children learn from them first about how to view sex. I'm not talking about how dad screwed mom on the dining table doggie style. I'm talking about being positive role models. If parents tip-toe around the subject and how they go about doing it, the children will assume it's something to be done in secret and that it's "dirty". Instead of sneaking off to have sex, just let them know that mom and dad need to have some alone time to be intimate. That's all. They will see that mom and dad still love each other and still enjoy having sex together. That is being a positive role model of sex and marriage to them. As FundamentalLaw said above, it's not often that children, young and old, still see parents enjoying themselves and being in love. Case in point, just this morning, our children saw us being playful in a non-sexual way in the kitchen. This shows them that even after having kids and being with each other for 15+ years, we still play around with each other instead of sitting stoically at the table or yelling at each other.

 

I understand privacy but I also understand what extreme privacy about sex can do to children if they are kept in the dark about how much their parents truly love each other. They have doubts about if their parents love each other at all and that has the ability to create further doubts about the stability of the family.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

It's interesting how the generational comments have become convolved on this thread. It started as "my kids found out", then got to parents as role models, and finally how it was when we were growing up and how at least some of us wanted the perception of sex to be different for our kids than it was for us.

 

What we take away from this interesting convolution is the following:

 

1. What matters most is that a couple--parents especially--truly love one another. That's completely independent of sex.

2. What a couple chooses to share about their sex lives with their kids is very much a choice of the couple, and that choice typically involves keeping some things private.

3. Kids will eventually find out more than parents intended them to know. How, how much, and when is a bit unpredictable. But it will happen.

4. How kids respond depends in great part on the way in which sex and sexuality are dealt with as the kids are being raised.

 

All of the above are true for parents who are pure monogamous all the way to various forms of non-monogamy. The interesting part lies in the discussion of monogamy before marriage (during the dating years) , during marriage (LS) and after marriage (after dissolution by divorce or death) as the kids are growing up.

[intuition897 2,179]

We recently just changed all our passwords (thanks to fucking low-life thieving hackers who have sucked my hope for humanity to an all time low) and in order to keep track of them all, we wrote them all down. I forgot one and my 20 year old daughter happened to be sitting near the list. I asked her to read off the password for me. It was only later that I realized how many of our lifestyle-related sites were listed there. Holy shit. Oops. LOL Why don't I just put a neon sign over it?

[kikonkrome 844]

LOL...keeping secrets from your kids...well it can be done, and I think I was the kid.

 

In the last year or so I had a pretty deep revelation that my mother had a relatively long term female lover. She was always incredibly secretive about a HUGE number of things that weren't important, and obviously a lot of things I that were not my business.

 

A good friend of mine recently came 'out' of the closet. He had always denied the relationship he had with his partner, but to me it was pretty obvious. Once he confirmed my suspicion, the penny dropped regarding my mother!!

 

Now at this point in my life it is impossible to confirm, either way. The bottom line is, if what I deeply suspect is true, she did a great job of keeping that secret, no denying that!!

[Guest sandraandalex]

I had a friend once ask if I could tell he was Gay . He thought he covered it up well. I replied,"My dog knew you were Gay."

[MrDiscover 802]

Tonight, we have a vanilla date (drinks, talks, laughs, a walk, etc.) with the couple we also exploring the new world of swinging with. We told our two kids (10 and 16yo) we are going out tonight, so they have the house for themselves.

 

"What are the plans?", 16y asked. "Going out with friends". "What kind of friends?", he asked, as he must have noticed something. You know how kids have a radar for that . "Special friends?" "Yes." He replied with a smirk "Ah! A double date!". We jokingly confirmed. "For love?", he wanted to know. "No, for fun", we said. "Good", he said looking me in the eye. And that was it. Everyone was satisfied with the Q&A and with someone asking for the potatoes the subject changed.

 

For now.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Kids have know since high school all are now college graduates, for a while they thought we were strange. We know they are serious about who they are dating when they tell them that their parents are swingers. Our daughter and her husband tell everyone we are the "normal parents" who would of ever thought anyone would call us normal.

 

Note none of the kids have any interest in the lifestyle and years about when our daughter came to have dinner with us while we were close to her college at a swing convention she told us she finely got it, "it's just a frat party for adults."

[TwoFunTexans 103]

My best friend from high school dad and step mom are swingers and it put me off the idea of doing it myself. He found out in junior high when he found a picture on the family pc of his step mom and another woman but kept it quiet for years. He has a younger brother and step brother who when we were in high school were oblivious we think.

 

They hosted parties and his room would get used. He was mortified and would notice things in his room moved. His bed was a black futon couch and he would come home the next day after a party to new stains.

 

He also would get booted from the house on Friday nights and would be pissed. Most of those nights he would hang with me and stay the night but he wasn't happy knowing while he couldn't go home to his bed that someone was screwing in it. Like a messed up goldilocks...

 

Due to his experience I decreed that if/when we have people over to our house our kids rooms are off limits. Also I will never ever tell my friend we are swingers. I'm pretty sure he'd never talk to me again. Lol

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . Due to his experience I decreed that if/when we have people over to our house our kids rooms are off limits. Also I will never ever tell my friend we are swingers. I'm pretty sure he'd never talk to me again.

This is very wise.

[willyoats 324]

When our kids were in their 20's, we told them about our swinging lifestyle. They were not surprised, and I expect they already knew. I think they got into our swingers magazines "hidden" in our closet. No matter. They were both sexually very active with multiple partners and saw no reason why we should not be also.