Curious But Unsure If I Will Get Jealous

[babycakes5219 21]

I'm pretty open to a lot of things with my boyfriend. He wants to start swinging because he has in the past. I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about whether or not I can handle seeing him with another girl. I don't want our first time to be a disaster because of me flipping out or something. Any advice?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

My advice would be to start slow. I don't know if you have any good swingers clubs near you, but if have a good club nearby or can make a weekend trip out of visiting a club, I think that's a great way to start. Not only will you have the opportunity to meet and talk with other swingers, but just being in that environment and sitting back and watching and observing will do a lot to learn how things work and to start to get comfortable.

 

At a club, everything from mild to wild is right there all in one place. So, you guys could go, just kick back and sort of get settled in, then maybe invite somebody to dance. If seeing him dancing with another girl is ok, then move on to to dancing with some kissing or touchy-feely. If that is still cool, then you can start to think about actually joining someone for some soft swap. If that is ok, then you can move onto full swap.

 

All of those steps probably aren't going to happen all in one night. The idea though is to go in increments, don't make your first experience full swap intercourse if you aren't sure that's what you're ready for. Stepping it up in increments will allow your feelings to be your guide on how far you are comfortable going. Basically, get into the shallow end of the pool and feel your way toward the deep end, don't just go jump off the high dive

[babycakes5219 21]

I don't think that we have any local clubs like that around here so we would have to go out of town. I'm kinda shy so it takes a while for me to actually "warm up" to others. I think that I would have to hide out in the shadows & watch first. My boyfriend has had several threesomes before & only a few MFMF experiences. Guess I have lived the "sheltered life"! Lol

[babycakes5219 21]

Been discussing this swinging thing with the boyfriend some more. He said that we are in it together & that he thinks that we would enjoy it but he doesn't want to make me do anything that I don't want to. He also said that I have the final say in who we pick. He realizes that I have a hang up about being cheated on since I have been cheated on in the past. He's been cheated on in the past as well so he knows the hurt that goes with it. What I find so interesting, is that we are able to communicate so well about this compared to the kind of communication that I had with my ex when we were married. Apparently my boyfriend really cares about me & my feelings & just wants us to be able to go & have fun together.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I don't think that we have any local clubs like that around here so we would have to go out of town. I'm kinda shy so it takes a while for me to actually "warm up" to others. I think that I would have to hide out in the shadows & watch first. My boyfriend has had several threesomes before & only a few MFMF experiences. Guess I have lived the "sheltered life"! Lol

 

We're not the outgoing life of the party types either, so don't worry about that. There are all types in swinging. You hit upon one of the good things about using clubs to break into swinging that most people think is just the opposite - in fact, you CAN hide in the shadows and just watch and learn and get comfortable. Pick a table in a dark corner and you probably can go the whole evening without interacting with anyone unless you want to. Clubs are really the only way you can do that - a one on one couples meet, no hiding there whatsoever, and a house party with it's much smaller crowd and more intimate venue, hard to hang back there too without feeling awkward about it.

 

Make a trip out of it. Weekend getaways always seem to add that little extra oomph to things

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Babycakes (do you mind if I call you that? LOL), it sounds like you have already got one of the big benefits (and requirements) of swinging- you're both communicating openly about your desires and hopes, and also fears and concerns.

 

What about your side of this? Are you interested in the adventure of having sex with another guy? It doesn't mean that you love your boyfriend any less if you do, nor that he is any less than completely satisfying. And if you both participate in some level of swapping (soft or full), you are sharing the experience!

 

BTW, your feeling of uncertainty about whether you will be OK with seeing your significant other having sex with another person is completely normal. I'll wager there isn't a swinging couple around that hasn't had that concern at first. You can try to imagine how you'll feel, you can talk it out with your partner, but you never really know until the moment arrives. There is always something of a leap of faith involved in doing this. But what we swingers have found is that, for our particular relationships, we see it as a huge turn-on to see our partner receiving and giving pleasure. And in my case, I feel happy and also proud of my wife when I see and hear her in the throes of passion! I love the thought that she is bold and free enough to play at sex. And I know that, whatever fun she is having at the moment, she is coming home with me!

 

Hope this helps. Keep talking, to your boyfriend and to us!

[TricianMike 788]

I see from another post you have been dating for only seven months. Not sure how old both of you are or he is. You are looking for advice because you aren't sure this is for you but you have also written that you are curious to do this. I would say everyone on here has had the same question as you, how will I react watching this. The other suggestions about going to a club and watching other couples might be good for you. We have never been a big fan of clubs. Not sure why. You say your bf has done swinging before, was that at a club or with couples he knows? Are you wanting to be with another guy? You should have rules discussed before you go. Kissing. Sometimes that is a bigger issue than sex. If you think watching him kiss another woman is going to bother you, tell him that. Some couples start with just a soft swap, only oral sex. I don't know why they say this is easier. For me giving a bj is more giving and intimate than having sex, but I may be in the minority on that subject. Are you ok with just oral? At a club you may also be involved in bi sex with another woman. You can always say no but are you prepared for that? Maybe a fmf would be a start. You can be involved throughout or suggest a mfm for your first experience. That way you can get experience without the nervousness of freaking out watching him with a woman.

Lots of questions? Yes. Much thinking first.

[intuition897 2,179]

The whole idea of swinging is about playing. It's for fun, so let that guide you. Sometimes we knock one another off the monkey-bars - it's just an inherent risk in playing on this particular playground - but we pick ourselves up, dust one another off and apologize, learn from it and move on. You have to understand that there's a learning curve for both of you, so accept ahead of time that there will be some things that might make you uncomfortable. Explore why they make you feel that way, work through it and try to let it go. If you can't, don't beat yourself up over it. It just is the way it is. It's a boundary, so learn to work around it. You can always revisit it in the future and see if it has budged any.

 

There seems to be this terror of having to feel uncomfortable feelings. That's like saying you want to go to the gym and get in shape, but you don't want to have to feel the burn when you're working out. You don't want to feel the muscle aches the day after. Swinging is like taking your relationship to the gym: you'll get out of it what you put into it. You'll do much better if you can be objective about the assorted aches, pains and twinges you'll experience, and not allow them to scare you away from getting your relationship in the best shape it's ever been. Just accept that they are symptoms of problems, not problems themselves. Swinging zeroes in on the "weak muscles" in your relationship, letting you know EXACTLY what you need to work on. Don't freak out: just come at it together from a problem-solving stance. And remember you are one another's anchor; don't allow anything come between you. The more emotionally intimate you are - the more vulnerable you are with one another - the easier you will trust one another, the more at ease you will be, and the better your experiences will be. Whatever you do, keep talking about the uncomfortable stuff, and find ways to remind each other every day how you feel bout one another.

 

Hope this helps a bit.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Set rules and limits and do not go past them unless you later decide that it's ok to do that (never make that decision when you are with another couple or person, only later when things are not heated). Work on improving your trust and communication with each other and then proceed one step at a time and see how it goes. You can always stop or take a step back if things aren't enjoyable (remember, this is supposed to be fun for everyone). Good luck and keep asking questions.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I'm pretty open to a lot of things with my boyfriend. He wants to start swinging because he has in the past. I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about whether or not I can handle seeing him with another girl. I don't want our first time to be a disaster because of me flipping out or something. Any advice?

 

My wife felt the same way. She had no interest in seeing me enjoying myself with another woman. I wasn't interested in reciprocation. I was happy and satisfied to watch her enjoying other men/other men enjoying her, MMF(or more M's:)). It was my fantasy come true. Be honest with him like my wife was with me.