Inviting home - what does "well vetted" mean to you?

[AskMeOk 148]

OK, here is the situation:

 

We have just moved into a home that is perfect for entertaining.... and it is 250 miles from "home" and the swingers we knew.

 

It appeared that we had discovered our first, best, prospects for play pals. However, they turned out to be a couple that virtually refused to disclose anything about themselves. Not that *that* is possible in the Internet age, but it really made us uncomfortable and we just wrote them off before any harm could be done. (Don't we put locks on our doors to keep the anonymous out?)

 

Anyway, it opened up the question as to what is the minimum information necessary to properly vet a couple, before asking them to come into your home?

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Interesting question, AskMeOk! Like you, I think we can all understand the need for discretion, privacy, and such but there does come a line where these are people you are going to be having sex with--some sort of mutual trust has to be had there. If not, then how could you trust them enough to so physically close in an intimate way?

 

We're probably more open about ourselves with other swingers than a lot of forum members are comfortable with but we're more of a "take as us as are" and if you don't like what you see, hear, think of then then look elsewhere. However, we don't exchange last names, home address, or anything of that sort but what harm do first names do? We've met a few couples that wouldn't even go that far and used aliases--while it didn't stop us from playing with them once, that's pretty much all it ended up being.

 

I think the rub is that it isn't that they are trying to remain anonymous but it is the underlying assumption that no one can be trusted at all with something as simple as a first name. Meeting other people and swinging is about give and receiving...not just receiving.

[kikonkrome 844]

So I am not really sure about having sex with as a criteria, as we have at least one couple that we couldn't remember their names, and are not even sure we ever knew. Now that I think about it, there are more than one couple. That was at a club though. I never take a wallet into the clubs, etc. I will readily admit I can be a bit over cautious. Just get the feeling that with all our clothes in a big pile in the dark pretty easy to lift something. Why take the chance?

 

From my various activities outside of the lifestyle, staying away from anything sketchy (like only knowing this guy as "Sparky", true story) I always feel is necessary. I wouldn't have certain individuals over to my house, in my car, etc. as I just didn't know enough about them.

 

On a final note there was a group, two couples I think, that wore masks one night. People definitely were commenting. It was definitely overly cautious.

[AskMeOk 148]

I guess we need to make the point that we have been on the other side of the issue. We were VERY guarded in where we partied and what we told people, before we retired. We had jobs and associated retirement packages that we could have lost due to (outdated, but legally enforceable) morals clauses. So, it isn't that we don't understand a natural reluctance to blab, but even then, we never reached the extreme of seeming like we were in the witness protection program.

[AskMeOk 148]

Yeah, I think being in a club follows an entirely different set of rules. Or, at least, could if you so desire. A club is a neutral 3rd party site and I don't think the vast majority of folks feel any need for personal information. Bringing folks into your home to have sex with you and your spouse gets a lot more personal and exposes you, your possessions, and your privacy to a lot more potential issues....

[VegasLee 1,486]

We don't invite people we don't know well to our home. We won't even meet for dinner or drinks.

 

We tell people that contact us that we will meet them at the club. (even before we owned a club)

 

Has been that way for about 20 years now. Got tired of being stood up for drinks and dinner and also don't like sitting through dinners with people we don't like.

 

By meeting at a club if you hit it off, you can play. If you don't hit it off there are many more for all to enjoy.

 

We keep it simple.

[kikonkrome 844]

We don't invite people we don't know well to our home. We won't even meet for dinner or drinks.

 

We tell people that contact us that we will meet them at the club. (even before we owned a club)

 

Has been that way for about 20 years now. Got tired of being stood up for drinks and dinner and also don't like sitting through dinners with people we don't like.

 

By meeting at a club if you hit it off, you can play. If you don't hit it off there are many more for all to enjoy.

 

We keep it simple.

 

Yes we do the same!!!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We don't invite people we don't know to our home either. First meeting is for dinner, second is for more...eventually after meeting a few times we may invite them over to our house but not until we are comfortable with them first.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I simply remember how much work was involved during the period when we were depending upon the World Wide Web for making contact with prospective swing couples. Life became so much easier after we entered the social circles of meet-n-greet events, club parties and house parties. We meet people at these venues whom we feel good about inviting into our home.